Phase XXX - Weight of Guilt

Esthar City/ 5 Miles Away From Presidential Palace

03:33 hrs EST

The engines hummed as the craft ascending into the sky towards the underground bunker. The yammering of Esthari native tongue had begun to be a familiar sound for him now, even after only being here for a week or so. Squall surveyed the other occupants of the ship, their white suits covered in dirt and blood…hopefully not belonging to anyone on their side.

Medics rushed about tending to the wounded, one even wrapping up Squall's leg in bandages to stop the minor bleeding now. Advanced cura spells cast upon him, engulfing him in a green mist and tingling his senses until he was 'new' again.

In the near distance, he saw his father sitting there. A man he once thought was dead long ago, a man he thought he'd never get the chance to meet. And now, Laguna Loire was trying to fight the nurse off as she tried to tend to his own injuries.

Squall sighed, carefully sliding past his medic to sit near his father. Selphie sat only a seat away, laughing at the whole ordeal. Squall plopped down next to her, watching his father insisted that he was okay and that he wouldn't be needing any kind of needles.

He turned to the brunette, placing his hand on the knee of her own dirty jumpsuit and smirked, "You saved my ass out there."

His attempt at humour was not returned, only being met with a scoff and her bolting up from her seat to walk away towards the cockpit.

"Y'know, us Loire men are terrible with women." Laguna chimed in.

Squall snorted, "It's a good thing I'm not a 'Loire' then."

Laguna winced. "I deserved that."

Squall felt the insult land, "Look, I didn't-"

His father waved him off, his hand landed on his shoulder over what used to be Selphie's seat. "What's that thing you say all the time?"

Squall narrowed his eyes perplexed. "What?"

Laguna's voice went down a few octaves, his face contorting into a deep frown. "Whatever."

Squall shrugged off his hand, "I do not sound like that."

He laughed, "Maybe to you in your head."

He had enough of being made fun of, pressing his hands into the armrests and proceeding to get up.

"Wait!" Laguna shouted, and then his eyes looked around the room. "Uh, about...before."

Squall sank back down in his seat, "It's just..." he sighed, eyes staring ahead of him losing the words entirely. This is getting awkward now.

Firstly, he was never great with words or expressing his feelings or emotions. Secondly, even after two years of finding out about his biological father, Squall had no idea how to be a son. For nineteen years, he didn't have parents to take care of him. Sure, Ma Dincht was a slight expectation, but then again she wasn't his mother.

Squall's views on family were incredibly obscured. He had no knowledgeable basis of how they even worked. How it felt to be in a mother's arms, to feel loved unconditionally by someone else.

Yet, in the back of his mind, he'd always been curious. Always felt an emptiness in his heart where his parents should have been.

Laguna chuckled, drawing Squall out of his 'internal shit storm'. "She did that, too, y'know."

Squall didn't even have to question who 'she' was. She was their common bond, she was the one who would have kept them all together had she not died in childbirth.

Regardless, Squall didn't know what she did. "Huh?"

"You get all quiet and start thinking about stuff. She used to tell me it was just a way of sorting things out in her head, before she would reprimand me for being an idiot."

Squall bit his tongue to stop himself from vocally agreeing with her. "Nothing to figure out. Nothing makes sense anymore."

Laguna took note of Squall eyeing the cockpit door and smirked. "You should apologize."

Squall turned to him with a scowl, "I already did."

Laguna rolled his eyes, "Not to me, son. To her."

His son exhaled heavily, "She doesn't even wanna talk to me."

The older man grinned, pride evident in his eyes. "If there is one thing I know about women, the best way to get to her heart is through her pant-"

Squall's face went beat red, hiding his face the palm of his hand.

I-I don't think that's how it goes at all!

"Hey," She greeted them from behind with a smile.

The pilot looked confused and muttered a curse under his breath. "You cannot ve 'ere."

Silence, until he turned his head to the sound of typing. His heart leapt into his throat to find the brown haired girl playing around with their coordinates.

"Vat are you crazzzzy!?" he screamed as the whole ship jolted from whatever the hell Selphie just did. He pressed auto-pilot temporarily with enough time to jump out of his seat to reprimand her.

Selphie maneuvered gracefully around him and fell into his seat. She flashed a clever smile, "Thanks for keepin' the seat warm, but I got it all taken care of!"

She hummed over the sound his colourful barrage of Estharian insults, enough to distract her from her current issues and her sorry excuse of a SeeD partner outside that door.

Quistis watched as the aircraft came in for a landing, but not in its usual protocol. It wavered back and forth, circling in rather than just landing onto the helipad. Her gut sank, remembering and fully regretting who she just sent out there on an aircraft.

