127
Myrah stared at the ceiling in the dark, guilt eating at her. They hadn't ever found the scroll…and she had no idea how to tell Hershel. She knew Theodynn had access to the translated records; maybe Cole would be willing to translate a new copy for the Master Healer? The realization that she had betrayed the Healer's trust made her wary to face him, but deep down she knew she needed to tell him. It hadn't even been a full week since she last seen him; it was probably too soon to visit without seeming suspicious. However, she also knew that the sooner she told him, the sooner they could move past it. Myrah exhaled slowly and closed her eyes. She'd go tomorrow.
"It's fine Syn, really."
Hershel couldn't see his sister's expression, but he could imagine it. Syn sighed.
"If I go, I won't be back until the end of the day…" she explained. Hershel shook his head.
"You don't have to baby me, Syn. You can't spend the rest of your life in this tent, watching me to make sure I don't get hurt."
He felt her hand on his arm.
"I'm going to be here for you, Hersh. As long as it takes for you to get everything back."
"Go. I'll be fine."
She was still hesitating, and Hershel gently pulled her hand off his arm.
"I already can't go help those villages, Syn. If I'm also commandeering all the attention of the only capable Healer in the area…"
"I'm not the only capable Healer," she murmured, but he could hear her resolve fading. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "No knives, Hersh. Don't chop anything until I'm back to help you."
He shook his head with a small smile.
"Alright."
"And I'll be back before dark, I swear. Pippa may even be back earlier than that…"
"Don't rush, Syn. It's always dark to me," he reminded. She didn't respond, and he sighed. "It's bad enough that I'm useless, Syn. Don't make it worse by wasting your life watching me be useless."
"I'm not wasting my life," she countered. "There's no place I'd rather be."
He leaned forward, groping around on the table until he came across the herbs he and Pippa had started bundling that morning before she had run off again with Baffa to collect who knows what.
"So if all of this hadn't happened, you would have spent every day in here with me? Never would have moved again…never would have left again…"
Syn didn't answer right away, and he let the question hang in the air as he carefully wrapped string around the stems of the herbs, feeling his way with his fingers. It was strange; it was muscle memory, something that he had been doing for decades now. But despite that, his hands refused to remember what his eyes couldn't see, and it felt like he had to train himself all over again.
"I'll be back before dark," Syn finally repeated, and he heard her footsteps fade. He grimaced; he had hurt her feelings, he knew. But though the utter hopelessness of his situation had faded somewhat since Pippa's revelation that the punishment wasn't eternal, there was a lingering bitterness that he couldn't seem to shake. He knew that his sister was just trying to help, but the thought of her spending the rest of her life in here taking care of him made him sick. A decade before, that's all he wanted; Syn to stay with him forever. But he had long since learned that his sister didn't like staying in one place for long. She needed change, the freedom to move.
He hoped that this punishment would be over within a few months, rather than years or even decades. For all of their sakes.
Myrah was already at the front entrance when she realized that she should have probably gone through the back. She winced; here she was, entering the Master Healer's tent in broad daylight. But perhaps that was better, she assured herself. People were usually more suspicious of those who acted suspicious.
She pushed back the door, and her heart immediately did a strange flip as she caught sight of the Master Healer. He was at the table, staring down as he worked to knead some kind of dough. The leader smiled, but then Hershel was turning to grab something off the shelf. Myrah started walking over; she was wondering if he had even seen her when he spoke.
"You're back a lot sooner than you said you would be."
Myrah had reached him now, his back still turned as he picked something up off the shelf. She opened her mouth to explain why she had chosen to come back sooner than they had planned, but then her guilt and shame kicked in. She had lost the scroll…and she was going to have to tell him. She wasn't even sure how to bring it up; the only thing she could really do at this point was soften the blow of the news.
He turned to face her, his expression neutral, and she wrapped her arms around him as she kissed him. He froze. Rather than kiss her back, she felt Hershel stiffen. He reached up with one hand, and as he touched her braid, he ripped his hand away like it had burned him. The leader opened her eyes as Hershel jerked away from her.
"Myrah?"
His voice was hoarse…horrified. She felt a pang of fear as she realized he wasn't even looking at her. He was looking past her, and she immediately turned to face the door, assuming someone had come in and seen. There was no one there, however, and she sagged in relief.
"Hershel…" she started, turning back. He still wasn't looking at her, but now he was backing away.
"What do you want?"
Her heart was pounding at the betrayal in his voice, and she clenched her jaw. He knew, then…about the scroll. How was it that he always knew everything?
"Don't be mad…" she pleaded, moving closer to him. She reached up to push the hair out of his face, and he flinched.
"Don't be mad?" he repeated, his confusion and betrayal giving way to anger. "That's all you have to say?! After everything…"
Myrah stiffened as Hershel pulled away from her. His back was pressed against the shelves behind him now, and he kept looking off to the side. What was wrong with him? Why was he so angry about this? Why wouldn't he even look at her?
"I'm sorry," she tried. "But Hershel…I don't understand why…"
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, once again shying away as Myrah grabbed his arm. "What do you want?!"
She shook her head. She remembered back to what he had said to her when she first came in; before he had gotten so angry. Perhaps he was just upset that she had come in the middle of the day…that she wasn't being discreet enough. She swallowed hard.
"I know it's sooner than planned, but I had to see you…"
"To see what they did to me, you mean?"
He was looking away again, his eyes drifting to the side.
"What are you talking about?" she demanded, trying to move to be in his line of sight. But no matter what she did, he wouldn't look at her directly. She finally grabbed his face with her hands, trying to force him to make eye contact.
"At least look at me!"
"I can't!"
