CHAPTER 39:

Forgive me

Cole couldn't believe his eyes. For a moment he even felt the need to rub them —hell, even dip his whole head in a basin full of water to rinse them and make sure his seeing wasn't playing games on him, conjuring up a mirage of the only thing that would have put his heart to rest. But they were working with clockwork precision.

Without even having to look around at his friends' faces, Cole could tell this was as real as life could get. The stillness and surprise Lloyd and Zane exuded was enough confirmation for the noirette; they were seeing the same thing as him —Kai and Jay merged in a tender hug, clinging to each other as their rock.

Kai's face full of tears rose up from Jay's shoulder a few inches and his eyes danced between them all. Another cry pushed his way up the boy's throat and got caught through clenched teeth. Kai's fingers dug into Jay's arms although the gingerhead didn't make a single comment against it.

"I'm sorry…" The sovereign murmured with the weak voice of a scared little child. His eyes opened barely enough to see, albeit, with the number of tears that glistened on them, Cole wondered if Kai could see anything at all. "I'm… sorry…" He repeated, his strength abandoning him through the whimper.

Like the pull of a lever, Cole leaped onto the bed, taking giant steps. His arms quickly finding their way around the two boys and he, too, started crying like he hadn't done in a long time. Zane and Lloyd appeared beside them right after, working their way through the mess of limbs and merged all together in the most tender embrace.

Kai dissolved into tears, his cries full of pleas, of 'I love you's and apologies, asking for them all to forgive him for his idiocy, to not leave him alone. When the man latched onto Lloyd it was crystal clear that Kai didn't plan to let go of him for a while at least.

"Lloyd, please, forgive me, I never… I-"

Lloyd kissed his wet face and brushed stray chocolate locks out of Kai's eyes. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean what I said. You're not a monster, Kai. You're nothing like that…" The blond cried with him.

Kai gripped Lloyd's waist and kept him close to his body, all the while his other arm never went too far from Jay.

Zane shifted and scooted closer, pressing against Kai's back when the Maharaja pleaded for his forgiveness next. Zane kissed his hair silently and let him know there was nothing to forgive on his side.

Although none of his friends displayed a shred of bitterness at the moment, Kai couldn't help but cry. He would calm down a few moments then burst again with a wail as he clung to all of them and apologized over and over again. In the end, they managed to lie him down on the bed, Zane supporting Kai's head on his thigh, Lloyd curled up next to his heaving chest, dropping a sweet shower of kisses on the fevered skin of Kai's neck and jaw. Jay and Cole stayed close, the former held Kai's free hand, squeezing his palm lovingly and rubbing soothing circles on the back with his thumb. Cole, taking advantage of his large body, scooted behind Lloyd, stretching an arm over the small blond and reaching Kai's tummy. He, too, massaged the muscles softly as if he was taking care of a little kid —in a sense, he was. Cole would always see Kai as his protégé, his precious treasure that he would guard till the last one of his days. He swore to himself, that was the last time he was going to let Kai fall into such a depressive state, the last time he'd feel this unloved.

'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger', Cole was reminded of what he'd been told several times during his time at war. And you can damn well bet your ass on it. They would raise from this, all together, stronger than ever.

Cole's eyes came to rest on Jay, the boy was trying not to look directly at Kai for too long but Cole would find him stealing glances at the monarch's face now and then. His vibrant aqua orbs sparkled with residual tears and his mouth quivered with a hesitant smile.

"I think he fell asleep." Lloyd's soft voice sounded in front of Cole. Both the noirette and Zane craned their necks and checked on the red figure.

"Indeed, he must be exhausted," Zane murmured, caressing the top of Kai's head gently. "Cole, could you please bring me a towel? He shouldn't sleep with all that makeup on."

The noirette got up from the bed right away, dampened a napkin and passed it to his friend. Zane rubbed it softly against the black trails staining Kai's cheeks and eyes. The boy stirred and tiny sobs and moans escaped his lips, but Zane pacified him with low comforting words while Lloyd tightened his arms around the king.

Cole rubbed a hand over his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before he looked up to the ceiling with a deep breath, blinking back a new wave of tears. He didn't want to cry anymore but that last week had been full of emotions. Emotions he'd tried to suppress in favor of his family and now were flowing out, all at once.

When he looked down again at the scene unfolding before him, Cole noticed Jay had abandoned Kai's hand and his palm now rested on top of the young king's knee, resuming the soothing motions though a lot more subtle. Cole's arm instinctively went around Jay's shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze.

