Forty-eight

BPOV

I sat at a small table in Starbucks, nervously tapping my nails on the table and eyeing one of the chocolate cupcakes sitting in the deli window. Bringing my hand up to my swollen belly, I sighed. I really did not need the cupcake but it was calling out to me, begging my to devour it. Shifting my eyes away from the temptation, I looked down at the manuscript that was sitting in front of me. All 456 pages of it, bound and ready for me to hand off to Angela, if I could get the balls to give it up.

It was now the middle of February and I was currently in my twenty-sixth week of my pregnancy, even though I looked closer to thirty. My belly was no longer hideable. Was hideable a word? I didn't think so but at this point I didn't care. The point was, I had officially bloomed, popped, blossomed, whatever word you wanted to use. I could no longer wear my normal clothes, or any of Edward's. I had been reduced to wearing maternity clothes and, while that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, the fact that Alice had purchased all of my maternity clothes, kind of was. They weren't nearly as comfortable as I wanted but I knew she needed to do this and, for now anyway, I would let her win this battle, for I would win the war.

"Great, now even my thoughts are loony," I muttered.

"Are you talking to yourself?" asked Angela, from behind me. "I heard only the crazies do that."

I turned in my seat and tried to get up but she held up her hand. "Don't, that looks painful," she laughed. She stepped up and hugged me, ignoring the large mass that was poking her in the boobs. She pulled away, smiling. "Wow, look at you all happy and preggy."

"I know," I agreed. She set her messenger bag down on the table and started rummaging through it.

"I need coffee, like really bad," she said, pulling out her wallet. "Can I get you anything?"

I bit my lip as I looked over at the cupcake. "You see that big, fluffy chocolate cupcake?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, nodding her head as she followed my eyes.

"I really don't need it," I sighed, placing my hand back on my belly.

"But you want it bad, don't you?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"So bad," I sighed, looking back at her.

"I won't tell," she whispered, smiling wickedly.

"You're the best friend a prego could have," I laughed.

Angela laughed as she headed up to the counter. She ordered her coffee and pointed to the biggest cupcake. I nearly burst into tears when she placed it on the table in front of me. Taking my time to peel off the paper, I took a big bite, moaning as my taste buds exploded with chocolaty goodness. Angela just sat across from me, sipping on her Venti Caramel Macchiato and trying very hard not to laugh as I practically make love to my food. Oh, Edward with chocolate all over him, now that sounded good.

"I don't think I want to know what you are thinking," giggled Angela. I blushed as I licked my fingers clean.

"No, you don't," I admitted. Angela laughed again, setting her cup on the table. She looked over at my manuscript.

"Is that it?" she asked. I nodded my head, placing my hand on it. "You could have just emailed it to me."

"I know," I muttered, completely embarrassed.

Angela leaned back in her seat. "Are you sure you want to give me that?" she asked, nodding toward my life's work.

"No, not at all," I said, breathlessly. Angela just sat there. "You know that this is more than just a book, right?"

"I do," she said, quietly.

I nodded. "It's my story." I brought my hands up to my face as I felt the tears start to build. "Sorry, my hormones are all out of whack."

"It's fine." Angela slid a napkin across the table.

"Thank you," I whispered, picking it up and wiping my eyes. Looking back at my book, I said, "There are things in here that I had a very hard time with sharing with anyone."

"Except for Edward." It was the true. A simple truth.

"Except for Edward," I admitted. "But it was hard to tell him everything my ex had done to me, Angela. Everything I let him do to me."

"Bella, if you aren't ready, you don't have to give it to me," she said, quietly.

"I do, though," I murmured. Sliding my hand off the book and down to my bursting belly. "My babies will be here before we know it. I have to let go of all the… I don't know, worry and fear that this is all just a dream."

"Honey, you know that Edward loves you, right?" asked Angela, leaning forward.

