A/N: Weird time for me to update, I know. Don't ask. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And, Ariana - I loved the video, thanks so much.
Killing inferi wasn't that hard in theory. Being creatures of darkness, they feared light and warmth. Easy, Regulus had thought - until he'd read up on them.
He had thought that life, in all its youthful radiance, was bound to face death like a rocket a house of cards. But death was not at a disadvantage - on the contrary. Death was an immobile force for it had time on its side; death was patient, death waited until life entered its realm because it knew that nature dictated that all life would eventually bow to it.
No, killing the death wasn't what they should be concerned about. It was raising the dead, bringing them back to life which was the real issue.
"Technically, we're not killing them anyway as they're already dead," James said dismissively when Regulus brought the issue up.
Regulus wanted to say that technically, James was pretty much brainless, but he decided against it.
Mrs. Potter gave her son a serious look across the living room. "The fact that they are undead makes them resistant to most spells. They can't feel pain."
"So we can rule out any spells that cause pain," Lily concluded.
Mrs. Potter nodded. "Exactly. Most curses that work on humans don't work on the dead."
Regulus slouched deeper into his armchair. There were definitely too many Gryffindors present for his liking. The Potters and James a.k.a. the nuisance, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and the girlfriends. Sirius had said that they all had to come because this was the first mission of the Junior Order. Yet, instead of discussing this like the adults they claimed they were, they - and especially James - approached it more like one of their regular adventures at school, joking and laughing and drifting off topic far too often, much to Mr. Potter's frustration.
James sighed. "I don't get why we can't just go to that cave and get it over with. We're six capable wizards, how hard can it be?"
"Seven."
James glanced at Regulus, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. "Fine. Six and a quarter."
"James," Mrs. Potter said, shaking her head.
"What? I said capable and frankly, he's anything but capable at the moment. I don't get why he's coming with us in the first place. I'm not gonna babysit him."
"You couldn't babysit a sloth, that's how short your attention span is," Sirius laughed. "And he's not gonna be involved in any fighting anyway, am I right, Reggie?"
Regulus nodded wordlessly, clenching his teeth. He hated it when Sirius called him Reggie in public like he was some snot-nosed five-year-old. The others all called each other by those nonsensical nicknames that were related to their animagus forms but that was still better than being stuck with a name that screamed 'baby brother tug-along'.
"Have you all considered that there might be more than one inferius sitting in that cave?" Remus asked.
"Yeah. Like in 1899, Gellert Grindelwald sought to create an entire army of inferi," Regulus recited what they should all have learned during their fourth year in History of Magic when they'd discussed the events that lead to the Great Wizarding War. He was grateful that Remus steered the conversation away from him and back to what was important.
James yawned loudly, crossed his arms behind his head as he leaned back into the sofa's cushions. "So what? He failed, did he not?"
Regulus watched Mr. Potter's face darken at his son's words but the man chose to stay silent. He hadn't yet directed a single word at his son and his stern looks were ignored by James or countered with indifferent ones.
"Doesn't mean that the Dark Lord also failed," Remus remarked.
"Didn't Crouchy give any more details on that? Or maybe you forgot to ask him?"
Regulus forced himself to keep his voice calm and his face void of any expression. "He wasn't there himself. He only knows about the cave because his house-elf told him."
"His house-elf?" James laughed out loud. "And I thought he was higher in You-Know-Who's ranks than a bloody elf. Don't know why I'm surprised."
"Elves shouldn't be underestimated, James," Lily said with a frown, "just because they don't beat your arse doesn't mean they can't."
Snickering from Sirius and Peter. Even Mrs. Potter's eyes crinkled with amusement.
James frowned, apparently not liking being made the butt of the joke. "I don't underestimate them, Lils. I overestimated Crouch."
Regulus knew that those were all pointed remarks directed at him like an array of needles, intending to get a rise out of him. He wasn't going to give James what he wanted. Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched Mr. Potter's expression turned more and more serious, a stark line forming between the man's brows. James' comments wore off the man's patience, Regulus watched him glare at his son and decided to lean back and enjoy the show. And indeed, as the conversation went on, even Mrs. Potter picked up on her husband's bottled up anger, cast worried glances in his direction while doing her best to reign James back in so her husband wouldn't have to. Regulus decided that it would be more satisfying to watch James make a fool of himself and dig his hole, Mr. Potter would deal with him soon enough.
When Regulus went into the kitchen to get himself some more tea and have a short break from the horde of Gryffindors for a just minute, Mrs. Potter followed him.
"There's something I want to give to you before you leave," she said, reaching into the pocket of her skirt. She produced a sheathed dagger with an ornamented wooden handle. Pushing the sheath back an inch, she revealed a polished silver blade. "I don't want you to get involved in any fighting, however, I need you to be able to defend yourself. Take it for my sake, so I won't have to worry as much." She gave a nervous smile.
Regulus hesitated before taking the dagger. He felt a very strong urge to run his thumb along the edge of the blade to see how sharp it was, see if he would even feel it drawing blood.
"Be careful not to touch it," Mrs. Potter said and Regulus wondered if he'd spoken his thoughts out loud. "It's magical, love. I put a spell on it that will cause the blade to heat up as soon as it comes in contact with flesh. It should slice through the flesh and bone of an inferius as though it were going through butter."
"Sirius probably won't like that," Regulus mused, "he wants to be the hero in this, you know." A grin formed on his face as he sheathed the blade. "Thank you."
"Don't mistake this for a prompt to join the action," Mrs. Potter added quickly, "this is merely for your protection. I do not want to hear about you using it for anything else." She sounded a little sterner now but even that couldn't quite wipe the grin from Regulus' face.
"Yes, Ma'am."
