FSG Belongs To ELJames.

Apov

I stared at the worn out photograph of seventeen year girl whose smile appeared like magic. Jane Hills.

Christian traced the edge of the bookshelves adjacent to it.

"She was my best friend." He smiled and shook his head.

"We met during one Christmas dinner, I was four."

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "What... happened?"

"She moved here for peace but the lonliness creeped inside her until she was left with not reason to live."

He looked at me and a tear rolls down from his eye.

I wrapped my arms around him and took him in as his muffled voice echoed in my ears; " She killed herself Ana and I was not there to save her. I was not there when she needed me."

*

My eyes shot open and I sit up flabbergast.

That dream again!

I couldn't find myself to ask why and exactly what happened because misery was enough to make me regret my own actions. What the fuck have I done to him?

It will eat me every single second of my life. I have to tell him.

I look around and the epiphany hits me; I'm in Christian's room. Does this means...what I heard, was it...? No. Please no.

I get up and hurry out of the room.

In the kitchen Gail is plating pancakes on the bar.

She looks up and smiles at me. "Its good to see you are back. Now, breakfast."

I sit rubbing my forehead, "where is Christian?"

"Oh, he left. Some important meeting turned up. He'll be back soon."

I nod and devour into the pancake. Its been so long since I last had Gails food.

Yummy.

Somewhere my phone rings and I peer around. "Have seen my phone Gail?" I ask but she shakes her head.

I stand and survey the room. My bag is on the coffee as I near it I can hear the ringing quite clear.

Oh, yes. I left it here last night.

Rummaging my phone from the bag I see the caller ID and nearly gasp.

Form the kitchen Gail calls, "Everything all right Ana?"

It takes few second for my voice to come out, "yes," I squeak and receive the call.

"Ana! Thank god you picked up."

"Ed," I wisper, "why are you calling?"

"Ana...can we meet?"

"Ed, I told you, I cannot..."

"Please Ana."

"Ed, I..."

"I going back," this stops me from further protesting. "For the last time, please. Come. I'll wait in the cafe." And the line goes off.

*

Despite Gails urges that I should stay in today after being away from home so long, I'm here. Home. What a funny notation. I don't even know what home is anymore.

I push the door open and step inside tgw cafe, its nearly empty with just couple of people bustling and engrossed in each other and far from them near the window is seated Ed.

He looks up as the bell chimes above the door and surges to his feet.

"Ana...hi."

"Hi." I sit across him and order a black coffee to the passing waitress. "I'll give you five minutes to speak whatever you want and then I leave."

He straightens and begans. He knows better not to flak. "I'm sorry..."

"Ed, we are not doing this again..."

"Ana...why? We can try..."

"Don't you understand..."

"No. Not after you came to me..." He takes a deep breath, "not after you..."

"Slept with you!" I spit. "Do you even understand? I cheated on my husband." I almost shriek making the couple of people stare up at us. As they return to their own bash I lower my voice, "Please, I cannot do this anymore. We are far from what we were once. We cannot get back to that. I tried my hard to forget everything and I think I have, Ed. I did to him, what you did to me...and I regret it." I stand and sling my bag over my shoulder.

He walks over to me and helds me by my shoulder. "Ana..."

"Please, Ed," I place my hand against his chest. "That man loves me." I sense the glimmer in his changing. "And I...I've hurt him, well, he doesn't know that but...he should know, what ungrateful wife I'm. And at this point if I come with you..."

"Ana...if you are worried about what everyone else will say..."

"No. No, Ed. Its me. Its what I want. I've been running from the past which matters and if I run again...I-I think...I'll...shatter..." I gulp.

"I'm sorry Ana..."

"No. I'm sorry. I cannot do this. Go. And walk down the street, so you collide with someone you deserve..."

"But I want you."

I stare at him. The man I loved with all my heart all those years ago is now so vulnerable and I cannot do anything about it. "You have no idea, Ed, how much I wanted for it to be us...in the end, but no, it cannot happen. It can never."

"Ana..."

"I cannot imagine myself with you, ever again. I just can't. Just go. Go, Ed, you...we are not for each other. Go just..."

I drop my head, tears streaming down. He holds my head up willing me to meet his eyes and brushes away the tears. "What if I can never really get over you? What if I think I've moved on and start a family with someone else? What if one day twenty years from now, we meet again but then realize its too late?"

I shake me head frantically. "No. It won't. There used to be a dull ach that was constantly with me, a sharp pain but now, I'm getting better. I'm better. And its him. Its Christian."

He stares me with eyes so full of agony. "I don't want to... I cannot imagine you with someone...the past three years I've thought every second you might have found someone and are happy which is what you deserve, but now seeing you..." He shakes his head. "Ana...You really do love him?"

"I don't know...may be yes." I smile.

He smiles back. "We can't go back."

"We cannot. You better go. Live and let me...live."

He nods. "I'm sorry for everything."

"Don't. Just-just stop it. We cannot go back."

He sighs. "There's this look on your face. Its something different...for him. And the day you cried...for him. With so much pain...he matters?"

