Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
...
"So THAT'S how Dracula became the enemy of a clan of Japanese ninjas!" Abrella exclaimed in astonishment after Mizuki finished her tale. "My, that was quite a story!"
"I will never look at a pair of chopsticks the same way ever again," remarked an awestruck Dogranio.
"And despite being killed like that, Dracula eventually revived, and keeps reviving, no matter how many times he's beaten!" Z pointed out. "That's pretty impressive as well!"
"The Dracula guy sure was one tough son of a bitch," Evolt observed, impressed despite himself. "He could take almost as much punishment as I could… Are your people as resilient as all that, Abrella? I mean, I know you said that they totally aren't vampires, but…"
"Sadly, no," Abrella lamented. "Neither are most vampires like Dracula, I would think. After all, he is their king and mightiest of all, so it's only to be expected that he is far stronger than the rest of his kind."
"Fair enough," Evolt agreed. "As a member of the royal family of the Blood Tribe, that applies to me too. And, unfortunately, my brother, that nut job…"
"Wait, you're royalty like me?" Z asked, surprised. "Did you mention that before?"
"Hmm? Yeah, I'm royalty," Evolt repeated. "For whatever little that means, given that there isn't exactly a Blood Tribe left for me to rule over. My brother was the king, until he went insane and destroyed our planet and wiped out just about all of our species."
"Does that make you the Prince of all Blood?" Dogranio joked.
Evolt snorted. "Oh, please, I'm nothing like that runt Vegeta!" He hesitated. "Although… I also destroy planets as a pastime… And I am the only known full-blooded member of my species left, with a half-blood son-"
"I'M NOT YOUR SON!" Ryuga shouted.
"I've grown an admittedly small amount of fondness for humanity, and I either killed or am indirectly responsible for the deaths of the other last known members of my species because I got sick of them and holy shit I AM Vegeta!" Evolt cried in horror. "Oh Pandora, what's next? Am I always going to become second-best to some other guy? Am I going to get a hot Asian wife? Wear a hideous pink shirt?! Have children named after underwear?!"
"Look on the bright side, by the time of Dragon Ball Super Vegeta became a better father and a much more likable character than Goku," Z pointed out.
"I don't WANT to be more likable!" Evolt protested. "I'm Evolt, the destroyer of worlds! I'm a major bad guy! I can't become Vegeta!"
"Don't worry, you'll never become Vegeta," Dogranio assured Evolt.
"Are you sure?" Evolt asked hopefully.
Dogranio nodded sagely. "Yes, you'd never be able to pull off the hair for it."
"I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Before Evolt murders anyone or start having a mid-life crisis, perhaps we should choose our next fight to watch," Abrella suggested quickly. "And we should choose wisely, because we seem to be running out of major battles to watch."
Indeed, most of the heroes were at this point busy fighting Shocker Combatmen while trying to rendezvous with everyone else. And while watching mooks get beaten in droves was always fun, it wasn't as exciting as a superhero going toe-to-toe with a major villain.
"How about the Great Eyezer?" Z suggested in terror, well aware that if Evolt snapped, he'd have to go right through him to get to Dogranio. "I kind of owe the guy for him making it dark out."
"You owe them," Abrella corrected. "The Great Eyezer is genderless, due to being an amalgamation of 15 man-made Guardian deities with an incredible source of spiritual energy from another dimension called the Great Eye. After acquiring the power of the Great Eye, they attempted to assimilate the souls of all humans in two dimensions for… Some reason…"
"Sure, sounds fine to me! What you think, guys?" Z asked frantically. "What's that? You think it's a great idea? Wonderful! Let's watch them, Abrella!"
"Hold on, I didn't say it-" Dogranio protested while Evolt snarled malevolently.
"LET'S WATCH THEM, ABRELLA!"
"Very well." Abrella turned the camera to focus on the Great Eyezer, who was engaged in combat with the ghosts of Newton, Edison, and da Vinci. (Except they weren't ghosts, naturally, because EVERYONE knew there was no such thing as ghosts.)
"I am Edison!" Edison declared, firing bolts of lightning at the Great Eyezer with his Gan Gun Saber. "Edison! Are you Edison? No you're not!"
"INDEED," the Great Eyezer agreed, the symbol of the Electricity Ganmeizer appearing on their chest. "WE ARE THE GREAT EYEZER."
They fired an even more powerful blast of electricity back at Edison, sending him flying, wailing, "EDISOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"
"What comes up, must go down," Newton declared, pointing his gloves at the Great Eyezer and generating a colossal gravity wave which slammed into the entity, cratering the ground beneath them as the gravity increased to 50 times Earth standard. "In your case… Very far down."