••••••••••••

Sleep faded away ever so slowly. The cloud over Kai's head refused to leave at first, kept him calm, buried deep in a world of pleasant nothingness. But the haze eventually lifted, allowing him to absorb his surroundings. First came the smooth breeze with its fresh aroma that hinted at the upcoming night, then the soft nest where he was lying, silky sheets underneath his free hand, the other resting on a warm body. The Maharaja's eyelids weighted more than usual but they opened after a few tries, spotting a blond mop of hair under his chin. He shifted and felt a presence hovering over him on the other side, Cole's face appeared with a sympathetic smile.

"Hey, baby," he greeted low.

Kai hummed and his free hand automatically reached out for the young man. Cole clutched it between his and kissed the knuckles. "Cole… What-" As Kai tried to ask, his eyes were pulled like a magnet to the blue spot sitting by his feet. He blinked and tried to focus on it but he already knew who was there.

Jay...

Images assaulted him. It hadn't been a dream, had it?

Lloyd stirred by his side and blinked a few times, rubbed his eyes as he came back to full consciousness. The surprise that filled his face when he looked at Kai switched to a gentle grin in mere seconds. "Kai," he murmured and hugged him tight.

No. No, it hadn't been a dream. Jay had forgiven him. Everyone had forgiven him.

His vision darkened for a second and Kai clutched his forehead with a low groan. "Are you okay?" Cole asked. With his help, Kai leaned on the pillows and sat up a bit straighter. Lloyd, too, moved up and sat beside him.

"Y-Yeah…" He mumbled, deliberately avoiding Jay's stare for a moment. When his eyes locked again on those beautiful blues, Jay shifted fidgetily and Kai couldn't believe how much he'd missed such a tiny shy gesture, it felt like he had gone back in time to the party, to when Jay had let him cling to him despite how nervous the boy had been. Kai went back to that moment before he slipped… and almost destroyed his whole family.

Almost?

His heart ached, was it really over? Could they remain together after going through that?

Cole kissed his cheek and pressed his head on Kai's brow, nuzzling his hair. The tenderness the Maharaja felt in his spouse's touch melted him.

"I'm sorry for pushing you, I should have been more tactful," Cole muttered and Kai snuggled up to him, his throat worked as the anxiety he had felt back in the living room manifested again.

"It's fine…"

It worked anyway, he wanted to say but felt too coward. Earlier he'd been riding on the emotions high, his repentance had broken out without restrains, and even though he remembered Jay's voice as clear as daylight when the boy had whispered his acceptance, Kai couldn't help but feel uneasy all over again. It still felt like a dream, one he didn't want to wake up from.

His eyes came to rest on the boy and quiet sobs tried to erupt again. Cole moved to hug Kai more properly and kissed the top of his head as the young king tried his best to conceal his whimpers. "Baby, it's okay, don't cry anymore, please. Everything is fine."

Kai looked up, his husband blurred and shimmered in front of him. After Cole nodded, the Maharaja's eyes went to Jay and Lloyd, the other two boys mimicked Cole's little confirmation and Kai choked on a cry, reaching up to his face to try and stop the tears.

"I just… I don't understand how you… Why would you all…?" He stuttered, fighting back the invisible force that compressed his throat. "I'm sorry…"

"If you say that again I'm going to punch you in the face, got it?" Cole squeezed him with loving amusement.

"S-sorry…"

Cole gasped comically and clutched Kai's face, narrowing his eyes at the brunette with fake annoyance, then sighed exhausted. "Ugh, who am I kidding?" Cole planted a kiss on his lips. "I like you too much to 'rearrange' your face."

A snort got caught in Kai's throat, mixed with a cry as he leaned on Cole's strong chest. Lloyd and Jay's soft giggles reached his ears and his heart swelled with both excitement and fear. This was too much; this family, their acceptance and unconditional love… It was going to make him explode from happiness.

Soon enough, Nya and Zane appeared behind the door. Their smiles stretching upon seeing Kai cuddled with the boys. They both walked to the bed, the rest of the guys shifted to provide them some space on the mattress.

"W-Where were you?" Kai asked the taller blonde.

"With Nya, taking care of the last meeting."

Sweet Brahma! The meeting! Kai groaned as his head fell back against the headboard, hands pressing against his forehead, the old wood creaked with the slight bump. He just couldn't stop ruining everything up and dragging his beloved ones into the matter to fix his mess.

"Hey, don't do that, you'll hurt yourself," Cole scolded him affectionately.

