If he thought those tests he had back in January was difficult, he had never imagined the horror of pinning an impatient one-year old to the wall as she releases desperate squeals for her mother to rescue her from being touched by the bloody pencil he is putting so much effort to draw above her head.
All he wants to do is mark her height, not cause the end of the world.
By the sound of these cries, Len might as well commit to the latter. At least then his ears wouldn't have to be in unending pain.
He tries to release his grip on his daughter's leg. Before he can go and find the favoured parent, maybe beg her to write the growth records instead of him, the toddler rushes forward, lacing her arms around his shoulders and throwing herself to cuddle against his neck. Len finds himself freezing. He thinks it's sweet at first, twirling blonde little locks of hair around his fingers as he stroked the back of her head, assuring her that he wasn't really leaving her alone and not to cry, it would be alright.
That is only until his daughter goes ahead and sinks her teeth into his cheek.
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He glares at the entrance mirror, towards the mark of a bite stretching out from the curve of his jaw.
Whenever he touches that certain part of skin, he can't help but flinch.
Karma is unrelenting, and it pulls threads through his lungs. It's with a bitter memory that he recalls until the age of six, one of his favourite past-times had been to bite both his father and his brother anywhere his teeth he could land on. To a child, something like that is seen as hilarious rather than distressing, especially when the victim would jump back to wallow in their pain.
At least his own daughter does it out of defense ー or, if she's grumpy through a late-night feeding, because her teeth would never-endingly ache.
Most of the time, he's not even the victim, so he shouldn't complain.
The bag in his grasp leaks water onto the cement, and he roughly kicks off his shoes before stepping onto the wooden platform.
Rin's presence is found deeper inside their home, sitting at the porch, nose in one of his study books with her legs swinging above grass while their daughter is completely in the midst of it, observing some dandelions by her waist. She looks serene whenever she is reading, like the world stops around her and she is the only one moving in place.
Their daughter, on the other hand, emits a different picture. Storming bare feet over the uneven mounds of dirt where he once buried tulips beneath, occasionally yelling for her mother to keep attention on her, then moaning out little noises of complaint whenever a few shreds of grass would dare come in between her toes, almost as if she were born into royalty.
It's a sight he doesn't often see. Not because it's rare, but because he's never here to witness it.
Luckily tonight was a chance.
He's home earlier than usual; grocery duty had him leave in the morning, and normally his return is only once afternoon has come to an end. Right now, however, the sun hasn't even reached the peak of the sky. Though considering how Rin hasn't turned around to greet his presence, she is either continuing to ignore him, upset, or she's exceptionally clueless despite how loud his footsteps have been.
Len crept forwards, taking advantage of his companion's lack of awareness.
He shocked her with a sudden ruffle to the head, and a blow of wind to her ears
Goosebumps rose immediately at the first touch of skin, and he wrapped both ams around her neck, causing the girl to jump forwards and drop her book to the ground. "Len! Don't surprise me like that!"
Regarding his former curiosity, it proved to be the latter.
"Did you miss me?"
"Not anymore, I don't."
"Fine with me. Guess what I brought for us." When the younger blonde raised her brows instead of giving him an answer, he took the reigns to wave the bag in her face, causing her temper to hike. She looked as if she was seconds away from tackling him into the earth. "Come on, guess."
"If you keep this up there won't be anything left to guess."
Eventually he decides to stop pestering her. Moving her fringe behind her ear, he clears the young lady's line of vision before bringing out two fresh icepops melting under the warm weather.
She suddenly wasn't so upset anymore. Rin couldn't help but smile with all her teeth, every hint of irritation melting away when he peels open the top of the plastic and gives the tip of her tongue the taste of strawberries.
For once, after so many wasted days of summer being spoilt by the rain, they finally have an excuse to spoil themselves with a little of something cold and sweet.
When she realises she's looking too much happier than she should be, she wiped the grin off her face. Her mouth is about to take the entire thing through her lips until her conscience held the urge back, making her ask whether he really bought this for her and if it was alright for her to eat on her own.
Of course, his reply wasn't ideal. "No, because I'm a greedy bastard and bought two whole pops just for myself. You can't have any, Rin, you can't have any at all."
Her excitement, however, was far too overwhelming to contain that she managed to look past the sarcasm.
The younger blonde didn't even bother to get upset towards his snarkiness this time, nor start an argument when she saw him teasingly roll his eyes. She is happy, and it's the only thing that matters.