"Of course I do, Angela," I smiled. "But I thought Mike loved me. It was foolish to think that what he called love was really love."

"Edward isn't like Mike," she said, quietly.

"No, he's not," I agreed. "And that's why I have to let you take my book."

"I don't understand."

"As long as I hold on to this," I explained, placing my hand back on my manuscript, "then I am never going to be completely free of the hell that I went through. It's always going to sit there, mocking me, betraying me, pulling pieces of me away from those I love. By letting it go, by letting you publish it, I'm making the choice that he can't hurt me ever again."

Angela smiled as she leaned back in her seat. "That's a huge step, Bella."

"It's a small step," I said, disagreeing with her. Placing my hands on my belly. "This is a huge step. Letting go of all of it, just to be a good mom, is a huge step."

"I can't believe you are going to have two babies," she said, smiling. "Any names yet?"

"Yes," I giggled. "But we aren't telling."

"That is so mean," she whined, falling back in her seat again.

"I know, but Edward and I want something to be a surprise when they come," I laughed.

"You really love him, don't you?" asked Angela.

"Remember when we were little and we would watch all those silly Disney movies?" I asked.

"Yeah, like Cinderella," she said, nodding her head.

"Yeah," I murmured. "Edward's my prince charming. He would deny it, tell you that I saved him and all this bullshit but the truth is, if he hadn't loved me, Angela…" I trailed off as I shook my head. "He's my everything. Our babies are going to have the most amazing daddy." Angela's smile grew and I realized just how silly I sounded. "I sound like a crazy person, don't I?"

"A little," she admitted. "Or someone in love."

I rolled my eyes as I blushed. "So when are you and Ben going to tie the knot?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Um, never," she said, shaking her head.

"Oh, come on, Angela, don't you want to get married?" I asked.

"No," she said, cringing. "I mean, it's just not for me and Ben. Besides, we don't need a piece of paper to tell us that we will be spending the rest of our lives together."

"Yeah, you've been together what, twelve years now?" I asked. "What's a silly piece of paper or shiny diamond ring going to prove?"

"I know it sounds pretty strange, Bella," smiled Angela, "but it's what's works for me and Ben."

"I'm not judging you," I said, shifting in my seat. "If you are happy, then I am happy."

"By the looks of that belly, you are very happy," she teased.

"Ugh, don't make fat jokes," I whined.

"I'm not. I think you look adorable," she laughed. "And I'm very happy for you and Edward, Bella. You both deserve all the happiness in the world."

"That was so…mushy," I giggled, standing up. I picked up my manuscript and handed it to her. "Angela, thank you for everything."

"Thank me when I make you a best seller," she smiled, pulling it out of my hand. She came around the table and hugged me. "I'm proud of you for taking this gigantic step."

"Baby step," I murmured.

She shook her head as she turned and picked up her messenger bag, slinging it up on her shoulder. "No such steps when making a decision like this, Honey. I'll be in touch, ok?"

"Ok," I said, quietly.

I watched as Angela walked out to her rental car and drove off with my manuscript in her arms. It was surreal and bittersweet to watch her taking a part of me with her. My book had been my therapist, my voice in the darkness, my sanctuary for so long, that it felt odd to not have it with me anymore. As I stood there, however, my babies kicked, reminding me that they were worth letting go and moving forward.

A little over an hour later, I pulled my car up into the driveway of mine and Edward's house. When I walked inside, I found him, Emmett, and Jasper sitting on the floor of the living room, surrounded by the parts to the two baby cribs we had ordered. Rose and Alice were sitting on the couch behind them, laughing while they argued about which piece went next.

"Um, what's going on?" I asked. Edward looked up at me, clearly annoyed.

"We are trying to put together these fucking cribs," he said, shortly. "But they are fucking impossible!"

"Why in the hell did you pick cribs that were this hard?" spat Emmett. I looked over at Edward, raising an eyebrow. He, however, refused to meet my eye.