Regulus had just tucked the dagger into the waistband of his trousers and draped his shirt over it when Mr. Potter entered the room. The man looked livid.
"That boy is going to be the death of me," he growled in a low voice. He didn't have to name the boy, they all knew he was referring to James.
Mrs. Potter sighed. She put a hand on her husband's shoulder. "I know you are worried."
"The blatant disrespect of him," Mr. Potter went on, "he thinks that now that he's off age he can do as he pleases. I'm telling you, one more cheeky remark and I'm taking him to the study, I don't care how old he is."
"Take a deep breath, Fleamont," Mrs. Potter said. "What did he do now?"
"It's not about what he does, it's his entire attitude! He treats me like air! He won't even acknowledge me."
Mrs. Potter raised her eyebrows. "As I have told you several times already, you need to talk it out. This can't go on forever. And so far, you haven't been any more of an adult than he has."
Mr. Potter glanced at Regulus, tugging at his shirt collar. Regulus had trouble keeping a straight face; he really couldn't wait for this volcano to erupt.
"Why don't you join the others, love," Mrs. Potter advised Regulus. She handed him a bowl filled with shortbread and chocolate fingers. "Take this with you."
It was still bright outside when they gathered at the front door, late afternoon light filtering through puffy clouds that looked like whipped cream. The sun would set in roughly an hour and Sirius was pressing for them to leave, not wanting to arrive at the cave past nightfall.
Mrs. Potter gave each Sirius, James, and Regulus a tight hug. "Look out for each other, boys. And remember - light and fire."
Mr. Potter cleared his throat. "Sirius," the man began.
Sirius turned, tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. "Yeah?"
"Be careful, son."
Sirius smiled. "I will."
"Look out for your brother."
Sirius straightened up automatically. "Yes, Sir."
Mr. Potter's eyes shifted to James, who was standing in the door, having stopped as well at the sound of his father's voice. "You be careful too, James," Mr. Potter said in a lower voice.
James nodded curtly, a flash of emotion crossing his features. He turned away quickly, let the door fall shut, cutting off a gust of cool wintry air that pushed into the house.
Mr. Potter looked after James, watched his son through the door's opal glass panes as he stood quietly for a moment and then walked down the front yard towards the others, his feet brushing through a thin layer of old snow, his footprints revealing remnants of winter debris, dead leaves that had fallen over the past four months and slowly decayed beneath a frozen blanket of snow.
Sirius turned to Regulus, attempted to conceal the smile that gave away his excitement. He was dying to go on this adventure. "Are you ready?"
The boy nodded, his face tight with anticipation.
"Then let's go." Sirius opened the door once more, motioned for Regulus to step through.
The waves that crashed along the rocky coast were shining waveringly at the seam of gravel and sand. For a moment, the group of teenagers stood silently in the sea wind, glancing up at spectacular rock formations that rose like black walls from the sea and cast a long shadow into the water.
There was a cleft in the cliff-face, dark water was swirling into it. It wasn't far from the rock they were standing on, gaping at them, the rocks surrounding it sharp like a hungry set of claws. Barty's house-elf Winky, who had brought them this far, pointed at it, her tiny hand shaking as the sharp wind tugged at the wet rags covering her skinny body.
"Winky can't apparate any closer," she said, jaw chattering. "Powerful wards are protecting this place."
"Thank you," Regulus said gently. "You may apparate back home now. And don't tell anyone of this, please."
The elf looked relieved. She left instantly.
Careful not to slip off the slippery boulder, the teenagers slid into the water and began to swim towards the cliffs. They reached the dark slit in the rock face. The daylight didn't carry into it and Remus, who was the only one swimming with his wand in his hand, spluttered a hasty Lumos to light their way.
The fissure ended in a cave. Shivering, they stepped out of the water, all wands drawn now. Sirius' teeth were chattering when he dried his and Regulus' clothes. "Is this the place?" he asked.
"I think so, yes," Regulus said, keeping his voice low. He glanced around, took in the slimy walls, the ceiling, the slippery ground.
"Where are the inferi?" James asked. He sounded impatient.
Regulus rolled his eyes. "We still have to enter the cave. It must be here somewhere."
"You don't say."
"Not this one," Regulus sighed. Sometimes he couldn't believe how stupid James was. "The big one that's holding the lake Winky told Barty about."
"Why does that elf know about all this anyway? What's her connection to You-Know-Who?"
"I told you, I don't know."
"Why didn't you ask her?"
"Why didn't you! Even Barty doesn't know why he brought her here. The Dark Lord only said that he needed an elf and Barty offered his. Maybe he was just testing something." Regulus turned away from James, shaking his head. He had learned at a very young age that, where the Dark Lord was involved, it was better not to ask too many questions. He ignored James' mutterings, his eyes wandering along the walls. They looked all the same, slimy, wet, and solid, and he realized that the entrance must be invisible, marked by magic rather than something visual. He brought his hands up close to the wall, ran his fingers along the cold stone. It felt a little like it did at Grimmauld Place - Sirius wasn't wrong about it when he said that the walls of their parents' house were alive in a way, that he didn't like to touch them, hated how the holes in the tapestry glared at him. Walls held echoes of the magic that had been performed within them. And dark magic, it left traces, strong traces, like scars in the fabric of the universe.
Without having to ask them to do so, the others followed his example, some of them looking rather clueless about what it was that they were doing, but Regulus could tell that Lily and Remus got it.
"Here, I found something," Lily breathed. Her hand was hovering an inch from the wall.
The others walked over to her, placed their hands next to hers. A murmur went through them, they could feel it too, something like a tingle causing their stomachs to turn, goosebumps coarsening their skin.
"And now?" Sirius was looking at Regulus.
