Stockbridge

How long had it been?

How long had it been since I'd seen her? Since I'd had seen that stunning gaze of hers…

People loved to compliment my eyes yet seemed to forget that my sister's were far more alluring in my opinion. Vienna had always been a head turner and God only knows what would've been her fate had her illness hadn't consumed her. She had the capabilities of being 'normal', but she rather be unhinged, volatile, and unpredictable than stable and carefully monitored for the rest of her life.

That was something she was not, a conformist. She was a seeker and maker of her own happiness and destiny, and she'd risk it all just to be happy and free.

Besides what my mother thought, what the rest of the world thought, I was hurting deep and burning raw on the inside at the thought of having my sister so far away from me. We had shared a womb at one point, been each other's confidant, partner in crime for it to end the way it did.

I would sit and watch my boys interact with each other, the way they would understand each other, conversate, and empathize without the need of exchanging a single word and I would smile, reminiscing the time shared as such with Vienna. Even with all this time apart, I could still feel her in my bones. Her sadness was mine, her mania was my anxiety, and her calm was my happiness. We would forever be linked to each other, no matter how many miles or how many worlds you could put between the both of us she and I would always be one.

I sighed, recognizing the winding road that would take us to the facility where my sister had taken residence at my insistence. One of the best places the northeast could offer and the only place I would agree for her to be at. My parents had insisted on a facility nearer to home, my mother had fought me for her to be in her care, and yet, it was still my decision to send her away, almost two hundred miles away. It was for her safety, for her wellbeing, and my peace of mind. I knew I wasn't going to be able to function if I knew she was only a couple of blocks away. It had to be fair for her as well as for me, so this was the most viable option for the both of us.

Olivia delivered a squeeze to my thigh and I turned, watching the concern etch her brow. "I'm nervous," I admitted, grabbing and placing her hand over my heart. "Why am I so nervous?"

"Baby," she shook her head, "the last time you saw her was almost six years ago."

I leaned back, feeling my heart clench at the sound of how long it had been since Vienna and I had been in a room together. I held on to Olivia's hand over my chest, "I don't think I can do this, Liv."

I was sounding out of breath and she squeezed my fingers, "Take a deep breath for me, Victoria. You're working yourself up there." I did as my wife bid me to and I could hear the shakiness of my own breaths, "Tori, we're almost there. If you really want me to turn around I will do so."

I shook my head, nearly gulping at the sudden anxious behavior that had taken over me, "No, no, no. I have to do this, Liv."

"No, you don't, Victoria. You want to do this, which is different."

"I won't argue semantics with you, Olivia. I get it, you're not happy about this, but can you at least pretend that you're here for me," I released her hand, feeling it drop with a soft smack on my lap.

She sighed, taking her hand back to maneuver the steering wheel down the road that would direct us to my sister's hospital. Of course she'd disagreed and had damn near thrown a fit once she found out my decision of coming to visit Vienna.

I admit, I had… sprung this on Olivia, but we'd had conversations about it over the years and though apprehensive, she understood where I was coming from. At one point it had been like her and Simon. She didn't need to do it, yet she chose to agree and sit down with him for the sake of her own sanity and to maybe give the kids a chance of a more completed family. Of course, that was still a touchy subject for her—and a hit below the belt if I chose to bring it up.

It was a gravelly road that housed the parking spaces for visitors at the hospital. You had to call in advance in order to allow for the patient to adjust and acclimate to the idea of sitting down with you. Since Vienna was on heavy cocktail of medications to control her mania, the slight PTSD of her condition, the depression, the bipolar disorder, and her somewhat schizophrenic tendencies it had been let known that she had taken the news well. She wasn't ecstatic to see me, but she wouldn't turn the idea of it either. She was fully functional once under control, it was when she started declining her medication that shit hit the fan.

Once Olivia parked, I hopped off of the SUV, waiting for my wife to circulate the car in order to walk up together. "Hey," she said, grabbing my arm. "I'm sorry. I just—"

I placed my hand in hers, effectively silencing her. "I get it, Liv, all right? I get it. I wouldn't want you here if tables were reversed, but there's this hole in my soul and I need to do something about it," I was winded, being here, so close to my sister. "I can't continue on like this, Olivia."