He was looking at her then…or at least, facing her. But his eyes wouldn't focus. As Myrah studied his expression, she caught sight of the strange milky film. Suddenly, her entire body went cold.
"Hershel."
She swallowed hard, and he pulled out of her grasp.
"You're…you're blind…"
He must have heard the horror in her voice, because his expression twisted and he looked away again.
"Not the punishment you were expecting?" he asked. His voice was bitter and soft. "Were you only wanting my powers gone, then? Don't worry…they took those too. You're one step closer to building your perfect, powerless world."
"What are you talking about?"
She grabbed his arms then, trying to understand. Someone had hurt him? He struggled in her grasp. Myrah reached out, desperate to comfort him. Her voice became softer as she put a hand on the back of his neck, caressing it as she leaned in.
"I came to see you, Hershel," she murmured. "I thought we had agreed that we were…"
He pulled free of her grasp at last, tripping in his sightless attempt to get away from her. Myrah's eyes widened as the Master Healer ran into the shelf, a few items falling off and breaking on the ground. She took a step forward and touched him, to try to help, and he grimaced as he continued to pull away.
"What are you trying to accomplish?"
She was startled to see his eyes fill with tears; she had never seen him like this. His voice broke as he continued.
"Did you not get what you wanted the first time?"
She stared at him in horrified shock as he backed away from her, his own voice hushed with horror and grief.
"Do you want me dead? Do you hate me that much?"
It felt like a slap, and Myrah was vaguely aware that her own eyes were stinging.
"Hershel!" she tried, trying to break through to him through the strange fog he seemed to be in. His expression twisted further, and he shook his head.
"No!"
He glared at her with his unfocused gaze, the tears threatening to spill out at any moment. "You are to call me Master Hershel. Or Master Healer. Or better yet…nothing at all."
Her throat was tight, and she couldn't understand. This couldn't all be because of a scroll.
"Please," Myrah tried, following him as he blindly picked his way backwards across the room. "Just…just talk to me. I can't…"
"Get out."
She froze, and when he didn't hear her leaving his voice rose.
"I said get out, Myrah!"
It hurt, so much more than she would have ever expected. Myrah reached up and realized that for the first time she could remember, tears had formed in her eyes. Suddenly she was filled with anger: towards him, towards herself…towards what this had become.
"Fine."
The leader turned, her head held high. In his blindness, Hershel couldn't see her tears. So, Myrah kept her voice even so he would never know how this had impacted her. She left the tent quickly, her face a stony mask hiding all the turmoil inside. It wasn't until she had reached her hoofer and pulled herself up that it all finally spilled over.
She pressed a hand to her mouth, humiliation and horror filling her. She didn't understand what had happened in only a few days that would have turned him against her so completely. Did he not love her? And yet she knew he did…he had to. But why would he do this now?
He was blind…powerless. Something had happened, and part of her wanted to march back in there to force him to tell her. But she couldn't trust that she would remain strong, and she would not let him see her weak. After a few moments her expression hardened once more. There were other places she could go for answers.
Tolan rubbed his face wearily as he headed to the stables. Theo and his family still hadn't returned, and Jaqah and Ret had started assigning him tasks to help keep the fortress running. The same never ending, headache causing things he had helped with back when Keyda had been so helpless during her second pregnancy. He hoped that the Rulers returned before he lost his mind.
"Tolan."
He glanced up as Jaqah came into the barracks and called his name. She gestured for him to follow her and he sighed heavily; seemed she had found another chore for him, then. He followed, but he was planning on telling her that he didn't have any more time to help today. His family needed him at home. It wasn't even a lie; both Hershel and Syn had been spiraling down lately. It was all he could do to support his wife, let alone the Master Healer who had everything taken from him.
"Jaq…" he started, but she shook her head.
"I know you want to be heading out. But the Western Leader's here, and she requested to see you."
He stopped dead, and she turned to look at him, concerned.
"Tol…"
"I have nothing to say to her."
The Captain of the Guard was taken aback.
"Why is she here? Tolan…have you done something? Is this something I should have been informed about?"
"No. It's a personal matter, Jaq."
He hadn't told her about anything that had happened, other than that his family was requiring more support lately than in the past. He knew that she had enough on her shoulders right now without it, and there was nothing Jaqah could do besides. But now it seemed that Myrah had sought him out.
Tolan was filled with a sudden anger, and it was all he could do to keep himself from having a reaction. How dare she come here? How dare she ask to see any of them again? Jaqah seemed to be at a loss for what to say.
"She's a leader," Jaqah reminded softly, as if sensing how deeply rooted this matter seemed to be. "And she seemed almost desperate. I would advise you to at least see what she wants, out of respect to her title."
He scoffed bitterly at that, but then he realized that maybe he did want to see Myrah-if only to give her a piece of his mind. He couldn't touch her physically, he knew that. But he realized that he had plenty to say.
Myrah looked up as the door opened. The Captain of the Guard had brought her to a private room, one with a table and a few chairs. But the Western Leader had refused to sit, choosing instead to pace. She straightened and stopped walking as the bodyguard came into the room. Hershel's brother-in-law…the one she had come to find.
He had never liked her, she knew, but there was a deeper anger in his expression now that she hadn't seen before. Something had happened, and Myrah was determined to find out what.
The door closed softly behind him, and he stationed himself near it. She wasn't sure if he was making sure he had a quick escape or blocking off her option for one. Either way, the tension in the room was already high and the Western Leader wondered if this was really the best option she had.
"What do you want?" he finally asked, and she exhaled slowly. There were so many questions, but now that she was going to have an opportunity to ask them, she couldn't decide which would be the best to start with. She finally shook her head, going straight to the point.
