Secret Between Two Ain't No Secret
Lapis' P.O.V.
A week. A fucking week goes by before someone finds out Peridot and I are dating!
I'm fucking stupid. I'm a fucking idiot.
Winter approaches. Thank goodness I always wear my sweater.
So it was a cool evening. Peridot and I were going to my house after school. We were holding hands, it wasn't hot as fuck, the sky was blue, it was beautiful. We got to my house, Jane was there. We went to my room. We started to do our homework while we had a lot of distractions.
It was all perfect.
School had been an average day. A bunch of boring sermons from my fucking Albert Einstein science teacher. But Peridot was there and he kept making stupid comments that almost made me burst out in tears.
I enjoy school now that we're together. It's kind of bearable now. But still, science is science. It is bad. It's BS. A nicer word for bullshit being bad science.
Speaking of bad science, another thought comes into mind(that has nothing to do with science by the way) about Peridot's career and searching interests.
"Peridot, I have a question. More like a couple actually," I start.
"A couple. Like you and me?" he asks grinning.
"Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm laughing," I say sarcastically.
"You know you love me," he says, leaning into me. His face a mere inch from mine.
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't," I say.
Peridot puts a hand on the side of my face. His thumb, under my jaw, the rest of his fingers extending into my hair. He presses his face against mine. His lips on my cheek, so close to my lips that I almost yearn for him to take the initiative as he always has. I long for one more kiss, as intense as the one I gave him almost two weeks ago. I almost hate myself for asking him to forget about it.
He kisses my face again and again until I forget what I was going to ask him at that beginning.
I think he got a little carried away. Why do you ask this? Because I don't know how he goes from kissing my cheek to giving me a hickey on my collarbone in less than twenty second seconds.
He kissed my cheek until his lips go to my jawbone. He put his hand on the back. Then his teeth are on my neck. There is a combination of very light biting and deep kissing. By that, my back is to my bed with Peridot over my body, his face doing inappropriate shit to my neck. I clutched his shoulder and start to squirm and moan. Mostly from pleasure, slightly from discomfort. Before I knew it, I unconsciously slipped the neck of my sweater down for his lips to go lower and end up on my collar bone. Of course, I wasn't thinking. It was just the heat of the moment. And there was a lot of heat.
I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and the blood running through my veins. My body trembles under his touch as his hand wandered from my back to my hip and from my hip, his hand trailed literally to my ass. Well, not literally. He just slips his hand in the back pocket of my jeans. But still.
I tremble, not just from his touch though. But because I become nervous too. After a moment of blacking out from the pleasure, my head starts to run scenarios where this could go wrong. I don't want this to go wrong. I want to be a normal girl for once. I want to feel normal. Is this normal?
I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be letting him. This is too far. But I don't want to stop either. I know I would stop him if things got out of hand, but why stop? I know why. I only accept it after I open my eyes, hear a phone vibrate, and hear a pop.
"Peridot!" I nearly yell. He seems to realize what he is doing and gets off of me. I jolt upwards and put a hand were his lips were. I lift my sweater up enough to see a purple bruise on my collarbone.
So, we both kind of got carried away.
I gasp and he leans in to see and I see his face of embarrassment yet filled with satisfaction and pleasure. I touch it and it doesn't really hurt, but it feels so fucking weird.
"What is that?" I ask even though I already know.
"That's, umm, a hickey," Peridot replies, "Sometimes referred to as a love bite,"
"How do I get rid of it?" I ask him.
"You can't. It'll eventually fade. Give it a couple of days," he says ever so calmly.
"How can you be so calm? If someone sees this, if my dad sees this, we're through!" I say. That seems to put him back into his senses. I put my head in my hands, "What did we do?"
Peridot takes my hands and makes me look up at him.
"Your sweater covers it up, Lazuli," he says.
"You've done this before, haven't you?" I ask which is kind of fucking stupid because why would I want to know if he's made out with other girls. I am not obsessive, but I am jealous if I have good reasons to be. He looks away almost embarrassed.
"Lazuli, I've kissed other girls, maybe, maybe, made out with a couple of them, but that doesn't mean they meant anything," he says rubbing my hands. That maybe sounded more like a yes.
