"Doctor MBenga, would you like to do the honors?" Jim said to the man next to him, wondering where his best friend had squirreled himself away to this time.

Geoffrey MBenga already had the electro-key to Shakeba's bio-bracelet in his hand.

"I'd be delighted, sir."

In a mere 30 seconds, the bracelet that had come to feel like an extension of her wrist slid off and Shakeba looked down at her bare arm.

"No more surveillance," Jim said with a smile and she looked up at him, a faint grin on her own face.

"And, fingers crossed, no more visits to med bay for a while," MBenga added, thinking silently that they'd probably see her sooner than later since she was working in engineering and those folks couldn't help but get themselves into one scrape after another.

For a moment, her smile wobbled. She would have no reason to stop by here anymore. Maybe that was for the best.

"Care for an official tour of the ship now that you're a free woman?" Jim asked, offering his arm to Shakeba with a twinkle in his eyes.

"How could I possibly refuse?" she replied, threading her own arm through his.

After an hour of walking through various parts of the Enterprise with the captain, listening to him point out different features, many of which she'd already grown familiar with during her almost six weeks on the ship, they finally ended up in a corridor she had never been down.

"Where are we going now?" she asked.

"You haven't been here yet?" Jim asked in return, giving her an incredulous look.

"No, I don't think so."

"Well, you're in for a treat. This is one of my favorite places."

"Better than the greenhouse?"

As anxious as she had been to visit the room which housed Sulu's carnivorous flowers, among other exotic plants, she'd been charmed by the conservatory. It was certainly not something she'd ever seen on a Klingon ship. Though that was the case with many of the luxuries aboard the Enterprise – like the recreation center, the holodeck – so much thought had gone into making the ship more than a vehicle for intimidation and fighting. And the whole thing was so bright. Shakeba wondered if it ever gave anyone else a headache, being in such bright lighting day after day. Coming from Klingons, who preferred things to be quite a bit darker, both on their ships and in their homes, the stark whiteness of the Enterprise had been an adjustment for Shakeba.

"Yeah, I like this better than the greenhouse," he replied and turned to face her so he could watch her reaction as they entered the next space.

The doors opened and Shakeba was confused at first. It was a dark room. What was so special about that? Did Jim somehow know she missed dark spaces? But as they walked further into it and her eyes adjusted, she realized what they were staring at.

The room was nothing but view screens out into space. The ship wasn't at warp so she could see all the stars around them, for as far as the eye could see.

"Welcome to the observation deck," Jim said as her eyes widened in wonder.

"It's so quiet," she replied, her view transfixed on the vastness of space surrounding them.

"Yeah, we're a long way from the engine room," Jim said, coming to a stop and turning so they could both stare out the screens.

It wasn't lost on Shakeba that while she was consumed by the view outside, Jim was staring at her. She knew, in the same way she knew when she entered a room where others had been talking about her, that Jim, for all his friendliness towards her, was still uncertain about how much he could trust her. She knew she was a puzzle to him and a part of her enjoyed the idea of keeping him guessing for as long as she could. Maybe she was still a little sore about how he'd caught her off-guard in that first interview while she was in the brig. Or maybe old habits died hard and the part of her that would never completely abandon her Klingon training savored making humans uncomfortable. It was hard to say.

"No wonder you love this," Shakeba breathed, feeling goosebumps break out on her arms. "I don't think I've ever really thought about what it's like, being out in space."

"It's easy to forget when we're at our stations or going about our daily tasks," he agreed. "Coming here reminds me of being a kid, watching the stars at night from my backyard and wanting nothing more than to explore them."

Shakeba finally tore her eyes away from the view and looked over at Jim.

"Where are you from?" she asked.

"Iowa," he answered and seeing her wrinkled brow, he clarified. "Pretty much the center of the New United States of America."

"What's it like – Earth?" she asked.

"Beautiful. Different than a lot of the places we visit out here. Earth has multiple climates – it's cold and icy in some places, warm desert in others. Lush forests, huge mountains, big cities, and wide, open spaces – there's a little bit for everyone."

"Do you miss it?"

"Probably not as much as I should."

"Think you'll go back there to live after the mission is over?"

Jim gave her a wry half-grin.

"Not sure I'll ever settle down long enough to call anyplace home. But if I do, Earth isn't a bad choice. What about you? What'll you do after the mission is over – if you stay for the rest of it?"

Shakeba thought about it.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I suppose I'll start on Earth and see where it goes from there."

Jim nodded and resumed looking out the view screen.

"Not a bad idea."

She knew it shouldn't bother her so much but it did.

Shakeba sighed upon hearing the doors to her quarters close tight behind her. Another day in Engineering, learning more about just what made the Enterprise run and she was tired. Exhausted in the best possible way – her mind was full of new information, new schematics to memorize and her muscles ached from crawling around the equipment, getting to know each part of the Engineering department on an intimate level. Scotty's enthusiasm for the ship was contagious and she loved exploring the belly of the ship with him – loved listening to him wax poetic about the nacelles and the innovations in dilithium processing that they'd come up with so that the ship could stay out in space for such a long mission. And, of course, she was delighted by his illegal distillery, along with all the other questionable methods and items he used to keep things running smoothly. The man was a genius and one of the kindest people she had ever met. Which was why she felt bad for feeling so morose.

Freedom had been attained! She could go anywhere on the ship. Though she was still wearing the black uniform, Jim assured her that his request to Starfleet was being processed and soon, she'd be a full-fledged Engineering ensign. Uhura and Christine met with her in the mess hall almost daily for meals, and when Janice wasn't taking care of "emergencies" in paperwork that Jim created for himself, she would join them as well. Carol and Gaila too. For the first time in years, she had a group of female friends.

She had everything she could possibly want at the moment, save one thing – one man. And, of course, he was the thing she kept dwelling on. Try as she might, Shakeba couldn't stop thinking about Leonard McCoy. During the day, she remembered how he turned away when Jim brought her into med bay after the attack. At night, she dreamt about all the ways they had pleased each other on Celos-D42.

Shakeba didn't know if she loved or hated the stubborn doctor. And it wasn't like she was going to ask anyone for advice. During her sessions with the ship's counselor, Bexolus, she spoke frankly about her life with the Klingons, what had happened on Celos-D42 in terms of watching her brother and father die and then killing her former partner. But as honest as she had been with Counselor Bexolus, she had omitted almost all mention of Doctor McCoy. And when they asked her about him specifically, she mentioned nothing about the trysts. As far as Shakeba was concerned, the nights she'd spent with Doctor McCoy had nothing to do with her healing and adjustment processes. Those nights belonged to her and McCoy and no one else. Because the small group of people who knew or suspected something more than friendship was brewing between her and the good doctor had remained scrupulously quiet (and what a struggle it had been for Janice to refrain from snooping and for Gaila to not ask about the sex), Shakeba could pretend no one really knew what was happening (or wasn't happening). She didn't have to worry about saving face to her friends. Which should have been enough to keep her happy. So why was she feeling so low?

The source of her sadness was her own heart. She missed the cranky doctor. Missed fighting with him – really missed making up with him. And as fearless as she had proven herself these past few years when it came to situations of physical harm, she was petrified of confronting Leonard and finding out that her worst fears were true – that he couldn't forgive her for betraying him to the Klingons, even if it had been an act. That he didn't want her in his life. And so, now that she was free and able to roam as she pleased on the ship, she still returned to her room at the end of each day and felt a pang of sadness so tight in her chest that she wondered if the despondency had congealed into a new organ, nestled between her lungs. Would it ever go away?