"What's happened to Hershel?"
He just stared at her, and she tried not to lose her temper.
"Answer me! Something's happened, and I need to know what…"
"He made a mistake, and the other Healers punished him for it."
Myrah fell silent as she took in that information. It confirmed what she had already suspected, but it still made her sick.
"What did he do?" she finally asked. "What did he do to deserve…"
"You can't be serious."
The lanky man was scowling at her and Myrah straightened further as she met his eye defiantly. Tolan didn't seem intimidated as he continued.
"You know what he did, and you knew they would punish him for it."
"For a kiss?!" she demanded, flushing angrily. "They would blind him for that?! It was just a kiss…it didn't mean anything!"
The guard's eyes flashed and Myrah took a step back. Suddenly, she remembered the day in the library with Theodynn. She remembered what happened when people such as Tolan lost control. But the bodyguard didn't react more than his eyes flashing, and he grimaced as he pressed a hand to his head. After a moment he seemed to regain control, but he wouldn't even look at her as he spoke again.
"I've known him for years. Always the obedient one…the stickler for rules. The stick in the mud. So I can tell you with certainty that he wouldn't have risked everything that has ever been important to him for something that didn't mean anything."
Myrah blanched.
"That's not what I…"
"Is that all you wanted to know?"
Tolan looked up to meet her eye again, obviously burning with an inner fury.
"What they did to him after you turned him in? I don't know why you bothered to ask, since you already seemed to know…"
Her heart pounded at the accusation, and she shook her head vehemently.
"I did not turn him in!"
He raised an eyebrow, and Myrah began to tremble at the thought of what he was suggesting.
"We had decided to see each other…but we were going to keep it secret. I didn't even know anything had happened until I showed up there today…"
"You what?"
Tolan's eyes flashed again, his eyes hardening as he glared at her.
"I didn't turn him in!" she repeated, and Tolan just scoffed. She took a step closer, her voice rising at the injustice. How dare he not believe her. "I needed it to be a secret as much as he did; if he was found out, then the traitor must have been someone else close to him."
Tolan physically stiffened at her insinuation, and he shook his head.
"None of us even knew about your little adventure until the night they showed up to punish him."
"It wasn't me. I did not tell the Healers."
They were in a battle of wills now, neither willing to look away. Tolan's eyes narrowed.
"But you told someone else," he guessed, and she clenched her jaw.
"No…" she started, but then the realization ripped through her like lightening. It must have shown on her face, because he responded to it.
"So, you are the reason they punished him."
Myrah finally recovered, shaking her head.
"No. It wasn't me. But…Bula. It could have been her…"
She felt nauseous. How could her advisor have done this? She thought back to their conversations, and the logical part of her tried to argue that Bula would have never gotten involved in this. How could she have ever been comfortable overstepping in such a way? But there was something deep in the pit of Myrah's stomach that testified to the contrary.
"Bula?" Tolan repeated, unimpressed, and she clenched her fists.
"My senior advisor…" she murmured. "So you see, it wasn't me who…"
"And how did your senior advisor know about it?" he pressed. Myrah hesitated, the accusation still clear in his tone.
"She…I…she guessed what was happening," she stammered, and Tolan scoffed.
"She guessed it? What do you mean?"
"I wasn't acting like myself, and she finally realized why," she explained stiffly. Bula had figured it out on her own. Myrah hadn't…
"She guessed that you and Hershel had kissed? That you were seeing each other?"
"Yes. She…"
"And what did you say? When she guessed it?"
Myrah was trembling now, furious that he was still bent on making this her fault.
"I told her the truth," she said. "She had already figured it out, there was no point in…"
"The truth? In a way that protected you, or protected Hershel?"
She stared at him, not comprehending.
"I don't…"
"It never occurred to you that you should have warned him, the second that someone figured it out? How could you have told her the truth, when you knew what they would do to him?!"
"I would have never thought she'd turn him in!" she yelled at him. "And I didn't know what they would do to him…"
Tolan chuckled without humor, his grip tightening on one katana. She stiffened; surely he wasn't foolish enough to attack a leader!
"I had you pegged the moment I met you," he said, shaking his head. "A survivor...and an ambitious one at that. Someone who only cares about herself…who only protects herself…"
"How dare you!"
"Can you deny it? You may not have turned Hershel into the Healers, but you gave him up easily enough when it was someone else pressuring you. If you had been worried about protecting him, you never would have…"
"This is not my fault!" she yelled again, and she was humiliated to feel tears pricking her eyes once again. "If anything, blame the Healers! They're the ones who stripped him of his powers…who blinded him for one stupid oath. Blame Bula…she's the one who told them. I would have never wanted any of this to happen to Hershel!"
Tolan studied her then, and then he shook his head. Myrah stiffened at his expression; it was the expression of someone who was giving up trying to make someone understand because it was clear they never would.
"He wasn't the only one with something to lose!" she tried, forcing the tears down. She would not cry about this…especially not in front of him. "I had just as much risk in this…"
"Really? You had someone standing by, ready to maim you the second you made a mistake?"
She groaned, her hands forming fists in frustration. This man was impossible!
"I put everything I have ever worked for on the line!" she hissed. "I had just as much to lose if we were discovered!"
"And have you lost it?"
His question took her back, and Myrah scowled.
"I still could, since it seems this situation's bent on becoming a…"
"What exactly would you lose from being with Hershel? Your position? Or your future ambitions?"
She narrowed her eyes, but Tolan's next words turned her blood to ice.
"Is this about your plans with Theo?"
She swallowed, staring at him.
"What are you talking about?" she demanded angrily, and he smirked.