That's why he's so calm. He's done this with other girls. I know I shouldn't be jealous, but I can't help it. So much rage and incompetence raise inside of me. There are so many other pretty girls out there. Girls that aren't insecure or afraid to let him touch them. But I am. I am insecure, I am afraid because I am traumatized. Because I was disgraced.
He seems to realize this and moves closer to me. He puts his right arm around my back and his left arm around the front part of me, his hand on my waist. I lay my head on his chest and put my hand on his bicep.
"Did you ever think we would meet again?" I ask in a low voice.
"I didn't know. I didn't even know if you still wanted to be my friend. Our communication was, you know, limited," he says. I don't say anything.
"You know, I fell in love with you. All those years ago" he tells me.
"You did?" I ask.
"Yeah. I wanted to tell you. But I wasn't sure because a lot of things going on," he says.
"You moved," I say.
"I didn't want to. But my dad left, and my mom remarried," he explains. I put my free hand on my neck feeling for any bruises.
"These last seven years I've been moving around everywhere," I start.
"After what happened, I lasted two years in school, until my secret got out and we moved. I was seeing a psychologist at the time. I was taking medicine and it was hard. I only had and a friend, but she's far. We don't speak much, but she's been the only one to not judge me," I say.
"I haven't judged you," he says.
"Marcy is different. She's a friend. A friend from years ago. You, you're different. You're my boyfriend," I say trying to explain. He puts a hand under my chin, his fingers caressing my neck. He lifts my face to see him. His right-hand squeezes my shoulder.
"I like that. I could get used to it," he says.
"Used to what?" I ask.
"You calling me your boyfriend. And thinking of you as my girlfriend," he says. I smile and then put my head on his chest again.
I hear his heartbeat. It's just a steady beat. I'm not criticizing his heartbeat or anything, but why does every cliche have that? That cliche phrase about heartbeats being something so beautiful when in truth all they are is involuntary muscle movement.
Yet still, it is soothing.
"Holy fucking shit!" Peridot and I separate and look at each other.
"Over here dumbass!" Jane leans on the bed next to my phone, her tongue out, panting. I grab my phone. The screen engulfed in saliva.
"Marcy," I say. She sits on the chair of her computer desk, her arms crossed, her mischievous grin just like Peridot's. Why did she have to call by face time?
"So, you two getting naughty?" she asks, her grin widening.
"It's not what it looks like!" I immediately say.
"Oh, it's definitely what it looks like and much more. So, you got your first hickey with this fucking good looking blond?" she asks eyeing Peridot. He waves. I turn to him and give him a look.
"Not helping!" I say.
"How did you do it? Hey!" she says looking at Peridot and starts waving.
"I get it your Marcy," Peridot says.
"And you're fucking hot," Marcy says.
"I am flattered," Peridot replies. My jealousy rises even though I know they're joking.
"Not helping!" I repeat. I turn back to my phone and look at Marcy, "Marcy, how much did you hear?"
"Oh, nothing. Just where you're like wait! And then Legally Blond over here is all like that's a hickey, or a love bite or whatever. And then how you start freaking out and then your small mental break down and that small heartwarming conversation," she says, "By the way. You two are boring! There should be more action!"
I blush hoping she doesn't mean what I think she means.
"Fuck you!" I say.
"Fuck you, bitch!" Marcy replies, of course, in a joking manner.
"How long have you two been dating?" she asks.
"We're not dating," I say hoping she won't ask more questions. But of course, this is real life, and that is Marcy.
"So, you guys are friends with rights? I like it! Lapis, I am so fucking proud of you, you bitch!" she says.
"What? No! We are not friends with rights!" I exclaim.
"I'm her boyfriend without rights," Peridot says.
"Damn! That's how she's keeping you? Lapis, that is Child Endangered," Marcy says.
"No, it's not. If anything, it's Animal Cruelty," I say.
"BURN!!!!!" Marcy yells as she starts laughing hysterically.
"Fuck. So I'm an animal?" Peridot asks.
"Yeah. Maybe you're a fucking parrot because all you seem to do is talk but you don't fucking understand!" I say. He doesn't seem offended. He just grins like the fucking hot smart ass idiot he is which is probably good because I don't want him to get mad at me.
"I like you, Lazuli," he says smiling. I can't help but smile while also blushing. I turn my head and try to suppress it.
