Book Three, Part Sixteen: D-I-V-O-R-I-C-E

Derek's Point of View

"Well that was…interesting." Addie said as she settled into her seat and took her gloves off, laying them in her lap.

I just sat there, with the keys in the ignition and my hands on the wheel. That dinner was horrible. I had to sit next to Addie and watch Meredith interact with Mark and meet Mia's boyfriend. He seemed like a good kid, but I don't know if I like the way he looks at her. Like she is something to eat. And Good Lord, when she announced she was pregnant, my heart stopped.

Should've known she was joking, but I didn't find it funny…at all. I hate to question Mer's parenting skills, but Mia was fifteen. Way too young for a seventeen-year-old boyfriend. I would have to broach that subject to her…later, much later.

Addie was the only one who was calm and unfazed the entire evening. She looked like she was the trophy wife of a doctor and maybe that was what she was. She looked smug to be sitting there with me, seeing me watch Mer and Mark. I realized that tonight when she said we were going to start trying to have kids, that I didn't want that. Not with her.

There was only one woman I wanted children with, and she was going home with Mark while I went home with Addie.

I couldn't do it. I just…couldn't.

"Derek? Are we just going to sit here? I am cold." She said, peering at me in the dark car.

"I want a divorce."

The car was eerily quiet for a long moment.

"You can't be serious." She said finally.

"I am. I never should have brought you here. It was wrong of me. I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"Why would you….I am your wife. Until death do us part! The vows Derek. The ring. Look at the ring." She shoved it in my face. I backed away from her.

"The vows also said forsaking all others. Or did you conveniently forget that part? Or is it just you want to be a good wife when it suits you? You know what, I am not doing this. I am sorry Addie, but I don't want to be with you anymore." I looked at her earnestly. "I am going to take you to the Archfield and I will bring you your things tomorrow morning."

I started the car and started to drive. She didn't say anything. It was very quiet. But I felt at peace for the first time in a long while.

I pulled up to the hotel and put the car in park in front of the beveled glass doors.

"Did you ever love me, Derek?" She asked, facing me. I could see the trace of tears on her cheeks and my heart squeezed.

"Not like I should've, but you knew that." I told her.

She nodded.

"You dragged me across the damn country knowing you didn't want me. What kind of person does that?"

"Addie…"

"She isn't going to leave him for you. You hurt her badly. And when she turns you down, don't come running to me. Cause I won't be here."

"I won't. I don't love you. And if you really think about it, you don't love me either. We need to stop pretending and just move on." I said.

"I don't know how to do that. I have been with you for so long. I don't even know who I am." She said, sniffing.

"Take this time to find out, Addie."

She looked at me and smiled weakly.

"Get the papers and I will sign them. Take what you want." She said.

"I don't want anything. I just want Seattle." I said honestly.

"Yeah, I know you do. It's what you always wanted." She said sadly.

She got out of the car and without a last look at me, she walked into the hotel and out of my sight.

I would like to say that I missed her instantly and that I wanted to run into that hotel after her.

But I didn't.

I felt bad for what I did, for what I put her through, but I knew she wasn't the one for me. I had been fooling myself up to this point. I never should've married her.

What I should've done is stay in Washington in the first place. I never should have left Meredith, but I did. I can't change that now. I left and now Meredith was a different person than the one I had left. I had done that to her.

Now she was with Mark and if she was happy, I should leave her that way, but I truly believed I could make her happier than he did. I wanted to be a family with her and Mia. A real family, like we should've been from the start.

I had to get her back, but I couldn't be underhanded about it. I wanted her to trust me again, to love me again, to want me again. To do that, I would have to be patient. I would have to be her friend. I would have to be a good father to Mia.

I wasn't going to trick her.

I would stand by and do what I could, but she would ultimately make the decision. And I would respect her decision.

If she picked Mark, I would have to be okay with that. But I wouldn't be with anyone else. I had done that to Addie and look how it had ended. She was hurt and I had done that. Yes, she had hurt me first, but I had never loved her the way I should've, and she knew that.

It was sad. I was sad that my marriage had ended but I was hoping for a happy ending for myself.

I just had to hope for the best and pray I could get everything I ever dreamed of.

I started my car and headed home…by myself.

Looks like that is how it would be for a while.