CHAPTER 37:

Not again...

Zane stepped carefully, watching that the teapot and cups on the tray wouldn't shake and possibly fell. He'd long gotten over his old injury and nowadays he was confident enough in his walking, but it never hurt to be extra careful. Zane released a somehow tired breath through his nose.

Being careful…

Was he taking things too far with Kai? He could have asked a servant to prepare the tea, but instead, he'd felt the need to go and do it himself, as if he could imbue some sort of magic into the infusion that would make Kai feel better or heal faster. Even though he couldn't help it, Zane was a natural nurturer —be it because it was in his soul or that the trait was planted on him from a very young age due to the nature of his father's job— he couldn't help but to take direct care of the people he loved.

Was he overprotecting Kai though? Zane had always been confident in his believes, in choosing the best option out of a situation, but Cole's insistence reminded him of that morning days ago when Jay had been missing. That one time Zane had been wrong. The blonde knew it was futile to wonder what would have happened if he'd backed Cole's concerns instead of downplaying them, but part of the guilt lingered nevertheless. Was Cole right to push a rapprochement between Kai and Jay?

As he reached the last set of steps, Zane's eyes caught movement in the hallway and he stared surprised at Jay and Cole, both men on the floor, the larger one clinging to the other. The blond placed the tray on a side table and rushed to his friends, his fear growing as he saw the distress in their faces.

"What's the matter?" He asked and Cole flinched scared as he looked up and saw him. "What's wrong? What are you doing here? Did… Did something happen with Lloyd?"

Cole did not respond to any of his questions, the young man just gaped as tremors ran through his body, unable to give a proper explanation. Zane shifted and looked at Jay, once again demanding to know what had put his friend in such a state.

Jay hesitated for a second then licked his lips before saying, "Kai…"

••••••••••••

The second Jay relied him what had just occurred, Zane was on his feet again and running with all his might towards the royal bedroom. Even before he reached the doors or saw the confused expressions of the guards around, he could tell how devastated Kai was. His cries were muffled but still raw and loud enough to escape through the minuscule gap of the entrance's edges.

The guards, as startled as Zane, made no move to stop him when the royal spouse grabbed the handle of the door and pushed his way inside, finding the monarch on the bed, crying like a scared child.

"Kai!" Zane quickly got to his side.

"Don't!" Kai yelled when the boy tried to touch him.

"Kai, it's okay, it's me; Zane."

"Leave me alone!"

"Kai, please, breathe. I know you're agitated but try to-"

"I said leave!" Kai growled, his eyes shot up and for a moment Zane was brought back to that fateful night when they had all barged into Kai's room and the boy's walls had crumbled, leaving him unprotected, at the mercy of his inner fears. The Maharaja's face was a mess, his makeup ruined, leaving dark trails from his eyes down his cheeks as more and more tears seeped out.

"Just leave me alone! I don't want to see you or anyone else ever again!"

Zane was petrified, these last few days taking care of Kai he'd seen the boy having occasional breakdowns but he had never refused Zane's help, never looked at him with so much sadness in his eyes.

"K-Kai…" He tried again.

"Get the fuck out, Zane!" Kai yelled at him, holding his gaze for a moment longer before a new sob erupted in his throat and the boy's face buried in the expensive pillows, soaking them in tears and black paint.

Zane stared at him, hard shivers running through his body and his heart galloping fast as, for the first time in his life, he felt completely lost, unable to find the answer to the intricate puzzle life had thrown at him. His hands started to shake and his throat tightened, it had never hurt that bad. Not even when he was hanging by that cliff with his life at stake. That time, he'd managed to stay calm, knowing that even if he died, he had at least saved a young creature who still had his whole life ahead of him. But now… he was 'falling' again, but Kai would still be there hurting, and Jay, and their whole family as well. His 'sacrifice' wouldn't solve anything.

Fighting against his desire to reach for Kai and wrap the poor, whimpering boy in his arms, Zane took hesitant steps towards the door. Every new cry from his husband tried to pull him back, and more than once Zane found his eyes staring at Kai's figure again. His vision blurred as his heart shattered feeling the sharp pieces falling at his feet.

Somehow he got to the door, a guard was by his side the next instant, grabbing his arm and shoulder to keep him up as the door closed. Zane's hands went to his face, rubbing, trying to shield him from the darkness that hovered over his soul. These sensations felt almost foreign. The sorrow and pain he'd felt when he lost his father had long been put to rest. Kai had been key to help Zane overcome that emptiness in his heart, but now everything was coming back tenfold, and it wrecked him because he couldn't do anything. Kai was shutting him out, they were back to square one. Back to that night when the boy had come undone and probably almost died from a panic attack had it not been for…

Cole.

Zane's jaw clenched, his brow furrowed and he could feel all the muscles in his body tensing at the thought of the noirette. How could he have done this? How could he have let the situation get so far?

"Sir, should I call a servant or...?" The man that had been supporting him asked, bringing Zane back to the real world. The blonde looked at him, his gaze stern, with a fire building behind his eyes that he'd never experienced before. He pushed the man aside and firmly walked away.

