A/N: The celebration of the new year quickly turns bitter when Griffin can still taste the alcohol that seems to cast a shadow over a moment she shares with Faragonda. No magic AU. Happy ending I promise.
Griffin rummaged through her purse in search of her keys. It was either the three glasses of champagne that were making her memories of where she'd put them hazy or it was the feeling of Faragonda's gaze on her that didn't let her concentrate on her search. She just hoped she hadn't lost her keys.
She'd offered that Faragonda come home with her since her apartment was closer to the hall where they'd celebrated the New Year's arrival with all their friends and colleagues. They'd decided it would be best if Faragonda stayed with her and went home in the morning since it would be safer for her and Griffin would worry less. She just hoped that they wouldn't have to go to Faragonda's apartment, after all.
She finally felt the cold metal of her keys against her skin and grabbed at it, pulling them out of her purse only to drop them on the floor. She winced at the ringing sound they made when they fell as it was loud enough to wake the entire building and dug into her own head. Faragonda's laughter that rang a second later had a very differed effect on her, though.
She looked at her friend to find her pressing a hand against her mouth when the memory of how late it was surfaced in her mind. The laughter was still alive in her eyes, though, and made them sparkle like stars in the dimly lit corridor, capturing Griffin's attention and making it hard to concentrate on the keys that barely gave enough shine for her to find them on the floor next to Faragonda's foot.
She bent down to get them, careful not to lose her balance and plummet right into her friend, sending them both to the ground. Her head was spinning slightly even though she knew she wasn't drunk. Perhaps a bit tipsy, but not drunk. It might have been Faragonda's laughter that still sounded in her mind, though, that had caused that.
She managed to grab the keys and unlock the door without any accidents, pushing the it open theatrically as if it had cost her enormous efforts to do so. And perhaps that wasn't so far from the truth. Faragonda's stifled chuckle behind her was the real reason why she'd done it, though.
"Feel at home," she said as she moved aside to let Faragonda in. She knew she did. She always felt at home everywhere when Faragonda was next to her. And she always made sure to let Faragonda know how welcome she was in her home, no matter how many times she'd been there already. To Griffin all of them felt special since her home always seemed to get charged with positive energy when Faragonda had stopped by and the rooms seemed somehow brighter, like they captured the sunlight and kept it inside to make her apartment feel warmer and cozier.
Faragonda didn't say anything but looked at her and gave her a soft smile which Griffin felt herself return. And it stayed on her face as Faragonda walked past her and inside the apartment.
She hadn't had much reason to smile before she'd met her best friend but when Faragonda was with her she found it impossible to stay impartial to the beauty of the world that was suddenly illuminated by their friendship. And seeing Faragonda smile was like watching the sunrise – the most beautiful sight in the world.
She walked into the apartment herself and turned around to lock the door. Pulling the keys out of the lock wasn't a problem but putting them back on the other side proved harder since the apartment was dark. She felt around for the key for the lights only to have Faragonda's hand come on top of hers, Faragonda's nails digging into her flesh, right as her fingers found the switch. And it was like the light came on in her soul in tandem with the lamp at the corridor. So her heart sank back into the darkness it had just come out of when Faragonda pulled away.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled as Griffin turned around, brushing against her as she did so, to find her just a step away. And she'd been even closer before she'd pulled back. "I was just trying to help. I didn't mean to scratch you," Faragonda said, looking at her apologetically, and Griffin had to wonder how much the alcohol had gotten to her friend's head since she looked ready to cry just because she'd scratched her a little. Not that Faragonda wasn't always so very caring that it made her heart melt to be around her since she helped heal even her older scars that were left from the time before they'd known each other, time that she didn't want to remember, for it had been much emptier and painful. It was unusual for her emotions to get away from her like that, though, since she was always careful to not hurt anyone else with her own feelings. And she knew how much it pained Griffin to see her cry. So it was either the alcohol that was taking its toll or something else, though Griffin had no idea what that could be.