"It's obvious what you're trying to do, Myrah. No one pays that much attention to the heir of a throne for any other reason...especially considering that you never meet with Keyda or Cole. The constant visits, the way you're trying to change Theo's beliefs to match your own vision for the realm…"
Myrah was statuesque as he continued.
"Thank the Ancients the kid's oblivious. In his mind, you see him as a strong leader, when in reality…"
"Theodynn will be a strong Ruler!" she countered, glaring at him. "How dare you accuse me of…"
"He'll never go for it, you know. He's not the type of person who will be roped into a purely political binding, and you're not going to change him. Your best bet will be to back off before Theo realizes. He's naïve, but he tends to get there in the end."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she hissed, her eyes slits as she glared at him murderously. He scoffed.
"Why not admit it? I'm not going to tell him now, if I haven't already."
"There's nothing to admit!" she snapped, her heart pounding. Tolan scanned her face. She gave him her best mask of stone, and he finally spoke again.
"Did you protest this much when Bula discovered your and Hershel's secret? Or is it only worth the effort when it's you on the line?"
She was speechless, and the guard finally turned to go, seeming to think that their conversation was over.
"I'm going to tell Hershel," she finally spat. Tolan paused.
"Tell him what?"
"That this wasn't my fault!" she exclaimed, as if it should be obvious. "He clearly thinks it is; you all do. But I didn't turn him in, and I can't let him think that I did…."
"Stay away from Hershel."
Of everything in their talk that night, those words were the most threatening. Tolan turned to face her full on, his eyes flashing. Myrah scowled.
"He needs to know the truth…"
"He needs to heal. You've already done enough damage."
"It wasn't my…"
"It was. Whether you'll ever admit to it or not, he's blind and powerless now because of you. And if you come force your way back into his life and put him at further risk, I'll…"
"You'll what?" she demanded, drawing herself up to full height. "You are nobody…and you certainly have no say in what happens to a leader of this realm! Do you dare threaten me?"
He sneered, as if he found her words amusing.
"I'll do what I have to do to protect my family," he explained softly. "And if that means getting the Rulers involved, I will. Theodynn too; you may have established a friendly connection, but don't be foolish enough to think he'll side with you over those he considers family. That any of them would."
She stared at him as the threat sank in, but then he left. Myrah listened to the door slam closed, and began trembling all over again; she had come here for answers, for closure, but now she found she was more shaken than ever.
128
The door closed with finality behind the Western Leader, and she sagged. Her back pressed against the cold, thick wood of the door, and she felt for the lock with one hand, turning the key deftly. Then, locked in the safety of her private quarters, she finally let the tears come.
Fury mixed with the other emotions as she angrily wiped at her face. How dare they blame this on her…make it seem like any of this was her fault. Hershel had chosen as well; Ancients, he had kissed her to start with! He had made his decision. He had decided to take the risk. She hadn't forced him to agree, and she hadn't turned him in. She hadn't!
The anger burned deeper as she remembered who was responsible…or who she assumed was responsible. How could Bula do this?! She had told her that it didn't put anything at risk. She had told her to trust her, and her advisor said that she did!
An image came to mind, unbidden. Of Hershel looking at her…looking but not seeing. Of his expression full of anger and betrayal. Her stomach twisted painfully at the memory, and she closed her eyes as she realized why he had seemed so betrayed. They thought she had turned him in; the Master Healer thought that she had kissed him and betrayed him in the same night. How could he think her capable of that?
You're one step closer to your perfect, powerless world…
She had to tell him. He had to know the truth, whether or not he would believe her. But he had to believe her…because if he didn't…
She shuddered, forcing herself away from the door as she headed for her bed. She realized distantly that she hadn't eaten since leaving for the Master Healer's, but she didn't feel hungry. She didn't even feel tired; there was just this all-consuming feeling of injustice. It wasn't fair that they blamed her…but it also wasn't fair what they had done to Hershel. She felt a wave of nausea as it occurred to her that he was blind. How would he do anything if he couldn't see? If he was powerless…
"It wasn't my fault."
She was whispering to herself now, and she grimaced and held her head. She had never felt like this…hesitant, unsure. Or she had, but so long ago, back when she had first arrived at the fortress. After leaving everything she had known behind. That had been a time to feel unsure, not now. Not when she still had all her plans and goals in place. Not when she had come so far and worked so hard; she would not jeopardize that now! She felt an overwhelming anger towards Hershel, Tolan, the Healers, Bula…everyone who had ruined her plans. It would have been so simple; there was no reason she shouldn't have been able to win the realm and have Hershel on the side.
Her anger caused her to head towards the door again. She didn't want privacy; suddenly she felt the overwhelming need to tear into somebody. She had already done so to Tolan, and seeing Hershel at the moment wasn't an option. Which meant her only option was to go to the woman who had helped her achieve so much…and now for some reason seemed bent on making her lose it all.
"Syn…please."
Hershel hoped he was looking at her. That his stern, pleading expression was even aimed at where his sister was. That she was even looking at him.
"No."
Syn's voice was just as stern, and he felt the hopelessness sink deeper. He knew that when she got like this few things could change her mind, but there was too much at stake. Tonight, she had to listen.
"I'll be fine on my own…"
"What if you need something!?" she demanded. "And how will you feed yourself in the morning?! We're going to be staying put for a while, Hersh. It hasn't even been a week yet; we aren't leaving you by yourself…"
"I already spend plenty of time on my own!" he challenged desperately. "You left me for most of the day today, remember?"
He forced the nausea down as he remembered what had happened in those hours Syn had been gone. He couldn't tell her about that…about the real reason he needed her to take Pippa and go home, far away from this tent.