"He does."

"Take care, Ana."

"I will." He leans in places his lips on mine. I move away quickly as the bells chimes over the entrance.

"Please, Ed. Just, No..." A gasp and I look towards the door where it came from and in a sway my world comes shattering down in front of my eyes.

Dad and Mom constantly fighting. Dad storming off on Christmas eve. Mom burning herself in the kitchen while I cried for her to stop. Weeks in hospital confinement. Dads smiles sliding before my eyes and his words ringing in my ears; "Dada loves you Ani." He is dead. Alice is ill. Leaving her just to escape everything, every pain on what excuse; Job. Money. Treatment. It was selfish of me. I thought of myself, my pain, my broken heart and one time I thought agreeing with Christian and still it was only me. What I wanted to know. Me. Me. Me. I was being so selfish. And as he stands there with shock and pain in his eyes I realize I've hurt him for my sake.

I hate myself.

He moves to leave and the epiphany hits me. No.

"No, no, no, no, no..." I scramble out of Eds arms and ran outside after Christian.

He's walking faster. He has seen me kiss me. No! Seen Ed kiss me. Does it matter?

He's is taking it wrong. No!

"Christian." I grab his arm and stop. "Wait. Its not what you think..."

He faces me. His face blank. Expressionless. No! Christian be furious. Be angry. Somehow his contended face hurts more than his anger would have.

"I really don't want to think anyhing, Anastasia." The way he speaks name; full of animosity. I step away.

"Nothing happened Christian..."

"Did I ask? No..." He steps foward. Face inches away from mine. "Ed, wasn't he?" He jerks his head to the cafe. "His mother was right afterall. Like father like daughter."

I step back and he walks away from me.

"I'm sorry Christian." I wisper but he's already gone, vanished admist the crowd.

*

Late evening I stand outside Escala gazing up at the tall building; when was it that I came here? I think.

Do I have any right to go in there now? As his wife? I don't think so.

He hates me.

I'm so engrossed in my own thoughts I don't even realise when Mr. Taylor approached he. Its not until he speakes. "Mrs. Grey..."

"Its Steele, Mr. Taylor."

He is quiet for a moment. "Mr. Grey hasn't returned yet."

I turn to face him. "Must be in office?"

"He's not there."

"Grey Manor?"

"No."

"Well, why don't you track his phone or something?" Is shrugh.

"Its off." H looks at me with an expression of pity. And I hate it. "He left to meet you. And hasn't returned yet."

Well, then I have no idea where he might be. I don't know what to comprehend anymore. And Taylor...does he know? About my infidelity? Does he...and then its hits me.

"Mr. Taylor, be honest, you probably have the ability to track my location and all...?"

"We have a well qualified team to do that, yes."

"You knew about my Ed James?"

"Yes."

"And that I met him?"

He opens his mouth but pauses, "Mrs. Grey, we knew you had restriction order against Mr. James, hence, Mr. Grey was trying to keep him away for he asumed there must be some reasons. This Mr. James had tried to approach you in several occasions before and then when you yourself went to meet him I thought better not to inform Mr. Grey, for there must be a reason."

I'm left stunned. Wow. Christian knew. He was helping. Without knowing anything. Just wow. Well, if he hates me, let him be, but he must answer my now arise questions.

"I'm going for a walk Mr. Taylor." I say and turn.

Before he could say anything I speed up trying to dissapear into the night.

My thoughts are scattered. What am I going to do now? My apologies won't be enough to heal the staps I've given to Christian.

Was it for this? Why did I even agreed? Why? To all this? Had I not taken up the contract nothing of this would have happened. Nothing.

Alice is right; I am running. Because I don't know how to face it. Dad used to do it for me, he was my wall of safety and then for a moment I felt it could be Ed but no. He's not. He never will be.

And when Alice came; "Now you are the wall of safety for Alice, okay?" Dad had said. I nodded and promised I'll take care of her.

Yes. Alice. I'll go to her. She needs me. I don't want any of this. I don't want to be here anymore. There's nothing to be done.

Nothing.

*

Its past midnight when I enter the penthouse regardless my own refusal. I'll get my things and leave.

But, there, at the bar, is Christian with a glass of wine. Fancy.

For a moment I thought of reaching him and apologizing and asking all those questions fighting inside my head, but then, does it matter. He doesn't care and he doesn't deserves someone like me; Selfish and betrayer.

As I draw near the stairs he's voice comes across the living room, emotionless. "One month."

I turn to face him and repeat his notation. "One month?"

"Its Elliot and Katherines' marrige this month and you promised to organise it. After that you can go wherever you want with him or whoever. I don't care."

I wince at his last phrase. Anger. Hate. Malice. I sense everything.

"I know." Saying that I go up the steps with my heels clicking on the floor and through the hallway disappear in my room or rather my room for one month.

*

SHIT!

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

He saw Ana with Ed! And saw them kissing!

Dreadful, isn't?

Well, as I come to think of it, she desrved it, anyway. She cheated on Christian.

Thank you for reading.

Please review.

Beverly( Terrible Writer)