Merry Christmas, everyone. Hope you enjoy some Shakarian as a present. ;)

Chapter 47: Just For a Moment

There are moments we wish would never end
There are days we dream of living again
There are nights that pass by silently
And there are nights that linger eternally

Garrus didn't say a thing for the entire skycar ride back to the docks. Terra found herself once again watching him for some sign that he needed her. The tension and rage that had been worrying her for the past several hours had given way to varying layers of remorse. She wasn't sure if she should do something or if it was best left on its own, so she merely stayed close and watched the passing scenery.

When they parked up and Garrus still wasn't talking even as he got out, though, she knew she had to say something. "So we're just gonna put it behind us now? Like nothing happened?"

He stopped dead in his tracks, but he didn't turn back to look at her. "Terra, I can't do this yet."

"Why not? I'm supposed to be the one person you can always talk to."

He knew she was right. He still didn't look at her.

She finally stepped over, reaching to take his hand and comfort him.

He didn't give her the chance. As soon as he realized she was there, he turned and walked away, this time stepping over to the railing overlooking the docks.

She didn't give up that easily. She followed him, looking out at the Normandy and the ships coming and going across the view of the nebula. She stayed quiet but also close by, waiting for him to speak his mind.

He could only keep silent for so long before the weight of her presence compounded with his thoughts so heavily… "…I just can't stop feeling like I let them down."

She shook her head. "You did the right thing, Garrus. They would've known that."

"Then why doesn't it feel like I did?"

She didn't have an answer at first. But she knew Garrus well enough to need only a moment of consideration before she realized what the answer must be. "Because you're not letting it go."

He looked at her now, more out of confusion than anything. "What?"

"You couldn't stop it, so you had to find someone to take it out on. The merc leaders were the ones who were actually responsible, but I killed them for you. Sidonis was just the only other person involved who you could reach. So when you heard what happened and you couldn't take the shot, you reached the logical conclusion that it must not have been his fault and started looking for someone else to blame. …and decided it could only be yourself."

He withdrew, trying to push away the thought before he could realize it was true. "That's not—"

"You had no way of knowing what was going to happen, Garrus," she told him as she turned to face him directly, "You did everything you could."

"And it wasn't enough!" He flinched the second he said it. There it was, proof that she'd seen right through him where he couldn't see for himself. Now that it was out in the open, though, he actually felt worse.

Terra could see that. So she figured there was only one thing she could do. "I think there's something you need to see." Once Garrus was giving her his full attention, she turned on her omni-tool and scrolled to a certain message she had recently received.

From: Nalah Butler
To: Terra Shepard
My husband was one of the men serving on Garrus' team. I don't know how much Garrus talked to you about what happened. I don't know the specifics myself, only that my husband died in a trap set by those monstrous gangs. I know Garrus blames himself; he took every shot fired at his squad as a failure on his part, and it was clear when he sent me the message about my husband that he thinks it was his fault.
My husband would never have wanted that. He was proud of the work he did on Garrus' squad. He was taking back Omega from the gangs. He died fighting with honor. I miss him. I'd give anything to get him back. But whatever happened there wasn't Garrus' fault.
You're his commander now. Please, if you can, help him stop blaming himself. And please don't tell him that I sent you this. Thank you.

Garrus was still staring at the message even after she turned off the display. "When did you get this?"

Terra sighed. "After we got back from Zorya. When you weren't talking to me."

He didn't know what to say. He had only met Nalah briefly, yet even she had picked up on how easily he succumbed to this reaction. He wondered if she would've bothered sending that message had she known who Terra really was to him.

Terra took his hand before he could pull away again, clutching it so tightly that he saw before she even said it why she couldn't stay quiet about this. "Garrus, I can't do this without you. I need you. I know it's not fair of me to ask you this, but you have to move on."

He could hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes what she feared the stakes would be—that blaming himself would make him more reckless than usual and he'd get hurt again like on Omega. Or worse. No, she was carrying too much to face this alone and she had been through enough without facing the possibility of losing him like she had that day. He couldn't promise her anything he couldn't guarantee he could do, but he had to try. For her. So he nodded, letting her know that.

She breathed easier then. And swiftly began searching for something else to talk about. Simply by examining their surroundings, she found one that made her smile. "You know, this is about where we had a similar conversation the day you met Anderson."

He smirked. "Actually, I think it was back there." Without even looking, he pointed to a bench behind him and across a walkway.

She glanced over, almost laughing at his uncanny precision as she recognized that was, in fact, where they had been sitting when she had talked him down from the disaster that was the Saleon case. She couldn't resist dragging him over there now.

"This doesn't feel any different," he pointed out even as he sat down with her.

