April 9th, 1943
I haven't written in you as much lately, and for some reason I feel like I should apologize for that. Is it strange to apologize to a book? I'm not sure. My thoughts are so strange to me lately, it's almost better not to acknowledge them in such a formal way. There's something terribly permanent about the written word. The party was last week. It was everything I expected it to be - I think I convinced people enough that I enjoyed myself, and I was saved the discomfort of having to avoid Abraxas by him becoming too drunk to stand. I left before he crashed entirely, but I'm told it was somewhat spectacular. We aren't talking again, though I haven't let that on to anyone. Tom did end up coming, just stopped in really. He complimented me on how cold I am to Alphard, in more or less words. I know it's horrible and I should ignore him, but there's something strange about a compliment from Tom Riddle, you have to revel in it. Even though I don't agree with him, it affects me.
"Mer?" Susan's voice broke her from her thoughts and she looked up from the journal page she was scratching along on, "The train is leaving in the hour, you know?"
The rest of her dorm mates had already vacated the room, and Susan also had her bag in tow, undoubtedly questioning why Merissa's still lay open, uncompleted. She chewed her lip, considering it.
"Right," Merissa agreed sheepishly, "I'll be down in a minute."
As Susan trampled down the stairs, Merissa closed the dragonhide book slowly, unwilling, almost to set it down. She knew doing so would mean she had nothing left to do but pack. Putting it off had seemed like the right thing to do, as things often can when convincing oneself to delay an unpleasant task. Afterall, it would be a colossal waste of time if the entire social elite came together overnight and deemed the Greengrass spring ball a nonessential event. She could only hope.
Merissa had never been less pleased to leave for a holiday than she was for that Easter, and she had never been too pleased about them in the first place. As if the idea of being dragged away from a place she enjoyed more or less free reign in into an overly perfumed parlor wasn't horrifying enough, this holiday seemed to come at the worst time possible, a crack in the chamber only fingertips length away. When she returned after three weeks, she was afraid what progress she made would be swindled from her. Riddle was staying of course, and she didn't fancy the idea of him skulking around the largely empty castle.
As her suitcase filled itself - seemily to its own accord, her hands only its dutiful servants - she mulled over the last encounter she had with him.
"You're off tomorrow, then?" he had asked as they corked their final potion.
Her eyes stayed carefully on her task, not wanting to fumble with the flask and burn herself again. She could only afford so many mistakes in front of him before it became a question of her competence. His eyes, however, she could feel were fixed on the profile of her face as she willed the potion to siphon faster.
"Yes, I will be," she told him, "I would rather stay here, however my mother is all but bespotted that I skipped Christmas as it is. I could only imagine her horror if I skived off Easter as well."
"Quite atrocious indeed," he agreed. She could tell by his tone that his eyes would be dancing with a joke, "A shame though. Your presence will be missed."
Her eyes managed to get as far as the snake emblem on his robes before she forced them back down to stoppering the vial, furious at herself for allowing the comment to catch her off guard. He said charming things like this all the time, and it was not something to pay mind to. Still, he hardly said such things to Olive Hornby . . .
"I'm useful enough?" she snarked, hoping her profile hadn't afforded him a view of the brief pink tinge her cheeks had taken up.
"Indispensable," he had replied smoothly. If he had noticed, he hadn't minded.
Recalling his cool voice even now was distracting enough for her to latch her finger into her rucksack. Cursing, she pulled it from the metal closure and held it tight in her fist.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, she chided herself. These thoughts were becoming increasingly invasive and they did nothing for her grasp for the chamber. Lately, horrible ideas of confessing to him what she had been up to and sharing her knowledge had even reared their heads, despite being mercilessly beaten down.
The truth of the matter was that he was Tom bloody Riddle, and no matter how handsome his cheekbones were, or how impossibly, infuriatingly rich his voice was, he was a monster. She couldn't let herself forget that.
Lifting her luggage to the corner of the room where a sizable mountain already lay, waiting to be transported downstairs by the house elves, she then turned back to her desk. Quickly she realized she had failed to pack her journal, so she sighed and tossed it into the drawer on her nightstand. Likely, it would be safer here, after all.
Finally, with nothing else to keep her, she exited the dormitory to join the majority of her house in the common room below. Her thoughts had kept her quite a bit longer than the rest of them, and she found Susan and Thomas already engaged in a debate.
"Honestly, Thomas, how could you even claim something so heinous?" Susan jousted, her tone more earnest than she usually sported, to Edward no less.
