I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness, dank memes and grammar mistakes.
Chapter 51: America first but _ second
"Okay, now how the turns will go?" Nova said.
"Turns?" Ruby said.
"You see, there was a trend years ago. Trump said that American is first. Then the Netherlands said that they are second. Then a lot of countries parodied that video and said that they're second. So, who's first?"
"Let's just go by our team letters." Blake said.
"Oh, me first." Weiss said.
"Why you? I'm the first letter!" Ruby said.
"You are American." Nova said.
"Oh, right."
"Wait! Why they go first and not us?" Nora said.
"Does it matter?" Nova said.
"Of course it does! It's like they're the protagonists and we're just side characters!"
"What? That's ridiculous!" Ruby said.
"Besides, we hang out a lot together. That would mean that we would have the same screen time with them. That does make us protagonists too." Jaune said.
"Or important and lovable side characters." Nova said.
"You're not making it better." Ren said.
"Can we just start watching? Alright, first Germany."
"You mean second." Yang said.
"Whatever."
Germany (video by NEO MAGAZIN ROYALE)
This is a message from the government of Federal Republic of Germany. Dear Mr president, this is an introduction video about Germany. The best country in Europe. Better than the Netherlands. Bad people the Dutch. Everything is orange in the Netherlands, which we totally love, because you're orange too, but the Dutch are dangerous.
"Why is his face orange?" Ruby said.
Totally destroyed the hair of Rudi Völlers. A total disaster. Believe us.
"He spat his hair?! If that happened to me, he'd be already dead." Yang said.
German culture is the best culture in the world. We have Culcha Candela, great band, the German 3doorsdown and we have Pietro Lombardi and Sarah Lombardi. He is a normal person and she is a bitch. It's true, everyone says so. She's a bitch.
"Great culture." Yang said.
"Wait, Lombardi? That doesn't sound German." Pyrrha said.
"They are German but their parents were probably immigrants. Germany is full of them." Nova said.
This is the Oktoberfest. It's the best beerfest god ever created.
"A festival about beer?" Weiss said.
"It's a really big event." Nova said.
There is pee everywhere. You would love it, just same great pee, German beer pee, or as we call it in Germany, Bud Light.
Some laughed a little with that.
"Disgusting." Weiss said.
America has the KKK. Germany has the FKK. Pussies everywhere. So great. It's like being backstage at a Miss universe pageant.
Yang already covered Ruby's eyes.
"Yang, stop it! Let me see!" Ruby said.
"No, I won't let your innocence die by bare men butts!" Yang said.
"Hehe, butts." Nora said.
"At this point everything is better than the KKK. Even a nudist beach." Blake said.
Germany has a great history. We actually, i-it's true, have the best history in the world. Great politicians, great leader, so smart, great hair, great suit, look at his suit, he made Germany great again.
"That isn't something to be proud of." Weiss said.
"Are they allowed to show him on Youtube?" Jaune said.
"First of all, that is from a TV talkshow and second it is. Like it or not, Hitler is a part of Germany's and the world's history and you don't forget stuff like that." Nova said.
The media totally loved him, wrote only nice things about him. Great guy, total winner. His book: a best seller! It's true. Steve Bannon absolutely loves him.
"That's not how it is." Weiss said.
"It's a parody. Of course it isn't." Nova said.
Germany hosted two world wars in the last 100 years. They were the best world wars in the world, and we won both of them. Bigly. Anyone who says anything else, is fake news. Period.
This made them laugh a little.
After the war, we totally rebuilt Germany. Just did it. We just did built a new Germany on top of the old Germany. Whole new cities, fantastic! Even more beautiful than before.
"It is actually beautiful." Blake said.
"Exactly like book covers." Jaune said.
And we built a great, German wall. Just built it. And we made the Russians pay for it. It's true. People were literally dying for the wall. People in Germany love walls.
"That's wrong in many levels." Pyrrha said, but couldn't help but laugh.
"Shut up, it's not funny." Weiss said while holding her laughter.