"Fucking shit! Lapis, are you blushing?" Marcy asks.
"What? No!" I say which only makes me blush more.
I love Marcy. She's a great person. She is a great friend. She has a very big and very weird sense of humor. But sometimes, she can be a real bitch.
"Marcy, don't tell anyone," I finally say. She calms down and looks at me as if inspecting me.
"Your parents don't know? Not surprised. But what about a certain, you know, Alexander?" she asks in a sly manner.
"Who's Alexander?" Peridot asks, almost as if jealous at the sudden mention of a name that was never mentioned.
"He's La-" Marcy starts but I cut her off.
"He's an asshole! An asshole that has nothing to do with me!" I say as I stare at Marcy through my phone. Her eyes wander away as if she has done nothing wrong.
"What did he do?" Peridot asks raising an eyebrow.
"Nothing. He's just a fucking idiot player. He's the son of one of my mom's friends," I explain.
"A player, huh?" Peridot says suddenly going into thought. For a second I'm afraid he'll remember his thoughts of turning out like his dad. I hope it's just me, but I can't risk it.
"Why did you call? We need to go," I tell her.
"Oh, you know, just wanted to see how you and Jane were doing. And, maybe I'll call more often. Just to see Legally Blond here," she winks and Peridot returns the wink. I punch his bicep.
"Goodbye Marcy," I say firmly.
"What? No!" she complains.
"Goodbye," I repeat.
I hang up and sigh in relief.
"So now tell me, who is Alexander?" Peridot asks. I look at him, trying to read him, figure out whether he is jealous or just intrigued.
"No one," I respond. He moves closer and puts his arms around me. His chest is on my back and his arms around my waist.
"I gather he is someone only because your friend, Marcy, mentioned him," he says.
"Don't tell me you're jealous. Like, how the fuck could you be jealous of that guy?" I ask.
"I'm not jealous. I'm just protective over my girlfriend," he says.
"Ha. Ha. Ha. Like I need your protection," I sarcastically state.
"You may not need it, but admit it Lazuli, you want it,"
I ponder on that for a second. Then I ponder on ponder. What a funny word. It has the word pond in it.
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't," I say. My hand trails to the hickey on my collar bone, I press down and it hurts like an actual bruise.
"It fucking hurts," I say. Peridot's hand finds mine and he pulls the neck of my sweater down just enough for him to see.
"It does sometimes, but admit it, you liked it," he says. My face turns red. I did, but I'm not going to say that! I have dignity. I'm not going be like oh yeah I did like it, why don't we make out some more? Like, no. Absolutely not.
"You want to know why you're red? Because you did like it. Admit it, Lazuli. You enjoyed it just as much as I did," he says. His lips are next to my ear. He presses down on my hickey which makes me bite my lip. I close my eyes as I rest my head on his shoulder and he kisses my neck.
"You know," he says between kisses, "it's funny how you don't let me kiss you on your lips but you like it when I I give you a hickey," he says which should have made me snap out of it, but it just makes me frustrated with him.
"Shut the fuck up before I change my fucking mind," I say.
Things didn't escalate. It dies down eventually because my senses kick back into my brain but it seems Peridot's don't.
That was how one person found out. So much for no one finding out.
The Very Next Day
Lapis' P.O.V.
So, my parents didn't really notice the two hickies Peridot eventually gave me though I was oddly nervous around them. When my dad came into my room out of nowhere I literally screamed yet he still didn't notice the hickies.
The next day at rehearsals Peridot is off practicing a song with the male ensemble which just leaves me and a few other girls. Amethyst, Sapphire, and Ruby are also off with them because they have male roles. I think they're practicing the songs called Hurricane and A Winter's Ball and a couple more. They're doing them one after another without stopping. Scarlett is there too, sitting on a chair, a stand in front of her with a bunch of unreadable scribbles and notes and stuff, her fingers flying like crazy yet she still manages to stay calm and not get tired. I admire that. I don't think that I could do that.
I do my Social Studies homework in a pen while sitting next to Blue. It's basically just her and I and a couple of other girls who are scattered all around. Most are in groups, few are by themselves.