"It's quite simple. The Prewett Rating system puts Cleansweeps at a mere 6 overall, whilst Comet is over an 8. You can't argue with the critics, Nigellus," the Ravenclaw prefect was telling her, quite matter of factly. Abigail groaned, making Merissa raise her eyebrows as she plopped onto the spot between the redhead and James.
"Yes, I can!" Susan insisted, and it seemed by her demeanor she was ready to fight the wizard's responsible for the offense directly, if that's what it took, "Especially when Comet funds half their credibility."
"What are they on about?" Merissa asked James in an undertone, hardly containing her grin.
"The team got funding for new brooms and Thomas did research, favors buying everyone Comets. Susan -" he started.
"Would rather die," Merissa completed for him. He nodded, also lightly amused. Turning her gaze to the pair, Abby gave Merissa an imploring look to intervene to which she returned with a hefty wink. It was refreshing to hear a spat in which she had no part in, and it continued with little intervention well into the ride back to London.
/_\
It took Joseph approximately thirty minutes to find and extract Merissa from the throng of Hogwarts students at the platform, a fact which he made known the moment he had spotted her and held her arm firmly in his grip.
"That's a new personal best I think," she told him as he dragged her towards the exit "Of avoiding you at the station, I mean. Have I ever mentioned Susan and I make wagers on how long I can evade you? I win this year."
"You are incredibly immature and it will do you good not to be around such company for the holiday," he snapped back at her.
"You're right," she mused as he tugged her out through the brick wall and into the crowded terminal, "I should have a go at being more like Alphard Black this year."
The look he gave her was so scalding, she couldn't help but laugh, "Where are you taking me anyways? Where are they?"
"Our parents," Joseph began stiffly, "Are at home. They didn't want to be bothered mixing with all the muggles today so we're aparating home."
"You can't aparate anywhere ten miles from our -"
"We'll be aparating just outside Beaconsfield where a carriage will be waiting," Joseph finished over her harshly, "Now take my arm, let's be quick about it."
Merissa rolled her eyes and grasped his arm, not a moment before she was jolted forwards by an unpleasant squeezing sensation and, just as quickly, they were standing in a field bathed in sunlight.
"You missed the road," she snarked, stepping gingerly over a cowpie and onto the cobblestone path that led into town. To his credit, the coachman waited just several paces away, but she would hardly allow him the satisfaction. He ignored her comment either way, stepping into the carriage and entirely ignoring the greeting of the driver.
"Thank you, Barnes," she said pointedly as she accepted a hand from the chauffeur, "Good heavens, where are some people's manners."
"Fraternizing with the help is hardly well mannered," Joseph muttered, already behind his copy of the Prophet. Merissa ignored him, and he did the same as they passed by increasingly large estates, sprinkled more and more sparsely throughout the countryside. All those they were passing were still Muggle at this point, but soon they would come across the Parkinson residence then Flint then Lestrange and so on. Merissa didn't have much interest in the view and decided to close her eyes and hope to sleep for the remainder of the ride. She succeeded within a minute.
The change from the gentle clatter of cobblestone to the quieter clicking of brick beneath the wooden wheels made Merissa crack an eye at the window. Beyond the embroidered hangings, she could see the shapes of carefully trimmed hedges lining the long drive. She shut them tight once again, not needing her eyes open to know the scenery that panned out beyond the window. The road twisted and turned for a half mile, protected in the cool shade of the hedges, before thrusting out to a large turning circle that wound around a monstrous fountain featuring the likeness of Tyran Thorpe, the first patriarch to reign over the manor. Though he had died nearly a century ago, his carven figure still leered out upon the courtyard, and probably would for another century to come. Neither time nor water could erode any of the sharpness of his marble eyes, surveying all who walked the grounds, and holding judgement upon them, subsequently blinded to any doings in the house itself. Stone only had such a reach.
Beyond the fountain, the house stood, same as it always had, massive and quite imposing otherwise, lacking much other character. The sea cliff it had been built on had not been as sturdy as Tyran's fountain, and all but a ledge of which the house sat on had given way to the insistence of the crashing waves. The courtyards had been pushed to either side of the house, and thick shrubbery was able to conceal from the ground that the cliffs fell away into the water, more each year, but still the house was held up with countless enchantments, and would sooner spontaneously catch ablaze than fall into the furious water below.
The cliffs could not be hidden from the far side of the house, however, windows opening over the open water. They were harsh and beautiful - black rock dropping fifty meters into the brine spray and white seafoam. Though no ships had been near the stretch of shore in decades, Merissa imagined if they tried they would be smashed to bits on the sharp basalt lances. Every chance she could get, she would escape to the bluffs and linger in the brackish wind and even now before she could see them, she was planning her next excursion. Eyes still closed, she began to yearn for it.