We actually cried, when after 28 years, the wall got torn down by David Hasselhoff, who by the way is one of the least overrated actors in the world. It's a fact.
"Wait, it was that recent?" Jaune said.
"It was still the 80s." Nova said.
"And I thought we weren't progressive." Yang said.
"Trust me, you are. More than you think."
And he has a talking car. Absolutely fantastic.
"Wow, that's so cool! I wonder if it has weapons." Ruby said.
"It has." Nova said.
"Yes!"
And this is Angela Merkel. She is the best woman in Germany. She is great. She has the best smile. Look at that smile, baby. Angela Merkel will like you even more than Melania. It's true.
"What a sour face." Nora said.
But please don't try and grab her by the pussy, okay? We don't know what's down there.
Just the thought of that made them want to vomit.
We totally understand is going to be "America first", but can we just say: "Germany second"? The best wishes from Germany. We have the best wishes in the world. And by the way, when you push the red button to destroy Germany with nuclear weapons, this is how Germany looks like on the map(shows Italy).
Everyone laughed.
"What country was that, because it can't be Germany." Yang said.
"Italy."
"It looks like a boot." Nora said.
"Speaking of which, on to the next video." Nova said.
Italy (video by TheWorldSecond)
This is a message from the Italian Government. Dear Mr president, welcome to this introduction video about Italy. The best country of Europe.
"This place is wonderful!" Weiss said.
"I want to go there." Pyrrha said.
"Now we know why you love Italy so much." Yang said.
"Most of the Mediterranean countries are beautiful." Nova said.
We are the sunniest country of Europe. In Denmark, it rains all the time. In Netherland, it rains all the time. In Germany, it rains all the time! Instead, we have the sun, so much sun. Our sun is so big that you won't even need to spend all that money to look orange. Spectacular orange Mr president.
Everyone laughed.
"Oh, it's a tan. I get it." Ruby said.
We have an amazing history, dictatorship, war, oh you'll love it. We have been conquered by France, Spain, Austria, Turkey, Greece, Carthage, do you remember Annibal, and many more.
"So many times?" Blake said.
"It's a friendly nation." Nova said.
So if you want to conquer us Mr president, you're welcome. It's so easy, 'cause we are so kind. Now we know Mr president, our flag looks a little bit like Mexican flag, but we're so different from Mexicans. Oh so different. They have ehm... the mustache and ehm... all right, never mind. We made it first and the stole it! Damn Mexicans!
"Wow, they had to say something racist." Blake said.
We don't have the best language in the world, we have the best languages in the world! We have more than 8000 different languages! That's a lot!
"Really?!" Ruby said.
"They're dialects. But then again, so many dialects? How do they understand each other?" Weiss said.
We don't even understand each other! It's the perfect place for people like you. Think about it Mr president, the rest of Europe doesn't even have one percent of our languages. Losers. And if you will not understand us, we will use the hands! We are the best hands talkers of the world. It's so cool. And listen to this Mr president. It's-a me, Mario! Mamma mia! Yes Mr president, Mario is Italian.
"But he's made in Japan." Ruby said.
We also have Toto Cutugno. "Un italiano vero". Russians love him so much.
"Really?" Blake said.
"Yeah. I've been there." Nova said.
"To Russia?" Yang said.
"Yes. I've been going to Abtoradio Diskoteka since it began. And he sang there a lot of times. Even with a russian choir."
We have the best food in the world. Look at this mozzarella. Not mozzarella cheese. But real, fresh, handmade mozzarella. Sooo sexy.
"Mmm, cheese." Nora said.
"Hey Yang, are you ready?" Nova said.
"For what? Wait... yes!" Yang said.
"For what?" Ruby said.
"1,2,3!"
Both: "Pizza mozzarella,
Pizza mozzarella,
Rella, rella, rella, rella,
Rella, rella, rella, rella."
"Oh no, they are two now. Why? Stop with the JoJo!" Weiss said.
"Nova, tell her to shut up." Yang said.
"Say it yourself." Nova said.
"Shut up Weiss.". Then they did a satisfying high five.
