35: I Got That Fire in My Soul.

Once the bunker was cleared for the day, Zarya got to work. She typed away and made a few calls until she found what she was looking for. When she got an address she jumped in her Cadillac and took off. Truth be told, Zarya did feel a pang of guilt for not spending more time with the brothers, but she knew damn well all three of them were up to no good. The de Ville pulled up on the outskirts of Kansas at an abandoned mansion. She slung a backpack over one shoulder and walked up the barren pathway with dead grass on each side. When she got up to the porch the front door opened.

"You are either foolish, or painfully bold, little Zarya."

She looked up into Sofia's bright, icy blue eyes with a straight expression. "I've been told I'm both. Without Katia it made it more difficult to find you."

The Russian vampire led her into the foyer. With a snap of her fingers candles lit up across the walls and the door shut. "That's good, because I do not wish to be found. So what is it you want from me, child?"

"Whatever you can possibly teach me. Family history, fighting, magic; whatever you know."

Sofia scoffed as she looked down at the human. "What makes you think you deserve to know any of that, let alone if you have ability to perform magic?"

"The Originals were created with magic. That magic went against the witches' laws of magic which weakened the Originals with sunlight, the need for blood, and vervain. I've seen more than one Vasile do some sort of magic that seems to vary between each but you're all vampires. Vampires born of the Originals' bloodline should be prevented from doing magic because it goes against nature. So my working theory is that we get our power from a different source. A source I should also be able to access with the right knowledge."

The blue eyed vampire clapped slowly. A smirk found its way to her nude shaded lips. "I can give you credit for that, child. Many still do not know or understand. They just know they have the ability."

"So what does it take to tap into it? Is it something I can use while I'm still human?"

"Sure it is. It is in our blood to the very root. But once you touch it, so much as grazing your fingertips near it, you will have touched the greatest darkness to lay claim on any creature. Each time you use it, it will feed on you more. It will be a part of you that you can never get rid of."

Zarya scoffed then. "I think I've already got the hang of a dark magic that I can never get rid of."

"You think the Mark of Cain is bad, Zarya? You think it's so horrendous that it gives you such bloodlust? Guess what, child, that Mark has nothing to do with it. All of those doubts swirling around in your mind, all of the concerns that there is darkness buried deeper than that Mark, yes I can see it all over you and I can tell you that you are correct. There is a darkness inside of you, Zarya. I saw it the moment I laid eyes on you. All that you can do with it is either allow it to consume you, to eat you whole and destroy you, or use it to your advantage."

Her grip on the strap of her bag tightened a little. "What if I didn't want either? What if Sam and Dean succeed in getting rid of the Mark of Cain and I'm not 'consumed' by the darkness anymore?"

"While it is entirely possible for the Winchesters to remove the Mark and deal with the consequences of doing so, there is nothing any of you can do about the darkness in you. You were born with it and it already chose what it wanted to latch onto. It is who you are, Zarya. So what are you going to do with it?"

She was quiet for a long minute as she stared up at the vampire. If there was no getting rid of the darkness inside of her, then she certainly wasn't going to let it kill her. "What do I have to do in order to utilize my darkness?"

Sofia's countenance was unchanging. "Acknowledge your darkness. Find where it came from, what it means, what it is to you. Only once you can face the absolute truth can you be level with your power. If you are serious, then you have a ritual to complete."

Zarya took in a deep breath before nodding. "I want to do it."

"Come on, Dean," Benny called. "How long you gonna keep this up? The silent treatment for me? We got so much to catch up on."

Dean Winchester was no fool though. He kept walking, knowing it was some kind of mind trick he had to find his way out of. "Hey, look, it's good to see you, okay? It is. But like I said, you ain't Benny."

"I'm not? Well, shoot."

"Hey, I'm bummed out too, but you're just a figment, okay? You're- you're subconscious junk my brain's throwing up to distract me from getting back to reality."

"Figment? Junk?" Benny put a hand over his chest in mock hurt. "Well, I'll try not to be offended. Why not trust me? I've gotten you out of here before."

"Only thanks to Zare who, as you can see, is not here with us. Therefore, this ain't real."

Benny gave a half smile at the girl's name. "Ah, I thought it was too quiet without that little spitfire nagging. She must be what's got your brain all screwy, pal. See? A perfect circle. Don't look at me, chief - you chose the way. Just circles and circles for that girl even still. I wonder when you'll realize."