Blue talks to me about her problems with her boyfriend. How he's a little too into his work and ignores her. She tells me that Jamie takes hours to answer his phone because he's working on the musical. She talks about how they started dating and how their relationship has gone from there. She calls him a "fucking workaholic". Her words, not mine. Though I probably would have said the same things about Peridot if he were like Jamie. Maybe I would have even been a little bit meaner. Just a little bit.
I try to bring her spirits up and tell her to talk to him. I wanted to tell her to fuck it and that she deserves better, but how would that help? Maybe talking and letting her boyfriend know how she feels will make him come to his senses. I can't say having a boyfriend is a waste of time because I have a boyfriend too. I would be being hypocritical. Even though of course she doesn't know that, but still. I don't want to be responsible for her breaking her relationship with that guy. It's not really my problem either. I'm not them.
"But anyway, apart from that, I'm good. What about you?" she asks.
"I'm good. My grades suck, but I'd be surprised if they weren't," I respond.
She giggles.
"Isn't that the truth for every student?" she asks.
"Well yeah, except for scholars and those really nerdy people," I respond, "Like Peridot."
"Peridot?" she asks.
"Yeah. He has fucking good grades. He is a scholar," I say looking up at her.
"I didn't know that," she responded.
"Because it's a secret I just gave out so I would really appreciate it if you don't tell anyone. He didn't even want to show me," I say. I'm a klutz. I'm literally the worst girlfriend ever. Peridot has been very secretive with my stuff and I'm just giving his secrets out like a pack of punches during a fight.
"I'm guessing both of you are close," she says in an insinuating tone.
"What? No! I mean, we're friends," I say.
She looks at me as if trying to cut me in half with only her stare. I hope she believes me. I try to convince myself. She looks down on her notebook and then smiles.
"What's your name?" she asks. I find it a silly question but I answer regardless.
"Lapis Lazuli," I say.
"How old are you?" she asks.
"17,"
"What's your favorite color?"
"Blue,"
"Pets?"
"Dog,"
"Name of the dog?"
"Jane,"
"Role you're playing?"
"Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton,"
"What's the name of this musical?" she asks.
"Hamilton,"
"How many parents do you have?"
That is a very stupid question, yet I still answer, "Two"
"What's your best subject in school?"
"Social Studies,"
"What did you get on the US History regents?"
"100,"
"Your name?"
"Lapis Lazuli,"
"Age?"
"17,"
"How long have you and Peridot been dating?"
"Three weeks,"
I only realize what I've done when she looks at me, grinning, raising an eyebrow.
"Wait, I heard wrong. I thought you said something else," I say. Nice save, Lazuli.
"No, you didn't. But oh my fucking shit! You and Pe-" she starts literally screaming.
I put my hand in her bicep and give it a squeeze.
"Hey!" she says flinching.
"Shut up! Okay, look, it's true. But it's a secret!" I say.
"A secret relationship, huh?" she whispers while smiling like a maniac, "That is wise. My sister would freak out,"
Pearl. I've given that thought, but not too much. In the end, I've got things worth my time. Even if Peridot's relationship with me was not a secret, I wouldn't be afraid of her. Apart from her being obsessed with my boyfriend, she is just a real bitch.
"And it makes it all the more romantic!" she says, "Does anyone else know?"
I remember Marcy. Marcy, my best friend since I could remember. I couldn't ask for a better friend. Always cursing, always making jokes, always being there. I wonder if she has new friends. I wonder if she would ever replace me.
"No. Just you, and another friend of mine that doesn't live here," I tell her, "But, like, how did you know?"
She crosses her arms and gives me that look as if saying, really?
"Maybe it isn't obvious. You two are really good at hating each other. Well, you're good at hating him," she says.
"Yeah, well, he's easy to hate," I respond. She giggles and I'm happy she's distracted from her problems with her boyfriend.
"I absolutely love this!" she says.
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't love it so much," I say smiling.
"Whatever you say, future Mrs. Diamond," she whispers that last part but it is enough to make my face red. It's not from embarrassment though.
I've thought about our relationship, I've fantasized about futures where we elope to Australia for some odd reason, but I've never given thought to be Mrs. anything. It seems weird and strange, something so foreign it feels wrong. Not in a bad way, but it's strange thinking that if Peridot and I have a future together I'll eventually end up giving up my maiden name and taking his instead as my surname. Lapis Lazuli Diamond or Lapis Diamond. It doesn't really have any certain ring to it. It sounds odd.