"Why is it flying around like that?" Ellone stepped up from behind her, tone full of concern.

As it finally came in the air picked up around them, waiting for the hydraulics to kick in and unseal the hatch.

"I have a bad feeling about this…" She muttered.

The hatch dropped to the ground and out came a bunch of troops unable to walk in a straight line and holding their stomachs. Some going as far to run off and puke from intense nausea.

The first recognizable figure to step off was a large man grasping Selphie's arm as she dangled like a rag doll from his grasp. "Hey! C'mon! I wasn't so bad! Not my fault Etharians can't stomach aerial donuts!"

Kiros' voice could be heard from behind them, "Ward says, 'If you think killin' us with your 'tricks' still counts as a successful mission, there is something wrong with your head!'"

Quistis laughed, "You can put her down now."

Ward dropped Selphie.

She sprang up rubbing her arm, "A lil more gently next time thanks!"

"Did you find him?" Quistis asked her.

As Selphie opened her mouth Ellone shouted, "Uncle!"

Her arms clamped around the shoulders of both her younger brother and her uncle. Her body shook, sobbing uncontrollably as Rayan stayed a fair distance away. "I thought…oh my hyne, I really thought…"

Laguna consoled her by stroking her head and embracing her tightly. "It's okay, Elle. I'm alright, I'm alright. I'm here."

Squall, feeling uncomfortable, slipped away towards the blonde General.

"And he lives." Her greeting full of frustration, "I could have you locked up for that."

Squall scoffed bitterly, "You wouldn't-"

"Try me." She cut him off, icy glare boring into his own. "You defied a direct order from the General of the Estharian army. SeeD or not, give me one goddamn reason why I shouldn't kick your ass out of this bunker right now!"

Squall sighed.

"He saved my life."

Quistis peered around him to see her president standing there in the flesh. He was covered in grime, hair sticking up in places it usually didn't, and his suit had been riddled with holes. Possibly out of reflex or even respect the blonde instantly saluted him, as well as any soldier still left standing behind her. "SIR!"

Squall was surprised that Laguna didn't have a leg cramp or even get bashful. He limped by him addressing the rest of his men. No goofy incorrect analogy or even a smile, his father was dead serious.

"The enemy is in our city, has destroyed our homes and broken up families. Esthar was once neutral in this war, but now we have to stand up and fight, too. This is war against our people, against our country. We will fight alongside our allies to make sure this sorceress is detained for what she has done to us and those we love."

His men saluted in unison. The president of Esthar continued, "Our allies stand next to us today. Esthar was there for them when they needed shelter and hospitality. Now it is time to help them. We will give SeeD the army it needs to fight this war."

Laguna turned to his son, "If that's okay with you, son."

Squall just nodded.

The hologram emitted a turquoise hue that lit up their faces as they stared into the map of the ruined city.

No markers could be seen this time, telling them that no life was out there now, not of their men anyway.

Squall's eyes couldn't tear away from the 3D model of rubble. Couldn't get his mind off of the destruction he saw out there.

Laguna looked distraught. A heavy feeling in his gut. This graphic representation was not at all the same as the last time he looked at it. In the span of a few weeks, this city - his city, was unrecognizable. It was hard not to feel the weight of guilt on his shoulders, the desperation of trying to right being wronged.

His eyes cast to his son standing next to him, hoping beyond hope that Squall being here could make some kind of difference to their situation, to make it all better.

"Son,"

Squall looked up, his frown deepening. "We run." An audible mixture of gasps and grunts filled the room between the six of them. he scowled, "It's a matter of time before Rinoa's forces come find us. With all our remaining ships and men, we're not exactly the most discreet."

"He's right." Quistis agreed. "We can't stay here forever."

Laguna looked displeased. "How bad is it?"

Squall's eyes met his.

Laguna swallowed, "Out there, I mean."

He sighed, turning to Selphie from across the room. She stepped forward towards the hologram. "Pretty bad."

Laguna took in a sharp inhale, "Sorry, but I literally have been hiding under a fucking rock this whole time mind filling me in more than that?! "

The room momentarily went silent, uneasiness to the rare occasion of hearing Laguna drop an F-bomb on them like that.

"Rinoa's forces are heading east. They've probably hit FH by now." Squall explained. "Which brings us to why we're here."

Selphie continued, "We got SeeDs fighting alongside the Underground Association who have an army of rebels ready to take her out. We came here to not only assure Sir Laguna is alive, but also to get your help fighting the sorceress again."

Laguna didn't even hesitate, "Okay. You have it, what else do you need?"

