Wow. So, hi there! This chapter is a long time coming! I took a long break from this fic again to complete a Soul Eater Resbang fic aaaand a contest fic (which I didnt place in but was still a very valuable learning experience for me in 2019).

I believe 2020 will be the year that I finish my epic fic - Mountain Song, babey!

Thank you, readers for sticking it out so long! I appreciate your support so much especially as I'm learning how to be a better writer day after day!

If you'd like to get to know the writer, then you can always follow me on tumblr! I'm beginning to do live messages of the story when I'm editing and what not so it could be fun! roserainnn

This chapter is dedicated to the song I Wanna - All American Rejects. As soon as I posted this fic that song popped right into my head so enjoy lol

Also dedicated to New Perspective - Panic at the Disco for the title... amongst other things lol. I'll let you decide which song aligns with each character the best lol! Serious high school throwbacks for me (:

Chapter 30

A New Perspective

Canary sat near the ocean's edge as the warm sunset gazed at her from beyond the gently splashing waves. The sun completely covered her eyes and flooded her face with the vibrant colors as she relaxed into the scene. Alluka and Connie laughed raucously in the water, while Tadaki sat beside her in equal silence./p

She looked towards the boy, who was growing much faster than she had ever expected, and she smiled. Tadaki had only been traveling with their rag tag crew for barely over three months now, but even now it felt like he belonged right there with them. She spoke to him in what she hoped was a motherly tone, considering the closest she's ever had to one was… Gotoh. /p

"So, how are you? I know it can't be easy leaving home for the first time." She spoke softly.

Canary noticed Tadaki breath out deeply in what seemed like a sigh of relief as he continued staring forward towards the warm horizon. "Actually, I feel okay. Sensei was worried about the same thing too, but now… I guess I just feel… free."

Canary squeezed his hand as the sunset's colors washed over him and a smile played across his face. She felt the oval stone clinging to her bare skin between her black bikini top and she sighed the same breath of relief with an even bigger smile.

"I know what you mean. Welcome home."

Canary was surprised as Tadaki replied instead with a solemn face and gently unraveled her hand before placing it onto the sand.

"I noticed you and Sensei have the same fear- Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

He rushed as he noticed Canary's shocked expression as he balled his fists into his swim trunks instead.

"Third Eye..." She whispered as she thoughtfully covered her chin.

"So, what do you think about it?" She continued easily with a playful smirk.

"What? Your fear? I don't know. I suppose he's scary… But y'know, I've never met him before…" He managed to blurt out before steadying his eyes on Canary with much more certainty.

"He must be a lot to scare you two."

Canary chuckled before sifting the sand between her fingertips. "He was a real handful when we were younger... I suppose we're just worried about him going too far again."

"He won't." Tadaki easily answered. "Connie, Nanika, and I have already vowed – we're not letting anything bad happen to Alluka. She'll never be alone again."

Canary noticed the determination set in his eyes like the millions of years of rock formation settling in the canyon they found him in. His gaze refused to be broken and she knew instantly that this was the face of someone who was willing to die for what they loved. Just like his brother.

Canary had also worn that expression far too many times to count. She would say she's closely related to that feeling now – the rising desire to protect the ones you love – to sacrifice everything for their safety. To be able to hold them and cherish them while they were alive. To die for them.

She tried not to imagine Killua giving her that same expression, his eyes piercing through her, and her heartrate elevating…

When she began to notice it, it surprised her. Then again and again, it continued to unsteady her like she was continuously losing balance on a thin tightrope before eventually falling into an endless pit full of desire, confusion, and stubborn loyalty.

The desire. It ate away at her fingertips late at night whenever they both thought Tadaki and Alluka were both fast asleep. Both of them burning for something they knew should have never existed in the first place. After six months, it had no intention of receding, only growing more confident the more days had passed.

Then second, the confusion came in waves. Quite literally, as most nights led them to the beach. Alone. Together. Alone too often in Canary's opinion. Alone with Killua spelled trouble, especially when words began to cease and she somehow found herself straddling his lap. The shadow of the desire they had for each other came creeping back on them. Should they? Shouldn't they? Most nights she would stop herself, but those days were coming few and far in between. Didn't she want to cherish these easy days with him? Would it be pushing things too far if they did? Their relationship was already moving so fast, intensely like a train racing off track. Yet, it felt normal to her; the life she had led until now had always felt intense. She knew he felt the same.