You can grab them by the cheese. In our country no one will eat pizza with pineappl... ok, sorry.
"Pineapple pizza is good." Pyrrha said. Then everyone looked at her with disappointment. "What?"
"It turns out than no one is perfect." Nova said.
If you need a wall, Italy is the best place to ask! We have the best mafia in the world. Organized, practic.
"I wondered when will he say about the mafia." Yang said.
We can build your wall in three days. And you'll pay us in black. That's so cheap. We also have Matteo Salvini. He hates Mexicans, he hates Africans, he hates Europeans, he hates Italians too. We're sure you could be best friends.
"Why would they vote for him, if he's a politician?" Weiss said.
"I don't know." Nova said.
But overall, we have Silvio Berlusconi. We miss so much Berlusconi, his hair, his smile, his way to see the women. We love people like him.
"He was looking at her chest!" Yang said while laughing.
"And on live TV." Blake said.
"Italians are like that." Nova said.
And for this reason we love people like you Mr president. Mr president, we totally understand, "America first", but can we say "Italy second"? We hope so. Arrivederci Mr president.
"Yes! He said it!" Yang said.
"Oh come on!" Weiss said.
And if you want to push the red button to destroy Italy think about it. We are sure you have some cousin here. We have cousins everywhere... Point on France. They look so gay.
Everyone laughed.
"That was unexpected." Ruby said.
"I'm next." Yang said.
China (video by Hutong school)
This is a message from the Middle Kingdom. Dear Mr president, welcome to this introduction video about the best country the world. Our country is enormous, really huge. Not tiny, like the Netherlands, they wouldn't even count as a city here. Sad.
"That is a big country." Jaune said.
Now, we know you are a little bit obsessed with us (montage of Trump saying China). Oookaaayy Donald, we're sorry. We just like you as a friend(rejection).
They laughed a little with that.
You said we invented global warming and you know what? It's true.
Trump: Speaking of global warming, where is "we need some global warming!"?
Yep. You're welcome.
"That can't be true." Yang said.
We speak Chinese. It's the best language, a great language, just fantastic. It's got all the best characters and it's got thousands of them. Really, thousands of thousands. It's ridiculous, tens of thousands, maybe even millions, who knows?
"It would take a lot of years to learn how to write and talk." Pyrrha said.
It takes ages to learn them all, but you're smart, real smart. Studied at Warden, we know. You'll just need a few weeks to learn them all, one month tops. Food in China is just tremendous, okay? All right, we don't have Trump steaks, that's true, but other than that, we've got all the best dishes with all the best names, okay?(says names of food that I can't write, I think)
"The names are weird, but they look delicious." Yang said.
"I was expecting a dog eating joke." Nova said.
"What?!" Ruby said.
"Oh yeah, they eat dogs and cats."
"Really?! No!"
You heard about our wall, it's huuuuuuge. It's a really great wall. It's so long, have been there for thousands for years and kept out all the Mongolians. Total losers by the way. All the Mexicans too, all of them.
"What's about the wall?"
"Stupid ideas." Nova said.
Best part, we made the Japanese pay for it. And they don't even know. You van do whatever you want with the Japanese. Grab them by the sushi. It's terrific.
Yang covered Ruby's eyes again.
"Come on, not again! Stop!" Ruby said.
"Whatever I want? Reeeen~?" Nora said.
"No." he said.
"Aww..."
Now Mr president, we know you don't like China all that much and you want only "America first", we know, we get it, it's fine, meiwenti, we totally understand, but can we just say "China second?" for now.
"It was good. Not great, but good." Yang said.
"I think it's my turn now." Jaune said.
France (video by C8)
Dear Mr president, this is a message to you, the first best country in the world, from France. Holland said they're the second best country in the world, but we have our own Holland, François Holland. End of story.
"At this point it's just which country is the best for vacation." Blake said.
America has the bald eagle. In France we have the cock.
Yang went to cover Ruby's eyes again, but she already covered them herself.
Not the cock as in penis, that would be gay, but French cocks say cocorico.
They laughed a little.