"I'm not leaving you alone at night," Syn countered. "Being on your own in the daylight is one thing, but spending all those hours in the dark by yourself…"
"It's always dark for me!" he pointed out, nearly yelling. She didn't say anything, probably too hurt or stunned. Hershel felt the shame sink in, but before he could say anything else a new voice joined in.
"What's going on?"
Hershel clenched his jaw as he heard his sister answer her husband, who must have just entered.
"Hershel is trying to get us to leave!"
The Master Healer waited in his darkness, unable to read Tolan's expression. He was forced to simply wait for the guard to say something, hoping he would at least be able to read into his tone.
"Why?"
Guarded. Tolan sounded guarded, but then again he usually did…Hershel grimaced in annoyance.
"You can't spend your lives sitting and watching me…" he tried, but Syn cut him off.
"We aren't just going to leave you like this, Hersh! How could you even think that we would…"
Syn stopped speaking suddenly, and Hershel frowned. It wasn't until he heard Tolan murmur "Let me talk to him" that he realized that the guard had probably been the reason for Syn's sudden silence. Hershel could hear someone walking away, and then the swoosh of the door flap. Had Syn left, then?
"Hershel…what is this about?"
Tolan's voice was soft, and close. Most likely, the guard was sitting in the other chair across from him now. Hershel's anxiety hadn't subsided, and he found himself jumping at every sound from outside the tent. His heart was pounding; they could be here at any moment…
"Hershel."
He turned back towards Tolan's voice, trying to seem calm, or irritated. Anything but terrified, because if they knew he was terrified then they wouldn't leave.
"Tolan…I need you to get Syn and Pip to go back home. They can't be here…"
"Why?"
Hershel was gripping the arms of his chair now, anchoring himself in the darkness and the fear.
"Because…I can do this on my own. I need to do it sooner than later."
There was silence.
"You may feel ready to be on your own, Hershel…but Syn isn't ready for that yet."
Hershel closed his eyes as Tolan spoke, grimacing as the guard continued.
"You may be the one who's blind, but you've got to know she's connected herself to everything that's happening. She's not going to leave you on your own for…"
"They have to leave! You all have to leave…"
He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched.
"This isn't about independence, Hershel. What's happened?"
Hershel sighed, rubbing his face with both hands. When he finally spoke his voice was soft and resigned.
"Are either of them in here?"
"No."
Hershel swallowed, and he started trembling. How could he confess to another mistake so soon? When his last one had already hurt those he cared about so much…had left him this crippled. He hated himself, but found the confession choking in his throat.
"You're afraid," Tolan realized, and Hershel ran his hands through his hair. His whole body flushed with shame and he shook his head, finally managing to spit it out.
"Tolan…they're going to come back. They may already be on their way…"
There was silence, and Hershel forced himself to continue.
"Myrah came. I…I didn't know it was her until it was too late…"
His face crumpled and he was bitterly glad that he couldn't see his brother-in-law's expression. Tolan still wouldn't say anything and Hershel exhaled shakily.
"She's made it to Imgloss by now. I can't have Syn and Pippa here when he comes again. I don't know what will happen…"
"She hasn't gone to Imgloss."
Hershel looked up then, trying desperately to read into Tolan's words.
"What do you mean? How would you know?"
Silence again, and then the sound of Tolan shifting position.
"Just a hunch," Tolan finally answered.
"She told the first time," Hershel whispered.
"We don't know…"
"Imgloss told me she did," Hershel explained bitterly, his fingers digging into the chair. "I haven't told you or Syn…there was no point. But Imgloss said that's how he knew…Myrah turned me in."
More silence, and Hershel shook his head as he pleaded one last time.
"Please, Tolan. They've already been hurt enough because of my actions; make them go home. I don't want them here when…when…"
He trailed off, and he shook harder. He had spent the last few hours so focused on how to get his family away from here that he hadn't allowed himself much time to realize what was probably coming. The dread sank deep now, and he no longer tried to mask it.
"Protect them. That should be your biggest concern, Tolan…to protect them."
There was the sound of a sniffer howl somewhere in the distance, breaking the silence in the tent. Hershel waited, and finally his brother-in-law spoke.
"Alright."
Relief poured over Hershel, and he sagged. Almost as quickly, dread and fear pushed their way forward as the main emotion in his mind, but he fought with it for a few minutes longer. He heard Tolan get up and leave, and the Master Healer sank further into his chair. It occurred to him suddenly that he could try to run…escape before Imgloss arrived. But he couldn't even walk to familiar places without the assistance of a six year old child and a large sniffer. How would he ever manage to find somewhere to hide and survive? No…his fate was sealed. He had made one too many mistakes…and now he would pay for them.
He could hear angry talking outside; Syn. Tolan was telling them, then…and his sister didn't sound happy about it. Another rush of panic set in as Hershel realized that maybe not even the stubborn fortress guard would be able to talk Syn out of her protectiveness tonight. He closed his eyes and prayed he would. The minutes that passed were excruciating, and finally he could hear Syn entering angrily.
"I don't know what's gotten into you…" she started angrily, but then trailed off. Hershel turned towards her, his face as neutral as possible. If Syn sensed even a glimmer of fear or dread, it would be over. He heard his sister sigh then, coming over to take his hand.
"You're not a burden, Hersh…you know that, right?"
It made something twist inside him, and he swallowed hard.
"I….I just need to be able to take care of myself, Syn."
"You don't have to right now, though. Give yourself more time…"
"Syn."
It was Tolan's voice now, and Hershel could feel his sister stiffen.