Then the stubborn loyalty that rocked throughout her body and sat next to her with a Cheshire grin after each time he'd have to pry them apart because of his promise to her. His stupid promise. His playfulness would shine through whenever he'd tell her 'I love you,' however rare, and at the most unexpected times because he knew how it made her feel; like she was missing a part of herself instead.

But that feeling again... the feeling to protect the ones you love no matter what, she never expected him to carry that feeling for her. She was supposed to be the one here to protect his little sister… to protect him.

It paralyzed her and made it so incredibly hard for her to see. The further it went on and the more she noticed it, surprisingly, the more it irritated her. She felt her inner fire burning in her eyes once more, threatening to break free, and clearing the fog. She couldn't hide it any longer. The longer it went on, the longer she fell into the pit with him, the hotter the fire grew inside her. No, it was like this all along; it was not his job to protect her. It was her job to protect him. Next time she would meet him with the same stare. Without guilt and just as unwavering as before. She would protect him.

She wondered how many more loved ones she would have to see wear that face now. Tadaki, Nanika, Connie, Es, Gon, Gotoh…

Alluka.

Her eyes shot straight to her bright-eyed pupil still laughing loudly with her friend. She knew she would do anything to protect that smile.

"Yeah, you're right about that."

"Hey, you think you can get away with holding hands with my girlfriend?" A familiar voice interjected. "I think today of all days it should be out of line."

Tadaki sneered as his white-haired sensei stood before him with a look that spelled trouble.

"So, what about it? Get away from me, Insecure Shockhead."

Killua shook his head before two huge super soakers appeared in his hands.

"Hey Canary, it's my birthday today isn't it?"

Canary casually flitted her eyelids and ignored Tadaki's betrayed stare.

"Yes."

The colorful bird perched on the younger boy's shoulder tilted it's head in confusion as the water guns pointed at the pair threateningly.

"Squawk!?"

"What a pain in the- Whoosh!"

Before Tadaki could respond, Killua sprayed him with a full face of salt water and was now being chased around by an angry teen covered in bird feathers.

The laughter threatening to spread across Canary all day finally broke free as their squabbles filled the evening air and the other two young girls laughed along with her.

- Later that night -

"So, Gon, have you finally found the answer yet – for your Nen?"

Killua asked amidst the cool night air. He laid flush against the roof of his family's train car and listened intently to his friend on the other end of the line. Gon was calling late for his birthday, mostly because of the thickness of the jungles on the Dark Continent which easily confused the most seasoned of travelers from day and night. They were lucky enough that their special Hunter phones were able to reach each other from across the globe, let alone tell each other what time of day it was. Gon told him that him and his father had been moving day and night, adding much more to the confusion. Killua was just glad to hear his friend's voice again.

Killua had been traveling with just Alluka for nearly two years, meanwhile Gon was holed away on Whale Island most likely studying and sneaking away to live in the forest on most days. He remembers the days they traveled together just like it was yesterday, but now that he was able to step back from the intensity of it all, he was glad to be in much more calming waters.

"My dad heard a rumor about a special fruit that can give the person who eats it immense power, though the negative effects of eating it are unknown and the last person who seemingly ate it died. We also have no clue if it will even revive my aura or not, but it's worth a shot."

Killua sighed heavily. He was now nineteen years old and Gon eighteen, but that certainly meant nothing in terms of his friend's maturity.

"Bakaaa. You can't just go around eating mystery fruit and hoping to get your aura back. Just be lucky you aren't dead now."

"I know." A suddenly stern voice answered back into the speaker. "But I feel like I've already atoned for what happened with… Neferpitou. I won't do it again. I just need a second chance. I never knew life would be so boring without Nen, y'know?"

Killua smirked at the end of his line, but knew on the inside, his friend was actually aching to fight again – to still be in the running – to be able to fully grasp adventure.

"Yeah, just be grateful you can't be detected now. I bet Ging wouldn't be too happy with you slowing him down."

"I s'ppose..." He answered shortly, which was all Killua had to hear to know it was the truth.

"Tell me more about your training. You said Tadaki wants to be a Gemstone Hunter like Bisky?"

"Yeah, though I've left that out for him to figure out on his own. I suspect my rude brat will get the wakeup call he's been looking for once we meet up with her again."

Killua and Gon laughed heartily into the headset, thoroughly remembering the harsh training she put them through in Greed Island and their Ren training before their trial run to enter the NGL. Gon paused thoughtfully amidst the laughter.