"I think it demands some form of payment. A sacrifice, if you will."
"What sort of payment?"
"Blood, probably. That's what the Dark Lord usually uses."
Both Peter and Marlene instantly took a small step back at these news. But even the others went silent. Regulus felt around for the dagger in his waistband, his hands closing around the handle.
"No," Sirius said as soon as the flash of silver in his brother's hand caught his eye. "Where did you get that?"
"Mrs. Potter gave it to me," the boy responded, fingers tightening around his blade. He wasn't going to allow Sirius to take it from him. "To defend myself if necessary."
Sirius' lips were set in a grim line. "You're not cutting yourself with that. I'll do it."
"It was my idea!" Regulus protested.
"Oh, for Merlin's sake!" Lily stepped forward, used her wand to cut deep into her left palm, not batting an eyelid as she did so. Instantly, blood sprung forth from the gaping wound. She ground her teeth as she ran her hand across the stone wall, leaving behind a smear of scarlet.
The blazing silver outline of an arch appeared in the wall before the rock vanished, creating an opening into a much larger, darker cave.
One after the other, they walked through the archway.
The darkness of this cave was a total absence of light, it was like a tightly sealed tomb - void of any life. Regulus didn't think that he'd ever seen a place as dark and as quiet as this, it was almost otherworldly like they'd entered a place in between life and death. The light coming from their wands cast eerie reflections across a lake that lay as still and as quietly to their feet as the surface of a mirror. If he hadn't known that there were supposed to be inferi around, Regulus would have taken a moment to sit down on the ground and soak the silence up. Yet, as they were so many and Gryffindors could never truly be quiet even if they tried, the cave acted as a magnifier of their presence, their warm, breathing bodies disrupted the cave's natural state like a bunch of intruders, the whispered words, crunching footsteps, and flashes of light they brought with them echoing through the entirety of the cave.
This cave, it was highly alert now. It was as aware of them as they were of it, it was watching them out of that all-encompassing darkness. Something about this realization made Regulus shiver.
Sirius' friends began to spread out like fireflies into the night sky but they stopped abruptly as soon as they reached the edge of the lake. Regulus wanted to follow them but a hand on his shoulder held him back; then Sirius' lips were right next to his ear, his warm breath puffing against the top of Regulus' head as he spoke. "From now on, you will stay right behind me."
Regulus nodded.
"If I say run, you'll turn around and run for the exit. No matter what. You get yourself to safety. Is that clear?"
"Yes," Regulus whispered.
Sirius squeezed his shoulder to take some of the sharpness out of his tone, then pushed past him.
So Regulus followed Sirius inside, stayed close behind him, his brother's broad back blocking his sight.
They reached the edge of the lake. Although she'd immediately healed her hand, blood was still smeared all over Lily's palm. She crouched down, the light coming from her wand reflecting off the black water and illuminating her pale face in an eerie white glow. She extended her bloodied fingers towards the glass-like water then paused, her fingers hovering an inch above the surface as she stared into it, a strange expression entering her features before she flinched back, quickly holding out her wand towards the liquid darkness to her feet.
"What's wrong?" Sirius asked. He went to stand next to her, adding his light to hers.
"I - I thought I saw something," Lily whispered.
James and Peter had ventured a few yards towards the left, Marlene and Remus to the right. The sound of their feet crunching across stones and gravel caused Regulus to shudder; what if a stone got loose and slipped into the water?
"I can't see a thing," Sirius responded, holding the tip of his wand close to the water.
Lily still looked white-pale. She had taken a small step back. "James," she called, "James, don't go too far, please."
The darkness had already reduced the others to silhouettes on the walls of the cave that appeared in the shape of James and Peter on one side and as Remus and Marlene on the other, small orbs of white light coming from the tips of their wands as they strolled along the edge of the lake.
"We should stay together," Regulus said softly, his breath rising as white vapor.
Sirius nodded. "James," he called, "Marlene?"
They could hear an echo of laughter, James's voice. "Come on, Padfoot," he called. "Don't be a chicken."
"Chicken, chicken," it echoed from the walls.
Regulus watched his brother's posture change. He couldn't believe that such a stupid remark really had an effect on Sirius. Gryffindors.
"I'm not," Sirius called back. Again, the water carried his voice in echoes through the entire cave.
"I think they might be hiding in there," Lily said softly. She'd moved to stand next to Regulus and was hugging herself around the middle, her gaze hefted upon the dark water glittering in the cool light radiating from her wand.
"Cool and dark, that's how they like it," Regulus responded, "I think you're right. But I don't see what they're waiting for. Clearly, we've been loud enough…" his voice trailed off.
Sirius glanced at Regulus. "You don't think -"
Regulus licked his lips. "No, I do. There must be some kind of trigger and they're waiting for it. And then they'll attack, all of them at once."
"So you think it's indeed a whole army?" Lily asked.
Regulus nodded slowly. "Just look at the size of this cave. Imagine how many inferi it could hold potentially."
"Why would he do that," Lily whispered, her green eyes moving across the cave, "keep an army here, of all the places - we're in the middle of nowhere. If he wanted to use them to attack the Ministry or Diagon Alley, why doesn't he keep them in the sewers in London?"
Footsteps coming from their right side. Remus and Marlene appeared, their wands lighting their way. Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus could see that Sirius was getting impatient. James and Peter were still playing around, they didn't seem to be in any hurry to return.
"The Dark L-… You-Know-Who isn't like Grindelwald," Regulus responded softly. "He doesn't seek an open battle. He keeps them as guardians. They're here because they're supposed to protect something."
"Protect what?"
"I don't know," Regulus responded softly, his eyes once more moving across the cave in an attempt to pierce the darkness. Something about the cave felt unfinished like it was still under construction.