"Realize what?" Dean's tone was getting low and dangerous.

"That one day you're gonna wake up and she's gonna be at that archangel's side instead of yours."

"Why is it always you?" Zarya frowned deeply.

Sofia had prepped one of the larger rooms, likely what was a living room, in the manor with various sigils and herbs before sending the ravenette into the deepest pit of her mind and existence. She sent the human with only one goal: acknowledge her deepest, darkest truth. When Zarya reached the part of herself Sofia sent her off to, she found that she was no longer on the floor of the dusty manor but the floor of the apartment in Detroit.

Lucifer smirked as he stood from the armchair he had been sitting in, offering the ravenette a hand up. "I'm beginning to think you just can't stay away from me, Rya."

Was it the real Lucifer? Or was it just the part of her mind that was being forced to deal with him? Zarya sighed and took his hand, deciding one way or another she had to find out. "In your dreams." She rolled her eyes then dusted her pants and jacket off.

"Well, it's usually yours so what does that say?" She let a small groan loose before going to the door. It opened a few inches, just for the archangel's hand to slam it shut. She glared up at him. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you expecting this to be cut and dry? No, no, Rya. You're here for a reason. So am I."

"Care to tell me what it is then? Because I've got more important things to deal with than your endless riddles."

"Isn't that just it though, Rya? That's exactly what this is - one, endless riddle. If you ever figure out the answer you'll get to see what your prize is. Until then, you get me as a partner."

"I am not doing this with you. Get out of my head, Lucifer."

"Sorry, Rya, you haven't got much of a choice this time. Besides, we've always worked so well together! Without me you would still be twitching and agonizing over the mere thought of dhampirs existing."

"You're right; now I have to instead cope with the morbid fact that when I die that's what I become."

"First of all, I know you have faith - no, trust in me to keep you from turning for as long as I possibly can. And second, quit saying it like it's such an awful thing."

"Because it is!" She shouted back with her growing frustration. "I'm supposed to continue growing up - growing old. I'm human. I'm not supposed to special. I'm supposed to bleed when I'm hurt and inhale fast food, not fight against bloodlust. I don't want to be a dhampir, Lucifer. I will never want to be one."

"Oh but you do, Rya." He got so close that there was barely a few inches between them with her back pressed against the door. "You're tired of always getting kicked around, not being fast enough or strong enough to save those you care about. You don't want to be on the wrong side of the fence anymore because you know you are special and that you deserve to be. You want a taste of that power and that's why you're here."

The door opened in reverse suddenly. Zarya stumbled back, catching herself on a hallway wall before she could fall. It only took her a second to compose herself and then she was sprinting down the hallway. The hallway seemed endless until it morphed into the Salvatore Boarding House hallway. She threw herself behind one of the doors to catch her breath. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Nova sitting on the bed before her.

"You're falling apart, kid." The Romanian rose slowly. Her hair was as long as it once was, falling in gallant waves down her back. "If you're so afraid of becoming a dhampir, why would you reach out to the dark power that binds our blood?"

"Because I'm running out of options," she admitted.

"Or maybe it's not turning that scares you." Nova shrugged. "Maybe it's just death, since you've already done that once and look how well it went. If you're going to keep company like the Winchesters you really have no room to be afraid of death, kid."

"I'm not afraid of dying."

"Wow, you're full of lies, aren't you?" She snickered. "You know there will come a time, for whatever reason, that your dashing archangel just can't save you. You started off as someone for Sam and Dean to save, but how well has that gone for you three? You've been put in more danger than ever and it's becoming increasingly more difficult to save those you care about. How many more people are you going to have watch die before you admit that that's what has you shaking in your boots?"

Zarya grit her teeth before pulling the door open and taking off down the morphing, never ending hall again.

"Well, now that is just creepy." Benny smirked and crossed his arms over his chest when they arrived at the same tree for about the tenth time.

"Benny - whoever you are - I need to get out of here."

He shrugged. "Need and want are just two different things, ain't they? It's all a figment, right? You, me, left, right. But no matter which way you turn, you keep ending up here. You gotta wonder - why this figment? Why this place? And why is there no spitfire?"

Dean cut his eyes at the southern vamp. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing you don't already know. This is where you wanna be - your happy place with or without, what is it you call her again? Ah yeah, with or without your sweet little Zare. Are you hoping to find her or somethin'?"

"No, Benny, because this isn't real. Purgatory is the last place she should be anyways."