"I'm sorry I'm a fucking mess…"

"Kai, stop with that already." Nya took her brother's hands and squeezed them. "Everything is fine, I'm not upset with you or anything. It's over now, okay? Let's just put it behind us and start again, all together, like a supportive family, with no more secrets."

"All… together?" Kai's gaze unconsciously drifted to the freckled face nearby. The boy noticed his stare and anxiously averted his eyes for a beat before they returned and held firm on Kai's, allowing the monarch to take a deep look into the beautiful sea-like gems since he'd 'awakened' from the nightmare. Truthfully, that was how Kai felt; relieved of the grief he'd been carrying for years, although his mind was still weak and would need time to recover before the extrovert in him managed to take control of his life once again.

Following the source of the king's distraction, Nya locked eyes on Jay and gripped his hand, switching the boy's attention to her. Nothing was spoken but a silent conversation seemed to pass between the two of them as the gingerhead gave her a little smile and nodded.

Cole hugged Kai again with a bit too much enthusiasm, almost crushing his ribs. "That's it, baby! You stop worrying that pretty head of yours. We'll all take care of you, okay?"

Kai's smile wavered on his face, then disappeared all over again. "What's wrong?" Zane asked, like the master he was at reading emotions.

Kai struggled to get a reply out of his mouth, "What if… what if I do it again? I don't know if I'm strong enough, I don't know how long I can go before… before I transform into a monster like my dad again."

"Kai… We've talked about that. You are not him." The blonde assured and both Nya and Cole nodded vehemently.

"But… he is in my blood, whether I like it or not." Kai pulled his arms away from Nya, rubbing the skin of his forearm. Tiny sobs started to gather at the back of his throat. He was truly repentant for what had happened and knew he would never try to harm Jay on purpose. But if he had exploded once, he could do it a second time too, and a third, and… who knew how many more until the demon that ran through him exterminated the love of his precious family?

"Our parents leave behind their legacies, not our destinies."

"What?" Kai's eyes shot to the side, intently staring at Lloyd, the blonde's recent words still swirling in his brain.

Lloyd was smiling at him with small liquid pearls at the corners of his eyes. "A wise man once told me that," the boy muttered.

It took a moment for Kai to react, the surprise of having his own words said back to him left the Maharaja frozen in the spot. Then his walls came down and emotions flowed again through his veins, striking him with a realization he still couldn't fathom. This family, these people around him, they were the true heroes, the pillars of this kingdom. Without them, Kai would be nothing —just a grown-up teenager trying to play king.

Kai bit back a pathetic wail and wrapped his arms around Lloyd's body, crushing the smaller boy in a desperate hug.

••••••••••••

"Now, now, no more tears, okay, baby?" Cole kissed Kai's face, squeezing the brunette hard against himself.

"Sor-"

"What did I say?" He rose a finger and rested it on Kai's lips, shutting the boy. "You don't worry about that anymore. We all love you, got it?"

Kai nodded but Cole saw the doubt in his shiny eyes and how the virid orbs glanced fearfully at Jay. The question "All of you?" hidden behind the glazed gems.

"You know what?" Cole announced. "Why don't we have dinner here in your room? All together. We can play games and have a sleepover, just relax and goof around. How would you like that?"

Kai struggled to come up with a reply, even though he'd cried rivers by now, his throat still clogged with lamentations. Cole was barely aware of the boy nodding his head against his shoulder when the rest of the family scooted closer and took turns hugging the boy for the umpteenth time, sharing their approval at Cole's idea. Jay was left for the last. The boy hesitated once the way to the monarch was free, his eyes found Cole's and seemed to wait for advice. The noirette gave him a subtle nod and Jay approached, tentatively putting his arms around the young king while he grabbed shaking fistfuls of Jay's clothes.

"Forgive me..." Cole heard Kai whispering but pretended he did not. His heart aching at just how much fear and distress had controlled Kai for years, and especially the last few days. How did he wish he could just stuck his hand in Kai's chest, take out his heart for a moment and rinse it from all the hurt, the fears and demons that gravitated around it. This wasn't over, sadly, they had won the battle, but not the war. Kai would need time to heal from his old scars, but Cole would be there. All of them would be there. Patching up Kai's wounds, supporting him until his strength came back and he morphed into an even more beautiful and confident creature than he'd ever been.

Jay's hands reached up Kai's back and rubbed softly as both boys rested their heads on each other's shoulders and Jay assured him there was nothing to forgive anymore.

"I guess someone is going to have to inform the servants about this recent change of plans." Zane leaned forward when Kai finally let go off Jay and placed a kiss on the monarch's cheek, getting up from the bed.