Sirius exhaled noisily through his nose, his lips tight. It was clear that he didn't want to remain in this cave any longer than he had to. His earlier excitement, his lust for adventure, had vanished. "So what's the plan?"
"Trigger the inferi, I guess," Regulus said.
"All of them?"
Regulus shrugged. He moved closer to the lake, knelt next to the water, watched it intently. Not a single ripple on a surface so clear, so still, it seemed almost unreal. It was begging to be disturbed.
"Keep some distance, will you," Sirius said but he was distracted when Peter and James rejoined them.
"It looks all the same," James said.
Marlene took Sirius' hand, causing him to look at her. "I'm cold," she whispered.
He sighed and he responded something in a low voice.
Regulus shifted his attention back to the lake. He extended his hand, held it out just an inch over the water's surface. Suddenly, there was a shadow right beneath the surface, the moon-like shape of a face, pale as it floated about two feet beneath the surface, surrounded by a halo of silvery hair. It was staring up at Regulus with dead eyes.
The boy held his breath, forced himself to stay still, to not make a sound. When the body didn't move he lowered his trembling hand a little so that it was almost touching the water. The inferius moved closer as well, Regulus could make out details now, flaps of dead and rotten skin stretching across its face, pieces of clothing floating around its body. He knew that inferi had been people before their death but he couldn't even tell whether this one had been young or old, man or woman. There was nothing human left in this creature, it was merely an undead shell cursed to obey the command of its murderer.
His fingers were merely a quarter of an inch away from the water now, he could almost feel its cold breath, and suddenly, he felt the almost irresistible urge to disturb this cold even surface, to break through and touch what was beneath. This was the trigger - breaking the surface. This was what they were waiting for.
"Regulus!" Sirius' voice cut through the silence, caused the boy to flinch and lose his balance ever-so-slightly. There was a hint of water gracing the tip of his forefinger and the next thing Regulus knew was that a cold white hand closed around his wrist like an iron vice, its grip so strong as though it wanted to crush his bones.
The boy fell forward as the inferius pulled at his wrist. Black water splashed up all around him as he broke through the lake's surface. A hot rush of panic surged through him as he was dragged underwater, kicking at the inferius's head and body to no avail. The water was slowing his movements down and the inferius was like a mermaid, it moved fast through the water as though it was made for it, unbothered by Regulus' struggles, deeper and deeper, until the frantic white lights coming from above were almost invisible, merely a glimmer as the lights were dispersed by the waves now violently rippling the surface.
Regulus free arm was flailing around, his hand searching for something - anything - to hold on to so he could resist the inferius' pull that would inevitably lead him to the bottom of the lake.
This is the end, he thought as he felt the last bits of air escape his lungs. The air bubbles rose from his mouth, they knew where to go, glittering like glass beads as they reflected the lights from above.
This cave, it was going to be his grave.
Suddenly, blazing flashes of light split the darkness and fought their way into the water, followed by a trail of bubbles. The inferius flinched as it was hit by one of them. Fire. For just one second, its fingers lost their grip on Regulus' wrist. Conjuring up all the strength he had, Regulus kicked the inferius's head back, something that, if the corpse had been still alive, would have broken its neck. He hastened to swim upwards, in the direction from where the flaming flashes of light were coming from. Human shadows appeared from all directions, even from where the light was coming from but he didn't care, his lungs were screaming for air.
He broke through the surface, gasping loudly, coughing, sputtering. There was shouting everywhere, wild splashing of water.
"Over there, over there he is!" A girl's panicky voice rose above the shouts of the others.
Regulus was blindly swimming towards the voice. He could feel hands grabbing at him from beyond, kicked at them, his boots heavy in the water, like bricks tied to his ice-cold feet, weighing him down, but also like bricks when they met head, arm, or back of an inferius. A few strokes later, he could feel solid ground under his feet. Blurry figures were running towards him, water splashing, flashes of blue light, then fire once more, missing Regulus by a mere inch. He could hear a splashing sound right behind him and knew that the spell must have hit an inferius. Then, a hand on his arm, roughly dragging him along. They finally reached the edge of the lake.
"Faster, Reg, get out!" More inferi being taken out right next to him by a lash of fire whipping across the water.
Regulus recognized James's voice. Before he knew it, James was running back into the water. Regulus wiped a hand over his eyes, blinking quickly, his eyes burning as his vision recovered. The water had transformed into a mass of moving bodies, their wet rotten flesh gleaming white, a few of them engulfed in flames. Marlene and Peter were the only ones outside of the water, blinding sunlight streaming from their wands. Most of the others had gone into the lake, Sirius was the furthest in, almost up to his waist, an inferno of fire around him, his black leather coat wet and glistening, his raven hair too, and Regulus realized that he must've jumped in after him when the inferius had dragged him underwater.
Inferi. There were so many, more than he could count, too many. And they were far too close to Sirius, coming at him like a horde of sharks while he backed away.
"Retreat, retreat," someone screamed. "They're too many!"
Regulus ran up to the others. They barely noticed him as each of them fought at least three inferi at the same time. He pushed past Peter, reaching for the dagger Mrs. Potter had given him. Flames reflected in the blade. Gripping it firmly, he threw himself at an inferius whose fingers had just closed around Lily's ankle. She was kicking at it while simultaneously fighting off two others, her red hair disheveled, her face contorted in horror.
Regulus ground his teeth as he swung the dagger at the creature, the blade swishing through the air, slitting through the inferius's arm, smoke rising, the scent of burned flesh and then the cracking of bone and the inferius's throaty hiss.
Lily stared at Regulus with wide eyes. "What -"
He didn't respond as he grabbed hold of the skeletal hand he'd just cut away from the arm it belonged to and which had loosened around Lily's ankle. The inferius' hand was heavier than expected, cold and slimy like dead, rotten fish.
