Chapter Thirty-Six - Half A Reunion
Mikaela comes to quickly and aggressively. For a moment she is completely bewildered and a little panicked, until she notices the blanket over her body and Natasha sitting in a nearby chair with an almost tender smile.
"Afternoon," she says.
Mikaela sits up straight and rubs her face. "What happened?"
"I found you in here when I woke up. You fell asleep." Her tone suggests it is an achievement.
"Shit," Mikaela mutters, lifting the blanket off and standing up.
Natasha pins her with a stern gaze. "No, not 'shit'. It's good. Really good. You need rest."
Mikaela feels like her mind is taking too fucking long to wake up. "No, there's too much going on, too much I need to do. I need to check on the mutants and Vanessa and Pepper, I have to keep an eye on them for-"
"Mikaela," Natasha says quietly, but firmly. "You don't have to do everything all the time. You can't do everything all the time. You need to sleep, you need to relax."
Mikaela still isn't waking up fast enough. She rubs her face with both hands and stumbles backwards onto the couch again. "When I stop, I think about them. When I sleep, I dream about them. It's too hard."
Natasha moves quietly to sit next to her. "I know," she says gently, a hint of hollowness to her voice. She puts a hand on Mikaela's shoulder. "But you still need rest."
"It doesn't feel very restful," Mikaela mutters, taking her hands away from her face and collapsing into the back of the couch. "Anyway, did I miss anything?"
Natasha shakes her head. "Day twenty-two," she intones. "Countries are still on the brink of collapse, society is still reeling, we still failed."
Mikaela sighs. "I wonder how all those other planets are handling it. It's easy to forget about them with all of our shit going on, but they're in the same sinking boat we are."
They fall silent, as is the norm these days. It just feels like there's no hope or happiness left in the world and everything is in a miserable, numb limbo and nobody can talk about anything other than the fucked up situation they're in and that just brings everyone down further.
"Do you know what scares me?" Mikaela asks, her voice barely above a murmur. When Natasha turns to look at her, she continues, but her gaze is pinned to the floor. "Thanos called me 'Stark's pet'." She breathes for a moment, recalling the moment he used her weakness against her. The moment she failed. "I don't know how he knew Tony's name, or that we were connected. Did he watch us? Or did he meet Tony somewhere up there? And, if he did, what does it mean that Thanos made it to Earth and we still haven't heard from Tony?"
"I think if he'd killed Tony, Thanos would have used that against you."
"Unless he thought telling me that would mean I had nothing to lose, and I'd give him all I had," Mikaela counters.
She's been round and round in this exact circle before, so many times. She's never managed to break out.
"Nobody knew how powerful you were gonna be in that suit, though," Natasha responds. "Not until the fight started."
Mikaela nods, but her heart isn't in it.
"Listen, it's not much use guessing like this. We just need to be patient," Natasha sighs, rising to her feet. She looks at Mikaela for a moment, and Mikaela looks back, wondering if Natasha can see how broken she is. "If Tony's alive, he'll come back to us. They both will."
But where are they?
xxxxxxxxxxx
Mikaela is slumped in front of the telescope again, with Thor and Rocket slumped against the wall on the roof behind her. There are a few clouds in the sky tonight, but otherwise, it's clear. There are no sounds of smashing bottles or drunken rages because Thor seems too miserable to even drink now, and Rocket seems to just follow Thor's example.
Mikaela is in the middle of counting out another minute. Her fingers pick at the loose pebbles underneath her, itching to get back to the telescope, but knowing she can't stare out it for every minute of the night. She has settled with every second minute instead. Look for a minute, break for a minute, look for a minute, break for a minute.
"Is your minute up yet?" Rocket asks.
He's become more desperate recently. The waiting is killing him. Especially when they don't know if they'll ever stop waiting.
"Ten seconds," Mikaela says.
Rocket grunts softly. Mikaela glances over, seeing them both looking skywards.
"Where are my people?" Thor mutters.
3, 2, 1.
Mikaela reaches for the telescope again and presses her eye to it. The countdown to her break begins.
She scans back and forth, up and down, analysing and questioning each and every star in the sky, even searching the moon for a sign.
The others are silent behind her.
Is that star usually there? Probably.
3, 2, 1.
She sighs and lets go of the telescope.
"I miss Groot," Rocket groans. "He was my moral compass. I just wanna kill everyone, but he's not here to change my mind."
"You can kill me, if you want," Thor spits quietly, kicking a pebble away from himself.
Rockets tuts and turns away, his clenched fist relaxing.
"Steve said he's going to shave off his beard," Mikaela says aimlessly. She's just looking for a distraction.
30 seconds.
"I liked the beard," Thor mumbles.
"Me too," Mikaela agrees.
"I don't have anything to compare it to," Rocket shrugs.
Mikaela re-ties her shoelace.
3, 2, 1.
She reaches for the telescope. A cloud floats past, obscuring a chunk of the sky from view. Mikaela grits her teeth. A single star manages to shine through it, but the cloud takes too long to shift to see anything else.
3, 2, 1.
"How are the mutants?" Rocket asks.
