From the desk of Andrew Rosemont, Twitter; Rosemont_Sun
The Sun,
January XX, 2014
Just how Ex are Cinderilla's Exes?
Following the live-on-screen revelation that far from a torrid affair abroad, the Mitzi's Mexican rendez-vous with Chad Johnson was completely clandestine, the nation is shocked. 'I wanted it to be known,' said last night's impromptu caller-inner-er Eric Reese, 'that Rilla Blythe did not cheat on me at any point in our relationship.'
But is it true? Speculation is rampant. We put the question to you, and here's what you came back with.
Ned (Twitter, fRaTbOi94) said: He's still in love with her or they're still together. Otherwise why care? She clearly earned all the muck the press threw at her!
And he wasn't alone. Others backed him up, as in this exchange below;
Brody (Twitter, SuRfsUp05)Someone's trying to get his hooks back into Cinderilla
Harmony (Twitter, Unicorns4Eva, replying) : Unless he never retracted them?
While university student Jon (Twitter; DudeBro16) said; Personally, I don't get the appeal. Never did like carrot tops. But I guess that's one way to win the Mitzi back from royalty…
Elsewhere, in support of the Mitzi, RationalCreature on Twitter wrote: Oh, for god's sake! Does no one else think this is no one's business but Rilla's?!
Still, the majority believe the misguided Mitzi's involvement with Johnson and Reese to be ongoing, as this follow-up Tweet by Ned (Twitter, fRaTbOi94) went viral; Anyone else think those exes aren't exes? You heard it here first – that Barbie has the prince hoodwinked!
So, just how far in the past are Cinderilla's former dalliances? And how lonely is she really? With Prince Ken up in Scotland, could Chad's wish for a more involved relationship be granted? And if not Chad, Eric Reese has the perfect opening to rekindle the old flame – if it even needs rekindling. As for how he'd do it, well, anyone that suave and savvy on an impromptu call will have no trouble climbing back into bed with Cinderilla, trust us.
From the desk of Jordon Montgomery, Twitter:JrdnMRoyalCorresp
The Daily Mail,
January XX, 2014
Sun sets on Cinderilla?
It comes as no revelation that Prince Ken's Mitzi has a colourful past. We'd speculated before, obviously, that this was not her first go at romance – you don't snag a royal without some idea how to play your cards – but now we have official confirmation.
And what a past it is! Everyone has a few old flames in their life, but few people feel a compulsion to sleep with every man (or woman) they meet. Whereas this would seem to be the Mitzi's modus operandi. No wonder she looked so cosy with her fellow Oxford Colonial! She was probably in bed with him too! Indeed, the only surprise is that their covert involvement didn't lead to Cinderilla's outing sooner as a man-hunting Magdalene.
Mind you, it's not all bad, as now the nation's favourite Princess Prudish stands a chance at learning a thing or two about how to snag a bloke. Well, she can hope. We're a bit less confident. But with the sex-savant Cinderilla for a teacher, something must look up for Her Highness, Princess Pudgy sometime soon, right? Or maybe she'll just leave off those pantyhose in public again. The jury's still out.
We are not amused
So that's the Princess Persis sorted. Perhaps. More pressingly, though, just what does this mean for the state of the British monarchy? The former Queen Alexandra would never have approved of such immorality and duplicitousness in a future Queen, and we have a hard time believing King Owen will continue supportive, now the truth is out. But more to the point, just what does this mean for the current queen?
While the palace declined comment, Queen Leslie's health has always been notoriously fragile and there's serious concern over what the ramifications of Cinderilla's licentiousness ways will mean for her. If it does provoke a royal crisis, you can bet that will be the death-knell for this royal romance. After all, nothing says 'end of the affair' quite like a family catastrophe! Watch out Mitzi – and next time you aim for a covert affair, keep it covert…or at least under the covers!
Felicity Katz,Pets Corner
Daily Star
January XX, 2014
George is NOT amused!
(Video mash up of George being dragged and Rilla attempting to pick him up, with Rilla's voice on loop saying "pleeease Georgie")
Rilla Blythe, Prince Kenneth's girlfriend, appears to have adopted one of Londoner's more crazy habits, walking her cat on a leash. Or perhaps we should say attempting to walk her cat on a leash. Rilla's moggy was clearly having none of it!
Photos: 1. Rilla walking to the park near her flat with a cat that is struggling to escape in her arms. attempting to run off but being caught and pulled back by the leash. 3. Rilla attempting to get George to walk beside her while George sits with his back to her washing himself 4. George being dragged by the leash, hissing in protest, 5. Rilla picking up a most disgruntled George and heading back inside her flat.
Heat Magazine
February 2014
Surprise Big Brother Contestant Rumours
With four months until the next Big Brother, rumours of contestants are starting to emerge. The latest, unexpected rumour is Chad Johnson. That's right the American who found fame in recent weeks as the man who 'tapped' royal girl friend Rilla Blythe in Mexico. As with all celebrity contestants, the production team aren't commenting. Last week, however Chad was reported saying "he was considering offers from several British television programmes". When specifically asked about Big Brother Chad commented, revealing perhaps another deal in the making, "Yeah, maybe, I can't remember the names of the shows. Is that the one where they make you eat weird s**t?." It seems we may be seeing much more of Rilla's ex-love! If he is on any of the popular celebrity programmes, you can guarantee the other contestants will be doing their best to squeeze every last detail of his liaison with the Mitzi out of him!