The ceasing of the gentle rocking of the carriage broke Merissa from her in between state of sleep and wakefulness. A glance out the window told her they were at the front steps, Tyran's looming figure just behind them, surveying the drive for any possible intruder. She blinked around, finding Joseph was still sitting perfectly upright, pretending to read the business section of the Prophet, flicking his wrist importantly as he turned the page. The lengths he went to seem sophisticated had been impossible since around his fourteenth birthday. This particular show seemed to be for the driver, as he was certainly the only one who would notice. She watched as her brother straightened his back further, putting on an expression that could only be crafted after their father in preparation for the opening of the door.
She laughed softly at him, causing his eyes to flash up, "Yes, Merissa? Was there something you wanted to say?"
"Nothing," she assured him, widening her eyes to feign innocence. His narrowed, knowing she was teasing him, "I'm sure father will be quite impressed with how you act as if you've had a wooden board implanted into your back. Is it an elective surgery, or does every Head Boy have it done?"
"Oh, you think you're so funny," he snarled, starting up at her the best he could while staying stooped to avoid hitting the ceiling.
The door of the carriage swung open upon the entrance of their home, both their parents and servants alike arranged on the front steps to receive them. The doorman was too well trained to stare inside for too long, Joseph caught in mid step, crouched over his sister like a madman. He merely held out an inoffensive hand, body turned towards the steps.
"Hm," Merissa hummed, accepting the hand as she slid out of her seat, "Good to be home."
She smirked to herself, keeping her eyes down on her feet, walking like a perfect lady. It took several seconds before she heard the irritated clicking of Joseph's boots behind her, indicating he had broken from the surprise she had purposefully left him in. Only when she reached the top few steps did she raise her gaze to acknowledge her parents.
Gregor Thorpe was a large man in all respects, tall, broad shoulders, thick black hair covering his head and upper-lip, immaculately kept. His belly had not enlarged like most men his age - in fact the only effect he had allowed age to have on him was a salt and peppering of his hair. His eyes were dark brown and keen, like particularly intelligent animals. He was apparently handsome to most people, but Merissa found him too frightening to consider this much.
"Father," she greeted, bowing her head respectfully. Her knees felt like they might wobble under his intense stare, devoid of emotion, but full of opinion. A few summers ago, she had seen him purchase a particularly expensive race horse. He wore the same expression when he considered her as he did with the mighty bay stallion. His examination, though always intense, was short - for better or worse.
Joseph came beside her, and her father's attention for her was, at once, vanished.
"Joseph!" he greeted, pulling him alongside as they began inside, undoubtedly to the study. Joseph smiled a smug, condescending smile. Though he did not direct it back to Merissa, he didn't need to. Gregor's voice continued to boom as they crossed the threshold into the foyer, "Looking strapping as ever, spitting image of his father, eh? How is Hogwarts? Increasingly falling standards? I was hoping you might give me some inside information, I plan to write a speech about how the crumbling education is indicative of -"
They were cut off by the slam of the heavy oak door, deafening them to the rest of the world. Her father's study was a place of mystery and intrigue, never diminished as would be expected by time. Merissa had yet to ever be allowed inside the room, and as it was explained to her, it was tradition old as the estate itself that a woman should never set foot in the room, or tragedy was claimed to befall the entire line.
"No girls allowed," Joseph had explained to her once when she asked him to sneak her in. They were seven and ten at the time, before Joseph was too thoroughly poisoned and acted like a good older brother when he could, "Some things are meant for girls and some are for boys. Business is meant for boys. You have your own things too, like how mum teaches you house managing."
She had refused to let the subject drop for almost a month after, but when it had become abundantly clear neither Joseph nor any of the house elves would aid her in her cause, she had set to attempting to open the door by herself. When her father had caught her jiggling the handle, he had taken his cane to her and she had never tried again. Some lessons only needed to be learned once.
Merissa's eyes felt hot and prickly as she blinked at the carven door. She knew she shouldn't let her father's blatant favoritism bother her (it was only natural, her mother had once told her unflinchingly, after all, Joseph was the heir and she was not), but his favor was one she had never been able to desert the idea of attaining. She kept up her grades, her appearance, her lessons, even graciously accepted Abraxas as her intended for a time. When none of this worked, she told herself she had given up hope, but she admitted, it contributed to why she still did all of these things. Blinking again, she refused to allow her eyes to overflow, narrowing at them instead on her mother.