"I never thought the two of you would ever gang up against me," she admitted bitterly, and she pulled her hand away from Hershel. "Fine, Hersh…have your alone time. But so help me, if I get back here in the morning and you've chopped a finger off or something…."
It would be worse than that, Hershel knew. He forced himself to remain calm.
"Where's Pippa?" he finally asked, realizing that he hadn't heard the child's voice since he had first suggested that she and Syn leave. Syn sighed heavily.
"Out looking for that Sniffer of hers…she said it was important."
He nodded, sagging in relief that she hadn't been tucked away listening in some corner.
A hand on his shoulder now, and he heard Tolan's voice.
"Go get some sleep, Hershel."
Hershel blinked; surely the guard couldn't expect him to sleep, not when he knew what was happening…"
"I…."
"It's late. We'll see you in the morning."
He was stuck now; Syn was no doubt watching him, waiting to see what he would do. He finally sighed and pushed himself to his feet.
"Alright."
He had made it to his mat when he heard Pippa's voice from the other room; she had returned.
"Where's Uncle…"
"Pippa!"
Syn sounded angry, and Hershel frowned as he lowered himself onto the mat.
"I told you a million times…."
"It's ok! Baffa's gonna be on his best behavior…"
Syn made an incredulous sound and suddenly Hershel could hear the padding sounds of a large sniffer.
"Uncle Hershel!"
He turned at Pippa's voice; closer now…she had come into the back. Then he could feel a warm, hairy head butting into him. He blinked in surprise, his hands going up to push Baffa away.
"Pip…what…"
"He's gonna protect you, Uncle Hershel. Since you don't want me and Mom here anymore."
He opened his mouth to say something, but her genuine innocence made tears sting his eyes. He cleared his throat.
"It's…not that I don't want you here, Pip…"
"Baffa, sit!" the child commanded, and Hershel felt the large animal listen. Pippa continued. "Now, lie down. It's your job to make sure that Uncle Hershel is safe…"
Hershel wanted to argue, but his throat was constricting and making it hard to say anything at all. He finally gave up on his decision to make her take her sniffer out; if it made Pip feel better about leaving him tonight, than he should allow it. Besides, there was some part of him that couldn't deny that having a large sniffer by his side definitely made him feel a little less alone; his hand was clutching Baffa's mane tightly.
There was a small scuffling as the child knelt down, still talking to her sniffer.
"If anyone comes in here that isn't me or mom or dad, you eat them, ok Baffa?"
The sniffer yawned, and Hershel smiled a little as he heard it. Pippa's sniffer was notorious for being a real pushover; Hershel had to wonder if it had a wild bone in his body sometimes. He felt Pippa's hands on his face then, and he reached up to grab one of them.
"You'll be safe, ok Uncle Hershel?"
He swallowed and tried to give the child a smile.
"Alright, Pip. It's time for you and your family to head off…"
"Sleep good, Uncle Hershel. We'll see you in the morning. Baffa…stay, ok? Stay with Uncle Hershel tonight."
There was a rumble within the Sniffer, as if Baffa was answering her. Then Pippa was leaving, and as much as he didn't want her here for what was clearly coming, Hershel couldn't help but feel a hollow pang inside as he heard her footsteps retreat. There was more murmuring from the front of the tent, and then silence. They had left, then.
Hershel sat in the silence that followed, his hand still clutching the warm fur of the sniffer next to him. The fear of what was to come crept back in, and he was finally in a position to entertain it. Once again, part of his mind screamed that he needed to leave, run… but hopelessness began to battle the adrenaline. Even with Baffa's help, he would never make it far. There was really nothing he could do but wait.
He laid back down, staring up into the familiar blackness. After a bit he could hear the sniffer starting to snore, and he closed his eyes. It was excruciating, just sitting here waiting for the end. If he did manage to fall asleep, at least the end would come sooner.
Hershel had nearly drifted off when a slight sound woke him up. His eyes flew open to darkness, and he laid completely still. He realized that Baffa was still sleeping; he could feel his slow breathing. Was it still night, then? He heard the scraping sound again and broke out into a cold sweat. They were here.
He waited in the darkness for the Healers to enter the room, pull him to his feet…or maybe they would skip the ceremony and go straight for the punishment. Imgloss had said he would be here the second Hershel slipped up again.
Minutes passed and nothing happened. Hershel blinked and slowly sat up. The scraping sounds were still happening every couple seconds, but it finally struck him that the sound was familiar. He frowned with a hunch and pushed himself to his feet.
The walk to the front of the tent was slow, and he was shaking badly due to the fear and adrenaline still in his system. Hershel silently pushed the door flap out of the way as he found it, stepping into the other room. The scraping noise was slightly louder now and he swallowed.
"Tolan?" he guessed. The noise stopped.
"You should be asleep."
Hershel closed his eyes in relief as he heard his brother in law's voice, but then he was shaking his head.
"Tolan, what are you doing here? I told you…"
"You told me to make Syn and Fluff go home, and I did."
"You can't stay here. If they come…"
"I don't think they are coming, Hershel. And I can't leave; this was the only way to get Syn to agree to go."
Hershel was silent, and the scraping of whetstone on metal began again.
"Get some sleep."
"You…" Hershel hesitated. "You don't have to do this, Tolan. This was my mistake; I should be the one staying up all night, not you."
"Make it up to me by going to bed. If Syn gets here in the morning and finds out you spent the whole night lying awake, she's going to be furious at the both of us. And she's never going to leave you alone again."
The Master Healer continued to hesitate, and he heard Tolan sigh.
"Do I need to help you back to your mat, or can you get there yourself?"
In another circumstance, Hershel would have probably been irritated with the patronizing nature of the question. But in that moment he was already feeling so lost and confused that he just sighed.