"Cocorico?" Ruby said.
The French talk French and some some of the greatest people in the world speak our language. There's Charles Aznavour, Jean Dujardin and Celine Dion. Except Celine Dion isn't French, she's Canadian. And we welcome Celine, even when she was ugly.
"That's a big transformation." Weiss said.
We love French speakers, just love them, it's true. Except when they come from Algeria or Senegal or Mali. We just put those bad hombres on a plane, a beautiful plane, and we send them on home.
"Why are all these videos so racist?" Blake said.
So many great things come out of France. There's french fries, the French kiss, french toast and Eric Zemmour. Oh you're gonna love Eric Zemmour, okay? And you're totally gonna love our cheese. There's regular cheese, round cheese and stinky cheese that smells as bad as Steve Bannon looks. You're going to love it.
"That is edible?! It's technically mold at this point!" Weiss said.
"It is." Nova said.
The US knows how to win wars. We know how to host them. The first world war was fought in France. The second world war too. Our doors are open for you when you want to start the third, okay? We'll provide the wine.
Everyone laughed.
"Sure, let's bomb them, they don't mind." Yang said comically.
And we love wine so much that we brush our teeth with it.
"Okay, that's stupid. Why?" Weiss said.
The other wines are fake wine. We also have castles and rivers and beaches and mountains... and strikes. Our strikes are beautiful. If there was a world cup of strikes, we would be the champions.
"Really?" Blake said.
"Yeah, they basically invented strikes." Nova said.
And we have le Puy du fou. It's like Disneyland, Disneyland in the middle ages, with Jeanne D' Arc's ring and Phillipe de Villiers. You're gonna want to kiss him on his beautiful skin, okay?
"Who's ring?!" Pyrrha said.
"He said... Jaune's." Ruby said.
"It's not written that way. It's a different name." Nova said.
"That's weird. It's almost the same as my name." Jaune said.
'What's going on with them? They are all based on something! Either a fairy tale or a famous person! Except for Blake. I still don't know who is she based on.'(I know, okay?)
Because we kiss when we meet in France, not a gay kiss, that would be gay. Our kisses are like a manly hug, okay? But with lips.
"I don't know, that's still pretty weird." Yang said.
We love to kiss so much that we kiss two times, sometimes three, sometimes four, okay? You're gonna love it. And you're gonna want to kiss our ladies, okay? They're so beautiful that you're gonna want to grab them by the pussy, okay? Not all of them, but some of them.
"Will they stop with that "grab them by the pussy" sentence? It's not funny." Blake said.
We don't have a common border with Mexico, but we have a border with Spain, where they speak Spanish like in Mexico. And the Spanish are bringing in lots of drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists, so we've built a wall. It's a great wall. An awesome wall. It's called the Pyrenees.
"That can't be true, right?" Ruby said.
"Well, the rapist part I think it's true." Nova said.
"That doesn't count! Rapists exist everywhere!" Blake said.
Lafayette, Alexis de Tocqueville, Billy Crawford, our two nations have a great and common history.
They laughed a little.
Mr president, we know it's going to be "America first", bit can we just say "France second"?
"That was probably the funniest of them all." Yang said.
"Oh, I'm next!" Nora said.
"Okay, but I don't know what country exactly. Norway, Sweden, Finland or Denmark?" Nova said.
"Uhh... I don't know! Sweden! No, Norway! I can't choose. Finland! Yes, Finland!"
"Okay, Finland."
Finland (video by Noin viikon studios)
This is a message from the Republic of Finland. Dear Mr president, this is an introduction video about Finland, the best country in Europe. People say that Finland is the land of a thousand lakes. That's fake news, okay? There's more. Believe me. A million. Maybe a million and a half lakes.
"Nova, when you takes to Earth again, can you take us on a world tour?" Weiss said.
"Sure." Nova said.
At least as many lakes as there were people at your inauguration. It's true. Period. Our great nature inspired our great composers. Jean Sibelius, Toivo Kuula and of course, Darude.
"Darude is Finnish?" Ruby said.