He hasn't seen her in this way for a long time. He knows better to appreciate the moment rather than spoil it while it's raw.
Len unwrapped his own dessert, his free hand carelessly caressing the spine of her back.
Instantly, however, as the plastic film peels away from the chocolate and he's about ready to gnaw the ice, miniature hands grip onto his trousers, effortlessly snatching his attention away. The young man looks down to find his infant daughter, who had been happily minding her own business with the fallen leaves on the ground only a few minutes prior, suddenly gazing up at him in awe with those big, blue eyes.
No... in truth, her face barely had any emotion other than a blank stare, but he had instincts only a parent could have, and he can tell when she wanted something. Especially when that something lays in his hands.
His mind scrambled for an excuse. "You're too small to have any." He pushed out a fib. "Do you know what would happen if you had a lick? You'd turn over, belching, then your stomach would burst. We wouldn't want that."
That attraction didn't falter even the slightest bit. She had a hand in her mouth, eying him carefully as if it were a chess tournament and she was his opponent in the final match.
When he takes a bite, trying to ignore her, the next few seconds holds peace by the reigns and flings it somewhere far, far away. Mirai buries her face in his lap, wailing enough to send his entire body rippling like pebbles thrown into lakewater from head to toe. His determination quickly diminished.
He really has no choice, but if he's being honest, he knew that from the start.
Rin stretched out her arms, trying to pull their daughter over to herself, as if coaxing would actually work. "Baby, do you want to try some of Mummy's instead?"
To no avail, the offer fell on deaf ears.
Len could barely hear anything himself, drowned out by the sobs and shrieks and rivulets of tears dampening his clothes. When his daughter gets a little older he should weigh all their options and consider sending her off for acting school considering such natural flair for dramatics. Crying on demand is a talent, really, just not one he appreciates.
"Come on, sweetheart, you don't have to cry! We can share mine!" He has to give Miss Rin some credit for trying, at least.
The older blond took a deep breath. Raising the toddler off the grass and onto his lap, caressing all fingers from the dark brown roots of her hair to the lighter ends. She was sobbing at him when he wiped away her snot, and she was still sobbing when he smooched her scalp, whispering little apologies only to those ears.
The cries ended immediately, however, the moment he let sweet, cold milk chocolate touch her lips. Mirai opened her mouth to slurp on the ice, evidently surprised that her father relented so quickly by the look in het eyes (though likely knowing he would, he always does).
Both of her hands encased just one of his, stabilising the popsicle stick.
Salty tears were no longer forming at her eyes, and Len was left to clean up those plump cheeks with nothing more than a sleeve.
"Now you've got nothing..." Rin watched on with pity, paying no mind to the fruit syrup dripping onto her hands. "... poor Daddy."
"Don't call me that."
She ignored him, "You should've only let her have a lick. Think of what that's going to do to her teeth."
"I'll brush them later. The last time we let her have any chocolate has been a month anyway." He was trying to keep himself from being blamed. "It's not going to rot just because she's had a little bit more than she should."
"Keep telling yourself that."
He brushed her worries off with a huff. "Does yours taste any good?"
"Yeah. You want some?" It doesn't take long before Rin moves her treat in his direction.
At first he rejected the offer, assuring that he got it for her and there was no need to compensate. It was only until the ypung lady reminded him that his precious icepop was coated entirely in baby drool, so unless he wanted to live in misery, he might as well savour a little bit of heaven before there's nothing left to enjoy all evening.
The older blond was grateful he listened; that little chunk of ice made the hot weather slightly more bearable.
Although such happiness is always short lived.
When their daughter realises they're enjoying their lives enough by sharing, those pudgy little hands reached for the strawberry popsicle, demanding a taste, which her mother taunts by dangling it high away, above their heads. She has already lost interest in chocolate and an entire rod of ice is forcefully shoved into Len's mouth, down his throat.
Somehow his heart manages not to stop even as he chokes.
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His eyes are blurry when he stirs out of his sleep at eleven in the evening, feeling around beside him for a warm body. He fell asleep with her in hold, only to find, hours later, there's nothing of the sort within reach.
Panic fills him as always. He nearly injures himself by standing up as quick as he did, the blanket roping around his legs.
For once the fear doesn't last long. A sudden noise echoes beneath the roof, hushed and gentle, which upon recognition, doesn't fail to calm him down.