"Why? Because you know she craves the same purity you do - killing with no consequence?"

"Hell no." Dean snapped back. "That ain't Zare, and that ain't me. Not anymore. I'm tired of fighting, and she needs to stop before she doesn't recognize herself anymore."

"The Mark ain't done so can't leave, and don't wanna stay. Bit of a bind, ain't it? If you really wanted that for the little spitfire then you wouldn't have brought her down the same path you're on. Good thing there's always a third way out. You can't say you haven't been thinking about it."

"That ain't gonna happen. Ever."

"Come on, Dean! I know you can see it. The purity, the honor."

"There's no honor in that."

"What? You just wanna wait for the Mark to reclaim you? Go out swinging, die topside, then what? Maybe kill a few humans? Kill Cas? Kill your brother? Shit, Dean, if Zarya ain't a dhampir by then you'll probably do her the honor. A Knight of Hell and a Vasile dhampir shredding through everything. Yeah, that's mighty honorable!"

"Benny, shut up!" Dean yelled so loudly it shook the trees.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry. I forgot… about your plan. You're gonna get Sam and Cas to put you down? You really think that they're gonna keep that agreement? Come on. Dean, let's say they do." He shrugged. "Do you think they will ever recover from that? What do you think Zarya will do to them? It will ruin them all. This little backup plan of yours, I know you've been thinking about it for a time, I know it's been gnawin' at you. You can't leave that job to them. And you can't keep Zarya caged by your side forever. It's time to let go, Dean."

The elder Winchester had stopped walking. He stared straight ahead through the trees. There was a dejected lostness in his olive green eyes. "You're right…"

Zarya ran until a blaring red light was flashing around her. She skid to a stop, finding herself in the bunker on lockdown. The sound of something smashing not too far from her sent her sprinting back the other way. Without a single clue of what was happening or where to go, she ran to the basement. A gasp escaped her lips when she found the back door to the room with the devil's trap on the floor smashed and broken. Peering inside she saw a chair in the center of the devil's trap with broken restraints. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest. She backed away from the door slowly when she hit someone's chest.

Dean smiled at her with his hands up in defense after she spun hastily to face him. "It's just me, Zare. You're alright."

She wanted to sigh in relief, but something wouldn't allow her such comfort. Something in his eyes, even through the red light, just was not right. "I'm not so sure it is…" Her voice was small as she slowly began backing away from him.

"It's me, Zare." He assured her. "I promise. I'm right here."

Her heart skipped a beat. His words echoed and reverberated in her skull. She took a larger step back. "No… you've said that to me before."

"You're scared." That got her eye to twitch a little. "It's still me, Zare. I came back for you."

Her mind screamed. Fight or flight kicked in, lanky legs ready to take off down the way. It wasn't the Dean she knew. It was the Knight of Hell Dean. He grinned down at her when he noticed that she had put the pieces together. "I'm not doing this again. I am never doing this again!"

He reached out for her but she pulled away just in time. "You don't have much of a choice eventually, Zare. We've both got this Mark on our arms. When I died, I became this," he smirked and gestured to himself as his eyes flashed black. "When you die, you'll turn into a badass dhampir. We can do anything we want forever."

"You don't want that and neither do I, Dean. You're barely even Dean."

He chuckled darkly and stepped closer to her again. "You hurt my feelings, Zare. That's not what you were saying all summer."

"I was grieving because I watched you die."

"And you took the mirrored Mark because you love me most when we're both bathing in blood and darkness. It's still me, Zare. I'm still Dean. Just… better. Even more fun. We don't have anything to worry about. Just stay with me and have fun. Please, Zare?"

Her fists clenched at her sides. "The Mark mirrored itself onto me because I already had a darkness worse than even the very first curse in my blood. It latched onto what was already there trying to siphon and expand. Not because I thought I loved you. So no, I will not stay. Not this time." A tear slipped from her eye before she turned on her heel and ran again.

In real life in Suzie's house Dean had broken from his restraints meant to keep him safe. He stood with a piece of broken glass in his hand, eyes clearly lost in a trance. In his mind in Purgatory, he turned and faced Benny with a hard expression. "I'd do it," he admitted. "If I really had to, I would. But the real Benny… he would never let me."

"We already covered that, chief. It's not me."

