A/N : So real quick. These series of one shots are going to be somewhat interconnected. They take place between Forlorn Hope and Forlorn Soul. The inspiration behind is Agustine of Hippo's Confessions. That being said, most of these will be in first person. Consider it Jaune's personal memoirs.
SIDE NOTE: This will be more on the spiritual side of things, from a Catholic perspective. I am not asserting one religion is better than another.
Thank my friend AGWo3o for kicking me in the gut with rubber mallet for writing this. I do appreciate her encouragement and for basically keeping my stories safe during my absence. Cheers to her, whether she realizes it or not, she's been rather instrumental in keeping me going. If you're reading this… well… thank you for being a good friend and helping me along. I do appreciate it. Big round applause for her
Merry Christmas my fellow readers and writers. Hope yall had a good one. Some catching up A/N towards the end.
Jaune looked himself up and down in the mirror making sure his tie was on just right. Satisfied with it being just perfect, he gave a slight sigh. He was surprised he was doing this. Then again, he felt compelled to do it. Something in him was pushing him towards doing it.
Something in him was gnawing him the past forty days before Christmas. It was just eating at him. Like a warm slowly eating its way to the core of an apple. To be honest, Jaune was surprised when Yang and Raven agreed to doing this for him. Let alone suggesting at the Branwen-Roses should come too. His jaw hit the floor when all of them accepted.
Considering he was literally the only Catholic out of any of them. Let alone, only Christian. It felt hard to ask them, to be honest, he wasn't too sure. A part of him definitely did not want to do this.
He remembered it like it was yesterday. Well to be honest, It was yesterday, but that's besides the point.
Pacing back and forth, Jaune's heart was so unsettled as he stopped to look out the window. Why? Why couldn't he have some peace of mind. Something was just eating at him. "At this rate you're going to dig all the way to China if you keep pacing back and forth like that." He heard Yang say.
He turned to see Yang in the kitchen pouring a glass of orange juice, "What's up?"
Jaune placed his hand on one of kitchen tables, his fingers drumming a steady warbeat. Even holding still, something in him was telling him to do something, anything. "I don't know…" Jaune furrowed his brows in frustration as he stared at the table in thought, "I'm just… well… I feel like I have to do something."
Yang raised a questioning eyebrow. "Well.. it is the holiday… and the first one with us. I can understand why you might feel a bit…" She paused, taking time to consider her next words carefully, "anxious?"
Anxious? Him anxious? Well… yes a lot of the time, he was. This was something different. "No… I'm not anxious…" He finally concluded.
The blonde girl took a big gulp from the glass before setting it now. A frown slowly forming. "Is it being… well ya know… here…" Her saddened lilac eyes drifting toward him, "with us…?" She asked hesitantly, losing her usual confidence.
Jaune shook his head with scoff, "Don't be silly, this probably one of the best Christmases I've ever had because of you guys." He looked over to his best friend with a smile.
The blonde girl hummed a 'hmmm' as she leaned on the kitchen counter. "So what did you used to do for Christmas? When you were…" Her voice trailed off.
The blonde boy let out a sigh as he let go of the kitchen chair and made his way to the counter, taking a seat at the breakfast counter. The nervous habit started to take over as he started to tap his chin mindlessly, "Well… gifts…"
Yang nodded towards the living room. with the large lit-up Christmas tree. Underneath were hillsides of gifts, "Got that."
"Um…. meal?"
Yang threw her head back towards the refrigerator, "Dad is going to have a field day with that."
Jaune sighed, "That's about it…"
"Nothing else?" Yang asked with saddened voice, "No visiting friends or family."
Jaune shrugged, despite feeling that gnawing feeling in his heart, "No family was pretty aloof. Never really felt like I belonged with my siblings, to be honest."
Yang's frown grew even more, "Well… clearly there is something you want to do… even if you're not aware of it…"
Then it dawned on him. Even after the heart surgery… "Church… we used to go to Church on Christmas Eve."
The blonde girl clapped her hands at the revelation, "That's it!" She exclaimed with a grin. Her eyes drifted towards the clock, "Though it's already late…"
Was it really that simple though? Was that the feeling that was gnawing at him? No way. He hadn't been to church for a year now. Though… being given that blessing by his priest surely felt… off. He felt off since after the surgery. "I… don't want impose. I don't even know if that's what making me feel like this…" Jaune sighed.