She pushed into me, framing my face with her hands. I could feel her soft breath against my mouth and nose when I closed my eyes, letting myself feel Olivia around me, "I get it, Tori. I get it, but you're my priority. Your safety is my concern."

I nodded, feeling her lips on my forehead, "Thank you."

"Come on," she said, stepping back, and allowing me to tug behind her.

Olivia had left her gun in the glove compartment in the SUV, but had brought her Captain's shield with her. We had left virtually every single one of our belongings in the car, truly not needing any of them.

I'd been told that it was better to tie my hair back, up on my crown or braid it before being allowed through the doors of the facility. I slipped Olivia the several pictures I had brought with me of the kids, her, and I to show Vienna to quickly braid my hair over my shoulder. Olivia's short hair wouldn't be a problem and as she returned the several stills, the nurse behind the counter asked for our wrists. We were slipped mint colored bracelets that read visitor in block letters. They had our names and the name of the person we were here to see. The bracelet had a barcode that would allow us to give us access to certain areas in the facility.

We were directed through a hall and then to the left where we were to wait for an orderly to bring Vienna and it would be up to her where we would go and what we would do. This was her neutral space and I was at her mercy and would play by her rules. The day reflected all the emotions I'd been going through. It was chilly, cloudy, and foggy and through one of the windows of the room I could see the open yard, filled with green and several fountains. I stood in front of the window, gently thumbing the photographs in my hands. Everything was so sterile… I hated somber surroundings. I could feel my anxiety building and this place did nothing but encourage the tendency of feeling nervous.

I felt hands surround my waist and gentle lips on my shoulder and I relaxed into Olivia's embrace, "Breathe, Victoria. Breathe."

But, how could I breathe when I was seconds away from landing eyes on someone that now had become a complete and total stranger? Then I saw something in the distance, or rather someone.

It was Vienna.

The lively volcano that was my sister walked poised next to the orderly that was escorting her through the grass. I swallowed hard, glancing at my reflection against the window when I felt a tug on my arm. Olivia swiped her wrist over a black box next to the door that led to the outside. I carefully stepped down the steps and walked with my hand in Olivia's. The fog teased and lingered on the wet grass, making my even nervous self, more nervous than before. As I stepped outside and Vienna came closer, I could see a soft glint in her eyes.

"Hey Toots," she said with a smile. "I see you brought back up."

I glanced back at Olivia, whom still held on to my fingers, but was a step behind me. I smiled at the term of endearment, "No, no back up. Just you and me."

Vienna raised her brow, smirking in the process, but turned halfway to meet the eyes of the orderly that had escorted her up to this point. I squeezed Olivia's fingers, looking at her over my shoulder and saw her smile and give a nod, tilting her head sideways to tell me that she'd be around in her own way. The orderly stayed with Olivia and as Vienna turned to lead us to a nearby path that circled the yard, I could feel my heart galloping in my chest.

"You're nervous, Toots. Relax, I've been heavily dosed," she quipped, leaning to my side.

I chuckled, placing my hand on my forehead. "Uh, yea, yea," I cleared my throat, attempting to find the right words to face my sister with. "I've been nervous since this morning."

"Why?"

"It's been six years, Vi. I—I—the guilt has been eating me up…"

She snickered. "You and your bleeding heart," she mused with a shake of her head. "I know what I did to you, how much pain I caused our parents, yet you're the one that feels guilty? Can't relate."

I was a little taken aback from her comment, but this was Vienna: cocky and grandiose, and for a minute there, I was… relieved that she truly was doing ok. I worried my bottom lip as we slowly walked the path. She had her hands inside her zip up pockets, her hair tickled her cheeks as the wind blew, and her pouty lips were curved into a smirk. We'd grown up with the same face and to this day, I never got tired of staring at hers.

"You're doing that thing you used to do when we were little, Tori."

I smiled, waiting for her to turn and face me when I nodded, "You remembered."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Of course I remember," she furrowed her brow in confusion. "It was like you were fascinated at our beauty or something."

"Our beauty?" I smirked.

She scoffed, "Fishing for compliments, eh? We have the same face, Victoria, por favor."

I shrugged, glancing forward to find Olivia laughing with the orderly, "I just always thought you thought you were better than me."

