I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness, dank memes and grammar mistakes.
Chapter 52: So this is basically (two videos)
"I can't think of anything to watch." Nova said.
"Put JoJo." Yang said and her teammates groaned.
"No! Not JoJo!" Weiss said.
"Why not?!"
"Because we got tired of the references! It's the same thing over and over again!"
"Okay, then. Who wants to see pony videos?". Only Weiss and Ruby raised their hands.
"I actually didn't understand that well what JoJo is about." Pyrrha said.
"Well, my little WW, I got the perfect one." Nova said. "And we will watch ponies next."
"WHAT?!" Yang said.
"YES!... I mean... sure, okay." Weiss said, blushing a little.
"Why?!"
"Because, at one point I was going to show you the videos of the golden age of Youtube. Anyways, let's start." Nova said.
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Jim Jim's Bizarre Advim-vims is a long-running series about Johnathan Jojo and the rest of the Joj family.
"JelloApocalypse? I like his videos!" Ruby said. "Can you put the Kingdom Hearts one later?"
"Sure." Nova said.
Follow all the Jojis as they use magic breathing to punch vampires up until they teach the GHOSTS how to do it.
"Ghosts?" Pyrrha said.
"They are the manifestation of our soul. Imagine our aura and semblances with a physical form." Ren said.
"You know?" Nova said.
"I've done my research.". Then they do the manliest handshake ever, shocking everyone around(insert rumble sfx).
"I'm glad that you didn't forgot your roots, my fellow otaku!"
"What is that sudden character development?!" Jaune said.
"Who are you?!" Nora said.
Each character has a special power called a Stand. Stands allow for creative and unique encounters, based off of fun facts that the author skimmed off of Snapple caps. For instance, did you know that being in zero gravity makes you immediately pee your pants because your kidneys think that you have too much blood?
"Really? You can learn that from bottle caps?" Ruby said.
"Is that true?" Blake said.
Of course you didn't. Cause that's wrong. Some Stands get awesome powers like stopping time and making invisible zombies.
"Those are incredible abilities!" Pyrrha said.
"I've got to admit, the art style is beautiful." Weiss said.
"Everyone in JoJo is beautiful." Yang said.
But others just kill their user or trap them in a pilon forever.
"Those Stands suck." Nora said.
This means that some fights are super interesting, while others go on for way too long and make me wanna die. Follow each of the eight Jojis on their own unique adventures. Watch as they're joined by a series of weirdos who are introduced as complete sociopaths, but once they're defeated they become friends and their personality completely changes and sometimes their abilities too.
"Wait, he licked him? Why?!" Weiss said.
"To see if he was lying." Nova said.
With their powers combined they can stand in a circle and commentate, while their friends fight to the death and they just watch. Will their Stands be strong enough to defeat terrible villains, like: Dio. DIO again. DIO boyfriend(Pucci). DIO babies. Dio but he's a dinosaur(Diego). United States president(Valentine). (plays American music)
"Dinosaur?" Jaune said.
"Alternate universe." Nova said.
But no matter which Joj you follow, it's all about their goofy fights. Which part is your favourite? Fist of the North Joestar(Part 1), Indiana Joj and the friendliest Nazi(Part 2), the worst vacation ever(Part 3), David Bowie murder mystery (Part 4), *KING CRIMSON*(Part 5)-
The Jojotards couldn't stop laughing.
"What was that?" Pyrrha said.
"King Crimson. He can erase time." Nova said.
"How?"
"Well, listen. He- and that's how he works."
"Huh?"
"Exactly."
"That makes sense." Nora said.
"What?!" Weiss yells.
- Florida man has no idea how weather works(Part 6), horse race with Jesus(Part 7),-
"Your brother is in JoJo?" Ruby said.
"It's Him from another universe." Nova said.
- David Bowie memory mystery(Part 8). And just for you guys, we have an exclusive preview of JoJo part 9.
"Oh, I can't wait!" Yang said.