Yang raised an inquisitive eyebrow, clearly not impressed with his deflections. "Jaune, it's a tradition of yours. You wouldn't be imposing. We're just bumps on a log during the Holiday, anyway. Gotta mix things up, right? I'll ask my parents if they're cool with it."
Jaune tried to stop Yang by reaching for her land, but the blonde girl much faster. Fudge.
"Hey Mom! Dad!" He could hear the excitement in Yang's voice. With reluctant footsteps and a heart of embarrassment, he followed Yang into the living room.
Raven looked up from her computer screen with a questioning look. Her father was the one that asked, "What's up, Yang?"
"Well… Jaune hasn't been feeling the best during the past couple days with the holidays coming around…"
Geez, Thanks Yang… Jaune lamented.
Both her parents looked at each other. Jaune could feel both crimson and sapphire eyes upon him. Yep I shouldn't have said anything.
"It is Holidays… they can be difficult." Raven said as she closed her laptop, clearly noting that was something was up. "What's wrong?" She asked.
Jaune raised a dismissive hand, "It's nothing. Yang here is just being silly." He shot daggers at her which seemed to magically bounce off.
"That's not true…" Tai countered with a knowing smile, "You've been off the past couple of days."
Shoot. The blonde boy thought to himself, "Um.. How did you know…?"
Raven scoffed, "Because you totally have not been living with us for the past year. We don't catch on to your little quirks, let alone the restlessness and pacing back and forth."
Yep. Those were all valid points she had made. "So what's up?" She asked again.
"Nothing. HEY!" He yelped when Yang gave him a shove.
The blonde girl made her move. "His family usually went to church on Christmas Eve. He feels like he should go as well."
By now, Jaune recovered, "No… that's not it..."
Yang crossed her arms with the look of, 'don't even go back there.' He pinched his nose in frustration. "Okay… yes… maybe." He relented with a sigh.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Taiyang asked slightly amused.
Jaune shrugged, "To be honest, I didn't even know until now…"
Raven looked at the clock, with a slight frown. "Well it's already late tonight.. Does your church have a service tomorrow?"
Jaune nodded, "Yeah, we have Mass 8 A.M. and 11 A.M."
"Mass?" Yang looked at him questioningly.
"It's what we call our services." Jaune explained, his eyes shifted back towards his guardians, "Is there anyway we could there an hour early though? I need to do something there…" Jaune asked before he even realized what he had just asked. He knew what it meant though.
Tai and Yang looked at him questioningly, "Sure," Raven got through their expectations for an explanation, "Though, if that's the case we'll shoot for the 11 A.M."
"We could head over to Qrow's right after…" Tai suggested.
Raven nodded with a smile that morphed into a large grin, "Oh I got something better." She pulled out her phone.
Oh… no…. Why did he have start talking….. Jaune lamented.
"Hey Qrow! How would you like to come to church with us tomorrow?"
A few moments of awkward silence that Jaune absolutely despised.
"Cmon, it'll be fun. Saint Augustine is like twenty minutes away from you. It would be easy for you to make." Raven nudged a little further. "Plus you could use a good soul washing."
A smile grew, "Thanks Qrow, we'll see you there. Yep. Bye." Raven looked a gleam of excitement in her crimson eyes. "Looks like we're on."
"Great!" Yang patted her fellow blonde's back.
"Great…" Jaune mumbled.
Yang was excited. Oddly enough, very excited. It was honestly the first time she really been in a church, let alone a Catholic church. She heard a lot of rumors and myths of Catholics. Some of them very unsavory. Yet, Jaune tried to dispel some of these while she was in the car with her parents on their way to Saint Augustine.
She tried to follow intently as Jaune tried to explain how their service, or Mass, went. "Just remember, it's extremely important that you do not take communion."
Raven gave a questioning glance, "Why's that?"
"For us, it is the literal body, blood, soul, and divinity of Christ masked in bread and wine. When you receive it, you are saying you believe in it with every fiber in your being and you are willing to die for that truth." Jaune explained with aura of conviction that Yang was surprised to see in him. His sapphire eyes lit up with a certain flame that Yang couldn't really but admire.
"So you believe that?" Yang asked.
Jaune nodded resolutely. "Absolutely."
"How does that even work?" Taiyang asked while driving, "Like it's still bread and wine, isn't it?"
