Kurama's POV:
Times when I am not in control, when my mind or body decide to break an almost perfect record, are rare at best, wide spread throughout my existence. What happened at the temple has kept me up at night as I sat drafting into late hours scenarios and reasons behind the event. I needed to understand. I had to. I cannot lose control like that once more.
Yet as days progressed, I found my body growing tired, struggling to stay awake in order to forge new ideas. Work stole from me the most important hours of the day, the night being reserved for the darkest parts of my never resting mind.
There is an old saying that goes something like this: "The night is your best adviser." Truth be told I have not given it too much thought, not until my lids closed on Thursday night, the heavy blanket of sleep embracing me, mind finally drifting off. The subconscious is an extremely dangerous thing as many of our most hidden feelings, memories long supposedly forgotten are all trapped in there, compartmentalised strategically. Especially troublesome for a mind such as mine.
My dream presented to me a dark room, everything devoid of colours, a single chair waiting in the middle of the setting. I knew very well I was dreaming, the thought forming at the back of my mind, a lucid projection. I could not see anything apart for the chair, no smells invaded me which further cemented my beliefs. The material that looked like wood felt different under my touch, not that of what memory knew.
Taking a seat, I decided, it was time to let this dream unravel. As soon as I made myself comfortable, images lit up the surrounding walls. Memories, countless images played before my eyes. Past life, present times, all was on display before me in black and white. Circling the room with my gaze trying to point something out of the ordinary, I finally saw colours. Two feral yellow eyes looked back at me through the countless images displayed, waiting to be found.
"Yoko." I heard his low chuckle bouncing off the walls of my mind as he shifted. Clawing his way through by tearing memories apart, he emerged before me in full glory. It was then I took notice of my body, of the fact that I could not move. Sleep paralysis is something I previously faced, just never with myself in centre stage. Yoko tilted his head to the side slowly, eyes never leaving me. Correction, my former self is the right term that needs to be used.
"Ask." With one word spoken by him it was as if the air in the room instantly dropped in temperature, the chilling cold kissing my skin.
"Why have you told her that?" bending from the waist down he peered into my eyes, danger alerting my senses.
"Why not?" I could feel my heartbeat quicken as he got on his knees, crawling slowly between my legs, claws digging into my leg muscles "Were you not the one who wanted to confess?" I wanted to swallow a lump forming in my throat however I could not give myself away "After all, you did it, not me." Winking, he licked his lips in a hungry manner "Cannot say I would complain if she knew. I find her" his eyes darted to my chest before levelling me again "interesting. She has an intense spirit."
"She is mine." His brows lifted in obvious amusement as he got up, arms crossing over his chest. His right foot rose kicking me to the ground before towering over my limp form, foot pressing down on my chest. I could not care less what he did to me as long as he did not touch her.
"Actually you mean yourself, we are after all one." My thoughts became his own, as if I was an open book he decided to read. The pressure on my chest cavity increased yet I knew better than to break eye contact with such a predator "However I would not have a problem with getting closer, after all" his claws raked the silver stands ticking his chest "her body fits well in my arms." Grinding my teeth I refrained from saying anything more that could give him ideas "Still you chose to hide. Is that the reason why she hasn't answered you back?" she probably won't. I sent flowers on Tuesday apologising. On Wednesday I wrote to her in the morning and afternoon, yet nothing. On Thursday another message was left unanswered as well as a call that went to voice message "No, it's not that. Maybe she decided she had enough." Baring my teeth made little to quench the anger bubbling inside my veins.
Taking his foot off my chest a familiar sound was calling me back to reality, the last image in front of me being Yoko's triumphant smirk.
Sitting up, cold sweat tickled my forehead. Wiping with the back of my hand I needed to shower before going outside. The phone stopped ringing, eyes focusing on the early hour, the numbers 04:37 staring at me though the dark. Getting out of bed, I picked up the covers that landed on the floor sometime during my troubled sleep. Making my way to the desk, I closed the window, stopping the chilly spring morning air from invading my home further. Retrieving my phone from the suit's pocket it started ringing again, Yusuke's name blaring bright into my tired eyes.
"What is the matter Yusuke?" from the background sounds it was obvious to me he was somewhere outside.
"Listen" his tone was grave "there'll be no going to the temple this weekend." My brows drew together, why was he calling me at this hour just to relate something so trivial? "Everyone is on study lock-down so we'll pick up the slack for the next week or so ok?" voicing my approval I stood near the window staring at the empty streets below.
"Has something happened?"
"Come by the food cart after work." I stared at the phone, Yusuke having hung up on me. He surely must have talked to Hana, however I did not see why that would generate such a negative reaction from his side. Something else must have surely triggered it.
I spent all day inside the office wrecking my brain trying to understand and it was as if the hours would not pass by faster. Yusuke was up very early which is unlike him so the next plausible conclusion was that he did not sleep at all until that hour. What kept him up then?