"Wait, Zane!" Cole followed him, halting the blonde on his way to the door. "Can I… talk to you a minute?" Zane nodded with minor surprise and resumed his walk. Cole paused and looked over his shoulder. "Jay, can you come too?"

"Me?" The boy asked, a hand instinctively flattening over his chest.

The noirette moved back beside the bed and assented, then kissed his husband softly. "We'll be back real quick, okay, babe?"

Kai looked at him like a hungry, stray dog but let him go. "Don't worry," Nya said and crawled on top of the bed, sitting next to her brother while Lloyd took the other side. "He's in good hands." The princess hugged her kinsman, pulling a small fleeting smile out of the boy.

Cole's chest warmed at seeing the siblings together again. Although Nya's personality might come off as very strict sometimes, the girl absolutely adored her older brother.

As Cole, Zane and Jay exited the room, the guards nearby asked them if they required any help, having heard the monarch's recent crying. Zane dismissed them, assured Kai was fine and ordered one of the men to relay the dinner plans to the servants and cooks. The three boys walked down the hall and entered their bedroom to have some more privacy.

"What's the matter, Cole?" Zane asked as they all stood a few steps away from the door.

The ex-soldier faltered for a beat, his anxious eyes moving between his two friends. Cole worried his lip then focused on Zane. "I… Uhm, I wanted to apologize for how I acted earlier. I'm sorry for what I did and… what I said."

Zane blinked, his face somewhat shocked as if he hadn't been expecting that from Cole. His pale lips then stretched into a soft smile and he walked closer to the boy, holding his hands.

"You're forgiven, my dear. I'd like to offer my apologies as well. I'm sorry for… calling you an idiot and yelling at you too. I should have stayed calm and talk things out civilly."

Cole's chest tightened a fraction. "Hey, it's okay. It's no news I'm a bit of a dumbass…" He laughed dryly with furrowed eyebrows. Zane locked gazes with him, equally pained as Cole by their recent dispute. The blonde slipped his hands under Cole's strong arms and hugged him, flattening his palms on the broad back. Cole wrapped the boy in his arms and squeezed him tenderly, throat stiffening with emotion. "I love you…" He whispered.

"I love you too," Zane replied with an identical low tone. The four gentle words tingling the side of Cole's neck.

When they pulled apart, Cole discovered a mildly flustered Jay by their side, who averted his eyes at the intimacy going on in front of him. Cole felt his cheeks going redder as well. Maybe it would have been best to start off with Jay, but now there was no turning back. He stepped closer to the boy, grabbed one of his hands and tilted Jay's head to the front gently with the other.

"Jay, I… I want to thank you. I don't know how you did it but… I think you fixed everything."

"I wouldn't dare to say that much," Zane moved to their side. "Kai still has a long way ahead of him to overcome his traumas and psychological scars, but," his icy blues locked onto Jay and a friendly smile appeared on his lips. "You unquestionably broke the first obstacle, Jay. Thank you."

Jay's head ducked in his shoulders, the boy looked away embarrassed to the core. "It… it was nothing."

"Yes, it was," tittered Cole. "How did you even do that? I mean, he ran away from you and he wouldn't even see Zane after that."

By Cole's side, the blonde nodded with the same interest. Kai had looked so distressed, so out of his mind, so broken. It was hard to imagine what Jay could have come up to that hadn't crossed Cole nor Zane's minds.

"I… I apologized." Was Jay's short reply.

Cole shook his head with confusion. "W-What? What for? I mean… He… Uhm… I thought you wanted him to do that..." Cole stuttered, losing his train of thought as he spoke.

He saw Jay swallow an uncomfortable lump in his throat before the boy found the strength to talk again. "At first… yes, I thought that was what I… needed to feel better. But…" He paused for a long second in which Cole caught a foreign glint behind the vibrant aqua orbs, something that hadn't been there until moments ago, an emotion that seemed to overtake Jay's whole being, then disappeared when the boy blinked. Or maybe it just went back to his hiding place.

"I realized," Jay resumed. "Kai didn't want to be upset with me, he was just hurt and scared. I went to his room and… apologized for what I did the night of the party; for what I said to him."

••••••••••••

It felt strange telling these boys what he'd done. Jay hadn't remotely imagined that his talk with Kai would be the first step into finding the solution to this mess. There had been so many things that could have gone bad. Kai could have kicked him out, locked him again, punched him, who knew just what a troubled boy tortured by old monsters could have come up with to punish him. But none of that had happened. Sometimes the path to success was a straight line. This family had tried everything, separating the boys, keeping them away —safe from each other—, talking both of them into understanding of the other side... But as Jay's brain had disclosed earlier —this fight had been an issue between the two of them. And so, only Kai and he had had the tools to resolve it.