Jaune nodded, "Yes and no. I'm not an expert, but when the priest blesses it, the physical characteristics doesn't change, it's the essence that does."
Yang must have missed something, "Uh what?"
Jaune tapped his finger in thought trying to think about a way of explaining it. "What makes us, well.. Us?"
"Our bodies" Yang answered
The blonde boy nodded, "What else?"
"Our personality… our conscience… our sentience?" Raven chimed in.
Her husband countered, "But you'd be able to argue that comes up from physical characteristics, you know… how our brain is wired with neurons and chemicals."
"True," Jaune agreed, "But it's our souls, if you're religious, that guides what is right and wrong. That's our essence. Our physicality and essence, or soul, are mixed, it's the same thing with communion, the physicality of bread doesn't change, but the essence of what makes bread, bread, changes."
Yang scratched her head in confusion, "I'm not goin to lie, I'm confused."
"You're not the only one." Her father agreed.
Jaune shrugged, "Like I said, I'm not an expert, it's a hard thing to explain. We can only come so close to trying to explain it. The rest is a matter of faith. God doesn't lie. He said, Catholics believe it."
"Huh…" Yang murmured in thought. What am I getting myself into… she thought to herself as she tried dissect this mini theological lesson. This is getting to be pretty intense… One thing was pretty clear. They, and by extension, Jaune take this extremely seriously.
Upon reaching the Church. It looked pretty ordinary. A large building with tiled roofing. A steeple with a large cross on it. Getting closer, she could see that the stained class had depictions of people on it. What she wasn't prepared for were all of the beautiful statues. Statues of people and angels.
Once everyone was out of the car, Jaune led the way as Yang scanned the different statues. A rose garden surrounded one particular statue of a beautiful woman wearing a long flowing robe and a belt. On her head, was a wreath. Underneath the statue, it had the inscription of 'Ave Maria.'
Upon walking into the church. She was met with a large empty entrance room. To the left of her was a statue of the same woman, but painted this time, underneath her feat was the earth. Above her head were were twelve stars. She carried a child who held an iron rod. Above the inscription of, "Our Lady of Victories."
"You guys sure love your art." She heard her father say.
Yang couldn't help but to agree. It was stunning art. As she looked up to see a massive painting of an almost renaissance like painting. There was a young man in a garden with a halo over his head. There, in the garden, he was sobbing uncontrollably, clearly regretting something.
"Whose that? Is that a picture of Jesus?" Yang pointed at the painting that hung up above them.
Jaune looked up with a fond smile, "No… that's Saint Augustine, my patron saint, when he had his moment of conversion."
"Patron Saint?" Raven asked, her crimson eyes in awe of the vibrant colors of the painting. She turned with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, we believe that the people in Heaven continue to pray and help us while they're up there. When we're confirmed, we find a saint that we are drawn to and draws us to them. Mine was Saint Augustine."
Tai turned with a curious, "Why's that?"
Jaune shrugged, "I don't know… there's something about him that draws me to him."
Well… if what he says is true, there must be a reason. Yang thought to herself as she continued to stare at the man. She could see the bitter tears flowing from the man. Her eyes fixed on the painting, she could almost hear the young man weeping in the garden. He was filled with such sadness and regret as if he was fed up with life. As if he lost everything.
Her eyes slowly drifted away from the painting and to another statue. That of a young woman who appeared to be a nun. She was very young. Couldn't be past twenty-five years old. In her hand she held a large wooden cross. In the other she held a large bouquet of red roses.
"Who is that?" Raven asked.
"Oh that's Saint Therese of Liseux. She's one of our saints too. She lived an unremarkable life but gave everything to God. She's one of our most popular saints because she promised she would be our sister in heaven and shower the Earth with her roses."
A dead woman in Heaven showering people with roses. "Is that a thing?"
Jaune shrugged, "They've been miracles and plenty of stories. She's one of my favorite saints."
Raven raised an eyebrow, "You can have more than one patron?"
Jaune nodded, "Yeah, it's whoever you feel drawn to the most."
"Huh…" Yang murmured as she rubbed at her chin at the sight of the statue. Right before coming towards the large glass door hung a rather graphic scene. On the wall hanging above a kneeler was a large wooden cross. Hanging on that cross was a bloody, beaten, starved, and bleeding Jesus. His pained eyes staring up towards a window in the ceiling as if He were trying to say something. "Uh… Jaune… why do you guys have… this?"
