This chapter is based on that post where you go to heaven, but it's fucking boring so you get yourself get sent to hell. Basketball and all.

Because the strangest things inspire certain scenes and dialogue. I swear this is the exact reason why my 'writing favs' board on pinterest is such a mess. It's 50/50 between actual prompts and random bullshit that inspired something or other.

Also i predicted myself right, i absolutely have no self-restraint having multiple chapters lined up. I don't know why i still even bother to pretend i can actually wait when i'm just SO HYPED to get my new content out once i have a chapter finished

Anyway, as usual i hope you enjoy.

BEGINNING OF CHAPTER:

I'm waiting for some kind of purpose.

Anything.

I had unfortunately died, gone through the grieving process, and now i was... just here?

What the fuck was this?

What was i supposed to do now?

'and so I said to the man…'

What the absolute fuck was this?

'Such splendid décor' Boring white walls? Okay then. 'A fitting afterlife' yeah for a block of wood maybe

Jesus Christ on fuck mountain, what was this?!

Heaven, apparently.

Well would you like to know something?

Heaven is a load of shit.

Where all the good people go? The afterlife for the sin free and all that?

Yeah… About that…

It's fucking boring.

Sin free means sin fucking free apparently. Where nothing was ever allowed if it was even remotely connected to something 'sinful'.

…

Finally, God himself showed up.

Now I know, gasp it's god! The holy creator himself! And blah blah and some other such nonsense. But would you like to know a secret?

God was actually quite boring.

Oh no how could I possibly say that? I'm in heaven and I just bagged on its literal creator? Blasphemy?

The answer was quite simple.

People have different ideas of what God looks like, some images more outlandish then others. So what apparently happens is that whatever image you had of the big G in life, that's what you see in heaven.

I mean that lead to a few recent conversations, but after a few it just becomes another story to add to the list.

So unless the g-ster himself shows you another form deliberately, which doesn't happen often, then you actually get quite used to the image after a while. Too bad there weren't that many former drug addicts up here, cause i'd love to hear that shit.

And no, I've tried asking nicely. God does not change things unless he decides to, and only to his specifications. Like you want a pool somewhere? Too bad, God has decided to place a garden there, deeming it the 'true reward', and any disagreements are met with something like 'you will understand soon my child'.

And yes, this does include war, and poverty, children dying and all that sad shit. Funny how that stuff only comes up during hard times doesn't it? God is the scapegoat to everything apparently. It's all in 'the plan'.

Now depending on how much of that "God's plan" stuff you buy into, you may or may not see where he's coming from. But you wanna know what I hear? 'I make the rules so fuck you'.

Now obviously I don't imagine the G-man using that kind of language exactly, but you get my point. Gods plan sounds all noble and comforting and shit, until the moment you realise what this means for you, living with it directly for all eternity.

So safe to say, I was quite dissatisfied with my supposed 'rewarding afterlife'. Bored, almost.

I'd been dead for over a decade, and I still don't understand how some of the others can stand this bullshit. Some of them have been here much longer, and I don't know how you can stand this shit.

If you believe God, hell wasn't much better.

Yeah yeah, fire and brimstone and torture the sinners and all that bullcrap, but really, at this point I didn't believe him for a minute. If heaven wasn't exactly as advertised, then what was hell?

You weren't allowed to ask.

'it's a hovel for all the sinners and evil of the world's and again you cannot disagree because 'you are blinded to the truth'.

So no, that left many of us at least curious.

But not many brave (or foolish) enough to do anything about it.

So that left most of stuck in this idealistic dictatorship eutopia bullshit angelic nightmare, and none of us hady any other option.

Where was I? I got distracted for a minute.

Ah yes, back to god making his grand entrance.

So here I was, making my basketball out of whatever scraps I could find (the literal only time gods indifference was a good thing), and here the big G Meister was, wading through the crowds and talking to every single one.

Good.

Very good.

This means I won't be noticed.

Now hold your horses I'll tell you more-

"Traitor!"

…. If I survive this that is?

Of fuck oh shit what was this-

"He's awake!"

Oh good so I haven't 'died', again? Okay that's good at least.

But who the fuck were these people approaching me? And why the fuck were all the walls blank? I didn't use God himself as a basketball hoop for nothing.

Who the fuck was this? White hair? He was cute.

I could almost ignore the horns.

"So this is hell right? How does this punishment shit work? That's where you're leading me right?"

The prince (and damn was i still processing that) blinked at me, almost surprised. Why?

"Punishment? Oh no you aren't getting punished!"

What?

"Oh I understand, human beliefs of heaven and hell right? Trust me that brimstone stuff is a load of bullshit, were not sure how humans got started on that one actually."

Okay then. So what the fuck is this place?

"This place? Oh this is just the entrance, I guess huamns would call it limbo? Not the actual limbo but I'm sure you get my point. This is more a blank transition section, where we introduce the new soul to hell, get the paperwork sorted, and just generally getting them prepared for their new existence, you know?"

I nodded, but they spoke again before I could say anything.

"Of course we have several layers of hell, for the more…. Severe new guests, murderers and the like, but for more mild "sins" there's not really much to do about it."

"Glutton is more of a case by case basis, only the ones who truly do it for selfish reasons get sent down to that level. We actually have a guest on our upper level who led quite a poor life, and thus she is quite enthusiastic about food every chance she gets."

"But because of god being a truly indifferent prick, the matter gets settled here because he won't take her, despite the reason for her 'sin'."

"Violent revenge gets treated as wrath, preferring peace and not moving so much is sloth, and really you'll find a lot of cases like that for most sins."

"So for those undeserving souls, we have upper levels, where really you might get a talking to if you're being particularly indulgent, but for the most part it's pretty fun and relaxed."

My face soured at the thought of more relaxing.

That laugh shouldn't be that cute dammit.

"Oh no you don't have to be inactive if that's what you choose, we have all sorts of hobby's and activities all over the place, wether you're more active or prefer something more laid back, there's an option for everyone."

A pause, another laugh the IS NOT CUTE!

"That sounded more like a tourist advertisement, right? Aha well regardless, there are plenty of choices to suit you in your time here."

Well...

This didn't look so bad. Didn't imagine hell was quite like this, but maybe i can find something to do with my afterlife here?

Damn me to hell i guess.

END CHAPTER:

A note on microsoft onenote on my phone, which i have decided to use for this chapter prompt.

And on THAT note, i got so mad cause i went through all the trouble to put this chapter and the last onto word online, cause AO3 had a fit when i tried to upload chapter 45... only to go back AFTER i've finished the two chapters, only for AO3 to reload and it turns out that nope it actually worked after all... my word online frustration all for nothing.

Cya next chapter :)

Tairulz