(Two kids, a girl who has wonderful weird hair(JoJo) and an unnamed Koichi rip-off walk in the streets of Morioh(?), when the unnamed Jobro sees a rat. But he then notices that the rat had sharp teeth.(I'll call him Koochie))
"Okay, that's gross." Blake said.
"Ugh, I hate rats." Weiss said.
Koochie: Wait a minute Joanne. Something's wrong... SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH THAT RAT!
(The rat explodes, injuring Joanne.)
"That was fast!" Jaune said.
"Wait, that was an explosion. Why does she has puncture wounds?" Weiss said.
Koochie: Joanne! She's covered in puncture wounds, even though that was an explosion!
Joanne: Don't worry, I'm okay! That bullet only hit me in the head. After passing through several dogs
(Shows dead dogs and the enemy Stand user, doing a pose)
"Noooo! Poor doggies!" Rubybsaid.
Koochie: Hey, you! What do you think you Duwang (chew) over there?
"Hehe, duwang." Nora said.
Joanne: You're the one behind this, aren't you?!
Enemy: That's right. It was me, a man wearing a dead animal! My Stand, [Smash Mouth], gives me the power to control other people's teeth!
"That's a weird ability." Pyrrha said.
"It would be a Stand ability." Nova said.
Koochie:(crying) If only I could help her somehow!
"Then use your Stand!" Ruby said.
"That was bizarre scene, am I right?" Yang said and everyone groaned.
"If you say one more pun, I'll throw you out the window." Nova threatened.
'Yeah right.'
Random guy: Use your Stand, you idiot!
Join the cast of colourful characters that almost sound like your favourite bands to avoid copyright issues. Many of the characters are cutboard cutouts, but their our cutboard cutouts. Like we drag them along in a whole adventure and they got some bumps, some wear and tear, like his eyes have some scratches, but they're still good. He's still good (DONUT).
"No! Kakyoin!"
Jotaro: Guh! DIO! You broke our cardboard cutout! DIO you-! (checkumato da)DIO!
Sometimes characters randomly make up new powers on the fly and other times they forget their powers entirely.
"That makes me think. What if we can evolve our semblances into something new?" Pyrrha said.
"New abilities?" Jaune said.
"That would be possible. But the chances are low." Weiss said.
Josuke: Man, sure is hard to find this serial killer. If only there was someone we knew with the power to locate our enemies by using some kind of Stand (old Joseph appears). Oh well.
JoJo characters dress on the cutting edge of fashion, which is to say the clothing has all been chopped up with a straight razor.
"Who wears a net as a top?" Ruby said.
"Fags." Nova said.
Like this poor boy who is dressed as a cheese.
"His outfit is funny." Ruby said while giggling.
But do not weep for cheese boy. They replaced his clothes with kicking him out of the series.
"Aww, poor Fugo." Yang said.
"Don't worry. He has his own book." Nova said.
And if that's not enough to distract you from his stupid outfit, then maybe you'll enjoy the most well-loved and classic piss drinking scene in all of anime.
"What?! For real?!" Ruby said.
"He didn't swallow it but still." Nova said.
We interrupt this piss drinking to bring you a little more of JoJo part 9.
(Joanne is hanging on a branch over a cliff with her wallet.)
Joanne: Phew! It's a good thing my empty wallet caught this branch or I would have fallen to my death
Enemy: I wouldn't relax just yet. Because my Stand, [Johnny Cash], IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY VRV!
"That's an ad?" Jaune said.
"Pretty smart." Weiss said
Joanne:... What?!
Enemy: That's right! By using VRV's excellent deals, you can watch all your favourites, from Crunchyroll, Funimation, Frederator(ha, you really thought) and more! All in one place! Thus saving you tons of money!
"That's not an effective ability." Weiss said.
Enemy: That's [Johnny Cash's] ability. Pockets, bank accounts, MOUTHS! I can feel anything with money! Watch. VRVRVRVRVRVRVRVRVRVRVRVRVRVRVTVRVRVRVRVRVRV!