Jaune went up to the crucifix on the wall looking at it. "The crucifix? Oh that reminds us of Jesus went through for us. He is risen, but He sacrificed Himself out of love to save us and to rise. Seeing this kinda really puts everything in perspective. In what we are supposed with our lives."
"Nail yourselves to a piece of wood?" Tai remarked earning a light punch from her wife.
"Tai…" Raven warned
The man shrugged with a cheeky grin.
"No," Jaune explained with a completely serious look, "That we are called to love others over ourselves. That love takes real sacrifice."
Yang nodded, seeing the point. It was a bit dark for her. To be honest, maybe even too dark. Yet there something that nagged at her. She could see the positive message behind it.
"Yet we often fail, because we are so weak." Jaune added with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Come on, let's get going."
Jaune led the group forward, past the narthex towards two sets of double glass doors with pictures of chalices and fish depicted. Yang knew they were symbols, but for what, she couldn't tell. Once inside, Jaune dipped his fingers into the fount containing water, or what he called Holy Water, and made the sign of the cross. One question popped into her mind was how did water become holy? Yeah she heard the joke, go and boil it. However, there had to have been something more to it.
Once inside, Yang could see the church seemed a larger inside than out. Two sets of wooden pews about fifteen deep were separated by a stone aisle that led up to an elevated stage. On the stage was a large table, or altar. On the altar, was white and gold cloth. To the right was a large wooden chair that looked much more important than the few benches placed around.
Past the altar were four large Christmas trees with yellow lights. In the middle was another altar that held a golden circular safe with golden silk around it in between four large candles. This was what Jaune said was the Tabernacle. Jaune made it very clear that was where the Lord resided literally, physically and spiritually, body, blood, soul, and divinity. Above the tabernacle hung a much larger of the version of the crucifix over golden cloth in the middle of two statues, one of Mary, the other Joseph.
Her lilac eyes were filled with amazement. It was a lot to take in for someone who was not Catholic. The attention to detail, the decoration, the symbolism. It was a lot to take in. Her lilac eyes shifted down as she heard footsteps. To be honest, it was kind of overwhelming. Did everything have some kind of hidden, secret meaning?
The priest, in his long black cassock with white collar approached, in his hands a rosary. "Jaune." The man greeted sharply. The man was tall, but the robe only accented his height. He had a small but humble smile. Yet his eyes behind his square rimless eyeglasses told a different story. This man was warm, yet very… stern and serious looking. It also didn't help with his combed over hair, which added to his professional and pious aura that he gave off.
"Hello Father." Jaune took the priest hands in a sharp handshake.
The priest seemed rather caught off with Jaune being here. "It's good to see you here, Jaune." His deep voice filled with warmth as he nodded towards all of Jaune companions. "And you brought friends."
Jaune scratched the back of his head trying to deflect the statement. "Uh yeah… you might have seen these guys at the hospital."
Father Sherman looked each one of them over. "Yes. I do indeed remember them." He turned to face Yang and her family. "Welcome to our little church. I'm glad all of you are here."
"Thanks Father." Tai shook his hand.
"It's truly a pleasure." Her mom's turn was up.
"I'm excited." Added Yang, who shook the holy man's hand.
"I'm glad. First time with a Catholic Mass?" The priest asked looking over everyone.
Everyone nodded. "Well, don't be discouraged. I know our ways might be a little confusing at first. There is a step by step instructional guide in each hymnal that you can follow along with. Please don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. The only thing we ask is that you don't participate in communion." The priest smiled at them. From what Yang could tell, he gave this speech more times counting. "We wish that one day everyone can participate, but feel free to pray with us for and in spiritual communion."
To be honest, Yang felt kinda left out. It felt like her and her family weren't not necessarily welcome. It felt like some kind of exclusive club. Like she wasn't welcomed or wanted, and to be honest, that kinda stung a bit.
Sensing this reservation, Father Sherman responded kindly. "To receive is to say you are Catholic. That you believe and follow the tenets of our church."
Yang and her family nodded understandingly, "Thank you." Her mother responded.
"Hey Father," Jaune switched gears, "Would you mind hearing a confession?"
The priest smiled with a nod, "It'd be my pleasure." He turned to Yang and her family, "In the meantime, feel free to pick a pew. Use the time pray if you believe, or read. Whatever makes you feel comfortable."