Edith MacDonald, Royal Correspondent Twitter: EMcDHealthCorresp
Associated Press
February XX, 2014
Chad's Truth
Associated Press' investigative reporters have been looking into Chad Johnson's allegations that he spent an amorous night with Rilla Blythe. The only fact we can confirm is that Chad Johnson and Rilla Blythe were in Mexico for spring break between March 16th and March 22nd, 2009. No photographs of the couple together have been uncovered and the best we've been able to ascertain from our investigations is that Chad was dancing with a red haired woman who "looked a bit like Rilla Blythe". The stipulations of Mr Johnson's contract with the media group who revealed the scoop forbids him from discussing the alleged relationship with media rivals. That of course, also means that it is impossible to verify with any certain if the relationship actually took place.
Anyone who was in Mexico for spring break between March 16th and March 22nd 2009, and has any photographs or other conclusive proof that Rilla Blythe and Chad Johnson even spoke to each other are asked to contact Associated Press .
Transcript from Channel XX's Morning Programme "Good Morning UK"
January XX. 2014
Presenter 1 (to camera):" Looks like Rilla Blythe is quite the party girl! Pity, I was starting to like her, she won't be able to marry into the Royal Family now."
Presenter 2, looking with disgust at her co-host: "And why would that be?"
Presenter 1: "Well, because she's not a.. you know (whispers) virgin."
Presenter 2: "Neither is the Prince! Remember that story from a few years back about that girl he hooked up with at the night club! And there's never been any suggestion that his relationships with previous girlfriends were celibate!"
Presenter 1 "Well, he's the future King he can do what he wants. She needs to be pure."
Presenter 2: "You are so antiquated. And full of double standards. You were outraged last year when papers reported on your" she makes air quotes as she says, "alleged affair with that bimbo model, and yet you're raking over the details of Rilla's relationships as if your very life depended on it. Give the girl a break! She wasn't seeing Prince Ken at the time, it appears she wasn't seeing anybody. She can sleep with who she wants to. The only" she makes air quotes as she says the next word, "law it breaks is the double standards of self righteous people like you."
Presenter 1 opens his mouth to reply
Presenter 2: "Looks like we're out of time, over to Fiona, is that weather front still threatening?"
Weather Presenter: "It certainly is, but looks like it's going to be nothing compared to the lashing you just delivered…. "
Teresa Travers, Twitter; TraversDailyMirror
Daily Mirror,
February XX, 2014
The Madness of King Kenneth?
Rilla Blythe has been revealed as a young woman who enjoys an active and varied sex life. While much of the media has focused on her various lovers, the key question has not been asked. Is she safe and is she putting our future king at risk? In his two-hour long interview Chad Johnson described in intimate detail the antics he and the Prince's girlfriend got up to in Mexico. Not once did he describe them using a condom.
Sexually transmitted diseases are not something to be taken lightly. The AIDS epidemic is thankfully on the decline, but the promiscuous are still vulnerable. Venereal diseases left untreated could result in infertility or even madness, threatening the future of our Royal family.
The true madness, however, is that Prince Kenneth continues to associate with this dangerous woman. Before their relationship continues, it is in the public interest that Ms Blythe submit herself to her local GP for a full sexual health screening and the results published so we can all be assured of the future of our beloved monarchy.
Veronica Jenkins, Op-Ed, Twitter:VeraJenGuard
The Guardian
February XX, 2014
Editorial: Women will only truly have equality when they are sexually equal
There are many who think women in Britain have equal rights, but when our sexual choices are treated differently to men, it's clear this is not the case.
British woman's rights have come a long way since 1918 when we first received the vote. In fact, at that time only women over 30 received the vote, it took another ten years until 1928 for women to gain equal voting rights with men. Since then equality has come one piece at a time. In 1948, the National Health Service gave free access to healthcare to everyone (previously this was only available to the insured who were usually men). In 1956 legal, reforms meant that woman teachers and civil servants received equal pay to their male counterparts. In 1958 the Life Peerage Act entitled women to sit in the House of Lords for the first time, twenty one years later in 1979 Britain had its first female Prime Minister and four years after that in 1983 we had our first female London Lord Mayor. Other rights happened surprisingly recently. It was only in 1964 that the Woman's Property Act entitled a woman to keep half of any savings she has made from the allowances she was given by her husband; the Equal Opportunities Commission came into effect as recently as 1976 to oversee the Equal Pay Act and Sex Discrimination Act; and it was only at the close of the twentieth century in 1994 that rape in marriage was made a crime.
Twenty years later we might think we have come a long way, but when an everyday girl can have her sexual choices publicly vilified simply because she is dating someone in the public eye, it's clear we still have a long way to go.
Tramp, Party-Girl, Easy, Anybody's, Up-For-It, and Shagalicious are some of the nicer terms being used to describe Rilla Blythe in the headlines this week. Her alleged lover, Chad Johnson gets the moniker of Stud, Don Juan, Romeo, Charmer, Lady-killer and Heartbreaker. What is celebrated in men is reviled in women, and why? Because female power scares our patriarchal society, so much so that they attack women at every opportunity they get.
Rilla Blythe is an ordinary person. And yet, the media have decided she is worthy of having her life torn apart, picked over and every decision jumped upon for criticism. Last month there were protests in the Ukraine that could lead to revolution; Islamic State took control of Falluja; and a bombing in Russia is raising questions on the safety of the upcoming Sochi Winterr Olympics. Despite this, the tabloids headlines and their first five internal pages all featured stories and photographs of Rilla Blythe and her alleged relationship with Chad Johnson.
Enough. It's time we stopped this high school bullying and focused on events that really matter in the world. If Britain wants to be a modern society it is time we treated everyone equally regardless of gender.
Whatever happened in Mexico, the shame does not lie with Rilla Blythe. It sits firmly on the shoulders of every journalist who tears her down, every newspaper that prints such trash, and every person who reads it.