Just a simple apology, it was all that it took to set everything in motion, to get Kai out of that ball of misery that was eating him up alive. There was a part of Jay that still wondered if he wasn't being a fool by acting this way. Why trust in a boy that had treated him like a criminal? Why give him the benefit of doubt if there was yet the possibility that the monarch could just snap and go berserk again?

You know why.

An avalanche of memories came down on him, reminding Jay of all those little actions and details Kai had had with him since they met; his smiles, his gifts, his words of encouragement, the concern he'd displayed towards Jay's health, the way he'd tried to protect him from Pythor's bullshit, even all his stupid innuendos... All of that had had only one goal —make Jay feel loved, accepted. Because that's what Kai secretly longed for each day of his life; to be accepted for who he was.

A whirlwind of sensations swept through Jay, stirring his heart with emotions too strong for him to understand, too powerful and scary to try and look them in the eye. His hand squeezed Cole's unconsciously and he looked up to the boy's face, barely seeing him lunge forward and trap Jay in his muscles. Cole's strong arms compressed him almost painfully, Jay reached up startled, hesitantly pulling at the young man's shirt when all of a sudden he felt the noirette trembling and sobbing against him.

"Fuck, Jay…" Cole whimpered, his voice shaky. "You're… You're- Shit! I don't even know a word to describe you." He drew back a few inches, his hands quickly cupping Jay's face as tears rolled down his dark cheeks. "You're the… purest creature I've ever come across with."

Cole's warmth seeped through his fingers and landed directly on Jay's chest. The mahogany orbs so full of repentance, guilt… but also infinite gratitude. Cole's face was twisted into a pitiable smile, shiny trails running down his cheeks.

"Thank you… Thank you so much." Cole's head dipped, his lips abruptly pressing a soft kiss on Jay's cheekbone. The gingerhead couldn't have pulled away even if he'd wanted too —did he even?

Jay was still processing the tingling sensation Cole's lips left on him when Zane approached and thanked him too. Cole shifted, his arms going around both boys and locking them in a tight hug that threatened to crush their ribs.

"I love you, both of you, so much." Cole kissed Zane then stopped himself when he was going to do the same to Jay. His eyes anxiously dancing around. "I mean, like friends, right? Well, not to you, Zane. You know I love you... like a man. I mean- Ugh!" Cole groaned, gripping his hair as his cheeks turned darker.

Neither Jay and Zane could hold back a chuckle, which made the noirette sink deeper in his embarrassment.

"I believe," Zane started. "What Cole means is that even if you're not part of our immediate family due to blood or marital alliances, we do cherish and treasure you like one. Is that it, love?" Zane looked at his companion, the characteristic relaxed smile back on his face.

"Uhm… I guess?" The boy mumbled, confused by all those big words. Admittedly even Jay needed to go over them a couple of times to grasp their full meaning.

Zane giggled and addressed Jay, "Thank you, dear. Thank you for helping us and… for looking beyond the surface."

"You're... welcome," Jay muttered, still feeling overwhelmed that these guys were thanking him so effusively for just doing what any other decent human being would have done —or should have done.

"Guess we should go back to the others," Cole said, wiping his nose and face hastily and sniffing loud to push the jitters and tears back into their place. "Don't want Kai getting stressed again."

"Indeed," Zane nodded and motioned with his arm for the other boys to proceed.

Cole slipped his giant palm under Jay's, the strong chocolateish digits curling around him. When their eyes locked, Jay was met with one of the prettiest smiles he'd ever seen, only surpassed by...

'I'm so happy to have met you.'

A strange shiver went down Jay's spine, reached his feet then leaped back up to his chest, making his stomach boil and twirl. As hard as the memory of the monarch hit him, he shoved it back to the nooks of his mind. Why would Jay even think about Kai like that? Why would his body react in such a funny way in remembrance to the Maharaja's gorgeous smile?

Cole stopped by the threshold when he noticed their blonde companion wasn't following them. He took a step back and watched Zane opening Lloyd's wardrobe, fumbling with the clothes.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

Zane smiled back at him, closing the wooden doors when he gathered a few of the green articles. "Taking care of our boys."

Thank you very much for reading!

I'll be taking a break for a little while. Updating so frequently has stressed me and I want to work on the next chapters at my own pace. Hope you guys will understand.

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