At 15:30 I left the office even if that was not the time to head out since the shift had not finished. I needed to know. Checking my phone, no new messages or missed calls from Hana. Having to push back the desire to send her another message, I let the phone slide back in the depths of my pocket.
Even if I was earlier than expected for our meeting, Yusuke was at the food cart. Taking a seat he turned to greet me "Yo, have you eaten today?" even if I tried to tell his that was not why I came he quickly cut me off "Bullshit, you still need to eat." So in the end I let him perform his usual routine while I observed. He would light a new cigarette with the help of the freshly finished one, a vicious cycle trying to hide tense muscles as he manoeuvred everything.
"Yusuke" I pried trying to add some sweetness to my tone "please tell me what happened."
He jumped swearing furiously as the hot oil sizzled inside the pan, particles jumping to pinch his skin. It was then when he decided to relate to me the reason behind our meeting, his voice losing all previous edge "We lost a relocation."
Straightening I drew closer to the counter "What do you mean lost a relocation?" by the way he carried himself, how his eyes shinned less it was clear that a relocation had died "Kido had a new mission from Spirit World and since Yana wasn't in he called for Hana." As I listened carefully to what happened I understood the reason behind his suggestion to take on everything for a few weeks. This was Yusuke's way of protecting our two psychic teams from crumbling under the weight of recent events "Hiei already agreed to it last night."
"That is a good thing, he is after all the only one of us who can grant clearance to relocations."
Pushing a bowl of fresh ramen I thanked him for the meal taking a bite, my stomach grateful for the hot food "Now tell me this Kurama." My brows lifted as I placed in my mouth some noodles "I don't really care for your furry fetish or the details but why does Hana know Yoko, but doesn't know it's you?" I chocked, a violent cough taking over me. After a few sips of water and confirming he had not shared any information with her, I calmed down enough in order to sit Yusuke next to me and explain my side of the story. He listened to the facts I presented, letting him draw his own conclusions.
"Ah." Certainly not the reaction I expected from him "I need a drink if you expect me to put up with this." However he did not get off the chair. I wanted him to tell me what was on his mind, especially since he handled Hana a lot better than myself "Damn it fox boy." Yusuke is a very vocal creature, if there is a reason for him not to express his anger fully it means he had yet to decide if he is going to punch me or not. I honestly desired a punch in the face over my own current feelings "Look" Yusuke's eyes travelled to my face "I think it's swell that you really like her you know? But you sure have a crappy way of showing it."
"Indeed." My eyes closed for a seconds, thoughts rearranging "I let curiosity and my own selfish desires overwhelm everything."
"Bullshit!" his palm interacted with my back forcing me to lunge forward, chest hitting the counter "If Hana doesn't like you for you, then I don't know who." I said nothing in reply to that, dangerous pain trying to force its way out "But you can't keep it up, she will get fed up at one point." A soft smile curved his lips upward "Look I know I'm not the one who should give you advice with this, I hurt Keiko more than once, but if you really like her" his hand rested on my shoulder "stop trying to lie and expecting a good thing out of it."
Guilt was the main feeling that churned my insides, so much that I wanted to just get up and run to her, show her everything, spill my secrets and just hope she would take me back "Honestly Yusuke" it was my turn to smile "I do not recall when this began. All of a sudden I was smitten."
"Good." Honest joy danced on his face, he liked seeing us happy.
All my ideas of confessing died on the spot however when Yusuke related to me the fact that Hana cried on the way home after the failed relocation mission. If I had handled the situation with her differently I could have been there to comfort her, hold her. How could I ask her if she could kill when she is not built like that? She's a healer, not a fighter, trying to push her over a certain edge is one of the most counterproductive things you could do with her.
"I need to go to her." Yusuke did nothing to stop me and I believed that was what he wanted to get out of the meeting. As I said my goodbyes he turned to me one more time with a serious look.
"You need to tell her, if not I will." I knew that, he knew I knew that, however this was Yusuke warning me, telling me he did not approve of how I handled someone he came to see as his little sister, someone he felt the need to protect from all the bad in the world.
I knew well that I could not go to her apartment, knock on her door and casually mention I am in fact Yoko, that I played her, manipulated her perception just to test her, see for myself, witness her. But I did knock on her door, afraid when no response was given. She was trying to deal with everything by herself, ignoring the world around her, but she cannot. Hana has a fragile base onto which she built. The fault is not her own, her family saw to it by trying to break her spirit, raise an obedient, small minded daughter. Thankfully she rebelled with all she had despite knowing very well what would happen. She is designed to help, yet does not know how to accept it in return.
"Hana, please open the door." I knew she was not ready to deal with me, but come what may. Opening the door on my own was a fairly simple task. Leaving my shoes at the entrance, I slowly made my way through her apartment, ultimately her bedroom. I found her sitting on the window sill with an almost full ashtray between her legs, yet I could clearly see two different people helped pile the buds inside it. Trembling fingers held between them an unlit cigarette, stare lost in the distance.