"You know what else won't let me? This thing on my arm. For better or worse, the Mark… it wants me alive. And until it gets out of hand," he rammed his makeshift weapon he originally made in Purgatory through Benny's abdomen, "I will stay alive however it may be just to make sure Zare never ends up beside Lucifer. Thanks pal, but no thanks."

Benny disappeared with a soft smile and Dean found himself out of the trance, back in Suzie's house. He looked around quickly with surprise, then realized the broken bottle in his hand. Zarya's face flashed through his mind briefly. Everything came back and he went running to the basement for Sam.

"Go away!" Zarya cried with anger. Everything was spiraling when she realized she ran to her home from Pike Creek. She was ready to lose it when she saw Lucifer sitting on her bed.

The archangel smirked as he lay across her nicely made bed with her teddy bear in his hands. "That's literally never going to happen, Rya."

"Why?" She stormed into the room, standing above him. "Because you imprinted on my human soul? Laid claim and now I'm expected to deal with your eternal harassment? I am a person, Lucifer! Not something to be owned and tossed around!"

He didn't even budge. Just stared up at her with a bored expression and her stuffed bear on his chest. "You're so hung up on that. It's starting to get pretty annoying, Rya. Really. Come on, it's time to face the truth. You've got to be as bored as I am with these games already."

She let out a frustrated cry with her hands tangled in her hair as she walked away from the bed. "What the hell was the point in any of this? There is no truth to my life! I was compelled a fake one full of lies and even my blood family is buried under lies."

He had sat up and set the bear down before slowly standing. "Then what's one thing you know that's truth no matter what? What is one thing that will never change and never waver under any circumstances?"

She shook her head slowly at first but it picked up a frantic pace while her heart pounded against her chest. She felt his ice cold hands gently wrap around her upper arms. Tears stung in her green-blue eyes, begging to fall. He held her close and hushed her panic. Outside, thunder boomed and lightning lit up the night sky.

"You're not hallucinating, Rya."

"There is a part of you that I'm forever attached and bound to just the way you are to me."

"I'm never going to lie to you, Zarya. Dean Winchester shot a gun called the Colt in an attempt to kill me. All it did was kill the human soul inside."

"I will never leave you, Rya."

"You're alright, sweet child. You're safe. There was an accident."

"You let me in, Rya. It hasn't been the first time, and it certainly will not be the last."

"None of this is real, Rya. None of it. You see how it's all gone now? Just you and me left? You get out of here and you'll make it home to… your Dean."

"I've waited long enough for you, Rya. I'll burn humanity in your name."

"Because in the end, I chose you!"

"What is it, Rya?" Lucifer asked her quietly. He held her close with his arms wrapped around her small frame. "What's the one thing you keep running from because you know it's the utmost truth that scares you?"

A tear slid down her pink tinted cheek that wasn't pressed against his chest. Her eyes were open and beaming with a tirade of emotions.

"The imprint forever on your soul, is because I love you, Rya."

"You love me," Zarya finally admitted aloud. "And it scares the hell out of me because…" She took in a sharp breath. "Because I do care about you. More than I should."

Lightning cracked, illuminating the room brightly for the quickest second. The shadow of his wings were wrapped around the ravenette just as his arms were. Silent tears still fell down her rosy, rounded cheeks. Her hands clasped small fistfuls of his shirt. An icy chill was spreading outward from her heart that partially labored her breathing. The emerald in her eyes shined a little brighter than the blue.

She tried to think of Dean, but his eyes kept turning black. She tried to think of Sam, but she could only see fear in his eyes. She tried to think of Nick, and Katia, but could only see their demise. Charlie's face came to her then; the redhead's kind smile and sweet, light brown eyes. The cold in her chest receded barely an inch before Charlie's scream rang through her ears. She heard the girl asking to live, crying for Zarya's help.

"I will never leave you, Rya."

His voice was soft and sweet, prompting her to finally look up at him. She didn't move or flinch as he gently caressed her cheek and wiped a tear away. Still she held onto his shirt, staring up into his deep blue eyes. Another bolt of lightning lit up the room as thunder went by loudly overhead. Her lower lip trembled slightly. "I know."

With that devilish smile she knew so well, he leaned close and kissed her. Just the same as before he ended up back in the Cage, a line of blood dripped from each of their bottom lips. The thunder shook the house and the bright light of the lightning turned indigo. When they finally pulled apart, Lucifer's eyes flashed a bright scarlet. The cold had spread through her entire body and Zarya's wide eyes glowed indigo.