It did, however, cause his curiosity to spike. Len crept to the halls on the tips of his feet.
Any stronger steps would send the woods to creak, courtesy of flooring that's a century old. He doesn't want to alert his family that he was awake, especially this late. All he aims for is a glimpse to make sure they're alright, then after a confirmation he will go back to bed until the sun rises from the east.
A soft gurgle, the sound of running water, followed by a voice which is more affectionate than it is chastising. "You are so spoilt. You know that, baby? Spoilt."
The bathroom door is halfway open, and a small beam of flickering candlelight makes it's way to glow throughout the hall.
He somehow manages to creep by unnoticed, peering inside to spectate the scene. His baby is babbling through foam, sitting on the sink, while her mother brushes all around her gums with a silicone fingerbrush. Rin props the little jaw open with her other hand, constantly repeating her warnings not to swallow any saliva no matter how tempting the fruity taste was to the tongue.
They had a separate toothpaste ー one of those pink ones meant for infants that came with a bunny dispenser, tasting like berries in comparison to spearmint, only for her.
A soft sigh sent the hairs at the back of his nape to rise. "... Daddy lied to me. He said he was gonna brush your teeth tonight, but he fell asleep immediately after sunset..."
Through what he can only guess was motherly expertise, she somehow managed to rinse her daughter's mouth with the aid of nothing more than a warm cup and fresh face towel, completing what he would take an entire minute to do only in the span of seconds. It is impressive, but he can't even let her know.
When he breathes in the walls, he can smell strong bath salt accompanied by the fog hovering beneath the ceiling.
Len allows himself a second look, squinting over the dim fire.
He realises that the ends of both their hairs are dripping wet, fresh with water that puddles on the mat beneath.
Both mother and child must've just finished having a bath, causing him to frown. It's not that hygiene is an unimportant factor, it's that they're having one this late that concerns him. Especially when they've already had one earlier this evening.
Before he can burst in, demanding a reason, Rin continues speaking. Her words stop him in his tracks.
"But that's okay. Daddy rarely sleeps so early, so we have to give him a break, right? He's working hard on his studies.. we shouldn't bother him." Rin releases a happy giggle when she scoops up her daughter in her arms, kissing every part of skin she could land her lips on. And he can tell, by the look on her face, that her fragile heart has melted into nothing but water when their little girl wraps both her arms tenderly around her neck, soon imitating that motion.
Only babies don't really know how to kiss, so rather than a peck, it ends in a sloppery open-mouthed smooch.
Rin's face is completely wet, licked up by an infant in a show of affection, and she doesn't hide how she adores every last bit of it to the core. "Mirai... is that a kiss? Thank you! Should Mama kiss you too?"
...
"You're absolutely right, Mama should kiss you more and more, everywhere."
It's a strange thing to experience, just standing there in the dark, watching a teenage girl audibly mumble unstoppable mwah, mwah, mwahs, to a toddler squealing in excitement at every kiss. It's even stranger to feel comfort in the sight rather than disgust in the way that he would've years in the past.
His chest is warm, and he can't even blame the red cheeks he has on the summer weather.
Maybe it's because he hasn't seen a show of affection in a while. Or maybe the display comes from his own family, and that's why it drives him to feel more strongly about it than he should.
Len closes his eyes, counts to ten to recompose himself, before deciding the time was up. He makes his way back to that spot on the floor where only half of his body lays on the futon. His family, albeit as little and small as it is, is still his family, as they return to the living room on tiptoes around his head. He can tell Rin's doing her best not to wake him up, and it's even more evident when she curls into his chest, under his warmth, as her daughter rests in her arms.
His eyes are tightly shut, and he begs under the name of every god he knows that the young lady doesn't realise when his eyelids flicker.
She doesn't. Instead she presses her lips against his own, twice, to bless him good night, leading them both to a pleasant dream.
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Summer is tolerable once you get beneath the shade, and a breath of relief reaches both of them once they arrive at the bus station.
Rainy season has ended, for better or for worse, and although the sun is unbearable, the beginning of autumn is soon coming upon them.
She paces infront of him, reminding him that the only reason they're going so far back to a place she loathes is for his own good. For his studies, for his health, for his exams, for everything that has to do with only him.
"I don't want you to come back and forth, in the middle of the night, spending less time on your studies because the house is far away. Don't forget it." Her sandals aren't protecting her from the wind, and she gets down on both knees to fix the strap on Mirai's shoes. "Your studies are important, so once the time comes, don't neglect it."
