Book Three, Part Twelve: Multiple Perspectives

Addison's Point of View

I sighed as I slapped my last chart shut. I sat back in the conference room chair and stared out of the blinded windows to the busy halls of the surgical floor of Seattle Grace.

If you had told me that I would have ended up in one of the rainiest places in the continental US I would have thought you were high off Oxycontin.

Then again if you had told me that my husband would move me here suspecting his ex-girlfriend might live here, I would have not been one bit surprised.

I had sensed from the beginning that he had been badly burned. Turned out, he had done the burning. Getting him to look at me as more than a friend, hell to get him to look at me at all had been a major undertaking. I had dressed up, enhanced my cleavage, showed off my legs, until eventually I just dressed down in jeans and t shirts. He was a simple guy deep down and there was nothing simple about me. I had been raised rich. I was rich. My middle name was Forbes for crying out loud! I could have everything I wanted…

Except Derek.

Yes, I was married to him. Yes, he was a kind and decent man who treated me with respect. Respect I knew I hadn't earned and if I was being completely honest, respect that I didn't deserve.

Everything went so well in the beginning. September 11th had brought so many people together, Derek and I included. I had cherished our friendship and was glad when he let me in.

Then he told me about Meredith. The love of his life. The one he let get away. The one he lied to. The one he pined for. The one he screamed in his sleep for. It was Meredith everywhere, all the time. I started to resent her. I started to hate her. She was like this ghost haunting my existence. No matter what I did, I couldn't live up to the perfect image of her in his mind. It didn't matter that they had been teens when they met. It didn't matter that he had left her. All that mattered to him was that he was not with her.

I did everything I could to make him love me more. I failed at all of them. So, I walked away, tried to move on. Told myself that it didn't matter, that I didn't want him, didn't love him.

Then he showed up on my doorstep and with his proposal, I decided none of it mattered. It didn't matter if he loved her more, it didn't matter that he pined for her, it didn't matter that he wanted her, all that mattered is that I was the one that got him for eternity. It was like a final fuck you to the woman I couldn't measure up to.

I had done some very stupid things in our marriage. I had gotten on his mother's bad side. Not very smart. All I can say is that when you grow up in my family, emotion and tact are not very common occurrences. When she had asked me about kids, I hadn't meant not ever, I had meant not right now. Yeah still a sin in her book. Thankfully I had hit it off with Nancy. She was wonderful and welcoming in a family that wasn't. At least, not to me.

The affair was…I don't know what it was. Derek had begun pulling away from me, more than he already did and I was lonely. I was bitter. I was pissed.

And this guy wanted me. He made me feel good. He made me feel needed. Adored. And I went with it. Who would turn down the chance to feel that way? I certainly wasn't getting it at home.

So I lost myself in a flurry of sexual encounters, telling myself that I wasn't cheapening myself, my marriage or Derek. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him…until he knew.

I honestly think that he knew about my affair before he actually saw proof of it. I don't think he cared very much that I cheated. I think that it was the fact that I cheated on him in our house that bothered him more than seeing a man fucking me.

He just looked at me, or rather through me. And then he left.

I spent a long time speculating on what went wrong. Or rather when it went wrong. I really thought I could make him happy but that was when I realized what I should have seen all along. Derek didn't care if we drove the best cars or lived in the biggest house or if we had the best practice in Manhattan. All Derek wanted was to look in the mirror at the end of the day and like what he saw.

I tried that once. I looked horrible to myself. So, when he had invited me to move here with him, effectively giving me another chance, I jumped at it. I didn't care where we lived, or what we drove, I just wanted him.

But more than that I wanted him to want me. I felt I had a good chance of making that happen. I was ready to start a family.

I just didn't count on what awaited me when I got here.

I knew the moment when Derek's eyes met hers that something was…off. His whole body tensed and he stopped breathing. His eyes were glued to hers. Then she passed out and he was so concerned for her. I didn't understand. He hadn't even met the woman.

Then I heard her boyfriend say her name and it all made sense.

Meredith Grey.

The bane of my existence.

Then I knew that he had known or suspected that she was here and that was the reason we had uprooted our lives.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to tell her back off, that he was mine.