"You'll leave when they come?" he finally managed, and the scraping stopped again.
"Sure, Hersh. If they show up, I will."
There seemed to be nothing else he could do, then, so Hershel gave up. He retreated back into the back of the tent, found his way to his bed mat, and reached out to hold on to the sniffer once again. The fear was still there; Imgloss could still be on his way. But for whatever reason, it wasn't long before Baffa's steady breathing and the repetitive scraping from the front of the tent had lulled Hershel back to sleep.
129
Myrah didn't bother knocking; the door to Bula's quarters banged open as she stormed in. For a moment she scanned the room, her fists clenching as she tried to catch sight of her senior advisor. The room was empty; where was she?
She left the room in a thunder. She turned to the guard stationed outside of Bula's room.
"Where is Bula?!"
He blinked, surprised by her obvious anger.
"Never came to bed. She may still be in the library."
It was late, and her advisor never went to the library unless she went to find her. But Myrah marched there anyway, throwing the door open. She could see the glimmer of candlelight, and her glower deepened. Myrah made her way to the other side of the large bookcases stuffed with scrolls. Sure enough, the advisor was sitting at a back table, reading some ancient parchment. She didn't even look up as the Western Leader marched over.
"How dare you…" Myrah started, but Bula cut her off, her voice calm.
"Do you know what it was that destroyed the line of Kahzym?"
Myrah was taken aback, and Bula finally looked up at her. The glow of the candles cast deep shadows on the wrinkles on the Advisor's face. Bula was old, she realized. Not as old as Heavy Metal…but she was not the same middle-aged woman she had been when she had taken a girl with strange copper-streaked eyes under her wing.
"The Elder Dragon," Myrah said bluntly, wanting to move past this to get to the root of the problem. Bula snorted.
"Technically. That is what the focus falls on in our texts; the animosity between dragon and Oni. But had you read the full Healer record, you would have found that the true reason that the line of Kahzym was ended was because he fell in love."
Myrah stiffened angrily, realizing what Bula was getting at.
"I told you I had everything under control. I told you to trust me! But you didn't…you went behind my back and…"
"There is a reason they call it falling in love, Myrah. It is, in its very nature, a loss of control. You were heading down a path that would have led to ruin. I couldn't allow you to throw everything away…"
"You had no right!"
Bula didn't seem intimidated by Myrah's anger. If anything, she seemed sad.
"Listen to yourself, Myrah. Does this sound like a good leader? One who's calm, collected, focused…"
"They blinded him!" the Western Leader yelled. "Ancients, Bula…you told and they blinded him!"
"That isn't my fault," the advisor said, pushing herself to her feet. "It's not your fault either. If the Master Healer was punished, it's because he did something wrong. He knew the risks and he accepted them. He has to accept the consequences."
It was painfully close to the conclusion Myrah had come to, but hearing it from Bula caused everything in her to burn with indignation.
"For loving me? He deserved such punishment for loving me?!"
Bula met her eye evenly.
"I've told you countless times; the Healing organization is barbaric. They follow their own rules, guard their own secrets, rewrite history. Do you believe me now?"
She was so angry….and yet she didn't even know what she could do. Bula seemed to realize that as well.
"You could punish me, if you feel that is best. But you won't."
"You're so sure?" Myrah asked acidicly. "You went against my word!"
"You never told me I couldn't tell," Bula pointed out. "You just said that you had everything under control."
"It was implied!" Myrah snapped. "You realize you've ruined everything?! Because you've told, now the Master Healer's family knows. And they are close to Theodynn…"
For the first time, Bula seemed uneasy.
"There would be no reason for them to bring any of this up with the heir…"
"His bodyguard already threatened to do so!" Myrah hissed, and her advisor blanched. After a moment, however, Bula's expression hardened.
"Then it is good that I intervened when I did."
Myrah scoffed and the older woman continued.
"Secrets like this never remain secret. Had this gone too far, then there would have been no hope of reconciling our plans with Theodynn…"
"You don't know that!"
"I do! Look at our history, Myrah! Secrets are not the way to rule. Secrets are the openings that enemies use to destroy Rulers. You may detest me now for what I've done, but someday you're going to realize that it was for the best. Better to separate yourself from the Master Healer now than when…"
"I'm not separating myself from him," Myrah retorted, and Bula blinked in surprise.
"What do you mean?"
"He thinks I did this, Bula. I'm going to tell him otherwise…and I'm going to make him realize that it wasn't my fault. It's going to take work to get back what you've tried to take from me, but…"
"You mean, continue your relationship?" the advisor asked, aghast. Myrah straightened, looking down defiantly to answer. Rather than beg her to do otherwise, Bula began to laugh. The Western Leader immediately flushed.
"You will never get him back, Myrah…"
"He only hates me because he thinks I told!" the younger woman snapped. "But I'll convince him otherwise. And your interference will be for nothing."
"You think he would take you back after this?" Bula asked, sounding more intrigued than skeptical.
"He loves me," the leader answered coolly. "I'm sure of it. Once he realizes the truth…"
"Fine, maybe you could convince him. But you can't believe that you would be able to be together for long."
Myrah narrowed her eyes.
"I forbid you from mentioning this to the other Healers, on pain of…"
"I wouldn't have to," Bula answered aloofly. She was shorter than Myrah, but she met the leader's eyes with the wisdom of years. "Don't you see? They'll be watching him now. It doesn't matter how careful you are, eventually they will discover what he's done. And he will be punished again."
Myrah just stared, the logic of Bula's argument making the room start to tilt as her advisor continued.