I eventually get Blue to change the subject from my not so secret anymore relationship with Mr. Tomcat to talking shit about teachers. It's pretty much us complaining about what our teachers do and all that shit.
"And she always has that whining voice of hers and all. Yesterday, my friend had her head down because she was feeling a little sick and tired. And this bitch comes and is all like, lift your head, you're not the only one tired. Come on. And then she went on to say stuff like, oh my mom was going to pick up my son but not she can't because she has a toothache and then she was like and my husband can't pick him up and then I have a meeting and like what the fuck?" she says. I can relate.
"Like bitch, you're the one who chose to have kids! No one told you to go and have kids!" Blue complains about her English teacher as I listen and relate.
"That's true. And you know those teachers that are just like, whether I teach you or not, I still get paid, " I comment.
"Oh my gosh! They're so annoying!" Blue says.
"Yeah, " I respond.
We keep talking about teachers and tests and about how hard different subjects are. I complain about math and science. ELA and Social Studies are easy for me. Even though essays suck and take a fucking long time to write, they're not that hard and there are a couple that I am very proud of. Some essays I have written in my past, especially social studies essays and essays on discrimination, which make me sound like a smart ass.
Blue, on the other hand, complains solely about science and a little about Social Studies. For her, math isn't easy but it's not terribly hard as it is for me. She says science is hard because she doesn't know what the fuck is going on which basically me. Then she also explains how Social Studies is also a little hard for her. Blue tells me that memorizing dates and people's names and different things about different wars and religions is hard for her. Apparently, she isn't the best at memorizing. ELA is also easy for her. Blue says that essays are very easy for her to write. She and I are very much alike. In a couple of ways.
After I finish my Social Studies homework and finish the outline for my ELA essay we listen to the guys and girls around the pain sings and Jamie rant when someone does something wrong. We make sarcastic comments about everyone and the lyrics of the songs.
Blue tells me about other musicals. I find myself interested in said musicals. Of course, the only reason Blue knows and has seen these very costly musicals is because her boyfriend is a workaholic and a theatre geek. I'm sure that if she had a different boyfriend she wouldn't know so much about musicals and Broadway. I am more than sure that if she wasn't in a relationship with Jamie, she wouldn't even be in the school musical.
While she tells me about the meaning behind one of the songs, I doodle on a random piece of loose-leaf paper. Then I put my pen down and look up at her as she speaks.
I nod and agree with random statements though I am only half-listening which is kind of weird because I am really interested in history. Perhaps this, not a hundred percent accurate historically exaggerated musical based on an unfaithful and workaholic founding father who died in a duel at suicide stance will help me understand my american history better.
Or rather, why we're all so perverted and depressed.
If you think about it, history is almost as messed up as we are today. We have a lot in common. This Alexander Hamilton guy apparently shot into the sky knowing his nemesis would shoot and he would die. I would like an explanation on how the fuck our generation is mentally and emotionally better.
As I nod along to everything Blue says, I notice movement at the corner of my eye. And not the fucking messed up dances of all the guys around the piano, no. Something much more sinister and messed up.
It almost all happens in slow motion.
As Blue keeps speaking and I keep nodding, I look down on the folder which contains my lyrics packet for Act I and Act II. But on top of my folder is a horrendous sight. One of the most disgusting, scariest, and petrifying any being will see in their life.
First, my eyes widen and I paralyze. I can't move. I am completely petrified. Unable to move if it decides that I am either a threat or food and attacks. I try to think, but it is of no use. My heart hammers against my chest and starts to do paradiddles in my ears and fingertips.
Then my eyes shift searching for some sort of weapon or defensive shield if this creature decides to attack.
"Are you okay?" Blue says and it sounds as if she were saying it in slow motion. That's probably due to my fear. I should probably breathe.
I turn my eyes to Peridot's desk and out of instinct grab his folder. I raise it and make a whispered battle cry. Then I proceed to bring my boyfriend's folder down and striking down the dreadful monster.
Time seems to come back to its normal pace as Blue looks at me alarmed, so do a couple of boys around the piano though they don't seem to stop what they're doing to check on the crazy girl with a folder that does not belong to her.
"What are you doing?" Blue asks me a little bit startled by my sudden actions.