"Yes, ma'am.." Because deep down, they both know she really is doing it for him. Genuinely, truly.
When Rin sands up, she brushes the dirt off her pants, one of his jeans that don't fit her at all, as if to wipe away the ache in her knees before she pushes the toddler forwards to walk as she's gotten tired of carrying nearly thirty pounds of weight on nothing more than those two sticks she calls arms for the past hour and a half.
Sensing his daughter's excitement for freedom, Len quickly clutched the little girl by the hand before she could develop any good ideas about sprinting into the forest or down the opposite road before they could catch her. It's not that she could walk very fast, so she wouldn't get very far even if she tried... but, still.
His partner hadn't finished complaining, either. "Had you given me any other reason, I wouldn't go along with your plans at all. I don't trust you enough for that."
"Understood."
Rin is bitter, and she doesn't hide it. It's been nearly two years and he still doesn't allow her to go outside without his eyes guarding her every movement. (Unless he's dumping her in her brother's hold like weekend garbage, that is.) Right now, she doesn't like what's happening even one bit.
It is also with a bitter heart, despite walking several feet ahead of him, so far apart it feels like they're strangers heading the same direction never to see each other again, she feels like the older blond has her on a leash.
She kicks the luggage bag forward when the wheels are jammed on the staircase, and her daughter reaches out for her with a whine, wanting to be led by different arms.
Len's grasp is like solid metal. There's no way you can rip free, even a bird would feel as if it were clipped by the wings and held by chains just by flying above him.
"Mama's not going to lift you anymore, give up."
He blew half of his school allowance getting her those shoes, they're warm, perfect size for her feet, and he's not letting the money go to waste.
Somehow, though, even words as simple as those manage to make Rin snap. "Yes Mama will," Her angry face disappears immediately when she 'rescues' her daughter by scooping the toddler directly into her arms, peppering that mouth and nose and cheeks with more kisses than anyone could ever count. "Stupid Daddy doesn't get to say anything. You're tired... poor angel, we made you walk soooo much. Too much."
All he's made her walk is twelve steps. Twelve. And they're moving forwards at the pace of a snail.
Nevermind that he's supposed to be carrying this bundle of weight on his lap for the next seven hours of sitting in a bus. Nevermind how she once ran at the speed of lightning, back and forth, bare-bummed to avoid him changing her into a fresh diaper.
Yet somehow this same baby gets pampered when they have to go out on a rare occasion.
The blond huffed through his nose, taking over the bag and lifting it up by the strap, trying not to look back.
Thank the gods that transportation would be easier on them today. He didn't want to move around in a train.. although journey time would be shorter, they'd be forced into making too many transits and run from one station to another, all while juggling an infant, a teenage girl, and a heavy bag that's half of him in both height and weight. That was unnecessary trouble.
Within the next half hour they're seated comfortably in their chairs, raising the armrest between them for more space that their daughter could crawl between.
"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Rin questions, as he claims the seat by the window and spreads his shoulders behind her own chair.
Rin doesn't take the hint. Instead she sets their daughter down on his lap for a better view of the mountains outside, which Mirai reacts happily by fondling the windows, and she keeps to her own space with a huge gap of distance in their seats.
If there was anything worse that could happen, it would be for her to place the baby bag between them as a sort of barrier.. but not even a fre seconds later, that's exactly what the young lady did.
And she doesn't even take notice of his change in expression.
"Like what?"
"Like... that. I don't know, you've been smiling at me all day," She waved her arms over her head, accentuating his facial features, trying to find the right word to describe what she was thinking. "... like a pervert," The young lady finally finished, lamely.
His cheeks fell, the dimples along with it. "Well, sorry that you think I'm a pervert. I suppose I just won't smile ever again."
Despite the loss, she doesn't even try to comfort him. "Why are you stretching your arm out like that?"
"For you to rest on it." They needed to get all distractions out of sight. Len threw the bag between them off the cushions, kicking it roughly beneath the seat before gesturing the younger blonde closer towards him, right as the bus began to jolt forwards, running on it's wheels. "Come here."
Rin doesn't take the hint. A nervous, strained laugh leaves her throat, and she shifts only to make more distance from him rather than less. "You're being really weird..."
She, on the other hand, is being really difficult. But nobody sees him making any complaints.