"If he was blinded for a kiss, what would they do to him for a relationship, Myrah?"
"I'll protect him," she replied, but her voice came out woodenly. Bula scoffed.
"How? Station guards around his tent? Bring him here? Like a fortress could protect against an Ancient."
She was laughing again, and Myrah had the sudden desire to strangle her advisor. She took a step closer to the woman, and Bula sobered.
"You cannot protect him, Myrah. The Healers are lawless…some are Ancients. They will get to him, regardless of how you would interfere. So, go ahead…go to him. Explain your part in this…get him to love you again. I promise from here on out, I will not get involved in your decisions."
Myrah's eyes were filling with tears again, and she hated herself for it. She was backing away now, her expression hardening with contempt.
"You've already gotten involved…already ruined everything. Hershel didn't deserve this, Bula. He did nothing to deserve what you did to him!"
"This isn't about what he deserves, Myrah. Don't you see? This is about what you deserve. You are the one who will be ruling the realm someday; that is what you deserve. Anything that has to be done along the way to ensure that you reach that goal is worth it in the long run."
It had been their mantra for years; doing what had to be done to achieve the Rulership. So why did it make her flinch away now?
"No more distractions, girl. Pull yourself together, and do what needs to be done," Bula continued sternly.
Myrah was breathing heavily as she continued to glare at the woman she had trusted for so many years. Bula's expression softened slightly.
"Just let him go. I don't understand what temptation he is still holding over you, considering the way he is now…"
"Get out."
Bula seemed shocked by the leader's quite fury, but rather than argue, the advisor bowed her head respectfully and left. Myrah hugged herself, the light around her dancing as the candle wavered. She could figure this out…surely she could figure out how she could have everything she wanted. But as the hours stretched longer, hopelessness was beginning to set in. Myrah sank down to the floor. Her own words echoed around her, telling Bula to get out…but then it was Hershel's voice demanding that she leave.
Get out, Myrah!
She had been so hurt by everything he had said and done, but now it made a twisted kind of sense. Why he was so betrayed…why he wouldn't kiss her back.
Do you want me dead? Do you hate me that much?
He thought she had come to gather more proof to accuse him with. Every fiber in her burned with the injustice; all she wanted to do was storm his tent, force him to understand what had happened. Make him realize that she didn't hate him…that she…she…
She held her head, and the logical voice she had been ignoring the last few days yelled at her. She was drifting from her goals. But the thought of giving up on the Master Healer seemed more than she could bear. Didn't that prove Bula's point?
Memories of the past weeks, months, flashed through her mind. How her heart would pound when he got close to her…the way she looked forward to the days when she knew he was coming. The moment when she had decided that she wanted to figure out what it really meant to love…but now it was all crashing down around her. Her heart ached with a surprising pain when she finally realized that she would never know what love was really like, because her only chance had been snatched away from her. Was she doomed to really only have one night's experience?
She pushed herself to her feet with sudden disgust; she hadn't gotten to this point—gotten to be leader-because she gave up. She grabbed the candle, using it to guide her way back to the door of the library. She didn't care about that bodyguard…she didn't care about Healers or Bula. How dare any of them tell her what to do! She reached the door ready to head out to the stables. If she hurried, she would reach Hershel's tent by morning. She blew out the candle, and the library was doused in total darkness as she reached for the door handle.
If he was blinded for a kiss, what would they do to him for a relationship, Myrah?
Bula's words came back to her, and her hand froze on the handle. She stood statuesque in the dark…the same all-encompassing blackness that was now Hershel's entire world. She clenched her jaw, arguing with herself. He loved her, and they would be careful. Far more careful than they were the first time…
But what if the Healer's found out? What if they slipped up…and the Healers returned?
What would they do to him?
"How long has this been going on for?"
Matilda's tone was rather neutral, given the circumstances. Janet seemed uncomfortable.
"It was posted yesterday from what we can see. It was released rapidly on a variety of social media forums. It's been shared and spread ever since it was posted, but we finally managed to track it down to the original post."
"And?"
Matilda's blue eyes flicked up, and the NCST's head of communications seemed uncomfortable.
"It's a blank account. We can't figure anything out about the source."
Janet held up a tablet with the profile pulled up, and Matilda spent a few seconds flicking through the nondescript pictures and posts.
"Hashtag 'Free Theodynn,'" she read, scanning the post itself. "Well whoever it was, they certainly went all out on their campaign against me. Perhaps it is the little Oni girl; I heard she's out of the hospital now."
"It's possible," Janet admitted, but she seemed hesitant. Matilda raised her eyebrows and the other woman cleared her throat. "The only problem we see is that the style of writing is very sophisticated. And they seem to be attacking your political policies under the injustice front."
"So who do you suppose this is?" Matilda asked, and Janet pushed her narrow glasses further up her nose.
"We're are looking into the possibility that this could be from one of your political opponents. The primaries are close, and they may feel very threatened by the fact that you're single-handedly saving Ninjago."
Matilda's brow furrowed slightly.
"Their counterpoint," she realized, and then shook her head as she handed the tablet back to Janet. "It doesn't matter; the law is on my side, and though they love to throw words like "brutality" and "ambition" around, they cannot pin anything on me. I'm airtight. Still, I would like you to do what you can in your department to squash this little…" she glanced back down at the post with a sneer. "…harassment."
Janet nodded her agreement and Matilda turned to find Alejandro. He was hovering nearby, as he often was. She snapped at him and he looked up from his notes.
"The Oni's ready for me?" she demanded, and he nodded. She smiled slightly, straightening her suit jacket. This little "injustice" front was pathetic, really…and it would be easily smothered as soon as she got a little more evidence on her side.
25