"Still am," she said, knocking her elbow with mine. "I'm a realist."

"Ah," I mused with a nod.

We fell silent once more. I wasn't going to force our interaction. Our pauses felt heavy on me yet there was still the calming aura between the both us, "What do you have there?"

"Huh?" she pointed at my hand by tilting her chin and I glanced down, noting the picture in my hands. "Oh, I wanted to show you your niece and nephews."

"Ooh, plural," I handed her the pictures and she smiled at them. She held up a picture of Cassidy with Noah and one of the boys, "How old are they?"

I smiled, "The redhead, Cassidy is thirteen. Noah, the blue-eyed boy is eleven. And, the brown-eyed boy is Hunter and four."

She flipped to the next picture; one with Hunter and Hudson laughing at a whip cream covered Olivia. She raised her brows, "The cop again?"

I smiled sheepishly, "She's my wife. Her name is Olivia."

"You married her?" I nodded. "And, you have twins?" she smiled at this, running the pads of her fingers over their glossy faces.

"She makes me happy, Vi," I smiled at her when she turned the pictures in her hand, drawing my attention back to the photograph. "Yes, Hunter and Hudson. Hudson is the one with the grey eyes."

"They have the same face, too."

"That they do," I bit my lip.

Vienna suddenly seemed a little somber and then she flipped to the next picture. It was a picture of me with Levi. My lips were on his chunky cheek and his face was twisted into the most beautiful grin, "He looks like… Olivia."

"Levi, he's our newborn," I explained, watching her smile. "A lot of people seem to think so."

"Is he hers?"

I shook my head, "Biologically, no. We went with a donor that resembled her mom."

Vienna hummed, flipping to the last picture. It was a gag picture at our last family portrait session. Olivia and I were sitting on the ground, our lips pressed together whilst Hudson pouted on Olivia's lap. Hunter sat on my lap, yawning and Levi was propped against our knees, crying. Noah stood behind Olivia, sticking his tongue out at Cassidy whom stood behind me with her arms crossed, and a scowl on her face. All the kids' reactions were entirely genuine and the photographer had asked us to kiss in order to make it a gag photograph. That picture had ended up being our Christmas card and was now displayed above our bed, and in our offices. It was hilarious, and I couldn't love it more.

Vienna snickered, "May I keep this one?"

I nodded, "You may keep all of them. They're for you."

"Thanks," she said, tucking her hands and the photographs in her front pocket. We continued to walk in silence before stepping onto the grass and approaching the two-tier fountain that was on display.

I eyed her curiously, following behind, and watching as she sat on the rounding border, folding over to undo her shoes. She turned around and dunked her feet in; she shivered, turning to look over her shoulder at me. She had mischievous smile on her face, and automatically I knew, she was up to no good. I glanced around, waiting for any of the staff members to come and reprimand her, but everyone just kept moving about. I shook my head and approached her, folding my legs underneath myself as I sat.

I watched her wiggle her toes on the shallow water, the bottom cuff of her jeans staining a little darker from the water touching its seams. She splashed with her feet, holding her upper body with her arms at her sides. She looked up at the sky with a smile and I could see the peachy fuzz of her face stand at attention. The day was heavily cloudy, only grey skies above and fog at our feet. It was chilly out, so her having her feet in the water that was undoubtedly cold came as a surprise.

"It allows me to feel," she conceded, resting her cheek on shoulder. "The medication… numbs me some times, and this, allows me to feel."

I hung my head, biting my lip, "Vienna—"

She said in hushed tones, leaning towards me, "I hate you. I hate you for doing this to me."

I looked back at her, worried that somehow I had triggered her, but she was still with me. This was still Vienna, the same active volcano I'd grew up with. "Vienna, I'm your sister," I replied.

We looked at each other fiercely, icy grey against shining yellowing. So much raw emotion, so many things to be said, so much guilt and regret… but love, besides it all, there was still love between us. Even after Vienna did what she did to me when we were teens, even after being forced away, after living a life that wasn't mine, after the kidnapping, and the torturing, and the near death, I still loved her with every fiber of my being. What I had with Vienna, I would never find with anyone else. No matter how hard I looked and how far I searched, Vienna's and I connection would be something irreplaceable.