With that, Jaune and Father Sherman moved towards an unassuming wooden door with a light over it. The door clicked and and a small red light appeared. "So… whose mind is kinda shattered right?" Taiyang murmured as he looked around.
"Honey, you're not the brightest in the bunch." Raven countered with a smirk that quickly faltered, "Though, it is a lot of information, to be honest."
"Seemed pretty straightforward to me," Yang countered with confident smile, "If I was Catholic."
"You're not." Her parents pointed out simultaneously.
"Yep, I have no idea what's goin on." Yang confessed.
Jaune followed Father Sherman into the confessional, closing the door with a slight click. He had the choice of going behind the screen to be "anonymous" but considering how he asked, Father Sherman could probably guess who was doing the confessing. Besides, there's something to be said about having that face to face connection. Walking past the screen, Jaune took a seat as his priest kissed his purple stole and draped it around his neck.
The priest looked at Jaune with kindness yet with a hint of surprise and joy, "I'm surprised you're here, Jaune. It's so good to see you."
Jaune smiled in return appreciating his priest's warmth, "It's… it's good be back. I've been doing a lot of thinking. I felt like I was supposed to be here."
The priest gave a light chuckle, "Yes, that's how God can sometimes guide us. Other times he throws real heavy bricks to wake us up. It's been awhile, are you familiar with Confession?"
"We'll see how we go." Jaune admitted bashfully as he felt his leg start to bounce in nervousness. Jaune drifted to make the sign of the cross with his hand, touching his forehead, heart, and left then right shoulder.
"May God, who has enlightened every heart, help you to know your sins and trust in his mercy." The priest stated in calm manner as he stared at an image of the Holy Spirit that rested above Jaune's head.
From that, it started to come back to Jaune. He hadn't been in confession for years, at least eight years, yet it was all coming back from his first time in second grade. Jaune responded in kind, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been at least eight years since my last confession."
The priest nodded understandingly, "Start when you are ready."
The blonde boy nodded as all of the things that he did. All of the things he felt started to bubble up. The anger, the resentment, the fear. Every action that he did wrong, every thought, every failure. It all came crashing down.
"Father…" Jaune started, unable to meet the gaze of his priest, "I… I have hate in my heart. Anger in there... Sadness…"
Father Sherman nodded, "Tell me about it."
"My parents. I despise them. I hate them." Jaune confessed, shrinking away. "I feel so hurt and wounded them. The fights, the alcohol, the abandonment. They didn't give me the things I needed. Everyday was so unpredictable…" Jaune felt a lump form in his throat, "I didn't know what was going to happen. Either a drunk and furious father, and or a neglectful mother. It's been like this since I was growing up."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Jaune." His priest sympathized, "I didn't grow up in the best of households either. It's never easy, is it?"
Jaune shook his head. "The last straw was last summer. My father pointed a gun at us and pulled the trigger, but the gun was empty… I was pretty beat up," Jaune lifted his right hand to show his pries the scar between his middle and ring finger, "Police got involved and I ran away… to the people that came with me."
The priest brought his hand to his mouth listening very intently. "Your parents know about it? You living with these people?"
Jaune nodded, "Yeah we've spoken a few times on occasion since the incident. My parents are alright with it now. However, at the same time, I feel guilty because I feel like I jeopardize them. I feel like I'm burden to these people." Jaune felt his eyes water as he shut them, "I feel like I'm a burden to everyone. I can't take it, anymore."
"I… I cause problems for everyone…" His voice trembled, "I hurt everyone I come into contact with. God hates me and I hate Him. Sometimes, I just picture him in Heaven just laughing at me and my suffering. Like I'm so kind of big….. Joke to him." Tears started to roll down his cheek. "I hate my parents, I hate my siblings. I hate myself. I hate God. I'm so broken. Everyone hates me, Father. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't… I just can't."
He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Father Sherman offering him a tissue from a box. "Let it out, Jaune. It's better to let it out now then stuff it down." He said
"I'm sorry… Father…" Jaune tried recompose himself.
"Don't apologize Jaune," His priest reassured him, "This is a place of healing, not condemnation."
"Father… I want to forgive my parents. I want to be healed. I want to accept other peoples' love for me, but I can't…. I just can't." Jaune admitted, "I don't feel I'm good enough. I want to be loved. I desperately want to be loved, but I feel so disgusting and dirty. I feel like I don't deserve love."