Rosalynn Thorpe was a classical beauty, a statuesque woman with refined facial features and piercing blue eyes. With striking red hair that hadn't grayed a touch and skin pale and smooth like porcelain she might have been mistaken for a younger woman, but Merissa had seen pictures of her mother in her youth and was not so deluded. Her mother had once been proud, not only in figure, but in person. Thorpe Manor had stunted, diseased many great roses.
"Mother," Merissa greeted the woman with far more contempt.
"Hm," Rosalynn hummed, her lips pinched together, blanching them of any color except her dark red lipstick, "You look pale dear. Have you been eating enough?"
"If I had been, I'm sure you would have something to say about my figure," Merissa muttered under her breath.
Her mother's tallon-like nails closed in around Merissa's arm, "What was that dear?"
Her smile looked like it might rip something.
"Nothing at all," Merissa smiled as well. It hurt her muscles too, "I am just so happy to be back home."
"Don't get too comfortable," she was quick to warn, "We'll be leaving for the Black's this evening. We only sent for you two so that you would have appropriate attire. We will be having to attend all of our holiday parties out of a suitcase, detestable as it may be."
"A disaster, to be sure," Merissa agreed, though she was unable to keep all of the sarcasm from her tone - the tightening of the grip around her arm told her that much.
"Do pack those lovely silver dress robes Mrs. Malfoy had commissioned for you. She dotes on you, vacuous woman," her mother patted her cheek, "And hurry Merissa Rose, your father won't be held up by fashion dilemmas."
"I wouldn't dream of inconveniencing anyone, Mother," Merissa agreed, silently forcing her mothers fingers off of her with magic. Rosalynn's nostrils flared at her use of forbidden tool but didn't say a word, all the servants still arranged around them. Merissa's talent was the best and worst kept family secret.
Merissa breezed past her into the entry hall, taking the right of the split staircase up to her room. Once she had reached the top she hurried along the hall, no longer able to contain her frustration. Bursting into her bedroom, she leapt sideways onto her bed to scream into one of the decorative pillows, the door slamming shut with a burst of uncontrolled magic behind her. The bones of the houses shuddered, not liking the disruption.
She hated this house, she hated the expectations it held, she hated her mother, but most of all she hated how consumed by all of it she felt. It had been better, entirely different even, when Joseph had been even half a brother, but it had been years now since they shared a kind word to each other, and the idea of kinship had died long ago. She knew there was one place she could go to escape it all, feel able, at least, to breath, but Rosalyn would surely be expecting her to try to escape to her haven now. She had to wait.
Merissa paced around her room exactly twenty-four times before she became too impatient with even that and blew open the french doors to the balcony that extended from her room over the courtyard. It would have to sublimate for now.
She could feel the wind here, at least, the ripping chill coming from the ocean, just meters away. Other parts of the house hung directly over the water, but she was not so lucky. Sometimes she swore the manor itself conspired to make her miserable, this included. If she leaned far enough over the bannister she could see the black crumbling rock of the cliff, but no matter how far she leaned, the ocean evaded her from this place. No matter how many times she came to this conclusion, she couldn't help but try a bit further. She was hanging off the balcony by just her foot, interlocked with the stone balustrade, when a window a few rooms down burst open, almost frightening Merissa from the grounding of her perch.
"Merissa Rose, if I don't see a completed suitcase in the entry hall in ten minutes I will remove that entire balcony from the house, so help me God!" her mother shrieked at her.
Merissa sighed in defeat and began untangling herself, leaping nimbly down back into her room. She did not think twice about it as she closed the doors behind her crisply without lifting a finger, trapping the billowing white curtains inside with her.
Trapped. That was really how she felt.
Merissa was determined to pace her room until the air seemed less stifling but she was stopped only a few strides in by a loud pop. She turned, all too familiar with the sound, and found the smallest house elf of the house already bowing so deeply that its toga brushed the floor.
"Epezy at your service, Miss," she squeaked, her tiny body still bent into the deepest bow it could muster without collapsing onto the floor. They would stay in the position until acknowledged, something her father enjoyed testing on occasion when they were summoned before him.
"Hello Epezy," Merissa greeted, "I need a suitcase packed. If I showed you what needed to be put in, could you improvise the rest? You know the ones I like."
"Of course, Miss," the house elf agreed with another deep bow. She straightened herself out and lowered her squeaky voice to a peep before adding, "Though I must be telling you Miss, Mistress has us under strict order to tell her if Miss is heading outside and she says no taking any orders from Miss about it."
Merissa scowled. Since she had discovered her mother used the house elves to spy on her, there had been a constant war of wits between the two Thorpe women. Ultimately, the house elves had to listen to her mother over her, however she usually found a way around it. Today wouldn't be different, it seemed.