Mikaela sighs and shrugs. "The unrest is growing. Slowly, but still growing. I don't think it's going to 'blow over'," she replies, quoting Steve at a moment when he had tried to comfort her.
"Maybe you should kill some of the troublemakers, set an example."
Mikaela quirks an eyebrow at him. "That was a terrible suggestion."
Rocket opens his hands and shrugs in a "what are you gonna do?" sort of way.
Mikaela taps her foot impatiently.
3, 2, 1.
Her eyes go straight to the star she noticed before. Is it.. bigger?
She frowns and readjusts herself. Her hands grip the scope tighter.
Or is she just imagining things?
It doesn't look that much bigger than the other stars.
3, 2, 1.
She tuts and pulls herself away, committing the size and location of the star to memory.
"How long do we wait?" Thor asks, his voice dark and tired.
Rocket stares between Thor and Mikaela, uncomfortable.
Mikaela doesn't think she's capable of anything but waiting. She doesn't think she would ever be able to stop waiting and hoping, to admit that too much time had passed, that Tony and Peter were likely-
"We wait until they come back," she says firmly.
Thor lifts his gaze to her face. For a moment, he looks as though he might argue her answer. But then his lips purse and he nods solemnly.
3, 2, 1.
That star is definitely bigger. Definitely. She checks the other stars in the sky for comparison, but she knows in her heart that this particular star has doubled in size since she first noticed it. And it's just getting bigger.
It's bright, too, much brighter than the others.
And…
"What the fuck?" she mutters.
"What?" Rocket demands instantly. "'What the fuck' what?"
The glow of the star is reflecting off of something above it, something bigger than it, something-
"Is that a ship?"
The telescope and its stand are ripped out of her grasp and off the surface of the roof to meet Thor's eye where he stands towering above her. Mikaela jumps to her feet, fingers itching to snatch the scope back.
"It is a ship," Thor confirms, his voice more animated than she's heard in a long time.
Rocket runs up Thor's back to perch on his shoulder. "Let me see, let me see!" he hisses.
Thor moves the scope over slightly and Rocket clings to it, pressing his face up to the lens. "Oh shit," he says.
"What?" Mikaela asks, hope and excitement rising in her like a tsunami.
"That," Rocket stutters, "That's Quill's ship. That's my ship!"
Mikaela's hopes are dulled, but she is overjoyed still for her new friend. "It's the Guardians?" she asks, looking into the sky. She can see it from here now, it's coming so steadily.
"Someone's carrying it," Thor mutters, having taken the scope back again. "A woman."
"Wait, what?" Mikaela blurts, tapping his arm. He looks down at her as he passes the telescope back to her. "Let me see," she mutters.
Fucking hell, he's right.
The star is a god damn woman.
The star is a woman, glowing, and flying, and carrying a massive spaceship.
"Oh, I want to meet her," Mikaela breathes.
"Give it back, I wanna see if I can see them," Rocket snaps.
Mikaela takes no offence, knowing she'd likely be as snippy if she thought her family was coming back to her.
They can hear it coming now - or they can hear her coming; Mikaela isn't sure where the noise is coming from.
"Oh my god," Rocket whispers from Thor's shoulder.
It's getting closer and closer. Mikaela can make out the shape of the woman and the silhouette of the ship from the rooftop now.
It's not her people, she knows that, but it means that maybe it could be her people some day soon.
The building is shaking. Mikaela can make out the features on the woman's face.
Thor puts the telescope down on the roof again. He looks at Mikaela, then at Rocket. "Do you not wish to be down there when she lands?" he asks.
"Shit, yeah, c'mon, kid," Rocket rushes, leaping from Thor's shoulder and bolting towards the door off the roof.
Mikaela doesn't hesitate in following after him, somewhere touched that he wants her to come with him. She's so caught up in the excitement of it all and her disappointment that it's not Tony and Peter that she completely forgets she's wearing a bracer that could transform into a suit and let her fly them down there.
They thunder down stairs and along corridors, panting with the effort and the exhilaration.
"God damn you, Quill," Rocket sometimes mutters, but he sounds so happy.
They break free from the building and start sprinting across the grass. Mikaela can see two figures walking down the ramp of the ship, one supporting the other. Steve is there to meet the weaker one, taking them off the other stranger.
The scene doesn't sit right with Mikaela. Steve doesn't know the Guardians, does he? And aren't there more Guardians than that?
"Oh no," Rocket groans.
Mikaela sees Pepper, and a realisation dawns on her when the redhead woman embraces the weak stranger.
He's not a stranger.
Mikaela's legs pump harder than they ever have before, sheer shock closing her throat and stinging her eyes.
She runs and runs and runs and then she is upon them and Steve looks heartbroken and Pepper is crying and Tony is there, he's right there, but she can't see Peter yet but that's okay because Tony is here and that means Peter is too and-
She stops short from throwing herself at Tony because she finally notices the state he's in. "Oh my god," she pants. "Tony, oh my god, you're back." But he looks terrible.
He won't look at her. Why won't he look at her?