"Spider, " I whisper, my heartbeat still drumming in my ears and fingertips.
"You fucking scared me! Bruh. It was just on top of the desk, it wasn't even on your folder, " she says.
"Really bad move if you ask me, " I say. That spider wasn't wise at all. It should have considered its life choices before messing with me. It made really poor choices.
"Spiders are food for the environment. Besides, it was tiny, " Blue says.
I don't give a fucking shit about that! That spider was conspiring against me. It was going to attack. Besides, I don't want its ugly dirty feet on my stuff.
"That spider committed suicide by climbing onto my desk. It was depressed. I took it out of its misery, " I respond.
"Okay, " she says unsure. She then gestures to the folder in my hands, "Why his folder?"
I glance at Peridot's folder now having a tiny smudge of spider organs and blood.
"I don't want that shit in my stuff, " I say.
"Okay. Maybe you should put that down, Annabeth, " she says. I do. I try to wipe off the spider goo on my side of a desk and succeed waving only a tiny drop of blood on the folder.
Soon after, Jamie and his guy ensembles(with a couple of girls) and come back to sit down amongst the loyal wives.
I smile at myself. As if I were ever to be a fully dedicated housewife. No. Fuck that shit.
Peridot sits in his seat next to me. He puts his lyrics packet down as he opens his folded. He puts the lyrics packets inside, each in their respective places. I stare at him through the corner of my eye as he does so waiting to see if be will notice the grave of the suicidal spider on the back of his folder.
"Hey, Peridot, " Blue whispers.
"What's up?" he asks. Fuck.
"What's your name?" she asks. Fucking shit.
"Umm, Peridot Diamond, " he says unsure.
"Blue, " I say her name in hope that she will come to her senses and not make me look like a fool.
"How old are you?"
"19,"
"Brother's name?"
"Lucas, "
"Brother's nickname?"
"Luke, "
"Favorite color?"
"Green, "
"Do you have pets?"
"No, "
"What's your role?"
"Alexander Hamilton,"
"What color is your hair?"
"Blond, "
"What's the name of this musical?"
"Hamilton: An American Musical, "
"What's your last name?"
"Diamond, "
"Her eye color?" she points to me.
"Blue, "
"What's your mom's name?"
"Lesley Hillier, "
"What's your name?"
"Peridot Diamond, "
"Eye color?"
"Green, "
"How long have you and Lapis been dating?"
"We're not dating. Though of course I wouldn't mined, " he responds which leaves me wide-eyed as I smack myself in my face. All while he winks at me with that smirk.
"Dammit. It always works, " she says.
"Fucking shit, " I say with my hand covering half my face.
"She did the same thing to you, didn't she?" Peridot asks me. I nod.
"And she got you, didn't she?" he then asks. I nod again.
"So, she knows, " Peridot concluded. I nod. Again.
"I know, " Blue says.
"So much for keeping it a secret, " he says as he shrugs, "Might be better if we tell everyone right now, "
"No!" I turn to look at him, "Two people know. It's not the end of the world. No one else knows. Blue, this is a secret. You can't tell anyone, "
"Yes. Don't worry. The couple wants their privacy. I am a tomb, " she says. I blush.
"Thanks, " I say.
"Yeah, but everyone else will find out eventually, " Peridot says.
"Eventually. Not now, " I say. He shrugs his shoulders as he picks up his folder and then just turns it around for no apparent reason at all.
"What's that?" he asks. I turn to look at blue as I hold me head. She laughs silently while I try to suppress my smile even though I know it's disgusting.
"Oh, Lapis here had a small incident with a tiny spider, " Blue answers for me.
"I love you, Lazuli, " he whispers in a sarcastic tone though I know all the well it isn't sarcasm.
Blue smiles and I blush as I lower my head yet still look at him, "I said not in public, " I whisper.
"Too late, " he whispers.
I bring my hand up to him and stick my middle finger out.
"Fuck you, " I say.
"I love you more, " he whispers grinning.
I make an annoyed face even though I like it.
Hey!!!
How are all of you? Hope all of you had a great Holiday and a great New Year's if you celebrated it. Hope everyone is doing okay.
I have January Regents tests coming up so wish me luck with that, because let's me honest, I'm going to need it.
Anyway, I hope all of you have a nice night/day wherever you live!!