CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX – Lungs Like Gallows

I battled through the grief. Fighting at least enough to portray a mask of normalcy to fit in with everyone else. Inside, the shattered pieces of my very existence resisted the urge to rebuild. As after losing Bucky during the war, I recognized the aching sorrow would sour me a little more.

I sat stiffly posed through the pageantry of Peggy's funeral; aware she would've despised the heavenly choir and grand speeches. Steve's hand covering my clenched fists managed to subside the violent flow of emotions raging within me.

"Mom?"

Michael's voice snapped me from my thoughts. I drained the scotch from the glass surprised to find myself still in the hotel bar. "I'm okay, Michael." I pulled my hair loose from its ponytail hold, running a hand back through the kinks.

"No, you're not."

"No, I'm not."

As hard as I tried to sound upbeat, my words were as effective as the alcohol.

"I should've been there beside her."

"Don't do that to yourself, mom." Michael loosened his plain black tie, dropping onto a stool beside me. He motioned to the bartender for another round. "It was a nice funeral, even though Peggy would've hated it."

I reached for the fresh glass of scotch placed before me. "She would've wanted something like this," I motioned to the two of us. "People who knew her, telling old stories over a few drinks, like we'd done so many times before." I stared into the glass, tears prickling behind my eyes.

"Well, it got me thinking about things, and I'm gonna take Pepper up on her offer."

"Flying her jet?"

He nodded as I looked up. "Mariko's applied for a job at Stark Industries too, so we're gonna base ourselves in New York."

"That's good." A genuine smile touched my lips for the first time in days. Polishing off the scotch, I reached for my purse, grabbing a set of keys. "You'll need this, consider it an early wedding gift." I pulled off a key setting it before Michael.

"Mom, is that to the apartment in Brooklyn?"

"Yes. Brooklyn isn't cheap these days, and you don't need to worry about finding a place with everything else you've got going on."

He blew out a shaky breath, picking up the key to turn over in his hands. He'd spent a good chunk of his life there, his bedroom practically untouched since his teen years. "This is too much, mom, you could've got us a toaster, we need a toaster."

"Steve can get you a toaster." I smiled laying a hand on his arm, forcing his damp gaze to lift. "I'm so proud of you, Michael and I love Mariko. I want the two of you to be happy, to have the life together I didn't."

He slid off the stool, moving around to embrace me. I sighed, burying my nose in his jacket. His reassuring scent of home gave me the strength to release him to his blossoming new life. He'd become the man I always hoped.

"You two okay?"

We parted as Steve and Sharon approached looking comfortably close. Curiosity raised, I shot him a look, watching an instant redness color his cheeks. He curtly shook his head, a silent plea to leave my questions for another time.

"Michael was just telling me about his new job at Stark Industries." I beamed at him as we stood arm in arm. "It's the best news I've heard all week."

"Hey," Sam rushed over, concerned features signaling a change in events. "There's something you gotta see."

We followed Sam to the nearest television. The rolling coverage showed a building in Vienna, its facade blown wide open revealing fires burning within.

"Isn't that where the Accords were being signed?" Michael and I glanced at each other.

"Yes, and Natasha's meant to be there." I replied looking at Steve, his gaze transfixed on the broadcast. "I should call her." I reached into my pocket, freezing as part of the broadcast caught my attention.

"… officials have released a video of a suspect, identified as James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier."

"No, that's impossible." I shook my head in disbelief as the grainy video displayed Bucky's features.

"Gin, we don't know…" Steve trailed off, my dark look cutting him off.

"I have to go to work." Sharon sighed coming between us, pocketing her cellphone. "Are you guys coming with me?"

"Of course." Steve nodded.

"You gotta tell him, mom," Michael muttered as we hugged again.

"I will." I promised leaving him to pursue Steve and Sam.

-x-

An internal debate commanded my attention during the flight to Vienna. I couldn't find the right words to put together. Whether there were any right words to expose my betrayal was another debate. I knew with every fiber in my body Bucky wasn't to blame for the UN bombing. He wouldn't risk his recovery or be stupid enough to get caught on camera.

As Sharon descended the steps from the private jet, I reached for Steve, catching his arm and pulling it against my chest to hold my friend close.

"Gin, we've gotta go."

"I know where Bucky is, and he's not here in Vienna."

"What?" Anger, hard and cruel in the face of another betrayal, Steve pulled his arm from my grasp. If I were a man, I don't think he would've hesitated to punch me in the face.

"I wanted to tell you when I got back from Europe, but with the Accords and then Peg… everything happened so fast I didn't get the chance."

"Gin, tell me where he is."

"Bucharest, Romania." I answered unable to stop the tremor in my tone. Steve was the last person in the world I wanted to hurt, but I couldn't look my best friend in the eye and face his irritation.

"That's where you went?"

I nodded, shame burning my cheeks as I averted my gaze to the floor.

"You're gonna tell me exactly where he is, and then you're gonna stay here with Sharon."

"What?" I blurted, startled by his sharp orders. "You can't just put me on the sidelines, you're going to need my help, he trusts me–"

"I've got all the help I need; from people I can trust."

His words slapped me, the accusation of disloyalty stinging as badly as my grief. Silently I retrieved my cellphone from my pocket, sending the address to his. He nodded at Sam, the two of them departing the jet as I stood alone.

-x-

Steve's big idea of being under Sharon's watchful eye lasted until we reached Berlin, headquarters for the Joint Terrorism taskforce she was attached too. Head of her unit, Everett Ross greeted us upon arrival, slapping specially designed cuffs on my wrists.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get a say." Sharon shot me an apologetic look.

"It's okay. Keep an eye on my boys."

She curtly nodded.

The little man dressed in an expensive suit couldn't contain his glee as he personally escorted me to a concrete room – a cell located someplace deep in the bowels of the building. The only exit was a single door, evidently reinforced to hold someone of my enhancements.

"Until Barnes is in custody, you, Miss. Renard will remain here. I won't have you compromising my efforts to bring Barnes in." He undid the cuffs.

"He's not the man you think he is," I replied confidently, dropping onto the lone clear plastic chair in the room. "He's not responsible for what happened in Vienna, someone is framing him."

"You can justify his actions all you want, but you interfere with my business and I'll hand you over to Secretary Ross, who I might add, has a cell at the Raft all set up for you."

"Mine was probably the first one built, he's never really liked me."

"Doesn't surprise me, not many apparently do."

I flashed Everett a cold smile as he walked over of the room, the door closing behind him. Sighing, bolts seemingly shifted into place, trapping me inside walls I couldn't fight my way through.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath. "How you going to fix this mess, Renard?"

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Slight delay on new chapters due to rewrites