"Just go with it," she shook her head at him. It actually didn't feel any different for her either, but a change of scenery could only do them good. And looking back on that day now, knowing how she really felt about him… She smiled. "You know, even after all this time, you're still the most determined, brave, and capable person I've ever met. And you definitely still don't let anything get in your way."

He looked at her carefully. She gave the words of a friend while her eyes gleamed with something deeper. "…so much has changed."

She nodded. "And so much has stayed the same."

He kept his eyes on her, thinking back to better days and thinking forward to hopefully more to come. The hand not tight in her grasp drifted across her thigh to her waist. They were close enough that every breath he took brought her scent to mind. "Have we changed?"

She stayed lost in his sapphire gaze, the sound of his voice stoking the flame within her that wanted so badly to fall into him completely. "We have…but how we feel hasn't." She laid her head on his reassuringly. "And it never will."

He smiled. "It's nice to know we'll always have that to hold onto."

She agreed. This whole galaxy could fall apart someday soon, but the one thing she would always know was that she and Garrus had each other to lean on, that they were in love. In the end, that was all she needed.

They stayed there together for nearly three minutes before Garrus finally sighed and stood up, his hand still wrapped around hers. "Come on. The crew's probably expecting us back any minute now."

At first, Terra nodded and followed. Before they reached the airlock, though, she thought of something. She smiled, drawing Garrus to stop and look at her. "You know, we don't have any leads at the moment and the squad could use some time off…if you want some time alone."

He looked at her in amazement as her meaning sunk in. She was making it clear she wanted this as much as he did, though, so he smiled and agreed. "Let's drop off our gear and I'll show you the sights again."

Exactly what she wanted to hear. She was brimming with joy when they got back on the ship. She changed from her armor to civvies in record time to make sure she was waiting at the airlock when he came to meet her there, immediately taking his hand and hurrying back out to the Wards.

There wasn't much of the Citadel he hadn't already showed her, but neither of them cared. Just being alone together, no expectations or time limits, was enough. Watching her as she clung to him, as she admired the scenery with an artist's eye, he couldn't help but remember all those times she had followed him around the Presidium and stopped to capture a view. Couldn't help but admire the sight of her the same way. He felt more like himself beside her. He wanted her all to himself, but she was too selfless for that. Just one more thing he loved about her.

For a while, they were content to wander around close to each other. Then Terra started getting restless and asked if there was somewhere they could go to be alone together. Garrus didn't know of many places on the station that weren't public access that she would be interested in. Then he started thinking outside the box about it and came up with an idea.

She noticed the mischievous smile on his face rather readily. "Should I not have asked that?"

"Too late now," he retorted before leading her off. They made their way out of Zakera Ward and up to the Presidium, strolling casually along the walkways around the reservoir. Then, when they came to an area near the end that had no eyes on it, Garrus hopped over the railing.

Terra reacted appropriately and stared at him in shock. "Are you serious?"

"There's a maintenance catwalk to access the purifiers that no one but keepers is using at this time of day, you do still have a Spectre all-access pass, and even C-Sec doesn't patrol this far."

"Yeah, because no one's crazy enough to climb down there!"

"Come on, Shepard, where's that adventurous spirit I know so well?"

"Taking a nap so my sanity can have a rare turn at the controls."

"Do you want that alone time or not?" he nudged as he held his hand out for her.

She didn't bother answering. He knew just what to say to get to her. Coupled with the way he was looking at her, she didn't have it in her to refuse him. So she finally sighed and knelt down. "Alright, wake up, adventure." Bypassing the hand he was holding out, she slid under the railing to drop from there.

He smirked as he followed her down. "Usually you're the one talking me into stuff like this, you know."

"Back when you were trying to get me not to stow away on your scouting tours, yeah. Nowadays, it's 50/50." She then dropped from the railing to the catwalk with the catlike agility afforded by her cybernetics. It was just narrow enough to accommodate a keeper, but that was enough for Garrus to carefully jump down beside her. Once they were both there, she took a moment to look around and see if it was worth the effort.

It was. All around them, the Presidium lake glistened in Widow's light, the soft sound of water rushing just barely audible as it ebbed and flowed against the edges of the ring. Not quite like sitting at the edge of an actual lake, like she so enjoyed doing with her sister on Mindoir, but still beautiful. Out here, even the crowds of the station seemed distant and separate, though they were less than 50 feet away. In terms of views she'd been shown by the Vakarian family, it was a very close second to the falls Solana had shared with her.

Terra sighed in wonder as she sat down at the edge of the catwalk. "This is amazing."

Garrus smiled as he sat down with her. "I've always wanted to see the parts of the Presidium we weren't allowed in. I'd say this is worth the trouble."