"It's okay," she said as she reached to touch Faragonda's cheek, hoping that would make it immune to tears and they would retreat back in the inside of her heart where she couldn't see them since there was no reason for them to fall. Faragonda had done nothing wrong, and she didn't care about the scratch. She'd only wanted to feel her touch for longer since all the hugs they'd shared earlier and the snuggling on the backseat of the cab on their ride home were still insufficient for her insatiable soul. She wanted more. She wanted all of Faragonda for herself.
She turned to lock the door now that she could see–though, it was more an attempt to hide the thoughts running through her mind from Faragonda's tender gaze that always read her like a treasured book–but she was stopped by Faragonda's hand on her shoulder that coaxed her to face her again. She looked at her best friend to see her eyes sparkling mischievously like they only did in her company because with her Faragonda could be anything and she'd still be loved, and she knew that so she had no qualms when it came to showing Griffin what she kept hidden from everyone else. It made her feel special, to be the only one to know the darker parts of Faragonda–if they could even be called such since she doubted her friend had ever had a malicious thought in her life–and somewhere along the road, she'd made it out to be more than it was. She'd fallen in love.
"Griffin," Faragonda said, her voice nearly a whisper, and so breathy as she pressed herself into Griffin, their entire bodies touching just like their souls always had, making her exhale slowly feeling her own chest pressing more firmly into Faragonda's. "We didn't get our New Year's kiss," she said as her eyes bore into Griffin's soul with the desire she could see in them, bringing out her own even when she knew it wasn't reciprocated to the same level although it felt like it was and she usually let herself drown in that belief until she had to pull away to breathe.
Faragonda cupped her face and pressed her lips against hers, her eyes closing immediately to heighten her other senses and let her savor the kiss, and she dropped the keys to grab on to her with both hands, the ringing of metal against the floor barely registering in her mind as Faragonda's lips parted against hers and her tongue requested entrance. It was in her mouth in a second as she couldn't refuse Faragonda anything and it was dancing with her own like it had so many times before. Yet, she never seemed to be able to get enough and dreaded the moment when Faragonda would pull away because her friend's breath would leave her lungs soon after and make her feel so empty, like she'd never breathe again.
She prepared for it as Faragonda broke the kiss but she stayed close enough for her breath to still enter Griffin's open mouth and keep giving her life. She didn't need Faragonda to kiss her all the time. Just to always be close enough to kiss. Both physically and emotionally.
"Maybe we could do more than just kissing," Faragonda said quietly as her chest was rising and falling in rhythm with Griffin's own, pressing into hers like their hearts were trying to break through their ribcages so that they could mold together into one whole. And the words made her eyes snap open and her grip on Faragonda tighten as she realized what a terrible mistake they'd just made.
"You're drunk," she said as she tried to pry Faragonda from herself as gently as possible and push her away without hurting her feelings. She wanted nothing more than to have Faragonda want more than their current arrangement if it could even be called that–Faragonda had spilled tea on her and suddenly their faces had been so close and she couldn't quite remember who'd done what, only that they'd ended up kissing and her head had been spinning even as she'd been walking home later with the heavy realization that now she'd crave Faragonda more than she already had but could never have her as she wanted, and she'd been overjoyed when they'd continued to kiss, then act like it had never happened over the course of months since it had been the most she could have hoped for–but it was the alcohol talking, and she was too selfish to lose her friend because of bad judgment. "Let's go wash your face with cold water and put you to bed," she said, talking like she'd heard Faragonda do to the little children she was looking after all day while Griffin was teaching at the upper classes since she knew she was too cold to deal with people under the age of fifteen. She hoped it would make her friend listen to her as her brain had to associate it with care and comfort.
"I'm not drunk," Faragonda said as she grabbed at her forearms, holding her in place and not letting her get further into the apartment or away from her. "I might be a little tipsy but I'm not drunk," she said, her voice turning serious enough to have Griffin convinced for a moment before she shook her head to throw out the self-indulgent thoughts. "I do want you to take me to bed, though," she said, still serious, dropping the flirtatiousness so that Griffin would believe her, but she couldn't. She couldn't let her wishful thinking take Faragonda away from her.