He composed this masterpiece. It's called Sandstorm. People love it. It's great.
"Wait, he said the nature inspired the composers. Finland doesn't look like a place with deserts." Ren said.
We don't even have sandstorms in Finland. And still we made the best song about sandstorms. It's incredible. The Arabs couldn't do it. They failed. Lots of sandstorms but no songs about them. Total losers. Finnish food. It's the best, okay? For instance, this. Carelian Pie. The most pussy-looking food in the world.
They couldn't help it but laugh.
Grab as many as you like. It's great. And this is Mämmi. A traditional Finnish dessert.
"It's just chocolate." Ruby said.
It's kind of like your statements. Often mistaken for poo-poo. So sad.
They burst into laughter.
It's delicious. Mmm. Finland is the best at winning wars. Amazing. The first world war - we skipped it. Instead we fought each other, in a civi war.
"That's even worse." Blake said.
And we won, okay?
"It's a civil war. Technically they lost." Pyrrha said.
It was the best civil war God ever created. The second world war. Again, Finland, winning. We beat the Soviet Union. Beat them so bad, just to make them feel better, we gave them our eastern parts. Aren't we nice? We are so nice.
"Yeah, right." Yang said sarcastically.
Mr president, we have a lot in common. In America you have the KKK. In Finland we have supermarkets called KKK.
"Why would you call them like that?" Weiss said.
You like to build walls. We have built walls. Well, fences. Thousands of miles of fence along all the roads. To keep the moose out. And we made the moose pay for it. Because the moose, are bad hombres.
"You can't be serious." Blake said.
Some of them bring drugs. Some of them are rapists. Some of them, I guess, are good people, I don't know. The good ones though, we call them reindeer. We make them work for Santa Claus, in Lapland.
This got a few laughs.
And Finland has the best feminists in the world.
"Is that a good thing? I mean it would be better if there was equality." Ruby said.
Our first feminist was Minna Canth.
"What?" Yang said.
Yes, you heard right. Canth. You can call her a feminist Canth and she won't mind. It's great.
They burst into laughter.
Finland was the first country in Europe to give the women the right to vote, okay? And now we are so equal, we carry our feminists around with us everywhere. Good old Canth would be so proud. Fantastic.
"Wait, so feminism is equality? I'm confused." Nora said.
This is Tarja Halonen, the first female president of Finland. Great person, kept your Bush tidy. Like you, she was also orange. And great. But that's not all. She is the best Conan O'Brien impersonator in the world. Okay? It's true. So talented.
"Holy crap, she does look like Conan." Weiss said while holding her laughter.
Finally Mr president. We totally know it's going to be "America first", but can we just say "Finland second"? Best wishes from Finland. We have the best wishes in the world, okay? Better than the Netherlands, Switzerland, Germany and much better than Denmark. Which we call "Stupid Sweden".
"I liked the moose part." Nora said.
"Me too. Who's next?" Nova said.
"Oh, it's me." Pyrrha said.
Greece (video by RADIOARVYLAofficial)
This is a message to president Trump. Dear Mr president.
"I like how his accent is a little broken." Yang said.
We didn't use your voice, because even though you're certainly not really mentally stable, we do not think that you have not reached the talking to myself level.
Everyone already started laughing.
"This is a good start."
Yet... we hope you like this video, because we are all guessing what will happen to the things you don't like(boom). But you know what? We, the Greeks, are getting screwed by a lot of people lately, so one more, won't really have any effect on us.
"This is already the best."
"So, the country's economy is bad." Weiss said.
"Was bad. It's getting better." Nova said.
Greece! The country that invented Democracy. We owm the full copyrights of the Democracy and the world will have to give us money for that... Forever! Except you, of course. You can have it for free. After all, you never use it...
"Bam! Roasted!" Nora said.
Greece! The only country, whose Prime Minister acted on your behalf and gave to that awful, black, ex-president, the attitude he deserved.
"Why is this so funny?!" Weiss said while laughing.
Greece! The country which, like you have the Trump Tower, we have the White Tower.