"SeeDs. All of them. Anyone able bodied to fight." Squall told him. "They'll be the best prepared we got."

Quistis scoffed, "In case you haven't noticed were probably less prepared now than we ever have been."

"I know. But we have to go in with whatever we got."

"We can't do that." Laguna suddenly said, making everyone's eyes shoot over to their president.

"Don't be stupid." Squall spat almost cutting his father off. "Laguna-"

Laguna got in his face. "This isn't just about you! The Esthari…These are people who lost their lives, their families! I can't just let their losses mean nothing!"

"You aren't safe here!" Squall retorted, eyes watching the two men bicker.

"And neither are my people." Laguna replied, as he backed away and stalked out of the war room.

"You're people!?" Squall shouted at his back.

What about you're son?

The door slid shut.

What about me?

A skull smashed against the wall, blood splattering everywhere. Seifer, in a manic fit of rage stood wiping his hands with a once white hand towel. His men were falling, and ironically partially because he kept killing the lackeys himself.

Everyone else in the room tried to remain as stoic as they could, but watching their comrade being murdered before their eyes by their general's anger issues was another sight to see.

"You!" The galbadian soldier to his right jolted at attention when Seifer barked and pointed at him.

"Y-yes sir."

"I want all units to prepare for dispatch. We're burning this fuckin' city to the ground, boys."

Laguna walked into the open area where all the white sterile cubicles lined up full of the injured. As he paced through the makeshift hallways he could hear murmurs and groans of patients getting treatment. He felt heavy. The pain, the anguish these people were going through…was all because of him.

He remembered the day Cid Kramer called him and told him about the shutting down of the Garden Administration almost out of some kind of respect. A 'father' to a father sort of talk. This was before his son knew what was going to happen.

The two older men discussed trivial things like the weather at first, which leads right into a deeper discussion about the abandonment of many young adults and children who would lose their homes. It wasn't even a question, Laguna didn't even hesitate by offering sanctuary to those SeeDs and cadets that needed it. Regardless this act of generosity was more like a repayment for what SeeD did for the Esthari people regarding Adel. He felt indebted to Cid for his contribution.

Papers were processed a week later, and Laguna was welcoming 4000 of them into his country. None of which would be his son. Laguna found out through Elle that Squall had chosen to stay in Balamb and would not be following his men to the eastern continent.

He had tried to reconcile with his son many times to no avail…until now. His son was in the same building now having risked his life countless times to get to him. And yet, here he was rifling through the damage caused by his own generosity that led to such devastation. In a selfish way he almost wished that he could go back and had refused Cid's request.

"Uncle?" He heard her sweet voice from behind him, her brown haired head poking out from behind a white curtain, brown eyes full of concern.

"Hey, Elle." He sheepishly greeted scratching the back of his head. "Didn't see ya there. What's up?"

She walked closer to him, "You left so suddenly. Are you okay?"

"Okay!?" He laughed, "Of course I am!"

She shook her head, "Stop it."

Who was he kidding? His little girl was always good at catching his lies. "Got a sec?" She nodded.

"I…made a mistake." He huffed, Ellone looked startled.

"How?"

"I fucked up." His eyes full of sadness. "We all knew Rinoa was a sorceress. She went to space and released Adel. If it were anyone else, I would have locked them up in a dark cell to waste away for what she did…but I didn't."

"You didn't know she was going to turn out this way." She reassured him, "None of us did."

"Odine did." He insisted. "And I should have listened, but I had a soft spot for the girl. She's Julia's daughter for fuck sakes. I couldn't do that to her."

"And you're blaming yourself." Ellone stated, looking at him in slight disbelief.

"This is all my fault." He sighed, "I could have prevented all of this had I listened."

"But you didn't know she'd turn out this way!"

"Elle," His green eyes sullen and his face still littered with small cuts and bruises, "There is no such thing as a 'good' sorceress. They all go bad. We thought she'd be different, but her powers took over and this - all this - is the price we pay."

"Uncle…"

"I did this. And now I have to make things right."

Selphie sat on a cot in one of the open areas full of bedding for the abled bodied occupants of the compound. Pressed against her body the worn down wood, and her fingers entangled in the frets of an old guitar she had found. She hummed a tune, while strumming gently and picking at the strings.

It felt like ages since she picked up an instrument, when in reality it must have been a few months. She figured her own guitar, the one she had in Dollet must have been the last time she played. The thought made her miss home.

Home?

'You can go home, Selphie.'

I don't have a home anymore. My home was with…

She shook her head. No. She wouldn't go there.

"We are shouting…" she sung softly.

Little did she know she had an audience. Brown little eyes watching her intently from behind a bed nearby, listening to her every word. "We are whispering."

