Author's Note: Sorry for both 49 and 50 being the same. It is fixed so should update. 49 is different than it was. 50 is where it should be. -Maybenotahufflepuff
Hermione was sitting in her workroom, letting her hair drip dry after a steamy hot shower with her best body wash and a thorough hair wash and condition. Legs shaved and glass of wine consumed, she was feeling much more settled. Not settled enough to read more than two pages of her current novel or go to sleep though, so she had come down here looking for a distraction.
When her wards pinged an apparition alert she waited a moment and when she didn't feel anyone's magic come in range, she sent a patronus. It was him. He hadn't just headed here to do his usual charm work either, but had waited for her invitation.
She watched him walk down the stairs and let all of her appreciation of his physical appeal roll through her. The dark pants hugged his thighs just enough and as usual his sweater showed the hardness of his torso and shoulders. There was almost always someone else around when he was and she tried not to get caught in blatant admiration. Flicking her eyes to his face, she smiled her welcome and then, realizing she was probably allowing too much to be seen, toned it down to something appropriate.
"Don't do that." His voice was a bit gruff and she was surprised by the greeting. Blinking at him for a moment she tried to understand and failed.
"Excuse me?" Her tone wasn't frosty but it wasn't warm either and he could tell.
"Close up." He nearly bit out the words and she frowned. Knowing what he meant now, what the hell could she say to that? Deciding to try and not be defensive she opted for deliberate evasion.
"Was there a reason you came here just now?" She asked. Not wanting to fight with him or talk about her wanting to not advertise her thoughts.
"Yes. That's the reason. Or part of it." He seemed at a loss for words and she stood up completely from the stool and leaned against the table. Not wanting to be seated while he stood. Even if he would still tower over her.
"Well please share." She didn't let any of the heat into her voice. Trying to make it a genuine statement but that didn't quite come across as he stared at her for a moment. It did sound flippant. "Sorry. I do mean it though." He scanned her face and then held her gaze for a moment before looking away and leaning opposite her. Three feet or so between them.
"I don't know what to say. I laughed at Malfoy for his we'd be good together declaration. Not being able to imagine saying something like that about a serious relationship, to you. Now I know why the ponce just blurted it out. You don't need anything I could offer. Don't need me. I think you want me, at least a little. I'm offering, whatever you want." She listened impassively with shock and watched his bowed head and so when his gaze snapped up as he finished speaking she was pinned in his bright blue one.
"Whatever I want." She repeated slowly. Trying to discern what he meant, or what he felt. Not really thinking that he might mean something other than maybe sex. He nodded and scanned her again. Some of the heat she had noticed before there but something else too. Biting her lip in thought she watched his eyes snap to it and she was instantly blushing. Scolding herself for her seemingly juvenile reaction was cut off by the real grin that her reaction brought to his face. Surely he knew that she was aware of him, too aware usually. Then she processed something he had said.
"Serious relationship." He just met her eyes. Certainty there, or that was what she read.
"Why?" This seemed the important point. There were several reasons that just sleeping together could be problematic. She had gone over them many times and knew that wouldn't be good for every other part of her life. Her apprenticeship, friendships, everything. Hiding or trying to pretend during the day or whatever, it just wouldn't work. The people around them were far too aware. That said, she would rather not sleep with him than this. If this was just a reaction to her wants or peer pressure. She was sure all the men around her knew but had hoped they wouldn't pressure him or anything like that. Didn't think they would but still. Anything other than this being what he really wanted wasn't acceptable. Whatever difficulty that might cause. It had been months and it was one of the few real certainties she had about whatever this was or could be, between them.
"You've thought about it then?" He asked, instead of answering her question. She tilted her head and then gave a reluctant single nod.
"Further ahead?" She didn't understand that question. He shook his head in frustration.
"Just say it. Whatever it is. You can have a chance to amend or change the wording." He gave her a small smile at that attempt to make this easier and add a small amount of comedy into this uncharacteristically serious interaction between them.
"I thought about waiting it out and I thought about just trying to put it off." She knew what he meant but still, she felt this a bit unnecessary and kept her features as they had been instead of allowing the hurt to show.
