To you,
So, I found this drawing notebook today. Or, rather, Cole got one for me. He says he misses the way I used to draw all the time. Says he misses the little stories of ink I used to create. Quite frankly, I just think he wants to see me happy. Er.
I don't draw as much as I used to, if at all. I just...stopped, after everything.
But I still remember what he said to me, that day, in the tavern, when I was trying to draw that little finch, freezing in the cold.
I remember he told me that the spirits said 'Thank you.', because in drawing, I was...helping them, in a way. Helping them tell their stories through paper and ink. Maybe that's true, maybe it isn't. I don't know. But I do think it was their way of helping me.
-Oh, and, before I forget-I never did finish that finch drawing, by and by. I just...never saw the same one again. Or, at least, another of its kind to finish the drawing. So, I have my half finished drawing, tucked away in this drawing notebook so I don't lose it.
I don't want to finish it.
I want you to finish it.
My story is done, with ink, at least.
When I look back, at that day in the tavern, I realize how much I changed, how much I grew.
As I grew, so did Cole.
I used to be so scared, back then. Afraid of everything. Afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of risk.
Afraid of what was to come. Afraid of what came after death.
Afraid of love.
Even when I was-what others would call-brave-I wasn't.
I was so scared, even in those moments. Because bravery only means something when you're afraid of death.
Looking back, at all the things I learned about myself, I think the most I learned about, was learning to not be afraid.
That you can't change the past.
That you can survive, and topple that big, scary mountain that seemed too large to handle.
That it's okay to forgive yourself, because you didn't know any better.
That you're stronger than you think you are, no matter how scared you are.
Cole taught me so much, just by being my friend. My best friend, and more.
So, much more.
I used to feel guilty. So guilty, that I was developing feelings for him. I felt so ashamed, and guilty.
I didn't want that sweet boy to become...different. Corrupt. Like the others, I guess. Like Him, or the Templar.
Like I was afraid of making him more human would break him, and change the Cole that I loved.
But I was also afraid I would hurt him.
I heard a saying, once: That those that love the least, have the most power.
It was a saying I knew well, because I always loved the wrong men too much.
But in loving Cole, I learned that that saying doesn't always have to be true.
Because love is kind, and caring, and patient. Accepting flaws, and giving second chances, and spending time with someone just because you can.
Please, whoever finds this note, and reads it, please.
Do not be who I once was.
Because you are better than the mean words other people may call you, or even what you may call yourself.
Never let yourself fall for someone who does not love you the same amount.
I know how it feels. You become trapped, stuck, enclosed.
You become fearful of everyone that isn't them, but you also become fearful of the one you love.
And when you get hurt, or hit, or cut, you only feel guilt and shame, because you could have done something different to make the one you love not angry.
Don't blame yourself.
Never blame yourself.
Because you can do absolutely nothing wrong, and they can still find an excuse to hurt you.
I learned that the bad way, but I also learned that the good way.
Cole helped me a lot. I wish I could help him more, give more, but I don't know exactly how.
I'm not even sure if you're still reading this yet, or if you even care. I'm sorry. I'm not used to writing much. I guess I just don't want anyone else to go through what I have gone through.
If you have found this note, and are still reading it, I want you to keep this notebook.
Cole and I are going to leave Skyhold, before the babe is born.
Skyhold created so many horrible, yet wonderful memories, but it's time to move on.
Start a new chapter, one not made in ink.
I know I should be scared, of the future.
But I'm not. I'm happy, and excited!
Come what may, I will face the future without fear dictating my life!
No fear of demons, no fear of the Chantry, no fear of Templars and what else have you!
A new chapter awaits! A new life awaits! A new beginning awaits!
And now, as my story ends with this ink, I want you, dear reader, to continue with your own story.
Use this notebook for whatever you desire-writing, drawing, whatever you fancy. Or finish the seed eater drawing for me will you, or add onto it, little by little, as time goes on?
My story began-and will end-with this parchment and ink.
And with the same ink, your story will begin, and like me, before you, you will help the spirits weave and speak through your words.
You and I? We're bonded now, connected now. Your story is connected to mine, through the spirits that weave stories in the ink.
Treat the spirits well, and they will treat you well.
Perhaps, they will even whisper my stories to you, whilst you read this, hmmm?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Thank you for reading the tale of a foolish, foolish girl.
If the Maker is kind, perhaps you and I shall meet one day?
This is goodbye, for now, my friend.
Farewell, with love-
Solona