"Jaune…" His priest started, "The fact you want to forgive is a good start. It shows you have the drive, and in a way, you have already forgiven them. Yes, you see that you should, but your emotions will eventually catch up. It takes time. Heck, it might take your entire life."
Jaune nodded in agreement as he blew his nose.
"As for the people are with. You are not a burden, despite what you may feel. Your feelings are coming from a very hurt place that needs to be healed. You feel like you are a curse because of all of these things. Yet, at the same time, consider who God is. He is the only one that can make good come out of evil. Even through your woundedness, you are a blessing to those people."
Sapphire eyes met emerald eyes, "I've seen the love they have for you. I can hear it in their voice, I can see it in their gaze. They consider you family. You are a blessing for them just as much as much as they are a blessing for you. Does that mean everything will be perfect?"
Jaune shook his head, "No… that's impossible."
"Exactly." Father Sherman nodded, "We're all human, there will be conflict, there will be pain, just as there will be joy and peace. Remember that.
Jaune nodded in agreement, his heart feeling a little lighter. "Remember, you are worthy of love. Hate is of the enemy. I know you are struggling with it. The fact you see it is wrong is also a good sign. There is a reason why you are confessing it, it's because you want to let go. Didn't God come down as a child? He had to grow and work just as we do. Will that happen over night? No. Not really. Yet God can make a mile out of an inch we can give him, and you started down that path. It's alright to be mad at yourself, at family, friends, and even God, but try to avoid hate."
"Can.. I still be forgiven even though there is hate in my heart?" Jaune asked hesitantly.
Father Sherman nodded with a smile, "Do you want to give it up?"
The blonde boy nodded. "A part, yes.
"Then absolutely. Is there anything else?" Father Sherman asked with welcoming look.
Jaune shook his head.
The priest nodded as his tapped his chin in thought, the welcoming tone turning more professional. "Well, I thank you for coming and confessing your sins as well as fears. The Lord works with what we give him. It's hard to give up our faults and fears to him, yet when we start to, the Lord will provide us with the Grace and strength we need. Trust in the Lord that He loves you and that He will work good in your life. Trust that you a special child of His and that He will come down to us to heal our wounds. Lastly, Trust to open yourself up to the possibility of being loved by others."
Jaune nodded as he listened.
"For your penance, I'd like you to pray the rosary. Each bead, I want you to tell God a fear or concern you have." Father Sherman looked at him, "Do you think you can do that?"
He knew the rosary. It would be difficult confessing his fears, but he could do it. "Yeah I can do that."
Father Sherman nodded, "Good, now make a good Act of Contrition."
Jaune nodded a moment, taking a deep breath as he told God that he was sorry, "My God, I am sorry for heartily sorry for having offended you because I fear the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all, in offending You, my God, who is all good and whom I should love with all my heart. With the help of Your grace, I intend to amend my life, sin no more, and to avoid all near occasions of sin. Amen."
Upon hearing this, the priest raised his hand over Jaune's hand. "He continued with the most important part of the confession as Jaune soak in the words the feelings of lightness that filled his weight heart. "God, the Father of Mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father," The priest and Jaune made the sign of the cross simultaneously, "and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. The Lord has freed you from your sins. May the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ, the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and of all of the saints, whatever good you do and suffering you endure, or penance you perform, heal your sins, help you grow in holiness, and reward you with eternal life."
Jaune lifted his head up feeling a great peace wash over him. He felt that sticky mire slowly subside ever slowly. "Amen." Jaune concluded, "Thank you, Father," he said as he stood up.
"No, thank you." Father Sherman counted as he stood up.
Something compelled Jaune to hug his priest. "I thank God, He gave me the best priest."
He felt warm arms wrap around him, "I'm so glad you came back."
With that the two broke off the hug. With that, Jaune left the confessional. There, he saw Yang and her family sitting towards the back of the church. However, Ruby and her parents were now there. Jaune left the door of the confessional door open in case someone else needed it.
He moved towards the knee, knelt to one knee making the sign of cross then moved to sit beside Yang and Ruby.
"Shoot… Yang, I didn't do that…" Ruby whispered, her silver eyes in terror, "Is that a bad thing?"
Jaune shook his head, "Nah, just a Catholic thing."
"That could be a meme." Yang suggested as she rubbed her chin in thought. "Just Catholic things."
"Yang…" Ruby started.