But then, it turned out she didn't want him. And something inside me rejoiced, until I remembered that my husband did want her. That he had always wanted her.

Then the nail being slowly driven into my coffin.

They had a daughter.

I had known something was familiar when I had met her. Her eyes. She had Derek's eyes. She was beautiful and he already adored her so much.

I remembered watching him talk about her, his eyes lit up in a way that I hadn't seen in years.

It didn't bother me that they had a child. Okay it did. But it was not Mia that I objected to. She was amazing. She was smart, driven, honest, happy and witty. It was the fact that they had ties to each other for the rest of their lives. A tie that Derek didn't know about before but would never let go of now. Because it brought him closer to her.

By her, I wasn't talking about Mia. I really was interested in getting to know her. And for now, even Meredith wasn't a threat. She seemed to be very committed to Mark and let me say, he was one good looking man. She could do a lot worse.

It just didn't seem fair to me that this woman had two men who desired her and I couldn't get the one I was married to, to even look at me for longer than it took to ask a question. Our nights in our small trailer were mostly spent in silence, like it took too much effort for us to make small talk.

I sighed again as I spotted Meredith Grey talking to her sister at the Nurse's station.

I knew that no matter who she was with or how much she resisted Derek, you just couldn't fight an attraction and a desire that powerful.

I knew that my time with Derek was limited.

See, I wasn't completely stupid.

Mark's Point of View

I smiled as I walked off the elevator and saw Meredith's honey blond hair. Then I frowned when I saw her companion. Then I turned and walked away.

Lexie Platt was a thorn in my side. So full of sarcasm and raised eyebrows and her perfect photographic memory that make everyone else look stupid.

I hated the way she talked.

I hated the way she breathed.

I hated the way she stared at me.

I hated the way she walked.

I hate that she is my girlfriend's sister.

Most of all I hate that I don't really hate her.

I hate me.

More so, I hate being me. I was the kid born on the wrong side of the tracks. The drunken father, the absent mother, the rough neighborhood, the subpar education, the dirty looks like I was gum off of the bottom of their shoes.

Then I met Derek. Derek with the curly afro, the gangly frame and the cystic acne. He had been bullied for the first week he had lived there, and I had walked over to the nearby park at the exact moment someone was stuffing him in a dumpster. I fought his fight and walked away with a best friend.

I finally had a family. I had been at his house more than mine. He had a mother that cooked and doted and was kind. His dad was dead and that was depressing but he had a great family. And they welcomed me into it. Derek and I were as close as brothers and I cherished my time with him.

Then he had started school and met Meredith.

She was the girl every boy wanted, and every girl wanted to be. She was smart, funny, beautiful, nice, loyal, and able to see through the bullshit and surround herself with genuine people.

So when she had met Derek, it was really no surprise that they hit it off. She didn't care that he had unruly hair or bad acne…she just saw the person he was underneath all of that.

I would be lying if I said that they hadn't had a love that transcended all meaning. They were just meant to be.

Which made me a bigger shit for wanting her myself. Truth was, I envied Derek for having Meredith. For being her first choice. We would all hang out but no matter what I did, I was just Derek's friend. I wasn't the hotter friend to her, I was Mark. As time went by, I convinced myself that being friends with her was all I needed.

And then he left.

No word, no explanation that made sense. No, he had lied to her and then left. Meredith claimed he had been telling the truth, that maybe he had just been pretending. I could have told her about all the nights I had spent the night and he had gushed about her. I could have told her that he worked odd jobs for months to buy her this gold charm bracelet for her seventeenth birthday. I could have told her that he had a journal that detailed every minute second of interaction that they had ever had.

But instead, I kept quiet. I had let her think that she hadn't been enough.

Why? Because she was finally leaning on me.

I was a shit. I am a shit. A horrible person, but I can't regret the actions that led me to this point. Because at the end of the day, I have her.

Not all of her. No, part of her resides with him. I imagine it's the same for him. I see him with his wife…

There is no spark, no passion. I sense something is amiss with them. And that worries me, more than Mia getting close to Derek. Because if she ever gets over her anger and sees that he is emotionally available, she may rethink us.