"If I didn't know then you would know I didn't. Chose not to. Once I really let myself think about actually having you. Not just chasing you or wanting to sleep with you. There isn't really a choice. Try or be eventually left behind and watch you find happiness, with someone else." Hermione didn't know what to say to that and wanted to give him the poor missed moment to think through what he had said.
"That sounds terrible but it's true. It's not everything but you asked why and I thought maybe you meant, why now? After all these weeks. Years even." She could and did nod her comprehension of that. It seemed clear to her what her response should be. It was a little bitter but the world wouldn't end. She liked him enough to want him to be happy. Feel free to make choices after years of not being able to.
"I won't hold it against you. I don't want this. A forced thing. If you don't want to see me for a while or it's just that I'm around too much, we can find solutions. It will be awkward but I'll make it clear that there was no reason for any hard feelings anywhere. At the cabin." She added for clarification of who she would talk to. It had become clear that everyone did better having the others around. To do magic with or make plans. Not eat alone. Hermione included. She didn't want him to feel as if that was her place more than his.
"That's your answer then. No?" He looked a bit surprised and also more than a little pissed off. Merlin curse the man.
"You didn't ask me a question. Don't be angry that after being told you didn't really want to do this but thought now would be better than later, I made clear my acceptance of your reluctance and respect for the situations we are in together." Hermione practically bit these words out. Trying to hold together her composure and not punish the man man for her hurt feelings.
He closed his eyes and in a gesture she used herself took a breath and then another.
"It's not that I don't want you. That's ridiculous. I've always wanted you, sexually at least. I didn't know you before. Who you were or really anything outside of you being wicked with a wand and gorgeous when you used it. Now I know way more. I don't want to watch you with someone else. I don't want to wish someone else is you." This time when he met her eyes it was different. He didn't pin her or rake her with his gaze. He just looked at her, almost grimly, and waited.
Looking at his face she thought over his words. Then she stared at the stone wall and thought through what she thought he meant. Part of her understood that it was hard to speak about feelings. Especially when you weren't sure of the other persons, another part wished for a moment he was a Gryffindor. The moment called for one of them to be bold. Making a decision she decided to ask these questions and that should decide her answer. Trying not to be hopeful, she met his eyes.
"No one is pressuring you to do this. I'm sure they all know how I feel. It's your idea?" He tilted his head and her heart dropped a bit.
"Dolohov hasn't said a word but Yaxley sat me down and I've talked to 'Bas about it. Neither told me what to do. Just made the situation a bit clearer. Honestly, I hadn't taken it as a serious possibility. That you might want me, for more than a tumble." At this she just stared at him. It hadn't been obvious to him, he didn't think she wanted more than sex. That seemed hard to believe. They could come back to that though.
"People will know, eventually. Is that okay?" He didn't understand exactly what she meant but nodded slowly.
"The papers. People will know. I won't advertise it but it will be obvious in a short time." He looked thoughtfully at her and she could tell that he hadn't considered that. Or so it seemed to her. "I can't do anything about it except evade for as long as possible." That was the truth.
"The papers are mental about you. I get it though." They shared a look of understanding.
"And the other people." Here her uncertainty showed. Even though she didn't think she was less because of her birth or whatever, others did. Where he came from his. Hell, he must have at some point too. Hopefully not now, she didn't think so.
"If you mean my peers or the old families or whatever I don't care. I don't think they will be disgusted as you seem to think. Envious and incredulous, if we are seriously seeing each other." Most of the tension had faded away and she couldn't think of anything else to say. So she stood silently. Eventually he shifted his posture and she mirrored his uncrossed arms. Having both been a bit defensive.
"What do you say little witch? Let me try to make you happy." The last wasn't a question but a suggestion. Hermione wasn't sure why he had approached this like this. If he actually wanted to be with her then he had no reason for the uncertainty.
"Do you think I could make you happy?" She felt all of her uncertainty and self confidence issues roll out. Knew that some of it was visible but this time didn't try and hide it. He just smiled at her and stuck his hands in his pockets.
"Pretty sure you are more than I could want little witch. More than I deserve too." He made that sound like an admission and she frowned.