"Shut up." Jaune finished with a smile, "Also… Merry Christmas to both of you. I love both of you guys"
With the conclusion of Mass with the Father Sherman leading the procession out of the sanctuary of the church, Jaune closed the hymnal after singing 'O Come, O Come Emmanuel'
"Wow…. that was pretty intense…" Ruby blinked trying to process all of the standing, kneeling, and responses that just happened in rapid succession. "You guys do that every weekend?"
Jaune nodded nonchalantly, "Yeah"
"Doesn't it become… boring for you?"
The blonde boy shrugged, "It can be at times… but I kind of like it to be honest. There's something about it makes it different every time. It's tradition, we follow a calendar."
"Wanna go say hi to Pyrrha?" Yang asked to which both Jaune and Ruby both agreed. "Mom, we're goin to go see Pyrrha"
Jaune followed Yang to moved to the pew behind Pyrrha who was still kneeling in prayer. The three friends looked at one another.
A few minutes passed before she made the sign of the cross and sat back in the pew. Yang tapped the redhead lightly on the shoulder.
Pyrrha whirled around, her ponytail smacking Jaune in the face. "Yang…? Ruby… ? Jaune? What are all of you doing here?" Realizing she swatted Jaune in the face, she gave the iconic polite "Sorry!" That Pyrrha was known for.
"Well… we were in the neighborhood and we just wanted to say Merry Christmas." Yang gave a cheeky grin.
"Jaune's idea." Yang's cousin admitted.
Pyrrha emerald eyes and beaming smile found its way to Jaune. "Jaune, I haven't seen you here for awhile!"
Not really wanting to explain anything, Jaune changed subject, "Yeah… well… just wanted to say Merry Christmas to you… ahem…" He coughed the notorious awkward cough.
Sensing the awkwardness, Yang came in to save the day, or to make things worse. Jaune wasn't to sure. "Group hug!" She called and enforced. Bringing everyone together, she made sure that none would escape her grasp. "I love all of ya."
Although Jaune struggled, he couldn't help but feel the truth behind those words. It was a balm to his wounded heart and soul. Any other time he would have heard those words, he would have brushed them off. They wouldn't soak in. How could they? How could they soak in if he couldn't love himself?
He couldn't say, but he did know he felt it. It felt like he was free. "Merry Christmas, everyone." He said as his heart was about to burst.
All of the pain that he went through. All of the things he saw. This one moment made up for all of it. Being placed in Raven's class, his foot getting caught in a pothole during marching band. Her driving him home. The Summer Incident. Him running away and calling Raven. Her picking him up thus giving the chance to meet Yang, and in turn meeting Ruby. A fledgling friendship being established with Pyrrha and Blake. The fights he had with Weiss. The heartbreak, the friendships he gained. The heart surgery with his priest giving him the last blessing. To confession. It all led to this one point.
There was no pain, no sadness. Of course there was joy and happiness. But none of that mattered to Jaune. What mattered to him was not himself, but the fact that he was here in the lives of those whom cared about him, and he knew that just being there actually meant something to them. That is the truest essence of love. Just being there with them, despite the heartaches and pain, made it all worth it. In return, he easily would lay down his life for his friends, no, family.
After small but significant detour in the morning, Jaune had found himself in the Branwen-Rose household. After getting comfortable, Jaune, Ruby and Yang found themselves by a warm fireplace sipping on hot chocolate. However, Jaune preferred white hot chocolate, as did Summer, which earned scorn from the rest of his family. Ruby even called him a "heretic and blasphemer." Fitting considering they just got home from church.
If that was the case, June would gladly accept being a heretic. There's something just truly fascinating about white hot chocolate. It went well with Charlie Brown's Christmas story.
Jaune could easily recall his family watching A Christmas Story when he was young. That was, when his family was still together. To be honest, he hated that movie. No child movie should be narrated by a grown adult.
After about the third time watching this movies. Raven, in all of her impatience, suggest that they started opening up gifts. To which Qrow and Tai immediately chirped up like the children they are. Clearly she had enough of Charlie Brown.
So Summer, being the super mom that she was, finished baking the most delightful triple chocolate, peanut butter fudge cookies put them out on the table. With the cookies in place with glasses of milk, because let's be honest, everyone needs milk with cookies on Christmas, the presents were ready to be passed out.
