Trigger warning : rape. It is not detailed but If this kind of subject is difficult for you, you can skip the chapter. Victims of rape are NEVER responsible for what happened. If you need to talk about it, feel free to PM me.
The new year had already come but no big party was planned that year. Sannan was officially dead, Toudou and Chizuru on mission, Ito and Miki were away to Edo for personal matters and Kondou-san got back to his family for a few weeks since the situation was allowing it. It was a bit strange compared to last year's banquet and all the work we put in it. Poor Nagakura was inconsolable. No mochi for him on New Year's Eve was probably the biggest tragedy of his entire life. His complaints were all around the compound like a litany.
As I was now accustomed to, i was patrolling the midnight streets of Kyoto along with Sannan and his Rasetsu corp. I wondered how long would Hijikata-san ask me to do it. After all these weeks, i could testify that the colonel had them perfectly in control. That's when we heard the scream. I couldn't believe it, i could recognize this voice in millions.
Chizuru !
Sannan and his Rasetsu started running and i followed them to a back alley. Chizuru was there in her maiko kimono, a guard was lying on the ground in a puddle of blood. Immediately, i sensed a change in the Rasetsu, a predatory bloodlust.
« All of you back off ! » ordered Sannan and to my surprise, the Rasetsu obeyed. « Saito ! »
« Ha ! »
I ran to Chizuru while Sannan was doing his best to contain his corp. one of them took a step forward and Sannan cut him open without a second thought.
« Come on Chiyoko... I saw how you were looking at me... I saw your desire... I'll help you cope with that lust... You need to know what a real man feels like... »
Where on earth was Toudou ?! The man was getting closer to Chizuru, his hands nearly grabbing her. His kimono was already opened, reveling his manhood. Chizuru's eyes were going from his face to his member and his face again, expressing only terror. She didn't have her kodachi and was stucked in her tight clothes, back against the wall. I didn't hesitate and drew my blade. The man looked in surprise where his hands used to be before screaming in pain and fear. In front of him, my furious icy gaze had replaced the scared chestnut one.
« You are no man. » i said as a death sentence before beheading him like the criminal he was.
I heard someone running toward me and i turned over still in my fighting stance before recognizing the man in front of me. Dressed as a maiko, the kimono was half opened to permit him to run and he was firmly holding a katana in his hand.
« Saito, oh thanks to the gods you were there. » signed Toudou in relief.
« Where were you ? » i asked in a harsh voice.
« I can't wear my swords with this outfit, i ran to get them ! » he yelled with defiance but i could see in his eyes that it was a defense mechanism and how much he had been afraid for her.
« Are you stupid ? » even if my voice was calm, i couldn't contain myself and the words kept flowing « you were asked only one thing, keep her safe. Now, where were you when i found her alone in the streets of Kyoto at night with a man ready to... » that last word couldn't pass the barrier of my lips but he knew very well what i wanted to say.
« As i said... Just getting my swords.. it was only a matter of five minutes... »
« Five minutes during which she could have died. You can't carry your swords, fine. At least wear a tanto or something. How do you think women do ? »
Toudou's gaze was on the ground but he was shaking in shame and anger, hands clenched into fists.
« I'm sorry... »
I ignored him and turned to Chizuru.
« Are you unhurt ? »
« Ye... Yes... Thank you, Saito... » she replied but i noticed she was crying.
I wanted to hug her, keep her in my arms until she calmed down but i couldn't do it in front of Toudou, Sannan and the Rasetsu, so i just nodded.
« I'm taking you back to the compound « i said but Toudou brought his hand on my chest to stop me.
« You can't. We have a mission ! We can't afford to be seen near the Shinsengumi's headquarters. » he told me.
« She could have been hurt. This mission needs to be aborted. »
« It's not your call to decide. »
His words hit me like bullets. He was right and i had been driven by my emotions. Only Hijikata-san or Kondou-san could decide to call off the mission. I nodded and took a step back to notify Toudou i had understood. He ran to Chizuru and took her in his arms gently.