She looks past him, at the other person from inside the ship. It's a blue-skinned, bald woman, and Rocket is sitting next to her and taking her hand. The glowing woman has stopped glowing and is watching them all curiously.
"Tony?" Mikaela asks, and she looks back to her guardian, to one of the most important people in her life, and he still won't look at her. He just stares at the ground and breathes heavily and lets a few tears fall.
Pepper sobs and quickly squeezes Mikaela's hand before guiding Tony towards the building.
"I'm sorry," Steve says, and she has never seen him look so genuinely pained.
Then he follows after them. The others, who had gathered at the ship, give her sad looks, and then they, too, walk away.
Mikaela's heart is thumping in her ears. Suddenly she feels like she can't breathe or hear or feel or see. It's like she's been shoved underwater.
The implied message fights against her reluctance and denial.
A raw stab of pain in her chest nearly buckles her.
She stumbles, glancing around her for something, anything, to make the pain go away.
Rocket is looking up at her, tears in his eyes, and she sees sympathy amongst his own pain.
Pete's not here.
He didn't come back.
Tony couldn't look at her because he didn't bring Peter back.
He must be out there, somewhere. Tony must just have not been able to find him. Maybe the glowing woman doesn't speak their language and he couldn't tell her they needed to find Peter.
"Do you know Nick Fury?"
The voice startles Mikaela.
It's the glowing woman. She does speak English. In fact, she sounds American.
Mikaela needs to make a new excuse for Peter's absence before she loses it.
"No, but I think I've heard the humans talk about him. Ask Mikaela."
Mikaela looks at Rocket at the sound of her name.
The glowing woman who isn't glowing anymore approaches Mikaela, adopting a friendly expression.
Mikaela is barely holding it together.
Peter isn't here. Why the hell isn't he here?
"Hi, do you know Nick Fury?" the woman asks.
Mikaela takes a while to find her voice. Long enough that the woman starts to look concerned. "Where's Peter?"
The woman frowns. "Who?"
"The kid?"
It's the blue-skinned woman. Her voice is dark and monotonous and hollow.
Mikaela nods.
"Vanished. With our friends."
Her breath escapes her. The blonde woman reaches out to steady Mikaela, and then the tears start to fall.
"Fury," Mikaela says, clearing her throat, embarrassed, denial flaring again, nausea churning in her stomach. "Fury vanished. Sorry."
The blonde woman looks upset, but then Mikaela can't see her face anymore because she has wrapped her arms around Mikaela and brought her into an embrace. Mikaela doesn't fight it. She doesn't have the capacity.
"Sorry. I'm sorry," Mikaela croaks out, sniffing and tensing her entire body in an attempt to not start sobbing.
The woman shushes her gently and rubs her back. "It's okay," she whispers. After a moment, she says, "I'm Carol. What's your name?"
"Mikaela."
"It's okay, Mikaela."
"You didn't see a guy my age in a suit with big, white bug eyes?" Mikaela asks. Her voice is so quiet and weak.
"No, I'm sorry."
"Maybe he just had his mask off - he has light brown hair and it's really fluffy and bouncy when he's had his mask on and he has these eyes-"
She can't speak anymore.
"I just came across their ship when they were adrift in space," Carol says gently, pulling away as if to show her genuine expression to prove her words.
"I'm sorry, kid, but Nebula said-" Rocket begins, walking up to them.
Mikaela's voice can't make it past the lump in her throat. She clenches her jaw and looks pleadingly at Rocket, making him pause. He sighs and takes her hand. She stares at him, another few tears falling.
"C'mon, let's go inside with the others."
The four of them start to walk across the grass, Mikaela's face contorting and crumpling with the effort of not letting her emotions explode. She stumbles every other step, her limbs clumsy and heavy and slow, her mind too preoccupied to compensate.
"This is the Avengers Facility," Rocket explains quietly to his companion, Nebula. "They're like the Earth version of us." Mikaela looks at him, only realising that she was waiting for a punchline when it didn't come.
Nebula said their friends vanished too.
They find the rest of the team in the private kitchen. Pepper is insisting they find Tony fresh clothes, and the others are standing around, in awe that someone actually came back.
"I'm going to change too," Carol says, detaching herself from Mikaela to walk into another room. Mikaela hadn't even realised the woman had linked arms with her.
She spots Thor, back to sulking, at a far point in the room.
Rocket is quietly listing the names of the people in the room for Nebula's benefit, and then announces her name when they all turn to look at him.
"Glad to have you here," Steve says earnestly.
Mikaela sits gently on the edge of a chair, staring into nothing.
Everyone is just.. functioning around her? Natasha is making glasses of water, Bruce is quietly speaking with Rhodes, even Rocket seems mostly alright.
Mikaela, on the other hand, feels like she's ripping apart at the seams. She's balancing on an edge and it isn't going to take much to tip her over.
She feels so goddamn lost and she doesn't have the slightest idea what to do about it.
Peter isn't fucking here, and that fact is tearing her into tiny little pieces she doesn't think she'll ever be able to put back together again.
She has never felt true loss before. She thinks it might just be the end of her.