"BUT WHAT GOES DOWN CAN RISE AGAIN," the Great Eyezer retorted as the emblem of the Gravity Ganmeizer appeared on their chest. The air around them distorted, and suddenly Newton found himself crushed to the ground beneath 500 times Earth standard gravity as the Great Eyezer stood back up.
"Okay, not gonna lie, that's actually a pretty good line," Dogranio admitted.
"Psh, you call that gravity?" Evolt snorted, having forgotten his enmity with the Gangler boss. "I've danced on the surface of planets with gravity a thousand times greater than that without breaking a sweat! Pretty sure I've made black holes with more gravity, too…"
"No matter how high you may rise, you will never be able to match my genius!" The da Vinci Ganma bragged, whirling around fast to generate a tornado which spun across the ground towards the Great Eyezer and flung it into the air, shooting laser beams from the Mona Lisa face on his chest and striking the entity repeatedly.
"WE ARE THE COLLECTED INTELLIGENCE OF AN ENTIRE CIVILIZATION. YOUR GENIUS IS AS NOTHING IN COMPARISON," the Great Eyezer countered, the emblem of the Wind Ganmeizer appearing on their chest. They started spinning rapidly contrary to the rotation of the tornado, causing it to burst apart and send powerful winds blasting all over the place, knocking da Vinci and the other two spirits back.
"YOUR RESISTANCE IS FUTILE," the Great Eyezer continued as the spirits quickly got back to their feet, Edison shooting lightning bolts, Newton singularities, and da Vinci energy needles from his fingertips. Multiple emblems flashed across their chest in quick succession, and an energy wave blasted off of them, dispelling the attacks. The emblem for gravity appeared again, and it gestured, causing the three spirits to levitate in the air. More emblems appeared, and a monstrous sword, bow, spear, hammer, and rifle materialized around it, the weapons lashing out and slicing, shooting, stabbing, or slamming the spirits, sending them crashing back to the ground, crying out in pain. "WE ARE THE GREAT EYEZER. WE ARE INEVITABLE."
"Is that so?" Akari called from the ground. Her outfit had changed to a fuchsia coloration, her eyes resembling bubbling beakers while wearing a hoodie resembling a lab coat. She was lugging a massive weapon resembling a mix between the Shiranui Kai Mark two and a minigun with a centrifuge mounted on top, several test tubes of florescent chemicals revolving about. "Because I seem to remember Takeru stopping you in the past. That doesn't sound very inevitable to me."
"SOMETHING WE SHALL REMEDY WHEN NEXT WE ENCOUNTER HIM," the Great Eyezer declared, floating down to stand before her, ignoring the moans and groans of pain from the defeated spirits. "WE ARE SURPRISED YOU DID NOT RUN, HUMAN. CONSIDERING YOU SEEMED PERFECTLY CONTENT TO COWER BEHIND YOUR GHOSTLY ALLIES AS WE TORE THEM APART, WE HAD ASSUMED YOU TO EITHER BE A RANK COWARD, OR INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE THE POINTLESSNESS OF YOUR STRUGGLE."
"Oh, I'm no coward," Akari insisted as the centrifuge stopped spinning, the chemicals in the tubes flowing through channels in the sides of the cannon, causing it to glow and light up. "I just needed them to buy some time for me to finish my new formula."
"A FORMULA FOR WHAT?" The Great Eyezer demanded.
Akari pulled the trigger on her weapon, and the device opened fire, pelting the startled Great Eyezer with several thousand rounds of a multicolored substance which quickly spread all over its body, swelling and congealing to encase the entity's form in a thick, doughy mass. "WHAT… WHAT IS THIS?" The Great Eyezer demanded, struggling to pull themselves out of the substance, only to discover that it had hardened into something stronger than titanium. "WE… WE CANNOT MOVE! OUR POWERS ARE NOT RESPONDING!"
"That would be thanks to the power of the Curie Eyecon," Akari bragged. "The mastery of chemistry this form gives me allowed me to synthesize a substance that could nullify your abilities and render you completely powerless. All I needed was a little time to finish cooking it up, which I got thanks to my friends. Sorry about how long it took, guys. It was trickier than I expected."
"It's no problem," Newton said wearily. "Science can often be a difficult process. After all, as Edison would say, progress is 1% innovation, and 99% perspiration."
"I am Edison," Edison agreed.
"So… Is there a reason the ghost of Thomas Edison seems to be incapable of saying anything other than that?" Z queried.
"Yeah, does he think he's a Pokémon or something?" Dogranio snorted.
Abrella shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."
"And now that I have you right where I want you, I will destroy you… Psychologically!" Akari declared, producing a new Eyecon.