(The wallet started getting filled with money.)
"Okay, that's a cool ability." Yang said.
"Do you think that someone has a semblance like that?" Ruby said.
"Who knows? Maybe Vomit Boy will."
"Wait. You don't have a semblance?" Nova said.
"No, but someday I will unlock it." Jaune said.
"And to do that you need to train." Pyrrha said.
'How did he enter this school in the first place? Oh yeah, fake papers. But why? That old wizard is smart enough to figure it out.' Nova thought.
Koochie: AAHHH! The wallet! It's too thick! It won't be able to hold on to the branch!
Joanne: Yeah, you wanna help out?"
Koochie: Nah, I'm good.
"He's a bad friend." Ruby said.
Enemy: And not only that. I can distract you with ad-free streams of all your favourite shows in one convient place! Like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure!
Joanne: That's not a very cohesive power set.
Koochie: Yeah,sounds like you're just making stuff up.
Enemy: Oh does it? Well you'll just have to find out with a free trial. By clicking the link below!
(The branch snaps and Joanne falls)
TO BE CONTINUED
"Wow. That video was-"
"Don't say bizarre again." Blake said.
"I wasn't going to say that." Yang said and everyone sighed in relief. "It was a Sheer Heart Attack! Get it?". Everyone groaned again.
"Hmph." Nova said. Then it cuts outside where Yang gets thrown out the window and lands hard on the ground. Everyone looked outside shocked. "I warned her."
"Should we go down and help her?" Jaune said.
"Nah, she's okay. But when she gets her head out of the ground, she will come back really angry." Ruby said.
"I'll take that risk." Nova said.
A few minutes passed when Yang returned. Her hair still had some dirt on them(and possibly worms) and her eyes were red. She ignored their stares and went straight to the bathroom. "That went better than I expected." Ruby said. An hour passed. She came out of the bathroom, her hair looking good as always and she sat down. "Uh..."
"No, I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed because you don't have humor." Yang said. '(crying) Why isn't anyone laughing with my puns?!'
"Alright, next video." Nova said.
"Yes! I want to know more about this game!" Ruby said.
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts is a video game series that uses Disney characters to trick you into playing a fanfiction written by a monkey.
"Oh this is starting strong." Jaune said.
"So the game is bad?" Ruby said.
You play as Sora or one of his clones, the Sortas. Are they Sora? Sorta. Spend hundreds of hours searching for their missing friends by hopping through Disney movies, told with half the pacing and none of the charm. You can tell they're good friends, cause they sit next to each other and talk about how good of friends they are. They are good friends. They eat ice cream. No one is being coerced. Do not question.
That made some of them laugh a little.
Unfortunately for Sora the worlds are being overtaken by darkness. It's a Kingdom Hearts cutscene. You can say any words in any order. Darkness, darkness, light, dark, heart, dark, memories, light, dark, friendship, darkness.
"With a bad story like he said, of course the dialogue would be bad." Blake said.
"Maybe the gameplay will be good." Ruby said
In fact for the rest of this video let's replace the word darkness with bees and it'll make exactly as much sense. When someone is overtaken by bees-
"The bees are evil!" Nora said while laughing.
-their heart becomes a Heartless and their empty body becomes a Nobody and thennthose become problems.
"Yeah they're gonna steal." Yang said.
Only the Keyblade can free the hearts from the Heartless and there's only one Keyblade wielder and that's Sora. Only one! Only one(three). Only one(five). Only one(eight). Only one(eleven). Only one(TWELVE).
"They either think of the stories as they do each game or they forget stuff. You can't do mistakes like these otherwise." Blake said.
"Or they reveal more as time passes." Jaune said.
O-okay, alright, I-I-I guess just anyone can use these things now, wh-what-whatever, whatever, I don't care, just handing these things out like LOLLIPOPS! Join Sora, Goofy and Dinald's unconscious body as they fight against the forces of bees. Instead of finding Kairi or her various Kairi colours, spend 60% of each game doing the Disney characters' chores while fighting Maleficent, who is absolutely convinced that she is the main antagonist.