••••••••••••

Lloyd didn't wait much time to get inside the bathtub, once the water was high enough to cover his legs he dipped his body into the fancy basin, not minding its rather cool temperature. Admittedly, his playful wrestle with Cole earlier hadn't gotten him all that dirty, but it provided him the perfect excuse to be alone just for a short while.

Ever since three days ago either Cole, Zane or Nya had stayed close to him and Jay at all times. Lloyd understood their reasons, especially with how volatile and sensitive he'd become since all this mess started, but he needed some alone time to just think and put his thoughts in order —or at least try to.

Being mistreated for years and then coming to live with this loving family, Lloyd had developed a strong sense of justice, sometimes too strong for his own good. If someone wronged another person, they deserved no kindness in return. His parents had used him for years, never once showed him a shred of genuine affection, and they got what they deserved for their actions —as did Lloyd.

But… what if someone hurt another person unconsciously? Did that variable change the equation? And if so, how much? Where was the limit? What was acceptable and what was not?

Lloyd had been so mad at Kai when Jay had told them what happened in the room during the party. It made Lloyd think of all those times he thought he saw sincerity in his parents' eyes, all those times that for a brief moment he had thought they would change —hopes that had died every single time. To Lloyd, the physical abuse had been painful, but not nearly as much as it had been the feeling of being betrayed over and over. Kai had broken Jay's trust that night, and Lloyd's as well.

But it wasn't 'him', the blonde told himself.

It had taken him many hours to fully grasp Zane's and Cole's explanations about how deep Kai's emotional wounds were, how much time those mental scars had had to root themselves in the young Maharaja's mind, slowly learning to control him while Kai thought he was fighting them. In the end, wasn't Lloyd going through the same? His past had prevented him from accepting Jay as a potential friend. And Lloyd, too, had hurt Kai more than once because of his inner fears and insecurities.

He stared at his hand and rubbed the heels of his palm together. He had lost control when he slapped Kai, called him things he would have never dared to say and which he regretted more and more with every minute.

It was no wonder Kai didn't want to see him after their fight, and Cole could say whatever he wanted but Lloyd was sure the monarch was upset with him. He unmistakably was one of the reasons Kai and Jay hadn't make amends yet. And after witnessing Kai's recent reaction to them, Lloyd worried that 'yet' would change into a 'never'.

Lloyd sighed and grabbed a vase, dipped it in the water then held it over his head, letting the liquid soak his hair as he repeated the action a few times, thoroughly making sure no dust remained in his golden locks. He was pretty much done when voices started to reach him from outside the bathroom. At first, he paid them no mind but then the banter grew louder, allowing him to recognize Cole and Zane as the hosts of the conversation.

Lloyd's brow furrowed as the small talk escalated to yells, abandoning any playful tone he might have taken for granted. The boy rose and got out of the tub, snatching a towel and wrapping it around his body, drying himself as efficiently as he could. He gave his hair the same treatment then walked into the bedroom as Cole and Zane's voices once again grew louder and a lot less friendly.

"How could you?!" Zane shouted at the noirette who was sitting on the bed, his elbows rooted on his knees and hands gripping his face until they released him and Cole turned his face at Zane.

"I was trying to help!" The young man said, his tone indicated that he was clearly pissed and most likely had repeated that same sentence already a few times.

"Throwing him to the crocodiles is not helping, Cole! How the hell could you think it would help?! Which world do you live in?!"

"You said this happened because Kai tried to suppress his trauma instead of facing it!"

"For Vishnu's reincarnations! The one time you listen!"

Lloyd's eyes were moving from one boy to the other, unable to take a step closer to them as they seemed too far gone in their argument to notice anyone else. It was by sheer chance that he caught sight of a blue spot nearby the entrance of the room. Jay stood there in silence and, just like Lloyd, he seemed confused but most of all worried as he gazed at the other two boys.

"Well, I'm sorry if not all of us own a privileged brain like yours!"

"Privileged?! Cole, that was a straight-up idiotic maneuver! I can't believe you're so thick!" Zane's hands moved in front of his face, curling into fists then opening again with repressed anger.

Lloyd tried and stepped forward, "W-what's going on?" His voice low and hesitant got ignored by the enraged duo.

"Thick?!" Cole got up from the bed and positioned himself in front of Zane, shouting at his face, "Listen to me, you bighead —what do did you do to help him?! It's been three days and Kai is as closed as ever —or even worse! Your stupid 'talking' is clearly doing nothing if he refused to even try to talk to Jay from the first second!"

Lloyd's eyes moved to Jay, questioning him. The gingerhead locked gazes with Lloyd and shrank with shame. Cole and Zane kept going at each other's throats, their voices full of reproach.

"Kai doesn't take rejection well! He's terrified of it!" Zane scolded, brazening his reasoning out and not letting himself become intimidated by the large frame of the ex-soldier in front of him, who was looking down at Zane with menacing eyes as if he was considering punching him in the face.

"Oooh, and how would I know that if you keep all your fucking medical nonsense to yourself, uh?!"

"I explained it to you, Cole." Zane's speech slowed down for a moment, punctuating each word with gestures, then anguish and panic came back. "I told you more than once that Kai needed time to overcome his fears, yet you ignored my advice and put his mental health at risk like the fool you are!"

