December 1865
As requested by Hijikata-san, i had teamed up with the Rasetsu. My unit, not aware of their existence, was told i was on special missions and therefore were under Harada's command. Toudou's unit also changed commander for a time and joined Inoue's. It's been a month now that Toudou and Chizuru had been stationed as undercover maikos and i was kept in the blur. Us captains didn't have any informations about the mission. Hijikata-san and Kondou-san were probably thinking that we didn't need to have any if there wasn't anything of importance discovered and it wasn't my duty to ask. Even if it was killing me inside. I had faith in Toudou for keeping her safe, even without swords. That boy wasn't the most talented of the captains but he still was far above any average swordsman. And i don't know if he was still in love with Chizuru but i knew for sure that they were very close friends. He wouldn't let anyone hurt or dishonor her. I had to convince myself that no news were good news and calm my anxiety.
Teaming up with the Rasetsu was actually not bad. I always prefered patrolling at night anyway. It was silent, less crowded and i could really have all my senses alert. And i was very surprised with Sannan's corp. They didn't look like the Rasetsu i was accustomed to. They were disciplined, their white hair and crimson eyes weren't showing and they looked exactly like any other men. I guess they weren't mad yet like the ones i was ordered to chase.
« Impressed, Saito-kun ? » asked Sannan with a proud smile.
I nodded in response. I was indeed impressed that Sannan could keep so much Rasetsu under his command.
« Hijikata-san gave us a wonderful opportunity to show our merit. I really believe that Rasetsu could be the future of the Shinsengumi » he continued.
Future of the Shinsengumi seemed to be a big word though. I sincerely hoped the Shinsengumi could keep being humans and not yield to the ochimizu.
« How's your arm, Sannan ? » i asked.
« Better than ever. It healed perfectly and that's not all. All my body has been enhanced since i drank the ochimizu. Better reflexes, more strengh... That medecine isn't a curse, it's a gift. »
« Until you go mad. » i couldn't stop myself to say.
« I suppose » he chuckled « I'm working on that specific part and i have already proven that my Rasetsu were better than Kodo's. Keeping their sanity for longer... Maybe i could cure the... madness... » he said but he hesitated on the last word.
I knew the word he was avoiding was bloodlust. I wondered if Sannan had already experienced it. It is said that it is so painful that it's what droves you mad. If Sannan could find a way to cure it... What a breakthrough it could be for the researchs on the Rasetsu and what a relief it could be for the shinsengumi. We wouldn't have to kill our own men then.
I thought about Sannan's miraculous recovery and i couldn't stop myself from asking.
« Can the ochimizu only cure wounds ? »
« What do you mean ? » he asked me with a malicious smile « are you thinking about Okita-kun ? »
Souji's illness was a secret but in the end, everyone knew. You cannot cough blood for so long without it being tuberculosis. In respect for Souji, no one was bringing up the subject but he was dying. I nodded to Sannan.
« I knew it was something like this... Truth is i don't know. I lack data on the matter. I've seen the efficiency of the ochimizu on wounds and physical damages but i never tried it on illnesses. The only way for us to know would be for Okita-kun to drink it. » he turned to me « do you think you could persuade him, Saito-kun ? »
I paused to think. The ochimizu could be the best way to save Souji's life but it came at a great cost. If Souji gets mad, would i be able to kill my best friend ? Not only could i lack the will but also the strength. Souji was the Sword of the Shinsengumi. The most talented swordman with me and Nagakura. An enhanced Souji would be an opponent who could doom us all. And what about Souji's humanity ? What would Kondou-san think ? Souji was a son to him.
« If Souji decides to take the ochimizu, i will not prevent him from doing so and will respect his choice, just like i would if he chooses the opposite. It's Souji's personal choice to make and i will not interfere. »
Sannan nodded in agreement.
« I agree. The decision must come from the warrior. Just like i chose one year ago that i would not bear my broken arm any longer. »
Memories of that day came in my mind. Chizuru crying, Sannan on the floor, Okita and his sword unsheathed. Since then, Sannan had lived in the shadows with his corp.
« Do you sometimes regret to be condemned to hide ? »
« I would be lying if i told you that i do not miss the sun on my skin and the colors of the day. At night, the leaves, the cherry blossoms, the water of the river... They are all in shades of grey. But i do not regret my arm injury and i enjoy my new strength. If hiding is the price to pay, so be it. I gladly take the burden. »
Again, we stopped talking and walked quietly until Sannan broke the silence.
« What about you, Saito-kun ? » he asked with a wryly smile « could you drink the ochimizu ? »
Again, i took the time to think about my answer.
« I cannot know for sure already since i'm not in position of needing it. I guess it depends on the circumstances. If taking it is for the greater good of the Shinshengumi, i'll do it. »
« I had this feeling about you. Maybe you and I are more similar than we think. You, like me, belong in the shadows, Saito-kun. »
I didn't know how to interpret it, i just hoped it wasn't an omen when i put my gaze into Sannan's one, his wryly smile still painted on his face. I hoped i would never have to take the ochimizu.