Meanwhile, the others had retreated so far that aside from Sirius and James, they were all back on dry land, where they had a slight advantage in fight in that they couldn't be dragged off as easily.
"James, Sirius, hurry," Lily screamed. "We got it - we got the bone!"
Water splashing up all around them, Sirius and James fought their way back to the shore, back to back, their movements coordinated as though they had merged to a single person sharing two bodies. They were magnificent fighters, their aim perfect, their coordination as well as their awareness of their surroundings better than Regulus had ever seen in any team of wizards. The others were still fighting off inferi but it was manageable now and soon, even James and Sirius had reached the edge of the water and were back on land.
As he stood frozen like this, staring at James and Sirius fight, Regulus felt someone taking hold of his bicep and dragging him along. Panic gripped him to the marrow and he whirled around, dagger drawn once more, when he recognized Remus. Only then he realized that Peter, as well as the girls, had already left the inner part of the cave, they were standing right behind the hole in the stone wall through which they had entered the cave, waving and yelling at them to hurry. Helplessly stumbling after Remus, Regulus turned his head once more and was relieved to see that James and Sirius were following closely.
The moment they had all left the cave, the wall grew back together with a deafening sound of thunder. Then there was silence once more, nothing aside from the rushing of the waves from the sea, the wall of rough rock right behind them like any other, Voldemort's secret cave hidden from anyone who didn't know that it was there.
A crushing hug. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Regulus had responded in a small voice, his fingers closing around the inferius hand he had almost forgotten he was still holding.
Sirius took it from him, slid it in the pocket of his coat with an expression of utter disgust.
He didn't speak much after, not as they swam out of the rocky cove, the reflection of the moon glittering like liquid silver in the waves of the sea, not even after they apparated home, their clothes dripping wet as they stepped through the Potters' front door.
"Shower," was all Sirius had said to Regulus as he passed by him and marched into the living room. Regulus had been kicking off his heavy winter boots, teeth chattering. He wanted to object but then thought of how good a hot shower would feel right now, how he longed to wash all the dirt off. He wiped his hand on his trousers, shuddering suddenly at the memory of holding the inferius' hand, that dead, decomposing flesh touching his skin.
Upstairs, he caught a flash of his face in the bathroom mirror as he undressed, carelessly throwing his wet clothes in the laundry bin. His hair was sticking to his forehead, pieces of dirt caught in it here and there. His lips tasted of saltwater. He lifted his hands, looked at them in the cold bathroom light. Dirt under his nails, his cuticles red, bleeding. Scrapes on the inside of his palms - he must've fallen at some point, maybe when he'd reached the shore; the gravel grazing his skin.
The only reason why he was still alive, why he hadn't drowned and joined Voldemort's army of inferi, was -
James.
James, saving him, pulling him out of the water.
James, who had fought alongside Sirius. Unlike Regulus, who had almost drowned. This wasn't how he'd imagined that this day would go, no.
I'm not gonna babysit him. James, in the Potters' living room, only half an hour before they had left for the cave.
A darkness rose inside of Regulus at that memory. James, James, James. James Fucking Potter.
Why couldn't it have been anyone but James?
Why not Sirius? Remus, Lily, Marlene, hell, even Peter? Anyone's saving Regulus could've accepted. So why did it have to be James?
He stepped into the shower, lowered his head and watched the warm water rinse the dirt off his skin, wash it down the drain.
He'd been wrong about the vision. He'd been wrong to lie to Sirius about it - it had been about him. He hadn't meant to lie - if things had gone like expected and the inferi had targeted Sirius, it wouldn't have been a lie.
No, that wasn't it - Maeve's vision had only come true because he had lied to Sirius.
Regulus felt his blood run cold suddenly and he was freezing. He turned the shower handle until the water was so hot that he could barely take it anymore, closed his eyes and wished that the lie would melt under the heat.
He must've stood under that endlessly hot spray for half an hour.
The dining table had been cleared. Sirius was sitting at the end of the table, cutting rotten flesh and well as any other soft tissue off of the inferius hand and throwing it in a pot. Mrs. Potter was helping him, scrubbing the bones which Sirius had already freed of soft tissue with sudsy water. Her hands were bloody and the water a dark brown, even her white sleeves sported small speckles of what must be blood although she had rolled them up as far as they would go. Sirius didn't seem to care about the blood. He'd thrown his leather coat over the back of his chair. His clothes were still the same but dry now, as was his hair, except for a few dirty strands in his neck that stuck to his skin.
They had been talking before but when Regulus entered the room, freshly scrubbed and smelling of soap, both of them fell silent. Quietly, Regulus pulled up a chair and seated himself, watched Sirius and Mrs. Potter dissect the inferius hand with a mixture of disgust and fascination. He glanced at the plastic bowl into which they put the cleaned bones. It looked like something muggles had made though Regulus doubted that any of them ever used it for this exact purpose.
"Where are the others?" he asked, forcing his eyes off the bones, the silence uncomfortable.
"Flooed back to Hogwarts," Sirius said curtly.
"Where's Mr. Potter?"
"Upstairs. Blood makes him feel queasy." Mrs. Potter's lips twitched. "He's talking to James."
Regulus frowned. Somewhat disappointed, he noted that there didn't seem to have been any yelling going on so far. He wondered whether Mr. Potter had cast a silencing spell.
Sirius put another piece of cleaned bone away, breaking it off where it was joined to the hand with a sharp crack. Regulus shuddered.
"Maybe you should go to bed," Sirius said without looking at his brother.
Regulus' frown deepened.