"No, you don't," she shook her head, feeling tears springing to her eyes as the words left her mouth. But it was better to cry over that than to cry over losing her best friend just because she couldn't control herself. She would never survive the end of their friendship and that was exactly what was awaiting her if she let her desire cloud her judgment. She couldn't be the one to destroy what they had just because nothing was ever enough for her and she always wanted more.
"I'm sorry, Griffin, but I know what I want better than you do," Faragonda said, her tone stern and her eyebrows knitting slightly as she stood up for herself. And it was that firmness that finally convinced Griffin that her friend was, in fact, very much in control of her actions. "And I want you, not only as a friend but as a lover too," she said as she brushed Griffin's hair away from her face before she cupped her cheek, the action so tender that Griffin couldn't stop herself from covering Faragonda's hand with hers and pressing it harder into her skin as she wanted to feel more of her. She also couldn't stop the tears, though.
"Why did you wait to tell me right now?" she asked, her voice trembling at the memory of the slurred words and stumbling that their drunk colleagues had been through and the bitter taste of the champagne filling her mouth again as the tears were leaving salty tracks on her cheeks when the fear started leaking out of her eyes. She was still apprehensive and couldn't let herself believe that her wish was coming true, she was terrified that it was her nightmare that was playing out and she would fall into it since it looked like a dream through the alcohol haze they were both in.
"I was afraid," Faragonda whispered, "of ruining our friendship," she closed her eyes and touched her forehead to Griffin's and Griffin let the warmth of her skin sink into her and help calm down all her shaking insides. "But I realized I didn't want to spend another year pretending I felt less for you than I actually do, pretending that I don't want more out of this relationship." Faragonda said, making her pull back to look at her as she tried to comprehend all the emotion that washed over her at the knowledge that her feelings were returned. It made up for all the times she'd been denied basic human needs like friendship and kindness. It made her forget the loneliness that had latched on to her soul like a parasite and was draining the life out of her. It made the world look like a beautiful place for the love inside her to bloom and not like a hostile entity that was out to get her. "I'm sorry," Faragonda bowed her head and pulled her hand out of hers when she read her reaction incorrectly, "if I-"
"Shut up and kiss me," Griffin said as she lifted Faragonda's chin to join their lips. And it was even better this time as she didn't have to hold her love back. She could let it into the kiss and let it fill them both and make them one.
Faragonda reciprocated, letting her own feelings flow, and they mixed with Griffin's, filling them both with the love for each other they shared. Faragonda's hands closed in Griffin's coat and pulled her closer, their teeth clashing from the passion and impatience they were putting into the kiss, making them pull back for a second and take a breath to calm down before diving back into each other. It was such a consuming experience, drowning out everything else to leave them empty for each other's affection so that they could soak it up and feel it soften their hearts even more as they melted into each other.
Griffin turned them around, guiding them to the bedroom as she tried not to break the kiss, for she'd just turn into a puddle on the floor in the corridor otherwise. She couldn't say they were moving very fast, though, as they were stopping at every step to pull at each other's clothes in their despair to take them off. And the moment they parted to discard an article of clothing, they pulled each other back into another kiss, starting the whole process again while they were slowly making their way to the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind to worry about in the morning and not now when they could finally focus on each other's bodies and on exploring their beings as thoroughly as their hearts desired, as they'd wanted for so long.
If Griffin's movements were a bit hurried and sloppy, Faragonda didn't complain. She just let her touch every part of her for as long as she pleased, leaving herself in her hands like that was the safest place she could be. And it touched Griffin's heart so profoundly she felt the tears coming back but Faragonda's lips on hers and her fingers all over her body, touching, their skin meeting like soft flower petals caressing each other, didn't allow any water to fall from her eyes as the heat of Faragonda's love and want swallowed her whole, keeping the cold of the winter away while Faragonda took her time to wrap her in her tenderness.
And when she woke up in the morning, she was met with the warmth coming from Faragonda's body that was still in her embrace, the feeling of Faragonda's lips kissing her sweet love into the skin of her neck making her shiver as every last bit of bitterness inside her melted away.