Tai received a cliche 'kiss the cook' apron, Raven received an over-sized book titled, 'Most useless facts that you'll never need.' (Ironically enough, she started reading it right away.) Summer was given a handgun that shot out jawbreakers. Qrow received a conductor's baton that made lightsaber sounds. Yang received a lego set of an Imperial Star Destroyer. Jaune received a Lego set of a Rebel Nebulon-B Frigate. (The two blondes immediately exchanged their gifts to their proper owners in laughter). Ruby got a green eggs and ham legit cooking ham set, which she was oddly repulsed but fascinated with.
Once the mess of wrapping paper was a cleaned up, which was hard considering that Yang thought it was wise to have snowball, or rather, a paperball fight which everyone joined in, the gang settled around the dinner table. With Qrow placing down the turkey and ham, Jaune was rather surprised that Summer had asked him to lead them in grace.
He looked around the table to see if there were any objections. There weren't any objections. With that, Jaune stood up and made the sign of the cross, "In name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit," Everyone bowed their hands, "Bless us, O Lord, and these gifts which are about to receive from your bounty. Through Christ, our Lord… oof"
He felt an elbow in his side, "You're being too formal..." Yang whispered with a smirk,
"Uhh… yeah…" Jaune whispered back trying to ignore the smirks and slight chuckles from everyone, "I.. um… well… Dear God, thank you for bringing us together on this special day. We ask that You bless us this day as we share in your love and the love we have for one another. Thank you," He looked up with a warm smile he couldn't contain as he surveyed the two families around him, "for family. Amen."
"Amen!" Everyone concluded. It was at that moment, Jaune realized that family wasn't necessarily made through blood. You make and choose your own family, by blood or through friendship.
"Man… what a long day…" Jaune sighed as he finally got out of his tie. Not even bothering to get out of his church clothes, he jumped on his bed letting the exhaustion sweep over him. Yet he felt like he was forgetting something.
The back of his head scratched as he a wave irritability crept down his spine. "Shoot... " He didn't do it this morning. He opened the door and went down the stairs into the living room. Thankfully no one had gone to bed yet. Raven and Tai on the daybed, curled up watching a movie, while Yang was dozing off in the black leather recliner.
"Hey guys…" Jaune greeted, slightly ashamed that he forgot. Yang snapped her head as she awoke
"I wasn't asleep… nope… not me, you were asleep." She defended herself.
"Uhuh. Right…" Jaune totally agreed with her one hundred percent. "You were definitely not asleep."
"What's up?" Tai asked as he let out a yawn as Raven started to stir as well.
"Well… I'm sorry for not saying this earlier, but I just wanted to say Merry Christmas… Thank you for everything…" His voice trailed off as he searched for the words, yet nothing came up.
That was when he felt a hug. To his surprise, Yang was hugging him. Maybe words weren't always needed. He had to fight the sudden emotional outburst that fought its way out. He clenched his teeth together trying to fight off the wave of tears.
Father Sherman was right. Maybe this was all he needed. He wasn't sure what will come during the future. The past seemed to fade away briefly. For once in his life, he found himself in the moment, truly soaking in the love of others.
His wounded soul and heart was able to accept this one time that he was not a burden. He was able to accept that he was loved and that he was worthy of God's love, the love friends, no family, and heck maybe a part of him deep down, the love of himself. "Thank you guys for making this the best Christmas."
A/N
Hello my dear friends! I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Years. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Like I said, this is going to be connecting Forlorn Hope and Souls. A lot of this will be inspired by the book called Confessions. The format will also change.
Also some housekeeping news
Again, big thanks to AGWo3o. Speaking of which. m in the middle of working out a commission with my friend AGWo3o. She's an amazing artist who is interested in getting her art out there. She's still in the middle of setting contact information up, but if anyone is interested, pm me and I can let her know, and we'll go from there. Trust me, she's good.
Also go to twitch and follow my friend PopeDerpIV over there. I'm usual guest on his stream and chat.
Finally. I wanted to thank all of you reading this. 2019 has been… one heck of a year. A lot of good things happened, a lot not so good things happened as well. I know how often we can come across a new year with anxiety, dread, and fear as to what will it bring. For some, it will bring joy, and others, hardship. One thing is certain, we all go through the ups and downs of life. When life is going great, count your blessings. When life hits the fan, trust that it will get better. Never give up, my friends. I love all of you.
Cheers,
LordxSauron