"I like how he say the word have. It's like hiev." Ruby said.
Get it? WHITE Tower. And you know what a White Tower doesn't have?
"Let me guess. Black?" Blake said.
Black! No black at all! It used to be a prison. You can have it. You could use it for journalists. Greece! The country that owes to everyone not speaking Greek, but still, its government just founded a space program.
"No way!" Ruby said while laughing.
We are telling the truth! We have a space program and we are already using it!(Shows two astronauts relaxing and playing τάβλι on the moon, but the dices start flying away.)
They couldn't stop laughing.
"They were- they were playing checkers on the moon!" Yang said while laughing.
"I can't believe they made that sketch!" Pyrrha said while laughing.
Greece! During ancient times, we had a motto: ΠΑΣ ΜΗ ΕΛΛΗΝ ΒΑΡΒΑΡΟΣ-
"I wonder what does that mean."
-which in a way means: "Everyone but us is shit". We know you like it...
"It is?"
"Kinda. I mean back then it meant that they were cultured, they were human beings." Nova said.
"And the rest?" Weiss said.
"Who cares about the rest?"
"Wow, Pyrrha. I can't believe that we're shit for you." Yang said.
"What?! Of course you're not! You are my friends!" Pyrrha said.
"Relax, I'm just messing with you."
Greece! We have a huge debt! It's huge! Yours is bigger, but you can print your own dollars. This is exactly what we want. Your dollars to repay our debt! And then don't worry! We have the way to make our debt great again in a minute! And we'll make the Europeans that you don't like, pay for it. Again. And if you're still not convinced, just wait for the next one!
"What is it going to be?" Ruby said.
(sexy voice) Greece, ugh.
"Oh no." Blake said.
"No, no! I don't want to see!" Ruby said. She quickly put on her hood to cover her face and she covered her ears with her hands. "I'm too innocent to watch this!"
The country that invented orgies.
"I think we are all too innocent to watch this. Even Blake." Yang said.
"Shut up." she said.
Lots of orgies... complicated orgies... big orgies...
"Holy shit..."
Just by stretching your hand at any direction, and you can grab a pussy(meow). We own the orgies copyright too, and we'll only give them to you. No one else but you, will ever have the right to take part in a threesome again.
"Is it over?" Ruby said.
"Yeah, open your eyes now." Yang said.
"Oh thank god."
We also know that you can't say no to beautiful legs. Well, we have three of them in Peloponnisos and three more in Chalkidiki. We also have Maria Menunos. It's true, she's ours!
The boys got an instant boner seeing her.
'She's okay.' the girls of team JNPR thought.
"Damn boi, she thicc!" Nova said.
We already arranged everything for you.
Someone: Maria, could you please perform some sexual favours, to president Trump?
"No way." Blake said.
Maria: I will do anything for my country.
"You can't be serious." Weiss said.
And for something more... special, we have Giannis Antetokoumpo. He is ours also!
Someone: Giannis?
"Him too?!" Yang said.
Giannis: Yes?
Someone: Would you?
Giannis: Just bring him too me! (gong)
They burst into laughter.
So, after all this, OK... we totally understand, it's "America first", but please can we say, "Greece second"? Or even better "Greece (fifty) FIRST also, state of America"?
They couldn't stop laughing.
"Oh man, this is gold!" Yang said while laughing.
And just to be on the safe side, if after all that, you don't like us and sometime in the future you feel like bombing us, let us remind you that our capital is a city called Athens. Here! There's one Athens here(California)! And there's another Athens, there(Utah)! And look, another one, there(Kansas)! There are 23 of them! Just pick one and bomb away!
"No way!" Pyrrha said while laughing.
Thank you for watching. And remember: Greece is not only τζατζίκι, σουβλάκι, συρτάκι, orgies. Greece is great. It's true, it is!
Everyone applauded because the video was great.
"That was very clever. I loved it." Yang said.
"Okay, so who's next?" Nova said.
"I guess it's me." Ren said.
"Great!"