Sirius picked up another piece of bone. His knife was cutting away the flesh, scraping along the bone, leaving small cuts behind where he'd dug the knife in too deeply.
"Are you very cross?"
Sirius looked up. "Me?"
"Yeah." Regulus drew up his knees, rested them against the edge of the table.
Sirius lowered his head once more, his hair falling into his face. "No."
This wasn't the answer Regulus had expected. "I'm sorry for going up so close to the lake," he said, "I didn't mean to touch the water. I just wanted to see how they'd react; see whether they would show themselves as soon as they saw a shadow above the surface. And then I slipped -"
"I know," Sirius said. He still wasn't looking at Regulus. "As I said, I'm not cross with you."
Regulus' eyes moved to Mrs. Potter. She was watching them quietly, her hands having stilled. "Okay," Regulus said softly. He knew that he was supposed to feel relieved at Sirius not being cross - or at least saying that he wasn't - but Sirius' eyes were too dark, his mouth too tight. Something was off. "Can I help with cleaning the bones?"
"No," Sirius said curtly.
"No need for you having to take another shower, sweetheart. How about you make us some tea," Mrs. Potter suggested with a smile.
When Regulus left the room and went into the kitchen, he could hear them talk softly over the sound of the cast-iron tea kettle getting warm on the stove. He leaned closer to the door that was connecting the kitchen with the dining room.
"It was an accident," Mrs. Potter said softly.
A harrumph from Sirius.
Regulus almost couldn't breathe as he strained his ears.
Mrs. Potter's voice again, "Look, I know you blame yourself, but it's not your fault."
Sirius mumbled something incoherently.
The kettle was shrieking, steam was rising from the spout. Regulus jumped back from the door, quickly splashed hot water from the kettle into three mugs. Black tea for Mrs. Potter and Sirius, peppermint for him. He waited for another moment, listening for more, not quite sure what Sirius was blaming himself for, but both Mrs. Potter and Sirius had fallen silent once more.
He re-entered the dining room, handed a mug to each of them. "Careful, it's hot," he said when Sirius raised his to his lips.
A door opened upstairs. Two male voices could be heard, speaking softly. Regulus slouched in his chair. Apparently, the big showdown he'd been waiting for had been canceled.
James ambled into the room, closely followed by Mr. Potter, even though the older man didn't join them at the table but instead lingered in the doorway. James chose the seat next to Regulus, nudged the boy with his elbow. "Next time we'll stay behind, won't we?"
Regulus slowly turned his head, stared James straight in the eye. "There's gonna be no we."
"Finally learned your lesson then?" James smirked. "Yeah, near-death experiences can do that to people. Even to Slytherins."
Regulus felt something in him turn cold. He felt nothing but hate for the older boy next to him. "You wouldn't have even managed to enter the cave without me."
James grinned, glanced at Sirius. "Or set off an army of inferi. Thanks, Reggie-boy. That was a genius move."
"James," Mr. Potter said sternly from the doorway, "what did we just talk about?"
James sighed dramatically.
Under the table, Regulus balled his hands. Nothing had changed, all the Potters ever did was talk but they never did anything about James' behavior. For a short moment, he met Sirius' eyes. Sirius blinked, quickly shifting his focus back onto his work.
"You can't expect me to start a fight with him," Sirius said later, in their room. Regulus was glowering at him from under his covers while Sirius was changing into his pajamas, hair still wet and skin rosy from the shower he'd just had. Sirius threw his blood-speckled clothes into the laundry basket.
"I can't expect you to defend me?"
"Not after he just saved your life, you can't. And he's got a point." Sirius climbed into his bed. His voice was still just as cold as earlier.
"What point?!"
"You shouldn't have been there. It's not your fault, I don't blame you, as I said. But I shouldn't have allowed you to come." Sirius switched off the light.
Regulus blinked, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. "You needed me. It was I who figured out how to get inside the cave. It was I who found the trigger. It was I who -"
"Yes," Sirius interrupted him. "And it was James who saved you. For this, I think a minimum of respect would be appropriate."
"Respect?!" Regulus almost couldn't believe his ears. "You must be kidding!"
"I'm not. This is the second time he's saved your life. No, the third time, actually. That's more than I managed to do." Sirius sounded bitter now.
Regulus was quiet for a while, listened to the wind rustle round the house. "He didn't do it for me," he said eventually, "he did it for you. And you're giving him too much credit. Mostly he's just there."
Sirius rubbed a hand over his face, his body a silhouette in the darkness. "And yet today, Reg, today - I … I - I messed up so badly. Merlin, you almost -" his voice broke off.
"But I didn't," Regulus said.
"Only thanks to James."
Regulus felt anger rise in him, no, not anger - the aimless energy of hate. "James, James, James! It's always that bloody moron who gets all the attention! I did all the hard work while he was playing around, strolling up and down the shore, completely oblivious to what was waiting in the water! It was me who cut off the hand! I ended it! Not him - it was me!" He was breathing heavily, his voice shaking from this verbal explosion.
The silence that followed his outburst was filled with a palpable sense of discomfort.
"All right," Sirius said after a while.
That calm voice, like gasoline on dying embers. "All right? Nothing is alright!
"Fine, then not." Now, Sirius sounded annoyed. "Anything else you gotta hurl at me?"
Regulus hesitated.
"Don't worry. The stage is yours, let it all out. How dare James save your life. How dare I not cheer and shout 'jubilate!' right after watching you almost drown."
"You're never taking me seriously. I mean it!"
"I mean it too," Sirius said in a raucous voice. "And I expect you to show him the respect he deserves."
"Bah," Regulus exclaimed, the muscles of his face twisting in disgust.
Sirius switched the light on again. He sat up. "Why do you dislike him so much? What did he ever do to you?"