She had to agree. She even leaned over just enough to sift her fingers through the water and feel the cool, relaxing glide of the luminous fluid around her flesh. She hadn't had a chance to enjoy such simple pleasures in…well, before she died. She was quick to push that thought aside, deciding she needed a bit more. Or a lot more. So much more that she outright sat back to take her boots off.

He started looking at her in bewilderment the second she leaned back and started fiddling with her shoes. "What are you doing?"

She ignored the question, setting her boots aside just behind her and then sitting so that her feet hung off the edge of the catwalk and dipped into the water.

He barely restrained himself from laughing as she sighed almost serenely. "Well, I guess that's one way to enjoy it."

"Oh, believe me, if I had any reason to think you could swim, I would be diving in right now."

He didn't give some witty retort. He just watched her. Seeing her now, glowing in the reflection of the waters, was like discovering all over again how beautiful she was to him. The soft brown waves of her hair, the gleam of her bright blue eyes, the subtle awe with which she constantly observed her environment—everything about her and everything she did was another confirmation of what he knew. He knew it, but she…she was…

No. He had been putting it off or getting interrupted too much lately. It was long past time he told her.

He took a deep breath to steel his resolve. Then he turned to her and took her hand before it could reach for the water again. "Terra…there's something I have to tell you."

She looked at him curiously.

That one look made his heart pound and his pulse quicken, made it harder to breathe. Once he said this, there was no taking it back. But the fact that she affected him so easily, that he was even considering what he was about to say, cemented it in his mind that it must be true. If it was, she deserved to know. So he anchored himself on the thought of how he felt about her, what it would mean for them to embrace this, and with a smile, he confessed it at long last: "…you're my mate."

She froze in shock so suddenly and completely that she lost her balance on the edge of the catwalk and started to slip off into the water. He caught her quickly, holding her tight to him before she could fall. The warmth that cascaded out of him and into her before the water could make her shiver, the feeling of his arms around her, the look in his eyes as those words hung between them—there was no denying what he'd said or how she felt about it. He had to mean it if he had hesitated so much to say it only to admit it with such conviction. He meant it. "You…you really…you mean…I'm…your…"

He smiled. It wasn't often she was rendered speechless but it was even rarer for her to fumble with her words like this. "Yeah."

She wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, or kiss him. This was huge. He was saying she was his mate. As in "I'll never love anyone the way I love you," destined for each other, "only have eyes for you" MATE. That wasn't something you casually stumbled into. It was something you knew. If he knew it, if he believed it was her…

Oh.

Oh, wait.

Mates to turians were a step up from the human stage of boyfriend/girlfriend. The only step that was higher was actual bonding, which was no different from marriage. Mates were the step at which permanence started to be a consideration. There had never been a doubt in her mind that what they had was forever, but now that she thought about it… They were still a human and a turian. They couldn't be together without restrictions. They couldn't eat the same food. Spirits, they couldn't even have kids. If she accepted him as a mate, she was taking that away from him. She loved him too much to do that.

The more she let those thoughts close in on her, though, the more she was pulling away, drawing him to take notice that something was wrong. "Terra?"

She couldn't look at him. She'd break between the want and the need.

He didn't know how to take that. He'd assumed she'd be delighted to hear this. Now she was turning away? "Terra, talk to me. What's wrong?"

She still couldn't bear to look at him, but she couldn't deny him the answer he deserved. Even if he didn't want to hear it any more than she wanted to say it. "Garrus, there's a reason no other turians have claimed a human as their mate."

Slowly, he realized what she meant. "Terra, no, don't think like that—"

Now she looked at him, so he could see the certainty in her eyes, though she regretted it when meeting his eyes with these thoughts hanging over her started drawing the tears. "I couldn't live with myself if I knew I was depriving you of what you could've had—"

"I don't want any of it if it means not having you." His talons reached up to stroke her hair, comfortingly, longingly. "It's you I want, Terra. It's always been you. It could never be anyone else. Whatever you think we'd be missing, we'll find a way through it together."

Every word was exactly what she wanted to hear. Even coming from Garrus, she didn't trust that. "Garrus, I don't think—"

"No. Don't think. Feel it."

She couldn't help a small smirk at the way he so expertly returned the advice she had given him all those years ago (was it really 15 years now?). She also couldn't deny that, when she set her worries aside and listened to her heart, it was calling out for him with every beat. And she knew it always would. No one else could ever be anything to her like he had been. What he was to her had grown beyond words. But there was one word she knew that went a fair way towards describing it: "…you're my mate, too."

He hadn't realized how desperately he needed to hear her say that until he felt every fiber of his being rejoice at the sound of it. He responded the only way he could, grabbing hold of her completely and kissing her.