"Alluka, Connie, Tadaki, and Canary… I'll definitely see them soon."

Killua smiled knowingly and the swelling in his chest grew larger, the feeling of having his friends all together soon… nothing could beat that feeling.

Speaking of –

"Hey, have you heard from Kurapika lately? He's supposed to be on the continent, as well as Leorio."

"I haven't seen him. It seems his most recent job has left him with both hands tied. Leorio and I talk pretty frequently though."

"Yeah, Leorio messaged." Killua answered, though a twisting knot in his stomach began to form at the thought of Kurapika being tied up when he knew the spiders were also involved…

"Hopefully I'll hear from him soon."

"Yeah. Also, Killua," Gon began, which sparked immense curiosity in Killua due to his friend's teasing tone. "Got anything planned with Canary tonight?"

Killua felt his face heating up at the simple question and he suddenly became flustered.

"No! What? Maybe… We've already done something special!"

"Oh yeah, like what?"

Killua's mind drifted off to earlier that day…

The Hiro Troupe decided to throw a beach party for Killua to celebrate his birthday and their eventual leaving of the bright seaside town. He was enjoying a secluded lunch with Canary, when loud cries for help erupted in the ocean waters. They both shot up, but after realizing it wasn't either of their disciples, Canary decided to help out anyway when they realized the calls were about a shark threatening a small girl in the water.

Canary's birthday present was impulsive, last minute, and dangerous… He reimagined the saltwater mixing with shark's blood as it ran down her body and it made him shiver just thinking about it again. She handed him a large jagged shark's tooth and the crowd was none the wiser as the shark was suddenly whisked away and the little girl was once again safe in her parent's arms.

'Here. I couldn't find anything cool enough for you, so I guess this will do. Who knew a little girl would need saving today?'

She answered nonchalantly through a blinding smile. There weren't enough words to say, 'Nah, having a badass girlfriend is enough for me,' as he decided on kissing her instead.

"Something too badass to mention to you, baka." Killua answered his friend instead.

"Ah, so a home run then? I remember my first time…"

Killua deadpanned on the phone before flipping heavily against the roof. For someone who was too paralyzed to even move on from second base with his girlfriend, it somehow upset him that his friend could mention it so easily. He supposed he could take a few pointers…

"Hello… Hello?"

"How the hell are you closer to procreating than me!?"

"Killua, I already told you~," Gon began in a sing song voice. Killua nearly cringed at his voice, knowing that Gon has always been 'not as innocent as he looks,' and instantly regretted asking.

"A lot of female travelers get lonely when they come to Whale Island, so I take them out sometimes; things are still the same as always… though Palm san hasn't allowed me to do that since I came back…" he laughed nervously into the phone.

"So, it was Palm!? That cradle robbing lunatic! I knew she was insane!" Killua erupted as he shot up from the roof.

"Now, now, Killua…" Gon calmed from the other end of the line with a laugh caught in the back of his throat. "She's not that bad now that she's part Chimera Ant. She's actually very kind. And my family loves her!"

"Yeah, good fucking luck with that. Meanwhile, my family –"

Killua's voice suddenly became strained as he realized he's never actually said it out loud before. 'Meanwhile, my family wants to kill my girlfriend.'

"Killua," Gon began which made the white haired nineteen-year-old grimace even further. His freehand shielded his eyes as if to tell the moon, 'Hey, don't look at me. I'm just as ashamed as you are.' He… brought her into this. Though, he was at least willing to hear Gon's words.

"You have Canary. She helped a lot back then to save me from a death that I thought I deserved. She even risked her life for you back on Kukuroo Mountain when she let me pass your family's front gate. She lost Gotoh back then, both of you did, and yet she's still here. She's strong, Killua. There's no way they're coming after her. I swear it. I swear it on my life."

The pause in the line was long enough for Killua to cry into the headset. His tears ran silently, and he was thankful for Gon's equal silence.

"Thanks, Gon…" He muttered before wiping his eyes and taking a deep breath. After a shorter moment, he balled his fist and continued.

"I told her I loved her, and like an idiot, I half expected a reply. It's no wonder why she can't say it – my family is the worst. It's like I'm responsible for killing her."

"Killua, if you ask me, it's obvious how she feels about you. From the very first moment I met her, I knew Canary was in love with you. She might have been since the very beginning. Only you would know, but I do know she'd knock you silly for even thinking this way. You have to trust her."

