Chapter 54.
As soon as Sam was alone, he called Jack's phone. A text would leave evidence.
"Sam?" said Jack.
"Are you alone?" said Sam.
"Yes, Castiel and Jules are checking out the sound system."
"Emergency meeting. We have a problem. Meet me at the trees."
They actually met on the road, but said nothing until they made it to the trees. When they got there, Jack said, "What happened?"
"Dean is still picking up Cas's feelings." said Sam, "He was aware of 'crushing despair' from Cas today."
"That's not good." said Jack, "So he knows the talismans are fake?"
"You know those situations where every choice you can make is a bad one?" said Sam.
"Yes."
"Well, this is one of those. Dean doesn't know the talisman failed to work, because he believed in it enough that he now thinks he is imagining those feelings. He also thinks that means he's losing his mind."
"Oh." said Jack.
"And he's taking it very seriously and looking for ways to limit the damage he can do. And I could clear it up, just by telling him the truth, that the talismans don't change a thing."
"Then why haven't you?" said Jack. It was a fair question. Sam had felt bad enough seeing Dean's distress about his supposed loss of sanity. Now he had to face Jack's disapproval too.
"As I said, all choices are bad. I tell him, they're both back to square one, with the added complication that they won't trust either of us again. I don't tell him, he goes on thinking he's crazy."
"So what options do we have?"
"I think those are all the choices available." said Sam, "There's another thing. I get the feeling he's opening up to Sarah because he feels his mental health is shaky. If fearing he might be going crazy is making him consider the possibility of doing something about it, of getting help, it could end up being a good thing. Of course, if he later finds out I lied to him, he'll hate me forever."
"And me." said Jack.
"No, not you. Nobody could stay mad at you, Jack."
"So, we either come clean, throw Cas and Dean to the wind, destroy our credibility and have one or both of them destroy themselves or we hold our nerve, maintain our lie, let Dean believe he's a little further down the road of crazydom than he actually is - although this is a man who is constantly one step from hurling himself into Hell - and keep them both safe for as long as we can? I'm seeing a clear winner here."
"That was my thought, but I wanted to talk to you and know that we're both on the same page." He looked back towards the bunker. "I tell myself there's a difference between gaslighting Dean for fun and profit and letting him gaslight himself in the hope he'll finally decide he needs to address his problems."
"There is." said Jack, "Of course there is. Only, what does gaslighting mean?"
"This. Making him think he's crazy."
"He is a little crazy." said Jack.
"We're all a little crazy." said Sam.
"When he's around Sarah, it's like he wakes up or something. He doesn't talk like everything's hopeless. He smiles more. I noticed something else." said Jack, hesitantly.
"What?" said Sam, whose faith in Jack's insight was greater than his own.
"He seeks out chances to talk to her alone. He'd deny it, I know, but he hangs around with her every chance he gets and I think it's because he knows she can help him. He knows she will let him talk about everything on his mind. More than that, she will make him talk. He knows he needs that, whether he admits it or not."
"I get the same feeling. Every time I see them together, I feel there's hope. You're right, it's like he's waking from a deep sleep and he's starting to be himself again. For years, it was like he just accepted nothing could ever be fixed, but now, I think he's just starting to believe there may be a way out of all that darkness. For that, regardless of results, I love her."
"And if we tell him we lied about the talismans, not only will he know he's not crazy ... not that crazy ... but he'll lose faith in other people, not just us, Sarah too. And maybe he won't ever let her help him and maybe that will be our fault."
"I agree. So we lie, we live with the guilt and we hope it's the right thing to do for Dean and for Cas." said Sam.
"Even if we can't fool them forever, we need to until the party is over. Castiel has to have his party."
"Yes. Now, Jack, you're on angel watch. I need to focus on Dean tomorrow. If you need me, let me know, but I need you and Sarah to look after Castiel. I also need to know if Cas doubts the talismans or if he picks up any of Dean's thoughts or feelings. But, obviously, don't ask him. Do nothing to put ideas into his head."
"I won't." said Jack, "You know you can trust me."
"Yeah, I do." said Sam, "Sorry if I seem not to. I just have my whole relationship with my brother on the line here, bet against his sanity and safety and it is scary."
"I know. It scares me too." said Jack.
"I promise, they will both love you whatever happens."
"I know." said Jack, "But if I screw things up for you ... "
"We're spitting into a hurricane." said Sam, "I won't blame you if it doesn't end well."