"You don't see yourself clearly." Tentatively, she took a step towards him and watched his hands come out of his pockets then flicked her gaze up to his. There was something on his face that made her feel a bit more confident. Many things showed on his suddenly expressive features. His cheeks were a little bit pinker than usual and this time it was him who bit his lip. Then he reached for her and in one movement picked her up and sat her on the table he had been leaning on. It brought her closer to his height and he just held her to him. Head cradled gently but firmly against his shoulder and she relaxed into him. Letting her arms wrap around his waist and then pressing herself against him. Slowly her legs wound around the back of his thighs and she heard a gruff sound come from him.
Unable to get closer and unwilling to break the moment she didn't ask what. Just stayed there and eventually the hand holding her head relaxed and ran down her back, cupping her thighs and pulling her flush against him. This time she understood the sound as their bodies lined up through their clothes and she couldn't help her small wiggle.
"Little witch." The tone was part warning and part amused and she smiled into his shoulder. They stood there and just held each other for a while. She had no idea how long.
"Can we go upstairs and do this on the couch?" She asked eventually. Wanting to be more comfortable and in a more personal part of her home, she felt him nod and his hair brushed her cheek. She couldn't believe that this was happening. Assuming he would let go of her and she would walk, she was a bit surprised when his hands gripped her thighs and he started toward the stairs. She just smiled and held on, not fearing she would fall or feeling too heavy.
Lev was waiting at the top of the stairs and after a long look at them he meowed and flicked his tail before walking away. As he sat on the couch and rearranged her on his lap she thought maybe he wanted to say something. She leaned back a bit and forced herself to meet his eyes.
"You sure little witch?" She nodded and his mouth was on hers before she could make another movement. For minutes she kissed him back and then he broke it off.
"Whatever you are thinking about, stop it." He wasn't angry but questioning.
"It's my magic." She answered, biting her lip. She had been holding it together so it didn't do whatever she could feel it wanting to do. He just looked his question and then at her lips. She didn't know how to explain.
"I want to kiss you. More than that I want you to kiss me and think about nothing else." He sounded as if he felt he was being very reasonable.
"I don't know what it will do exactly." She was looking at his lips and half hoping he would say yes.
"Kiss me witch." The tone made her core clench and she groaned just a little before leaning back down and kissing him. When his tongue met hers, she released a little bit of her mental hold over the magic she usually let be free around her, and when nothing happened she smiled into the kiss and tilted her head deepening it. As his tongue slid against hers, in a way that made it hard for her to keep still, she heard his deep groan and felt his body jerk. At that she tried to pull away, but he threaded his hands in her hair and she felt what had earned such a reaction. It was slight but his magic pulsed against hers, near the hands that were on her waist and she let out a whimper.
When the kisses slowed and they were both panting, she pressed her face into his shoulder. All of her felt tingly with want and the thumb that was brushing up and down her side was close enough to her nipple to keep it tight and hoping for a slip. All she wanted to do was plant herself on his clothing clad erection and roll her hips. Surely it wouldn't take much to push her over. She felt nearly upset with how badly she wanted him. Because she knew that even if they could, it wasn't the right time. He must have felt the same because he didn't push for anything either. Eventually she decided to speak. Her eyes were getting heavy and she didn't want to make any assumptions.
"Are you going home?" She asked. Her voice was a bit husky with tiredness and her emotions.
"Can we sleep together. Are you okay with that?" His voice sounded tired too, and relaxed. She smiled slightly.
"Down here?" She asked, taking off her hoodie. She would be fine with it, but her bed would be even better. At the moment she didn't really want him to leave and would rather sleep in her clothes if that was the choice. Her couch was huge and basically a bed anyway. He didn't answer and she tilted her head up so she could see his face. Without thinking she ran a finger over his stubbled cheek and bit her lip.
"I don't want to push anything." He muttered and she smiled gently. Understanding. If he really did want her, felt half of what she did then it was a mirror of her own thoughts.
"I will happily sleep here on your chest or in a similar position in my bed." Her cheeks pinked but she wasn't really embarrassed. He grinned and sat her up before gesturing her to lead the way. Before she walked out of the room he threaded their fingers together and met her eyes. She wasn't sure exactly what he was asking her, but she nodded and waited for him to indicate he had come to a decision. His fingers tightened and she took that as confirmation he was staying, so she led him up the stairs. Today had been a bit of a rollercoaster but she would take it.
Author's Note: Finally! its finally here. Thanks for reading along everyone!
-Maybenotahufflepuff