"Unless you have some of that stupid powder I don't want to hear it." Lighting the cigarette cast enough light on her face for me to see clearly her puffy eyes. Taking a seat on her bed I kept silent, letting her take the lead whenever she felt ready, this was her scene and I planned on letting her play any part she wished "Thank you for the roses" with a flick of her wrist the ash fell from the tip of her cigarette, a single spark loose, before it extinguished on its own, falling on her leg yet she did not even flinch "but I don't get what you're sorry for." Averting her gaze my way I saw no anger, no hate, I saw nothing. Getting up I slowly approached her, ready to step back if needed "What the fuck are you doing Kurama?" shifting, she made space for me to sit down next to her.
Trying to take up as little space as possible I turned to her. She looked tired, fed up, breaking slowly "What I said to you…"
"You were right" controlling my breathing I let her continue "and it's not because I'm mad now or tired or sick to my stomach, oh no." grey fumes danced between us as she scrunched her hair inside her fist exhaling fully "I would rip apart the bastard doing this with my bare hands." Taking the ashtray, placing it outside she stretched her legs, one behind me and one on my lap, trapping me in a sense.
"I lied to you Hana." sharp eyes cut through me, mouth delivering daggers.
"Damn right you did. Well hid things is the correct term." Closing in, the smoke danced between our bodies "Question is will you do it again?" Hana is cruel when hurt, dangerous in her sorrow.
"I admit I am not fully done with secrets." I could not confess to anything more, could not afford to cause her more grief. Her brows lifted, cigarette bud falling on her terrace, a deliberate move on her part "Hana, I want you to know that whatever happens, whatever you decide, I am here and I will always be here."
Shaking her head she rested her forehead on my shoulder, closing the space between us "What's gotten into you?" the confession caught her off guard and I understood why. I have never truly voiced my affection towards her, hid it all too well until I could no longer keep up the charade. Wrapping my arms around her, she held onto my shirt tight, anger and pain colliding in her heart.
"I want for us to still try." A small "mhm" resonated close to me "I am a complicated person Hana." To that her head shot up, laughter of the purest form leaving her lips in one of the most beautiful displays I have seen her give.
"No, you just overthink everything. At the base you want what any person wants. How you tend to go about it and obtain those things are indeed different." Letting out a chuckle of my own I actually saw her logic "Now go." Taking her leg off me, she presented me the opportunity to escape "Don't look at me like that, I need to sleep then study."
"So" I could not control the crease forming on my forehead as I stood up "are we going to be alright?" she nodded only once taking me in. If that was her promise to me, I gladly accepted it "Thank you Hana." This time apart will be hard however it would provide me just what I need to forge a plan in order to come forth about my secrets. Now that I knew she had somewhat forgiven me I could think clearly.
I did not wish to leave her alone, yet she insisted, it was what she needed in order to settle her thoughts. Almost two weeks apart already sounded like too much time away from her. I missed her, missed her allowing me to be close to her in one way or another.
I wanted more, the warmth of her pressed against me. I needed her, to come to me, make the first move so I could learn what she wanted, how she wanted it, yet I could not rely on her all the time.
Once home, it was then when I truly realised how heavy everything sat on my shoulders, how the fatigue was seeping through, especially when the compact mirror rang from inside the bedroom. With a groan I retrieved it, Koenma appearing on the screen.
"Kurama, I trust this is a good time?" even if it was formulated like a question, it was not. The moment was picked carefully, recent events drawing his attention to Hana. Sitting at the desk, I waited for him to relate the message "I believe you already know about the new predicament with the latest relocation?" A small yes was enough confirmation and encouragement for the ruler of Spirit World to continue to the core of the actual matter. Leaning into the chair, crossing my arms over my chest, I showed nothing as he began "The reason why I haven't punished you for disobeying a direct order is because we need you. While I am on the subject it's best to get it out there and tell you that we also need Hana." My chin rose slightly, muscles tensing "She is going to play a big part and we can't afford any distractions. She needs to grow, train."
Clearing my throat was enough to get him to stop talking "Are you suggesting that our relationship will hinder her progress?" he took some time to best answer my question.
"I believe you will hold her back in her progress yes, especially due to your little games." I felt my brow twitch "The faster she gets over the disappointment and hurt, the faster she can focus on this issue."
"Koenma" my voice came out hoarse "Hana is not a pawn, nor is she someone you can control no matter how much you try. She will pull through alongside us." Shaking his head did not appeal to me "Let me put it in different terms, you are not going to take her away from me."
"No" his eyes shifted to something else in his office "but you need to understand she is not as fragile as you make her out to be." Staring back at the monitor he continued speaking more slowly "If you intend to renounce your neutral position in the matter between worlds that can be arranged, but you can't play two sides."
"Understood." However what I did not understand was who was also part of the conversation, causing Koenma to shift his gaze? Who exactly from Demon World?