Disclaimers: I do not own CM or its characters. I do own all OCs, including Emily's dad, cousins, etc., and JJ's dad, brother, cousins, etc.
Spoilers: None
Rating: M
Trigger Warning: This chapter has what will be a heavy-implied self-harm scene. I do say the words of what it is that Roslyn does to herself. Please, please read with caution as this entire chapter is marked as a Trigger Warning.
June 17th, 1983
*Jareau Residence – Roslyn's point of view*
I look at it.
It's nice and shiny and really sharp.
My aunt Maria showed me how to use it.
But that is not what I am going to use it for that right now.
I wonder if it will feel better if I do it. If I touch my skin with it, and I do it.
Uncle Jack does not touch me anymore. He does not do it to Maddie either. But Maddie says he does it to Lee-Lee and Nattie. And I think he does it to…
To Jenny.
Because she is always not wanting to be around him.
She has bad dreams, and she wets the bed, and she hates being in the bathroom, and at birthday parties, Uncle Jack always used to go upstairs after Jenny, when she went to the bathroom.
She does not do that anymore because now she has to wear diapers all the time, or underwear at Emily's house. Because she always has accidents, so it is easier to have her wear diapers.
I wish Uncle Jack was normal. I wish he was like Uncle Caleb.
I wish he would not mess with us, or touch us, or force us to hug him or force Maddie to sit in his lap, or touch my little sister's private parts.
I can't stop it. If I try to stop it, everyone will believe Uncle Jack when he says Maddie and me and Lee-Lee and Nattie and Jenny wanted it.
I wish, I did not have the mom and dad I have.
I wish, I could have fun with my parents, and that my mom and dad loved me, and my brother, Elijah, and my sister, Jenny.
I wish, my parents were like my Uncle Caleb and my Aunt Maria.
I wish, for it all to just… stop.
I look at this shiny piece of metal. And I wonder what would happen if I placed it on my arm, if I pressed down, if I dragged it sideways, across my wrist.
I guess there is only one way to find out…
…
…
…
Turns out… it works.
The pain goes away. And I feel free, and I can forget, and for just a few minutes, I live a normal life as an 11-year-old sixth-grader.
Now, I just have to clean up the blood and make sure no one sees the bandages on my wrist.
Well, there you go. It started. And this will go on for 6 years before Roslyn cuts too deep one day, maybe on purpose, maybe on accident, and... that is all it will take.
Three more chapters to go!
I want to give a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who has stuck with me throughout this story. And an especial big thank you to Kmbryan who has helped me tremendously with writing this.