Killua remembered Gon and Canary's first meeting. How she wouldn't let him pass no matter what, but after learning what he meant to him, she let him pass immediately. It wasn't until after the fact that he also learned that Gotoh had used her for bait and that his mother…

He honestly failed to see what Canary saw in him. Being involved with him only left her in an even worse state than living on Kukuroo Mountain. And to think he merely brushed her aside after that event like she wasn't even there. He supposed he was always a spoiled brat.

He was always in love with her, though back then it never had a name, just intense curiosity. From the very start when she defeated one hundred burglars and shown him her shadow step, he was trapped. She captivated his mind, and what drove him even crazier, was the fact that he couldn't have her. Not back then and not now. They were never friends, but always trapped in this hell together. He thought perhaps being an assassin is what drove his life to such dark depths.

The worst part is, he always knew she was in love with him too. Deep down, he never had a word for it, but he knew. Killua didn't watch too many movies, but he watched enough to understand what love was. And no, it wasn't whatever craziness his parents had together.

He used to watch her on guard duty and only loved going on missions just to be able to see her. It was only for a brief moment, but each time he'd pass the gate, their eyes would meet briefly, and in that quick moment, he noticed her heart skip just a fraction of a second faster before quickly correcting itself. She was a pro at control, he knew that; she had to be in order to survive Illumi… his mother. But she could never hide it from him. He already caught her red handed.

Even then, there weren't enough 'I love yous' in the world to convince him that he deserved her attention.

"I do. I trust her. I trust her more than I trust myself."

"Hey, I know what would cheer you up! Why don't you guys just have se-!"

Killua then quickly hung up his phone and flung it aside.

"Killua?"

Killua stiffened as he listened to his girlfriend's voice lift up from below him. His heart thudded against his chest as he realized she was climbing up to join him. The impure thoughts racing in his head against his better judgement, all thanks to his idiot friend, reared its ugly head at him once again.

"I thought I heard a loud noise." Canary answered again as she crept closer to him and sat beside him.

Her smile amongst the dazzling starlight's reminded him of their time in Odayakana together and she blinded him once more. He tried not to notice her smooth cleavage peeking from beneath her cami. He tried not to think of their first kiss happening on a night much like tonight. He tried not to think of how closely they were touching now, or how frequently her smiles were becoming. He tried not to imagine his open mouth on her -

"Yeah, it was just… me." He stumbled around clumsily as he tried not to take in her scent. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay. We're all nocturnal here anyway. I don't remember the last time I got a decent night's sleep…" Canary answered as she ran her fingers through her long hair.

Her neck was open and inviting as she tilted her chin back slightly and let the moonlight engulf her. The blueness of the night covered her chest and for a small moment, Killua believed she was doing all of this on purpose. The only thing stopping him from doing something reckless – was saying something rash instead.

"So, Gon was just telling me how in love you are with me."

"Oh, really now… Did he mention the part where I would die for you?" She asked cutely, though Killua knew it was far from a joke.

"Yeah. He did."

Canary hesitated before staring at him in a way only she could; straight into his very soul. It unnerved him sometimes, just how she could do that. It left him bare, but yet he continued to fly to her like a moth to a flame. However, it was most likely the other way around.

Killua shuddered as Canary's fingers dragged through his hair and pulled him into a deep kiss. His aura threatened to break free in tiny threads of static across his body as their tongues glided across each other.

He thought it would get easier as time passed, but now he could only view his opinion as some sick joke to himself. There was nothing easy about kissing Canary. She'd only grown more comfortable with him, and in the process, hooked onto him like a leech. He'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it. He'd be lying if he said he wanted her to stop. For a man who was desperately trying to hold onto his girlfriend's sanctity, she was making it incredibly hard.

It had only been one month since their 'talk' and Killua found it only left him freezing beneath her touch as she kissed his neck and her free hands grazed his chest. He'd let her control the pace since then. He'd never be able to forgive himself otherwise.

"Killua, touch me already." Canary moaned as she felt how rigid he was around her, but she knew it was futile. She knew it was because of the promise.

"I know you want more from me than what I can give you right now, Canary. I'm sorry."

"Killua…"

Canary froze as she remembered the night after her first performance. Many new fans of hers wanted an autograph, but luckily her boyfriend was light on his feet. After the curtain call, he whisked her away again only to pull her into one of the side curtains and whispered into her ear.

The cheering and flashing of photo bulbs erupted behind them as they entered their own little world and all she could hear was Killua's voice.