Xehanort: Girl please.
That made them laugh a little.
"Girl please."Ruby repeated.
"She looks very evil." Weiss said.
Who are all these people that turned into the Heartless that you're fighting? Who knows? Probably all the characters from the Disney properties nobody cares about. Sorry Black Cauldron. Maybe they're all the people from the completely empty lifeless overworlds.
"So they gameplay is boring." Yang said.
"Yeah, if there's no exploring then it's not that enjoyable." Jaune said.
"That doesn't say anything. Maybe the fighting mechanics are good." Ruby said.
Luckily for him, Sora is well-equipped to deal with these enemies, thanks to the intricate combat starting.
"See?"
Start the game by mashing one button and finish the game by mashing TWO buttons, cause every single ability map to the exact same. Cause nothing says fun like playing a video game in one hand while shuffling through a deck of cards in the other.
"You were saying?" Yang said.
"Those were probably the basic attacks. Maybe it has some cool unlockable moves."
And if you soend 4000 hours grinding every single ability and giguring out their weird EXP requirements, you can unlock abilities the game thinks should be optional. Like dodging!
"You unlock dodging?!"
"Wait a minute. The BIG slappy? Spare change? Dead-ass Donald?" Yang said, laughing.
"You can jump now?! Skip cutscenes?! It's not only boring, it's also painfully long!" Weiss said.
"C'mon, the game must have something good!" Ruby said.
Is there a lingering question that you have after playing one of the games? Well don't worry, cause the rabid fanbase always has the answer! It's just never satisfying. Despite not releasing a main game in 13 years, the fans have stayed true, thanks to some genuinely great boss fights, memorable music, and a few other things (SoraxRiku). Oh yeah~!
"Nooooo!" Yang said, covering Ruby's eyes.
"I hate fanfictions like that." Nova said.
Join the hype and get excited for the new world Disney has acquired throughbtheir cutthroat business practices.
"The Avengers?!" Jaune said. "And Star Wars?!"
"I want Spiderman to be in it." Ruby said.
Then watch the nostalgia crumble around you as you ask yourself: Wow, is the writing always this bad. It was. It was always this bad.
(Rainbow connection. It starts at Kermit's swamp, as Dark Kermit is sitting on a log.)
"Kermit?!"
"Okay, I think that would be a plus, if they added Muppets." Nova said.
Kermit: Ignore the light, Sora. The bees are nothing to fear. Control them! CHANNEL THEM! Become a beekeeper. You can have all these powee and MORE! YAAAAAYY!
Sora: It's Goofy! They put bugs in him!
Donald: Goofy, why would you betray us?! We're supposed to be friends!
"He's a sock!" Yang said while laughing.
Goofy: Ha-yuck. The Goofy you know is gone... I'm Foygoox! I don't need friends. I've been manipulatin' you since the start!
"He's a paper bag!" Ruby said while laughing.
Foygoox: All so I can something, something, Keybalde!
Sora: *processing*
They all laughed.
Sora: No way! I don't believe it! The Goofy we know is still in there!
Foygoox: Oh yeah? Watch me remove the subtitles so nobody can understand Donald anymore!
(The subtitles get removed)
"That's just mean."
Donald: *Donald noises*
They couldn't stop laughing.
Sora: Riku! Wait, I mean Donald!
Foygoox: You see, in the 10 seconds I was dead in Kingdom Hearts 2, Xemnas came by and replaced my body with a digital double-
(It zooms to the soulless puppets, while the song in the background becomes louder.)
"I haven't anyone sing that bad in my life." Weiss said.
"And I wanted to play that game." Ruby said.
"It's for the better. Now, who's ready for ponies?" Nova said.
"I am!" Ruby and Weiss said.
"This will be painful." Jaune said.
And done! They will get roasted soon enough. Next up are pony videos. Woohoo. Anyway like, follow, review, sent PMs and check my other work. The link is in my profile page. See you soon!