**(O)**FREUD!**(O)**
She popped open her Driver, causing her armor and hoodie to dissipate as she swapped out her Eyecons.
**(O)**AYE! GET READY PEOPLE! GET READY PEOPLE! GET READY PEOPLE! EYES OPEN! FREUD! **(O)**
A gray parka ghost emerged from her Driver in a puff of gray smoke, swirled around her, and placed itself on her body, taking on the form of a hooded cardigan as the lines on her suit turned gray and a mask with gray eyes shaped like cigars intersecting brains formed on her face.
**(O)**THE FOUNDER OF PSYCHOANALYSIS! TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR MOTHER! **(O)**
"Great Eyezer!" Akari declared, pointing at the immobilized entity. "You are a sorry, one-dimensional excuse for a villain! Your motives are virtually nonexistent, your aims are unclear and horribly clichéd at best, and most damning of all, you look like nothing more than a recolor of Kamen Rider Extremer, who was a MUCH more compelling adversary and had far more to do with Takeru's philosophy, theme, and personal growth than you ever were!"
Everyone present gasped. "Oh wow! That's some burn!" The da Vinci Ganma cried in approval.
"I am Edison," Edison agreed.
"NO… NO, YOU'RE WRONG! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE!" The Great Eyezer protested, horrified.
"Unfortunately, it is," Akari lamented, stroking her chin. "I theorize this has something to do with the fact that you were designed as nothing more than a glorified overpowered security system and, incapable of developing any real desires of your own, poorly aped those of the people around you before eventually settling on the generic "kill everyone and absorb their souls" plan because that's what your previous host, Adel, wanted to do, without really understanding why."
The four watchers shuddered in dismay. "Okay, I'm not the only person here who thinks that's a legitimately horrifying form, right?" Dogranio asked, unnerved.
"No, I'm terrified as well," Z agreed.
"I DO NOT want to hear what somebody might conclude after picking through my brain," Evolt declared, vehemently shaking his head.
"Indeed. Also, I really don't want to talk about my mother," Abrella murmured.
"Why?" Z asked.
"I just told you, I don't want to talk about her!" Abrella snapped.
"NO! ERROR! ERROR! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" The Great Eyezer wailed. "WE… WE ARE… A DISAPPOINTMENT?!"
"Extremely so!" Akari declared. "And now… I shall destroy you physically!"
She produced a new Eyecon.
**(O)**EINSTEIN! **(O)**
She popped open her Driver, causing her armor and hoodie to dissipate as she swapped out her Eyecons.
**(O)**AYE! GET READY PEOPLE! GET READY PEOPLE! GET READY PEOPLE! EYES OPEN! EINSTEIN! **(O)**
A vermilion parka ghost emerged from her Driver in a puff of vermilion smoke, swirled around her, and placed itself on her body, garbing her in a hooded sweater covered in equations as the lines on her body changed color, gloves similar to Newton's formed on her hands only with rings orbiting them, and a mask with eyes resembling atoms formed on her face.
**(O)**THE DISCOVERER OF RELATIVITY! E = MC2! HAIL THE BOMBASTIC ATOMIC GENIUS!**(O)**
She passed one of her gloves over her belt.
**(O)**EYES WIDE OPEN! GET HYPED PEOPLE! GET HYPED PEOPLE! GET HYPED PEOPLE! OMEGA BOMB!**(O)**
Her gloves started glowing, the rings rotating as energy crackled around them. "Through the power of science," Akari declared. "All things shall be illuminated!"
Crying out, Akari charged forwards and punched the Great Eyezer in the chest with the force of an atomic bomb. The hardened substance encasing them shattered and the entity was sent flying, screaming, "ERROR! ERROR! FATAL ERROR 404! IF THE PROBLEM PERSISTS AFTER TURNING YOUR GANMEIZER ON AND OFF AGAIN, PLEASE CONTACT MAGISTRATE EADITH FOR TECH SUPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!"
They exploded off in the distance in a spectacular mushroom cloud, the fires rising up to briefly form the symbol of a three-horned eye before dissipating. Their tattered golden parka drifted to the ground, all that was left of them.
"And that," Akari said triumphantly, turning to her comrades. "It's how you save the day with science, not mystical mumbo-jumbo!"
"I am Edison! Edison cried, applauding eagerly.
"But… Didn't you only win because you were calling upon the power of the ghost of Albert Einstein-" a confused Newton pointed out.
"Shush! Unless you want her to punch you next!" The da Vinci Ganma hissed.
"Did you say something?" Akari asked.
"Nothing!" Newton and da Vinci yelled quickly.
"I am Edison!" Edison cried, in case anyone had forgotten in the last few seconds.
...
STAGE CLEAR!
CONTINUE?