Eventually, I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," I began apologetically, "but I don't feel the same way, and I never will. I just… don't hate you, Vienna."

Vienna looked angry, her emotions raw and bubbling at the surface. She turned her head, placing her chin on her shoulder instead, "Why the hell not?"

I shrugged, "I am you."

I watched as Vienna's eyes watered and I smiled softly. "After everything I did, you still don't hate me?" she sniffled, shifting forward to run her fingertips underneath her eyes.

"Why would I fault a dog for barking or a cat for purring?" she rolled her eyes and I tittered. "You can hate me all you want, Vienna Carolina, but that doesn't change anything."

"Why are you here? Why did you come?"

"I came here, because I miss you. I came here because for some twisted reason, I feel guilty. I came here because our mother blames me—"

"Ah, so this is about Mom?" she interrupted with a smirk.

"I haven't seen or spoken to either Mom or Dad since the day I gave birth to Levi."

"Why? What happened? You were always Papa's favorite."

I shook my head, looking down at my hands, and up at her inquiring face. "Mom insulted Hunter and I flipped. I was pregnant with Levi and I guess the exertion, the stress of the pregnancy prior to that just sent me into early labor and it detached my placenta," I looked away, trying to find Olivia when I spotted her sitting down next to the orderly, carefully keeping an eye on us. "Levi's deaf because of lack of oxygen to his brain, Vi. And, I blame Mom for it."

"Mom could never stand not be the center of attention, Tori. It's why her and I get along so well, because I'm the same."

I scoffed, throwing the braid over my shoulder, "You can say that again…"

I had my head hung, my fingers tracing the pattern of the stone when she grabbed my hand; "I hate you for doing this to me. This isn't life, Victorina."

"Vienna—"

"But, I get it. This," she said looking around, "this is my life sentence."

She squeezed my fingers in her hand, smiling softly at my face when she scooted closer to me. I could feel her cold hands against the warmth of my cheeks when she leaned her forehead against mine. I shivered, feeling the coldness of her body react against the warmth of mine. She tipped her chin, placing her lips against my forehead and once her forehead rested against mine, I did the same.

It felt hours sitting like this, her body never warming up against the warmth of mine when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at Olivia, smiling down at me when I noticed the orderly behind her. Vienna sighed, taking her feet out of the water and pressing them against the grass.

She stood, "It's quiet time."

"Right," I conceded, standing next to my wife. "Listen, Vienna—"

"Thank you for coming today, Toots, and thank you for these," she said, patting the front pocket of her zip up. "It was nice seeing you," she smiled, taking a step backwards. "Take care of her, Olivia, and don't let her come back here."

"What?"

"Bye Tori, and remember to breathe, stupid!" she finished, turning on her heel, and walking towards the building.

"She—She doesn't want me back," I shakily asked Olivia. "Why doesn't she want me back?"

Olivia pulled me into her embrace, cupping my head against her neck, and pressing a kiss to my hair. "She knows you more than anyone else, Tori. You've even said that before," Olivia rested her head against mine. "Listen to her."

I sighed heavily, feeling a giant pressure on my chest. I'd heard her when she'd said to breathe and I figured then that I had barely taken air to my lungs. The orderly cleared his throat, breaking Olivia and I from our little bubble, when he knelt to pick up Vienna's shoes. He directed us back to the building where we scan the bracelets in order to gain access through the doors.

Maybe this is what we both needed: closure. We'd spent so much time hating each other, so much time hiding from the other, and when we were finally underneath the same roof, she had almost murdered me. I'd been able to apologize, and in her own way, she'd apologized as well.

I could still feel myself breathing raggedly that I could barely remember leaving Stockbridge behind me, but I left knowing that she was well cared for. That maybe she wasn't happy, but was as happy as she could be considering being in a place like this. She'd seem genuinely happy at the knowledge of her niece and nephews, and she'd seem to enjoy my company for a little bit. I sighed, leaning on Olivia as we reached our car, not even a glass of wine could calm my nerves tonight.

A/N: When I make reference to Vienna's yellow eyes, think Hilary Duff's eyes. They're light brown, but they look near yellow. Thank you for reading, and review! :)