Chapter 57.
There was a slight chill in the air by the stand of trees at 4 am and Jack took the news of Dean's sudden change of heart with the same mixed feelings as Sam had. "Did we do this?" he said, "Is this because we were gaslighting him?"
"That's not what we were doing." said Sam, "We just didn't stop him gaslighting himself. But yeah, probably a factor."
"Well, we hoped it would convince him to do something about it all. So that's good. But if it all backfires and he realises that it's our fault ... "
"Yeah. This has raised the stakes significantly." said Sam, "It's a good thing. It's a very good thing. Dean has been edging towards doing something like this, but he always backed off from it and now ... "
"And now you think you tricked him into it." said Jack.
"I don't know. I just know that I feel bad about lying to him."
"We agreed we had no choice." said Jack, "And think how different the party would be if Dean and Castiel were both terrified of feeling anything in case the feelings leaked into each other's heads. If nothing else, at least we've given Cas the chance of a good birthday."
"You're right, of course." said Sam, "I just can't stop thinking about what will happen if Dean ever finds out the truth. We also need to decide what to tell Jules."
"What does Jules have to do with it?" said Jack.
"Cas has asked her to find out about Rhydian."
"Oh, that's not good."
"No."
"Because Rhydian's just someone who did laundry at your college."
"Yeah."
"And Jules is a really good researcher."
"Yep."
"And if we lie badly, she'll work it out very fast that there is no Rhydian."
"That's right." said Sam.
"So maybe we should tell her the truth,"
"We don't know how she'll react. She's close to Cas. She has a thing for him. Would she agree to help deceive him? Even if she did, could she lie convincingly to him and to Dean? Jack, I feel like we're trying to catch a volley of spears in our teeth."
"But right at this moment, it's not so bad." said Jack, "The party will be great. Dean is ready to accept help, real help, from someone who knows how to help him. I know that if things go sideways, everything will fall down around us, but what if they don't? What if they never find out? What if Dean can stop struggling alone through all the pain? What if, this time next year, we're all happy?"
"Happy seems a bit ambitious." said Sam, "I'd settle for alive and together. I'm proud of Dean, even if I'm not proud of my own part in his decision. Whatever drove him to it, what he said in the bar took a lot of courage."
"Sarah can help him. I know she can. All she needed was for him to be willing to be helped."
"If this does all fall apart, Jack, tell them I lied to you. Tell them I fooled you. There's no point in both of us losing their trust."
"No. We did this together. We face the consequences together."
"If Dean stops believing in me, he'll need you more than ever." said Sam.
"He'd never believe me anyway." said Jack, "Succeed or fail, we're a team. He'll have Castiel to bitch about us with. They can bond over how much they despise us."
"That'll never happen." said Sam, "Nothing you did could ever make Cas despise you. I'm hoping he'll understand why we did what we did."
"Maybe Dean will too." said Jack.
Sam wished he could believe that. He was pretty sure Dean would see only that Sam had lied to him, tricked him into wearing a fake talisman and now, it would seem like he had set him up to think he was losing his mind and push him towards seeking help.
"Whatever happens," he said, "Thanks for your support with this. Thanks for always being the one I can trust, the one we can all trust. It really means a lot, Jack."
"Well, you know, family." said Jack, his uncomplicated smile incongruous alongside the Winchester emotional shorthand.
Sam remembered Cas in the bar, watching Dean as he committed to a major change. After all the time Cas had seemed withdrawn and lacking in faith, to see a glimmer of hope in his eyes again had been so good.
"We're doing the right thing," said Sam, "For Dean and Cas."
"I agree." said Jack, "And at least we don't have to worry about keeping things from each other now. I find it very hard not to tell you and Mary everything. What do we tell Sarah?"
"About the talismans? Nothing. About Dean, everything, except the talisman thing. Nobody should be given a reason to doubt the talismans. Even a sceptical look could tip Dean off."
"Do you ever find yourself wishing he were as dumb as he thinks he is?" said Jack.
Sam thought about it. "No. His intelligence is why we're still alive."