Japan (video by Japan Second)
This is a message from the government of Japan. Dear Mr president, welcome to this introduction video about Japan. It's a fantastic nation and I promise you're going to love us. We are in this corner of East Asia, sandwiched by China, Russia and America. Yes, we are so very close to your favourite country (China montage).
"Why did they elect him in the first place?!" Weiss said.
"It says a lot, doesn't it." Blake said.
And we made them pay for the wall. Our nation was founded on 660 BC. It's much older than yours. No, it's not the alternative facts. What? China is older? They had been conquered by Mongolians. Total losers.
"Screw you." Yang said.
We speak only one language, nihongo and don't speak Mexican. We don't even speak Ainu or Korean, but we use the letters that we borrowed from China called Kanji.
"They make them tattoos? I bet they don't even know what they mean." Blake said.
We're such a racially diverse country that we don't even acknowledge the minorities. I'm pretty sure you'd be very jealous Mr president.
"That's very racist."
Wait, did I just say that we don't acknowledge the minorities? But we love gays because we have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay. And we are happy as long as they stay within the TV screen, or in cartoons.
"Please don't say more." Jaune said.
Because we love and respect gays so much, we even got a gay man to give a porn start a blowjob on the national TV.
"Oh come on!"
"We didn't want to see that!" Yang said.
"Who would show that on national TV?! It's outrageous!" Weiss said.
We love building big towers all over our country. Just like you do.
"Was that a big penis?!" Pyrrha said.
"Oh, I forgot about that. In Japan there is a festival about how great dicks are." Nova said.
"Unbelievable! You are a sick and perverted man!" Weiss said.
"I'm not like that at all!" Ren said.
"Yeah! Ren is as dense as Jaune!" Nora said.
"Exactly- wait what?"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Jaune said.
Oh, oops. Mr president, I know that you tried to ban Muslims entering your great nation recently, but we've done it before much better than you've tried. During the Tokugawa Shogun time, we had a boarder control policy called "Sakoku". We totally banned Muslims and all the foreigners... except for the Dutch. The Muslim ban ended when we met you Americans first in 1853 on this cruise ship with lots of guns and cannons. We tried to be the first in the world before-
"Oh yeah, they were Nazis." Yang said.
-but you really, really actually didn't like it. The second time we tried you didn't like it also.
"I don't get it." Ruby said.
"Car exports." Nova said.
By the way, this is why we're so good at exporting cars(shows Japanese metro stations).
"They don't even fit in the train!" Pyrrha said.
Because our public transportation is totally awesome. We have totally great healthy, very traditional food in our country, so we don't have any obesity problem like you do.
"Burn." Nora said.
If you see a fat kid, then we just make him into a sumo wrestler. And they have huge hands.
"Wait, there's a fighting style for fat people?" Weiss said.
"I guess that you don't have many fat people here." Nova said.
"They're not so many." Ruby said.
And guess what? Now we have your bestest friend as our Prime Minister. He got elected by saying things like "taking Japan back" and no to TPP. But after the dinner date with your former president Obama, he changed his mind completely. Now you've trashed TPP, he doesn't have to be a lier anymore, so you'll be his BFF. He likes president Putin too, by the way.
"That was a cute dog."
We like your cars. Our neighbors love us... totally. And your country's biggest popstar likes us. We love things that are cute and fluffy and we are good at grabbing our women by the pussy, which it makes you like us even more.
"So they don't treat women equally." Pyrrha said.
I've said it before but we've learnt our lesson already. In a very, very hard way. So, as our leader of the opposition says, can we please be the second? Uh... after America? By the way, this is what Japan looks like in case we haven't learnt our lesson (North Korea).
"What country was that?" Yang said.
"North Korea. Anyway, what did we learn today?" Nova said.
"Everyone's racist." Blake said.
"Women are treated unequally." Pyrrha said.
"Japanese people are big pervs." Weiss said.
"And I'm always the first!" Ruby said(U ω U). (Imagine her with an uwu face)
"You sure are, sis." Yang said, messing Ruby's hair.
"Anyway, what's next?" Nova said.
"Surprise us."
(JoJo references: 17)
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