But why don't I want to let her go? I love her…very much. But it is the calm comfortable love that best friends have. I don't delude myself into thinking I am the love of her life. I know better. Fifteen years with a person, you tend to know them heart and soul and I can tell you without a doubt that neither belong to me.

She is grateful. She is honest. She is giving of her affection, her body, her thoughts, but not her heart. She doesn't lead me on, she doesn't make promises she can't keep. She isn't perfect, but then again, she doesn't pretend to be. She is honest of her flaws and that makes me admire her even more.

I love her, and I admire her. I have spent fifteen years helping to raise my ex best friend's daughter. I have defied the logic that said I would be drunk and violent like my father, absent like my mother, stupid, out of work and unloved. I have defied them all.

I am rich, smart, kind…I am a doctor. I worked hard to get here. I am not about to stand her and let him take it all away from me.

But at the end of the day, if it comes down to what I want and what Meredith wants…Meredith wins every time. Because she made me what I am today. She let me grow under her care and I owe her a lot. I owe her my life. I owe it to her not to ogle other woman, and to clean up my mess. I owe it to her to always support her no matter how strongly I disagree. I owe it to her to let her be happy.'

Even if I may lose her…

Life really sucks sometimes.

Lexie's Point of View

I saw him walk away. He was always walking away from me. Then again, I only knew that because I was always walking towards him, always looking at him. I loathed him, I adored him. It was a vicious cycle. One that was never ending.

I was a horrible, horrible person. I knew this. I was in love with my stepsister's whatever he was…boyfriend? Almost fiancé? I was surely going to hell.

I loved Mer, as much as I loved Molly. I adored Mia. I was close to both. At first, it was nothing more than a stilted conversation here and there. He seemed to be repelled by me. I didn't pay it much mind; I knew I wasn't the kind of woman that could hold his attention. But Mer was. She was so funny, pretty, and smart with just the right number of sarcastic undertones. She was simple but complex. She kept things light but had a darkness in her eyes that suggested she had been to hell and still went there for vacation. I had asked Mom about it once, but she had just shaken her head and said that Thatcher didn't talk about it.

Mark started going out of his way to avoid me around month three after mom and Thatcher got married. I started to think that I had body odor what with the way he would sneer at me. He would disagree with me every chance he got, and it got to the point where Meredith picked up on it and would tell him to behave.

One day it was particularly bad, and I had run out crying. She had verbally berated him and had comforted me, telling me that people sometimes had a clash of personalities and to just ignore him and that apparently men got PMS too. She was my big sister and I had always appreciated her sticking up for me.

Realizing I loved him was a day I would just soon forget. It was during Christmas of 2017. I was cooking my famous mac and cheese at 3 am Christmas morning and he had stumbled in drunk. He had been out with some old friends but kept his promise to be in before Mia woke up. He only did it once a year and he never once took advantage of Mer's kindness of allowing him to go out during Christmas Eve.

He had glared at me, as per usual and sat down heavily at the table.

"Why are you always here?" He had grumbled.

"Because Mer wants me here. Take it up with her." I had said quietly. He unnerved me.

"I don't want you here."

"I know."

"You make me want things I shouldn't want." He had said.

"What, like me dead?" I had asked.

He just quietly chuckled and then stumbled up to his bedroom with Mer.

That little laugh had made me smile and when I realized why, I had rushed into the bathroom and vomited.

I had severed ties with Mer for a while, resulting in it hurting her. She had come to my house, guns blazing, wondering what the hell I was doing, shutting her out like that. I had promised to not do it again and I hadn't. I just forced it all back into the deep recesses of my mind. I didn't talk to him unless asked a direct question, which was never. I went out on dates, slept with some of them…all the while wishing it was him.

But it never would be, or so I had thought.

I never knew that the reason Mer was so guarded about her past would show up one day in the form of our new hotshot neurosurgeon complete with a wife and a secret past with my sister. And to top it all off, he was Mia's dad.

All very interesting.

All I knew was that someone was going to get hurt and for all of my sister's denials, all the anger towards Derek that she harbored, all the walls she had built up in defense…

Someone was going to get hurt and I had a gut feeling that someone was going to be Mark.

I only hoped like hell he would let me help him pick up the pieces.