Regulus squinted his eyes at the sudden brightness, glowered at his brother. That Sirius even had to ask! He tugged his covers over his head and turned to face the wall.
"If you think I'm gonna put up with this attitude then you're sorely mistaken. Turn around and look at me, now."
It cost Regulus all his willpower not to relent and turn around. Sirius did sound very stern and Regulus knew that he was playing with fire.
"Regulus," Sirius said, "do I need to start counting?"
"Sod off," Regulus hissed. "I'm not a toddler!"
"You're certainly behaving like one. You weren't this defiant when you were two, believe me."
A truculent murmur, "maybe you weren't this bossy when you were five."
"One."
Regulus' hands tightened on his covers. He couldn't believe Sirius was actually counting.
"Two." The wooden bedframe was creaking as Sirius moved over to the edge of the mattress, set his feet on the floor.
"What are you gonna do," Regulus said angrily, "you can't punish me for not turning around."
"I can throw that blanket that you're hiding under out of the window and make you fetch it."
Regulus gave a soft whine. "Why can't I just go to sleep?!"
"We're not going to bed angry with each other," Sirius responded firmly. "We've made that mistake too many times in the past, it's only ever making things worse."
"I didn't need James' help. I would've gotten out of the lake by myself too."
"No, you wouldn't have. There were too many inferi." Sirius sounded like something heavy was pressing on his chest. "When that inferius dragged you underwater, I completely lost my head. I - I couldn't think of a single spell. I just jumped after you and thrashed around senselessly -"
Regulus turned his head, looked over his shoulder at his brother.
"James kept his cool. He joined me in the water - I had jumped in so far that they could've easily dragged me off as well. He located you. He remembered about the water-resistant fire spell. I merely followed his lead, it wasn't until you had resurfaced that I could think again. He saved you, it was all him. I was panicking so much, I was completely useless."
"I saw you fighting," Regulus said, his anger forgotten momentarily, "you were anything but useless."
"Only once I knew that you were safe." Sirius' fingers were crumbling the fabric of his pajama pants. "Today was - it was a nightmare, Reggie. And, once again, it's only due to my bad judgment that you ended up in danger."
Regulus turned around fully now, faced his brother. "It was an accident," he said, repeating Mrs. Potter's earlier words, finally knowing what Sirius felt so guilty for.
Sirius' eyes were so dark they were almost black. "It doesn't matter, you shouldn't have been there in the first place. I don't know what I was thinking."
"I asked you to. I begged you to take me with you." I lied to you.
Sirius shook his head. "I should have made the right choice and left you at home."
Regulus felt hurt at that. So far there hadn't been any praise for his actions, for the bravery he had shown. Sirius was talking like Regulus' contribution to the success of their mission was completely irrelevant. "Why can't you see the good side of it for once? We did it, Siri! We got the ingredient! Why do you always make it sound like what I do doesn't matter?"
Sirius blinked. "I don't mean it like that. I just meant that the stakes were too high. You almost died, little one."
For some reason, this made Regulus furious. "I'm not little," he snarled, throwing back his covers and sitting up. "I'm not your stupid baby brother anymore who knows nothing! But James, he's a fucking saint, he can do whatever he wants, he can muck things up again and again and you'll still look at him like he's your bloody messiah!" He took hold of his pillow and hurled it to the floor, sending small particles of dust floating up in turbulent spirals.
Sirius was sitting silently, his fingers tight on the edge of his mattress as he stared at Regulus, then, finally, dropped his eyes to the pillow on the floor. The muscles in his jaw were rigid, twitching slightly like a horse's flank when a fly irritates it. He reached down, grabbed the pillow, swiftly opened the window with his other hand and threw the pillow out. "There," Sirius said, closing the window again, cutting off the cold draft of wind pushing inside.
Regulus stared at him incredulously. "Get it back!" he demanded after a minute of stunned silence.
"Get it back yourself," Sirius said as he plopped back down on his bed, grimly crossing his arms behind his head. He looked very pleased with himself. "It's not like I didn't warn you."
Regulus couldn't believe it. "Get it back now! It's gonna get all cold and wet!"
Sirius shrugged. "So what? I thought you didn't want it anymore."
"I do want it!"
"Then go get it." Sirius' eyes were hard.
"You're such a git!" Regulus jumped to his feet, stomped out of the room.
"You can leave the attitude outside while you're there," Sirius called after him before the boy slammed the door shut, cutting him off.
Muttering to himself, Regulus sprinted downstairs, taking three stairs at a time. Once in the kitchen, he stole a glance out of the windows to locate his pillow. It had landed almost directly under their bedroom window in the frost-covered flower beds that the Potters had in their backyard. He opened the back door, tiptoed across the terrace, his sock-clad toes getting soaked as the crusted snow melted under his feet. The clouds were clear and the moonlight sparkled on the snow. Soil darkened the soles of his socks as he stepped into the flowerbeds. He snatched the pillow up, casting an angry glance over his shoulder. Sirius was leaning out of the window, quietly watching him, his damp hair haloed by the light emerging from behind him.
Regulus attempted to throw the pillow up and at the window but the second story was too high and the pillow not exactly an object made for throwing, especially not under such windy conditions. Sirius' lips twitched when the wind forced the pillow back down and caused it to hit Regulus in the face.
"It's not funny," Regulus complained, glaring up at his brother.
Sirius chuckled. "It is from up here."
Regulus gave him the middle finger before scurrying back inside.
Once in the kitchen, he got his dirty socks off, still shivering. Even though he'd been outside for only a minute or two, the cold had crept right through his flannel pajamas. His arms and legs were stippled with hard goosebumps.
He heard footsteps on the stairs. A moment later, Sirius stepped into the kitchen.