« It's ok, Chizuru-chan. Let's go back to the okiya... »
« Wait, Heisuke ! » she objected, still sobbing « can... can i have a moment, please ? »
« Sure ! Take as long as you want ! » he said, detaching himself from her. He went to salute Sannan but i didn't move. « Come on Saito, leave her some privacy. »
Chizuru looked up to me, tears sparkling in her wide eyes.
« Stay... »
It was nearly a plaint, like a whisper, but loud enough so i could hear it. I nodded and stayed put. My eyes threw daggers at Toudou and he went a bit further, taking Sannan and the Rasetsu with him. As they were out of sight, i finally opened my mouth.
« Can you walk ? »
Her whole body was shaking violently. I've never seen her so afraid since the night i met her.
« I... yes... »
Her voice was full of confusion, as if she haven't realized what happened yet. Now the others weren't here anymore, the desire to hold her grew bigger but i restrained myself. Chizuru had been through a traumatic experience, someone tried to rape her. How could I, a man, put my hands on her body in this instant ?
« Let's walk then. »
I wanted her to move. As if moving her body could make her mind move on as well. I wanted to get her away from the scent of blood and the sight of the two corpses at her feet.
She nodded and started walking but after a few hesitant steps, she burst into tears and fell on the ground. What could i do to reassure her ? I was feeling helpless and uncomfortable. I had never before been ashamed to be a man but at this instant, i was. I was feeling dirty for all the sins my kin could do to the other gender.
« Saito... i... i'm sorry ! » she tried to say, sobbing uncontrollably, her fists on the ground, head down.
« Don't be, the blame isn't yours to take. »
« I never... wanted this. »
« I know. »
« All that he said... about how i was looking at him.. It's not true... I swear ! »
She looked up again and i could see desperation in her eyes. I finally understood. She had been through a terrible experience but she wasn't scared about her, she was scared about me. She was thinking that perhaps, i would not love her anymore, as if it could be possible. She was thinking that maybe i could believe that she actually tried to seduce that unworthy piece of shit, if you may forgive me the expression.
I kneeled before her and even if i wasn't sure that it was the right move, i took her in my arms. Her fists left the ground and came clinching onto my white haori, desperately. Her face burried itself onto my shoulder and the sobbing became even more intense. I passed a arm under her legs to lift her up a little and put her on my laps. She froze at my contact, tensed, so i moved her the slower way i could and removed my hand instantly after. My arms came circling her, my head came over hers and i stayed that way. I wanted her to feel me under her, on her, around her... to be in a cocoon of my presence, warm, reassuring. It seemed like it was effective because the crying wasn't as intense as it was and i could feel her body relax in my embrace.
« I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... » As soon as she calmed the sobbing enough to be able to speak, she was repeating it endlessly.
« Chizuru... I know you did nothing wrong. » i eventually said to calm her down but her litany was continuing as if she hadn't heard. « Calm yourself, Chizuru... I love you. This man doesn't matter. »
She twitched and i realized that it was the first time that i was telling her that i loved her. She detached her head from my shoulder and i glanced into her wide, sparkling chestnut eyes. I leaned forward and whispered again.
« I love you, Chizuru. I love you. »
I kept repeating it as i moved closer to her face. My litany had replaced hers and i saw that it was working, she was calming herself. When our lips finally met, there was no apprehension or fear from her. Our kiss was different from the first one we shared. It wasn't passionate or wild, it was a tender kiss, soft and mellow. I tried to communicate to her all the warmth i feel when i'm with her, all the love i had for her.
I heard footsteps approaching and i released her mouth but i kept her in my arms. I didn't care what Toudou or Sannan could say. With what she had endured, my behavior wasn't suspicious. Toudou asked me if she was ok and i nodded. He came closer to take Chizuru's hand and lift her up. She was still sobbing a bit.
« Thanks Saito. » said Toudou, bowing. « Come on Chizuru, we have to get back to the okiya. »
She nodded and both maikos started walking silently, we could only hear the « clac » of their okobo on the ground and the gentle sobbing of Chizuru. I looked at them going away, knuckle white and I knew that i wouldn't be kept in the blur anymore. If Hijikata-san doesn't call off the mission, i'll find a way to personally look after her.