She fell into him, letting her tears and fears dissolve. As they sat here with their arms around each other and kissed each other breathless, she felt like none of them mattered. She felt like all she needed and would ever need was him. Her mate. She felt elation blossoming inside her at the thought of it, at how easily she accepted it. He was hers now, unequivocally. And she was his in return.

He forgot all about their surroundings as his mind filled with her taste, her scent, the feeling of her pressed against him. His talons gently began to trace the curve of her spine, gaining confidence as she shivered with enticement until his hand came to rest possessively around her waist. She responded in kind, her hand drifting from his shoulder down his arm to his wrist. At first, it was a silent approval of his touch. Then it was a way for her to break the contact so she could take hold of his hand, five fingers entwining perfectly around three talons.

They separated briefly to catch their breath, instead losing themselves in each other's eyes. They really were the same sapphire color, as if they were marked for each other from the very beginning. He smiled at the thought, the talons not entangled with her fingers reaching up to stroke her hair again. She smiled back, taking a brief moment to savor the sensation before leaning back in to kiss him again. He found himself lying down so that she was on top of him as they kissed, their entwined hands falling from the catwalk to the water.

She didn't know what it was about this embrace that made her think it—the feeling of their hands intertwined halfway under the water, the way his hand in her hair drew her closer, the tingling and warmth from her scalp down to her bare and still wet toes, the pounding of his heart against hers, the passionate kiss itself, or all of the above—but she wished time would stop here. She wished she could live the rest of her life in his arms, no Reapers, no Collectors, no Cerberus. It wasn't that simple, though. Time was passing by with every beat of their stolen hearts. She was just going to have to cherish it while she could.

He certainly did. He had never thought he would derive such pleasure from belonging to someone, but "pleasure" was too feeble a word to describe what he felt from losing himself in this moment with Terra Shepard. Every second was a memory he would treasure to the end of his days, a flood of ecstasy and desire and belonging. All this just from kissing her. She must really mean something to him. And she did.

She was his mate, after all. His human. Just as he was her turian.

Even when they finally separated, they stayed close, her lying down beside him and still not letting go of his hand. They watched the sky above for all of 20 seconds before getting lost in each other's eyes one more time, devoting their attention solely to each other yet again.

She sighed contentedly. "I want to stay here."

He smiled. "We can come back. Or when the Reapers are out of the picture, we can find a place by the water on Palaven."

She could already picture that, wiling away the hours for countless days simply lying beside her turian and listening to the waves. She wanted to capture that moment, so she could look forward to it until the day came that she could live it. She wanted to capture this moment, to always look back on how he made her feel.

Even if she knew she would always remember it.

They stayed there for over an hour before they finally checked the time and figured it was time to head back to the ship. It wasn't as easy to get back up from the catwalk as it was to get down, but they managed all the same. It seemed strange to simply be going back to the ship as if everything was perfectly normal, as if they hadn't just embraced as mates for the first time, but they managed that as well. Terra went back to checking on preparations for the big mission (not suicide mission, she wasn't letting that happen), and Garrus went back to working on upgrades for the batteries. If the crew noticed them looking at each other a certain way before heading to separate decks, no one said anything.

Garrus did find it awfully hard to concentrate on the equipment now. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw hers looking back at him, felt her fingers tight between his talons and her kiss on his plates. He smirked to think that, if they kept going on the ship as well as they did off of it, the air in the battery would soon enough be thick with her scent all the time. And he wouldn't mind.

It was only when he was preparing to turn in and he tried to call her that he started to worry something was wrong. She didn't answer. He thought maybe she was working or something and tried again a minute later. Still no response. After a third attempt, he grew genuinely concerned and headed up to deck 1. It occurred to him in the elevator that it would've been simpler to ask EDI, but he felt better checking on her himself anyway. He didn't truly calm down until he stepped into her cabin and saw her peacefully asleep on top of the bed. He smiled at the sight. He noticed that she didn't seem to be wrestling with any nightmares even though he hadn't managed to get a call in before she drifted off. He wondered if that had anything to do with their "date."

It did. All he had to do was step over to the bed to see that. She had fallen asleep with her sketchbook laid out beside her, open to a perfect drawing of the two of them embracing in the reservoir. The details indicated it must have taken all night to recreate—which he couldn't help but notice that his were much more clearly defined than hers—and each stroke rang with the emotion of the moment. It wasn't the same as reliving it, but it drew out the memory with such refinement that it had the same effect nonetheless.

After carefully setting aside the sketchbook on her bedside table, he turned to gently raise the sheets over her. She had earned a sound rest and he was intent to make sure she got it. Once he had done so, he took a moment to appreciate the sight of her sleeping form and, with a smile, kissed her. Without waking, she smiled back. He was hesitant to walk away after that, but he left her to her rest. He'd see her in the morning.

His mate. His human.

The love of his life.