"Did you tell him that I picked these out, Edward?" I asked, kicking my shoes off, sighing with relief. I hated shoes.

"No," he muttered.

"You fucking liar," belted Emmett, pointing at him. "You said you wanted to get one of those easy ones that comes all together but that Bella here insisted on these."

"Edward Anthony," I gasped, walking over and sitting next to Alice and Rose, with a loud groan. "God, I love this couch."

"Why don't you marry it," snickered Emmett.

"How fucking old are you, Emmett?" I laughed, shaking my head.

"Old enough to know better, young enough not to care," he said, winking at me. I shook my head and looked over at Rose.

"Are you sure you want to marry him?" I asked.

"Yeah, for some reason I find his idiocy sexy," she said, fondly.

"That's right, baby," he smirked, leaning back and winking at her.

"Ugh, that's just wrong," grumbled Edward, throwing a bar from the crib at him, smacking Emmett right in the head..

"Ouch, you fucker," whined Emmett, rubbing his head. "Bella, Edward hit me."

"And?" I asked, leaning back. "Am I supposed to care?"

"Nobody loves me," muttered Emmett, throwing the bar back at Edward. However, my husband was quicker than Emmett and caught it before it hit him.

"Good catch, Baby," I cheered.

"Thanks, Love," winked Edward.

"Ok, ok, enough," said Jasper. "Let's get these cribs put together already."

"It would help if we had instructions that weren't in Japanese or Korean," snipped Edward. I bit my lip as I gestured to the paper sitting behind him.

"You mean like those instructions?" I asked. Edward followed my finger and narrowed his eyes, picking them up.

"Yes," he muttered, embarrassedly.

"You mean they were right behind you the whole time!" groused Jasper, falling back onto this back. "Fuck my life."

By the time Edward, Emmett, and Jasper got both cribs put together, they had cursed everything and anything. Alice, Rose, and I tried to be supportive but after about an hour of us laughing every time they smacked one of their thumbs or pinched themselves, they ordered us to get out of the living room. So we did the next best thing. The three of us climbed on to mine and Edward's bed and watched a movie while they worked on the cribs.

Emmett and Jasper helped Edward get them into what used to be our guest room and left with Alice and Rose, making them promise to kiss their injuries. I didn't want to think about what that really meant. I climbed off the bed and headed down the hallway to our new nursery. Edward had spent three days painting the room beige with white trim. He told me that since we were having one of each it was a nice neutral color for them. I didn't disagree. Sitting against two of the walls were the dark oak cribs they had been working on. Edward was placing the two new mattresses inside of them.

"They look great," I commented.

Edward turned and looked at me. "Thanks," he chuckled. "Can you believe that in around ten weeks we will have babies in here?" I shook my head, bringing my hand up to my belly. "Are you ok? After your meeting with Angela?"

"I guess," I said, moving over and standing behind him, slipping my arms around his waist and laying my head on his back. "I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?" he asked, turning and slipping his arms under mine.

"That people will judge me," I whispered. "That they will blame me for staying so long."

"Screw them if they do," he said, leaning down and kissing the side of my neck.

"That easy, huh?" I asked, tilting my head to give him more access. "Fuck, Edward," I gasped.

"That easy, Baby," he murmured, letting his lips brush across my ear.

"It was hard to let her take it," I whispered.

"But you did, and that was huge," he murmured.

"So I've heard," I giggled, kissing him. "I'm going to go take a hot shower."

"Ok, I'll be in there in a minute."

I left Edward standing in the middle of the babies room and headed down the hallway to our bedroom, stripping my clothes off as I walked into the bathroom. Bending over, I turned the water on and felt a gush as fluid poured out of me. Springing back up, I brought my hand down between my legs.

"EDWARD!" I screamed, leaning against the wall. A loud crash came as Edward came running in to the bathroom panic spreading on his face.

"What?" he asked, looking all around.

"My water broke."