Selphie looked up, seeing a bluish green cloth move that was not a part of the bedspread. "We give it all."

The head poked out, revealing a curious little girl. "We have nothing…"

The little one stared at her instrument curiously coming closer, but also afraid of this strange woman. Selphie offered smile, setting the guitar down next to her. "Hi."

The little girl ducked suddenly, spooked by her voice. "No! Hey… it's okay. You can come out now. I won't hurt you."

The little girl, as if she understood, poked her head up again seeing that the instrument was on the bed now. She slowly came out from her hiding spot, her round eyes skeptical. When she deemed it safe, she got closer to Selphie, sitting across from her on another bed. The girl was very little, probably around five or so.

"Hi. I'm Selphie. What's your name?" She extended a hand.

The girl looked at it and shook her head.

"Okay." Selphie drawled out, "Uhh…do you want to hear me sing?"

The girl tilted her head.

"I'll take that as a yes." Selphie smiled, picking up and playing the guitar again. "Built our houses on our hands, we are confident in our own plans."

The little girl grinned, clearly enjoying her music.

"Here we keep and here we stand. We are right now."

The girl clapped, and then jumped forwards to touch the guitar. Her tiny fingers strummed at it in awe, when it strummed she blinked as if she had never seen anything like it.

"Here." Selphie urged her to take it. "You might need this more than I do."

The little girl backed up, suddenly grabbing something in a pouch she had on her. Out came an orange, a nice juicy ripe one. She wanted a trade. A guitar for an orange.

"Sounds like a deal." Selphie laughed, taking it as she grabbed the guitar.

The sound of someone calling out perked them up and the little girl knew it was her cue to leave. She smiled back at Selphie and nodded, proceeding to run towards her mother with the guitar dragging against the ground behind her.

Selphie just smiled on, rolling the fruit in her hands. A small gift for just a moment of her time, a moment where she made the little girl forget about her situation. Her nails dug into it's skin, juice squirting out onto her palms. Regardless, Selphie peeled at it, popping a slice into her mouth. It felt good to be eating something so fresh and natural, rather than rations or fast food…or nothing.

"Hey there."

Her shoulders stiffened to the sound of his voice, frustrated that he had to come and ruin the moment. But then again she hadn't given him much of her time to discuss...whatever was wrong between them now.

"Hi." She said, eyes staring straight ahead.

"This seat taken?"

She chewed on the fruit, shrugging.

Squall sat down across from her, his attention in the direction of the little girl's retreating figure with her parents. "I'm not surprised you'd make new friends."

"What do you want?" She asked.

"Well," he started, hesitating, "I suppose I owe you an apology."

Selphie nodded, eating another slice.

"Look, what I said before…I-"

"Was an asshole?" Selphie finished, "Yeah, you were."

"Okay," he frowned, "We can run with that."

Selphie scoffed, "You don't even realize the shit you put me through- what you put us all through." She shook her head, a look of betrayal in her eyes. "I thought you were dead out there."

"I know." Squall sighed, "Look, what I did was stupid. But…I…"

"What?"

His eyes finally connected with hers, "I'm glad you're okay. And if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be sitting here…"

"This is hard." She finally said. "Us. Whatever this is…it's hard for me."

"So…you want out?"

Leave it to him - to her, and this whole situation to be incredibly confusing. Not only was she dealing with a guy who was socially inept with words or speaking about feelings, she wasn't even sure what he literally was referring to. They weren't anything more than comrades, but…with feelings involved that made working together that much harder. Or he could have been talking about the mission...she didn't know.

"I'm not…" she felt her cheeks flush. "I'm not even sure what that means anymore."

"I suppose what we have to do and what we want can't be mutually exclusive." Squall let out, sounding disappointed.

Selphie looked up, "What do you want?"

He rubbed at the stubble on his face, blue eyes staring at the floor and elbows against his knees. "I want…to win this war."

That hurt.

That wasn't what she wanted to hear, but what she expected him to say. Squall had this way about actively trying to avoid emotions. She knew he cared, but she didn't know how much. Whenever she got him close to admitting how he felt about her, he'd always recoil.

And yet in an ass backwards way, Squall told her what he wanted. He chose his duty before them.

She nodded, her voice raspy. "Yeah."

Their eyes connected. "Me too. I want that, too."

The floor under them shook violently. Squall's hand latched onto her arm. His eyes wide with surprise. "Selphie!? Selphie!"

A/N: Looks like I am baaaaaack. Truth be told the last few chapters in this story are almost done. Don't know when it'll all be released, but we are getting there! Enjoy!