"What did she say specifically, Epezy?" she queried.
The house elf's face fell, "Please Miss, you know we have to floggen ourselves if we so much as think of disobeying one of Mistresses orders."
"Of course, and I would never ask you to directly break them," Merissa assured her.
The small creature rocked on her feet, round eyes on the floor, "She said if Miss sets even a toe on those cliffs she's got to told at once."
Merissa's face broke into a broad grin, "Alright. Thank you, Epezy. I'll show you what she wanted packed."
/_\
Merissa was sitting on the stone balcony that connected to Joseph's room, her back against the carved bannister and her eyes trailing the ebb and flow of the water below when she was discovered.
"I should have known you were out here," Joseph snapped, emerging from his room to scold her, "Mother has been calling for you for nearly ten minutes now."
The bracing wind ripped through her hair, dark tendrils swimming through her vision, came and went. Cold felt good on her skin, submerging her into strange numbness. Here, she liked it.
"Either you did know I was out here, and choose to give me extra time, or you hadn't the faintest idea where I was and like to sound the wiser now," she tilted her head up to give him a sarcastic smile, "We both know which it is the more reasonable."
He didn't humor her, "Mother is waiting for you," he repeated, before retreating back into the house.
One, two, three more lungfuls of air and she dragged her body up to follow him. There would be no sea air in London, and for that she was very sorry.
Hi all! This was originally one monster chapter of Merissa's entire break, however I wanted to get something out today since its the two year anniversary of my original posting of this story, which is just incredible. Thank you for all who have supported me along the way, this truly has been a journey. That being said it was originally going to be four more chapter after this, but now that I am splitting this one in half, five more chapters until the end of fifth year (I think?) I actually have most of it written already which is really exciting for me, especially since large parts of these chapters now are things that I wrote over two years ago and have been waiting to share with you all. I do still have to edit it all of that though, so as much as I would love to post it all today, I can't quite do that yet. I have decided to break this series up into three separate books, thank you for those who gave input on that, so I will be releasing the first chapter of OTWF as a separate story. I will put something more official in one of my notes when it gets closer to that time. In the meantime, please leave a review and tell me what you thought about this chapter, predictions for future and whatever else you like. Thanks again for reading!
CarolinaFlint: Thank you for both of your kind reviews! I'm always so thrilled to hear you're still reading and enjoying the story, I know I've probably said so before, but I'll say it again because its so true. Yey about liking the party scene, the whole chapter was a bit of a last minute addition, I usually have things pretty mapped out but I wrote it sort of as a whim and ended up really liking it so I'm glad someone else did as well. On the polar opposite end, I've had a note in my phone about having Alphard hear about the horcruxes for well over a year now so I was jazzed to finally write it. Thanks again for always taking the time to review :)
Purretzel: As per usual it made MY day to see YOUR review haha! Thank you so much. I'm so happy to hear you liked the party chapter. There's actually another party chapter coming very soon, but it will be a very different mood. As you might have read above, I have decided to break up the story, but I will put something in my note again closer to when that actually happens (which is not too far in the future I am really hoping haha). I think if you follow my actual acount it will also update you when I post any new stories but don't quote me on that, I'm still pretty unaware of how this site works for the most part. Thank you again for your continued support :)
hayatin: Oh my god, thank you! Your review was so nice, I'm overwhelmed even just re-reading it. Its great to hear the slow-burn seems genuine and isn't boring you all to death - I just know as a reader I don't like when characters who don't know each other previous are immediately madly in love. Hooray for another Alphard/Merissa shipper! There is more to come for you all, I promise haha. Also I am totally intending on finishing this story, don't worry haha I may take forever to update but I am in way too far to stop now. Thanks again for taking the time to review, I really appreciate it!
beefsupreme: Oh my sun and stars, thank you for reviewing! I was thinking about that playlist you wanted for this story today and I think I'm going to try to do a song for each chapter if I can because that seems like the the kind of extra thing I would do instead of actually writing haha. Susan is becoming one of my favorites weirdly? Abraxas will always be my son of course but she's growing on me. Alphard and Abraxas are the only version of boys will be boys I will accept. I really would have liked to say in this update the "big thing" happened but as it turns out I'm just a nerd who cares too much about commas to get a full chapter out in time so I apologize. Teen angst and impending doom are exactly the brand, I'm glad you get it. And thank you for gifting the world with your existence, I will try to stop sending you redacted versions of make out scenes (no promises) Thank you again for your magical words.