'Everything about before, I just want you to know I was kidding, alright? I promise I won't pressure you about it. Just tell me…say those three words when you think you're ready. Say-"

"I love you." He continued as Canary reentered present time and they were definitely not in the big top anymore.

"Say I love you, and I'm yours."

Canary clenched her jaw and stared fixedly at Killua as he remained unperturbed sitting beneath her. She felt a lump in her throat and her mouth suddenly became very dry.

His gaze softened as their foreheads met and Canary's usually strong gaze fell to her lap. She just kept envisioning herself at Gotoh's grave. Did she say it then or not? Would she ever say it?

"It's okay." Killua responded as his fingers traced her cheek. "We don't have to rush into things..."

"Killua, my whole life is just me rushing into things!" Canary suddenly erupted as her eyes met his again, blazing with intent. "Why is it so important that I say it? They're just words! You know how I feel and I could easily show you."

"Easy? The fact that my family wants to hurt you fills my mind every day now, Canary. As far as I'm concerned, I have no right to be touching you at all! Waiting for you to finally open up to me is the least I can do to spare me the guilt that my family wants to kill you! Do you understand that!?"

There was a silence that followed in the shaky after effects of Killua's words that finally pieced everything together. Even his face looked bewildered by the truth, meanwhile Canary stayed true to her resolve; she would continue loving Killua no matter what.

"Enough of that –" she began carefully, "I chose this life knowing full well what could happen to me and I have no regrets about it. You think I wanted to stay in Meteor City? You still don't know everything about me, Killua! I would rather spend a lifetime chasing after you rather than being deserted there. I was saved, not demoralized. I was given a chance to become stronger and I don't regret my decision! But that's in the past! What happened to fully cherishing this time we have together now? Are you just going to continue letting your family control us?"

The surprise in Killua's face was short lived as he began to understand what Gon meant about trust. Here he was claiming to have trusted Canary more than himself, yet he was only spilling a fraction of the truth. In reality, in holding himself back from her, he was not only turning his back on himself, but her as well. In truth, fully trusting Canary meant not giving a single fuck whatever his family thought.

"No. I'm not." He muttered through an even firmer resolve. "I'm sorry about my family, Canary. Let's just forget about them and focus on us, okay? Come what may, we can get through it together like we always have. I believe in us. And truthfully, as far as I'm concerned, you're more my family then they ever were. I just have to know I'm not rushing you into things. If they are just words, it should be easy then. Right?"

Canary fell silent as she felt his electric blue eyes prick her skin. She couldn't look into them. She couldn't look at the love of her life and tell him the reason she couldn't say it was because they had died long ago with Gotoh. Instead, she took his hand and smoothed her thumb over his hardened knuckles.

"I never got to tell him I loved him." She spoke softly. At first, the words grated on his ears, but after quickly realizing who she was referring to, his stare softened.

"He was the closest thing to a parent I ever had and… I let that moment slip away from me."

Canary felt Killua shift beneath her and she trembled when his hands brought her face up to meet his. His gaze was penetrating. She loved how one look from him could send an electric wave straight throughout her body.

His thumb stroked the side of her face and his voice was sure And steady. "Canary, he knows. Trust me. It's just like how everyone knew he loved you… Just… trust."

Suddenly, tears began springing in her eyes as Killua continued to gaze at her before calmly kissing each tear away. With each kiss and sob, she clung to him tighter and tighter before the only thing coming out were her quiet sniffles.

Killua's forehead met hers as her cries slowly subsided. He began stroking the sides of her face again.

"Killua, I – "

"Killua!"

His far flung phone suddenly erupted with Kurapika's face in holographic view, which was only enacted during real emergencies. Canary and Killua split apart from each other to watch the hologram seriously. Though if he was being honest, he hated the timing immensely.

"I have a mission for you!"

- End of Mountain Song Part 1 -

So this chappy got super watery (emotional) very quickly and I was fangirling the entire time I was writing it LOL.

Btw I fully support thot Gon and nothing can stop me. (Though I do think he'd always be respectful lol).

This chapter made me miss Alluka and the youngins so I think I'm going to start a chapter with them soon.

Overall, I'm just happy I decided against the vampire dialogue that came out of nowhere and edited it out lol.

I think I've discovered my true strength as a writer in developing emotional relationships with my characters. In no way am I perfect at it, but I'll continue developing that even more and show more special one on one times with them.

Thanks for reading!