Lloyd didn't understand a thing they were talking about but he didn't like how their conversation was being handled. Whatever had happened while he was in the bathroom must had been bad —real bad. Zane had never spoken to any of them that way, never insulted or bad mouthed anyone in all the time Lloyd had known the man. It was just so out of character for the former doctor to lose his temper.

"Ah, so now I'm a fool for caring about my husband?" Cole smiled but it wasn't a 'good' smile, rather a hurtful smirk.

"He is my husband too! Do you think it's been easy for me to just stay by his side and watch him cry all these days?! To see how bad he was hurting without being able to do something more meaningful than just comforting him?!"

"Guys…" Lloyd pleaded.

"Welcome to my world, smart ass! I spent months staying awake until he would fall asleep from exhaustion, cuddling him to sleep, and even with that sometimes he wouldn't find any rest at all!" The noirette jabbed a finger at Zane's chest.

"This is not a competition, Cole!"

"Then don't talk to me like you know shit and I don't. You weren't there when I almost died in front of him! You weren't there when he was just a child who couldn't even look at his dad for fear of what the man would see in his eyes. You know nothing about standing back and just watch while he-"

"Just stop already, please!"

Cole and Zane finally snapped and looked at Lloyd. The boy was starting to shake, his hands gripping the towel around him firmly as his face tightened and tears threatened to come out of his eyes. Both men stood frozen, remorse rising in their bodies and facial expressions.

"Why are you guys fighting? What's going on?"

Lloyd saw Zane swallow and breathe for a long moment, surely trying to regain his composure.

"Zane wanting to be right all the time —that's what happens," Cole declared as he spun around throwing his arms in the air.

The bitter comment dragged Zane back into the bickering. "Are you going to tell me that what you did was any beneficial at all?! He kicked me out of his room, Cole! He won't even see me now!"

"Oh, great! You can join the club then! Maybe then you'll understand how Lloyd and Jay had been feeling all along! It's not cool being ignored, is it?!" Cole spat at him.

Lloyd covered his ears and shook his head, trembling. Arguments and constant yelling brought him back to a time he didn't want to remember, to the pain, the desperation of being useless, curled up into a corner in his old house. He didn't know what to do, he wanted to stop his friends, who looked like they would cede the verbal warnings and start a real physical fight at any moment. Lloyd didn't want to believe that was possible, Cole had never once raised his hand to any of them, not a single time —and he'd had his few chances to do so, Kai was an expert at pulling his strings. But then again, Zane had never displayed this type of behavior either, it was such a dangerous combination.

As their 'debate' grew louder and more insolent, Lloyd recoiled unconsciously on pure instinct, he was about to step into the bathroom again and lock himself inside the makeshift haven when his eyes scanned the room one last time. He blinked and rubbed his face to clear his vision off the tears that blurred everything... and he still found nothing. Had it been an illusion earlier? No, of course not. He wasn't that far gone —or so he hoped. Lloyd took a few steps forward, giving occasional glances to the boys who were still shouting and moving around as they gesticulated dramatically along with their accusations, but he found nothing where his eyes were looking. Or more like… no one.

A strange feeling of emptiness flooded Lloyd's chest —emptiness and… fear? He turned around and approached his friends.

"Guys…"

Cole and Zane didn't acknowledge him.

"Guys…!" His pleas got ignored anew but it would be the last time, Lloyd told himself. In a few strides, he got to Zane's side, tugged his arm firmly and demanded attention in the firmest voice he could manage at the moment. "Guys! Where is Jay?!"

Cole and Zane's zillionth round of insults stopped dead, their eyes landing on Lloyd with mild confusion.

"What do you mean 'where is Jay'? He's right th-" The noirette seemed to lose his voice the right instant he discovered their companion was no more in the room with them. Zane flinched as well and both of them studied the place, realizing only now about Jay's disappearance.

"He… He was… He was right there!" Cole exclaimed, his eyes moving around the room, scanning every corner, every furniture but the boy couldn't hide in there.

"You don't think that…?" Zane murmured and Lloyd watched an immeasurable dread fell over Cole's shoulders and grab him hard.

The brown orbs popping out of his face as he shot towards the door with a horrified "Fuck! Not again!" escaping from his lips.

Lloyd almost toppled over himself as Zane rushed after the noirette and vacated the room in a frenzy. Still unsure but not looking forward to being left in the dark anymore, Lloyd got rid of the damp towel that had been covering his body and threw on a robe, exiting the bedroom while he was still fastening the belt around his waist. He spotted Cole and Zane at the end of the hallway, the door to the royal chamber open ajar and both of his friends standing frozen over the threshold, looking inside.

Please, Kai… Lloyd prayed his husband hadn't gone berserk again, his poor heart couldn't take another blow like that. With agony running through his veins, Lloyd sprinted to Kai's room and joined Zane and Cole at the entrance, pushing between their bodies. He, too, went still as he took in the sight before his eyes.

Did I have fun writing Cole and Zane arguing?
Yes, I did.
All the suffering to write that angst has been worth to get to see Zane exploding like this.

Thank you very much for reading
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