Regulus held his pillow up. "See, it's dirty. And wet."
Again, a glint of amusement in Sirius' eyes. Sirius produced his wand, muttered a cleaning charm, causing the dirt to dry and fall off. "Better?"
Regulus harrumphed.
Sirius went over to the stove, took a pot and filled it with milk. "The fireplace is still warm," he said, his back turned to Regulus as he opened a cabinet and took out two mugs, "why don't you sit next to it for a bit, to warm up?"
It was an alluring idea and Regulus' feet were moving before he even realized that he was actually doing as he was told.
Sirius joined him a few minutes later, carrying two steaming mugs of hot chocolate with huge dollops of whipped cream on top. He seated himself next to Regulus, and, with a flick of his wand, the glimmering embers rekindled, a wave of warmth rolling through the dimly lit room.
He set one of the mugs on the table, handed the other one to his brother. Regulus' bare feet sat on the sofa and Sirius reached over, took the boy's left foot into his hand. Regulus tried to tug it free but Sirius held it easily, his strong, capable fingers massaging the boy's frozen toes, making him groan as they came slowly back to life.
"Tsk! Why didn't you put on some shoes first?"
Regulus was silent.
Sirius let go of Regulus' left foot, held his hand open for the boy's right one. Regulus hesitated but then stuck his leg out. Sirius smiled slightly, moving closer to the boy and resting his foot on his knee as he massaged it gently. "See, you don't always have to be so stubborn."
"I'm not stubborn."
The corners of Sirius' lips quirked upwards. "Your middle name is Stubborn, kid. Regulus Stubbornus Black."
"Don't call me that."
"What? It was just a joke -"
"Kid is what I'm talking about. Or calling me Reggie in front of others. You did that today before we left for the cave."
Sirius' smile wavered. He let go of Regulus' foot, turned towards his mug of hot chocolate that sat on the coffee table. "What's wrong with Reggie?" He sounded hurt saying that.
"It makes me sound like a baby."
Sirius sighed. "Why can't we simply be happy that we're all safe and unharmed? Why can't we be thankful for that?"
"Because you're asking me to be grateful to James and you simply don't see that he's not that great!"
"James is like a brother to me," Sirius said softly, cupping his mug of hot chocolate in both hands, gazing down into its plume of steam with a troubled expression. "I do not approve of everything he does, just like I do not approve of everything you do. But he is family. I trust him with my life and I know that I can trust him with yours too. And that's worth a lot; it's worth more than I can say."
"He hates me."
"No, he doesn't. He's just annoyed with your behavior sometimes. And maybe he's also annoyed that I spend so much time with you. He's just a little jealous."
"I hate him. I really do."
"Come on," Sirius said, frowning. "He's on your side, as long as you're on mine. I know he's not always easy to be around when he's in one of his moods but he'd never let anything happen to you. He saved you today."
"I wish he hadn't," Regulus snarled, glaring at the mug in his hands. He licked some of the cream off his lips. "Then I wouldn't have to listen to you making excuses for him being a dick."
Sirius' mug slammed the table, the sound cutting through the room and pulling Regulus' gaze upwards. The boy froze at the expression of fury in Sirius' face, at the flames from the fireplace reflecting dangerously in his eyes.
Regulus said nothing, fingers tight on the mug in his hands as he watched Sirius struggling to contain his temper, watched him swallow hard a few times, his Adam's apple pumping up and down his pale throat.
Eventually, Sirius spoke. "Apologize."
That tone made Regulus' skin crawl. "I'm sorry."
Sirius leveled him with a hard stare. "I know that, sometimes, you say things you don't mean. However, I simply don't understand what outcome you expect from provoking me like that."
Regulus lowered his eyes. He felt foolish, suddenly, like he always did when he talked himself into trouble.
"Look at me when I'm speaking to you."
"I don't know…" He couldn't look at Sirius, not when Sirius took that very stern tone with him. "I'm sorry, okay? I really am."
"I said, look at me."
Lifting his head slightly, Regulus cast his brother a hesitant glance through his curly fringe that hung over his eyes.
"You can't say something like that, especially not hours after you almost died. Wishing he hadn't saved you. You simply can't say that."
The boy chewed on his lip, bowing his head once more, nodded.
"Whatever this problem is that you have with James, I can't solve it for you. You have to step up and do it yourself. And the sooner you do it, the less drama we're gonna have in the future."
The boy sighed deeply, sank back into the cushions. Arguing with Sirius was pointless. Even when he thought that he had the better arguments, he never felt triumphant after an argument with Sirius. No, Sirius' word was the law, it had always been like that in some ways. And it was even more so now, it was the path Regulus had picked for them both. He couldn't blame Sirius for living up to his role. He felt his stomach turn as he remembered this - he had been the one who had chosen this. Sirius had given him two options and Regulus couldn't go back on what he'd said he wanted.
"What I meant to say was… I just wish it had been anyone but James who helped me out of the lake."
The distraction worked wonders on Sirius. Features softening, Sirius rested his elbows on his knees, his shoulders slumping like they were suddenly reminded of a heavy weight resting upon them. "I'm so sorry it wasn't me."
"Me too."
Maybe if it had been Sirius who had reached him first when he'd emerged from the water, Sirius would have seen how bravely Regulus had struggled against the inferius who had dragged him off, how determinedly he had fought himself free, how every pull through that ice-cold water had taken everything out of him and yet he'd done it, even without any magic to defend himself. Maybe without James' interference, Regulus' actions would have been acknowledged for once.
You did well today. I'm proud of you. Simple words that Regulus would die for.
And maybe, just maybe, they would wash the guilt away, take off the lie that was pinned to the underside of his tongue with a thumbtack.
tbc…