Fine. Len huffs through his nostrils, rescinding the invitation by drawing his arms back to his sides. He's not desperate enough to beg her all night long for something that would end up sending his body to ache rather than hers.
His daughter yawns on his lap, and he has to exercise to get his arms out of his jacket before surrounding the toddler in his makeshift blanket, which is only one of his brother's old jackets previously slung around his waist.
Eventually, however, as the night rolls by and hours past with his daughter nestled under his chin and a book in his hand, he finds that Kagamine Rin's body follows. She leans against his shoulder at first, peering over his limb to see what he's reading, then upon concluding it's nothing of interest, falls completely asleep. Her head in his lap, infant feet kicking her cheeks.
He strokes her head and makes teasing pinches to her nose. Although she whines at him, she makes no motion to turn away.
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No matter how many nights have passed, he still can't get over the fact that, granted only if he's fallen asleep first, he receives a kiss every night before she goes to bed.
The smell of sea salt is fresh and strong for them, overwhelming every single sense with the reminder of their town. Rin is antsy over her return, as if expecting any moment for one of her brothers to turn up unannounced, grab her by the cuff, and for Kagamine Len to turn around, walking away from her without a final glimpse.
It's only until they reach the apartment building, inside an elevator with the doors closed behind the flat, does she release the breath she's been holding since they got off the bus. The tenseness in her muscles finally fade away.
Their shoes are the only ones by the entrance; his father is evidently not home, away on his trip, and his elder brother hasn't visited in years.
Rin's fingers point together, feeble, and he can feel the guilt feed on his sanity as he allows the young lady to wander around the living room, observing the array of photo frames lining up the walls. It suddenly occurs to him that although his family relations are supposedly strained, there are family portraits at every turn you look. Birthdays, holidays, every special dinner during new years.. even wedding photos aged two decades in the past.
Her own home was the complete opposite.
He thinks the only picture he's ever seen of her as a child was the one Yuuma let him have a look at. No where else.
Then again, he shouldn't be jumping to conclusions. They could very well be the type of people to keep photos inside albums rather than on display. Trying to make light of the situation, Len jibed the sudden switch in behaviour, but his voice is too soft for her to hear.
She stopped in her tracks. Her eyes were fixed on one single photo; a woman with a smile identical to his, long hair falling beneath her waist, both arms spread out as if to lure one in.
Rin turned away once she realised he was watching her, as if she was found guilty. "Sorry... you were cute, Len."
Pity overwhelmed him, and he smoothed a hand over the top of her scalp, bringing the young lady's gaze to level with his. "... you know, she would've taken care of you even if you were nothing to her."
"Hm?"
"Mum. In case you were thinking about what I said a while back. She's not a bad person," Len admitted, burying half of his face in his sleeping daughter's curls, hiding his shame. "But I need to make this clear ー you're not special. Even if you were any other sick little girl in the world, she'd adore you the same. Mum is caring, it's simply nature for her to put herself last. But that means, regardless of sentimentality or blood, nobody comes first to her. Not even her own children."
"... I don't think that's true."
"I know her, Rin. I know her more than you'd ever know her."
"I spent more than half of my life sitting around like a dead fish in a hospital." She breathed, scoffing at her own memory. "She was around for a good portion of it. I don't think you do."
"That's just it, isn't it? She chose work over her family."
"She loved you."
This again. As if she hadn't once apologised for this very same reason on repeat.
She clung to the hem of his shirt, refusing any place for him to turn away.
"She did," He wasn't denying it. "But not more than anyone else."
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Her breath was warm on his neck.
He was caught off guard, leaning over the simmering pot alone, trying to heat up the milk in a bottle without disturbing anyone at night.
Rin's sensitivity, however, forced her awake. She left the safe confinements of his cramped little bedroom in search of him. So there they stood, a pair of teenagers at three in the morning with one's arms wrapped tightly around the other's stomach, her face buried into his back while he kept his focus on the kitchen stove.
Eventually he wonders aloud if she isn't able to sleep, and the response he receives is the nod against his shirt.
The fire is quickly switched off, and he turns around, urging her to rest and promising he wouldn't take long to return.
But she stays rooted in the same spot, refusing to move an inch away from anywhere he went, and not going back to bed until he did himself.
happy holidays! ffn locked me out of my account for a few days, not sure why... the captcha lock wouldn't load.
there were absolutely no kagamine anniversary fics published in the archives this year... often i can't help but miss the 2014-2015 era.