Chapter 52: The Path to the Core
As we approach our destination
With every moment we let pass
The only thing we can be sure of
Is to make each moment last
Garrus had been in the battery all of ten minutes before he got called over to the med bay by Dr. Chakwas (not that he was getting much work done with Terra right there…). Terra was close behind, a bit worried at first but then a bit delighted when the message was that they could take the bandages off now.
"You don't seem particularly enthusiastic," Chakwas told Garrus as he sat down on one of the beds with Terra on his left, "You're not nervous, are you?"
"Me?" Garrus retorted, "No. I'm just relieved. I've been waiting for weeks."
"Yes, long enough for the cybernetics to do their part. A little medi-gel, some checks on the surgery, and you'll be fine."
Garrus was tough, sure, but he wasn't the type to sit still. Terra wasn't either, but she wasn't missing this. She sat there with him, holding his hand so tight between hers that he didn't dare move and break the contact. Having her in such close proximity was as soothing to him as it was exhilarating. It certainly served to distract him from the fact he was in a med bay. He was so caught up in the feeling of her fingers around his talons and her pulse pounding softly against his that he almost forgot where they were until the moment of truth.
The very second she could, she brought him to face her. The plates had indeed reformed, scarred though they may be. She took a few moments to appreciate the artistry few would find in them before tenderly resting her hand over them. He smiled at the touch, laying his hand over hers to bring her closer. She smiled in response as her fingers slowly felt the cracks in his face and committed the sensation to memory. They stayed there for a moment, Garrus so lost in her eyes that he didn't think to ask if the scars were any better or if she even minded, gradually drawing closer—
"Commander," Joker cut in over the PA (he was making a real habit of that), "the IFF is nearly installed. If you wanna come up, we can plot a course to test it out."
Terra sighed. "Right. On my way."
Garrus smirked. "Don't be gone too long."
She smirked back slyly. "Well, we have to test out the new look, don't we?"
When she was back in the CIC, Joker and EDI informed her that the IFF was functioning properly, but there seemed to be some unusual instability in other systems as a result and EDI wanted to give it a few tests before they tried to actually use it. Terra agreed—because "better safe than sorry" was true even when it wasn't in reference to incorporating Reaper tech onto her beloved ship—and went along with Miranda's suggestion to gather the squad in the shuttle and head out.
Suffice to say, it was a good thing the nearest anomaly comprising a mission was only half a system away from the Normandy's current position, because that shuttle was not meant to hold 13 passengers at the same time. …at least, not when one was a krogan.
Terra and Garrus were the only ones who didn't complain about the restricted space, however. Mostly because they wound up pressed against each other in a corner, so much so that they were out of sight of more than half the squad and able to kiss each other senseless again. Which would have kept working had Grunt not finally been shoved to the floor so Jack could reposition. They were expecting to be mocked in a manner proportionally shameless to their actions, but the suddenness still shocked them apart.
"Oh, get a room, you two, would you?!" Zaeed snapped.
"Find us one then!" Terra snapped back, still pointedly holding onto her mate and not shifting position.
"I'm not one to do down some PDA," Kasumi shrugged, "but you could've waited until we deployed."
"Could we have?"
"Uh, what does 'PDA' mean?" Garrus asked.
Terra sighed, rolling her eyes. "'Public displays of affection."
"Oh." He smirked, his talons grazing her arm. "What's wrong with that? Kasumi already told everyone."
"Yeah, hearing and seeing are two very different things, my friend," Jacob shook his head.
"Leave them to it," Samara chided, "As any asari will tell you, we must take our moments of joy whenever possible, if only so the memory will last where time will not."
Terra smiled. She liked that thought and appreciated the justicar backing her up.
"Shepard-Commander?" Legion finally spoke up, "We do not understand the nature of your relationship with Officer Vakarian."
Ah. This, on the other hand, was a challenge.
"They're dating, Legion," Tali helpfully explained, "Organics do have this little thing you may have heard of called 'romance.'"
Legion raised the plates around its eye-light in a gesture of confusion. "But humans and turians are physiologically incompatible."
"Never stopped them before."
"Speaking of which," Mordin spoke up, "can still provide medical recommendations for—"
"AH!" Terra quickly cut him off, "Later! Later. Back on the ship. Not in front of everybody."
"Thank you!" Jack spoke up.
Except for a few much more reserved grumblings among the squad members and some less than subtle amorous glances between Terra and Garrus, the rest of the shuttle ride passed by in relative silence. It was only when they were preparing to touch down and Miranda told them to suit up for an uninhabitable atmosphere that Terra thought to ask her where they were. Miranda gave the evasive answer of "see for yourself" before the shuttle landed and they disembarked.
Terra took one step into the freezing air and nearly fell to her knees in tears and fears and ashes and ice.
They were on Alchera. In the wreckage of the SR-1.
Miranda sighed sadly. "I may have intercepted a message to you from the Alliance about investigating the crash site. I knew it would upset you and you had enough to worry about, but…"
Terra said something about how she understood, though she didn't pay attention to what words she gave, before wandering blindly into the ruins. Distantly, she could hear Grunt complaining about how there wasn't anything to shoot here and Thane assuring him there would be plenty in a few hours when they returned to the ship and prepared for their final assault on the core. She even noticed how closely Tali was watching her as she heartbrokenly ran her hand along the metal shards that had once been their beloved ship. It was only when she felt Garrus take her side and wrap her hand between his that she shook off the numb feeling spreading through her and let it sink in that this was all that was left of the vessel that had once been a home to her.
This was the very ground over which she had died.
With Garrus there beside her, offering silent support, Terra brought herself to ask Miranda why the Alliance wanted them to check out the crash site, just barely listening to how there were 20 crewmen still considered MIA and mindlessly telling the squad to spread out. Garrus stayed close to her while everyone else gave them space, a few of them even focusing on the "mission" to investigate the wreckage. Once it was just the two of them, she moved closer to the broken remains, finding the section of the hull that bore the designation Normandy was still intact and mournfully running her hand across the N.
Garrus left her to her grieving but still stayed at her side. "Are you OK?"
She shook her head, looking down sadly. "It's not fair. None of it."
"…no. It's not."
She backed up, her eyes drifting over the name of this once beautiful ship. "Did Miranda say something about a memorial?"
"I think so."
"Right. I've got it. You help them out on the other side."
"Are you sure?"
"Go. I'm fine."
He was hesitant to leave her side here, of all places, but he finally nodded and walked away. Every few steps, he looked back to see her give one last cheerless glance to the shattered hull, head onto the shuttle, and then set to work assembling a small monument of sorts to her first ship. Once she was busy, though, he turned his attention to the sift through the wreckage, peripherally noticing how the squad was working together. He smiled to think that only Terra could create a team where a krogan worked so perfectly with both a salarian and a turian or two Cerberus operatives played nice with a bunch of aliens and an anti-Cerberus fanatic or a quarian and a geth actually willfully cooperated. They might just pull this off.
Terra stayed quiet and alone as she worked away by the fraction of the hull that proudly displayed the name of Normandy even in death. She began the task simply distracting herself from flashing back to the crash and the death she experienced shortly after, subconsciously taking note of the occasional COMM signals from her squad-mates to inform her that, as she had suspected, all they were finding of the missing crewmen were the tags that marked their deaths. Halfway through her project, though, she found her thoughts shifting course, her flashbacks reaching further behind to the moments she missed on this ship, memories she didn't want to push aside. She almost smiled wistfully to look back on the days when Kaidan was alive, when Ashley was a friend always ready to talk about poetry or battle tactics, when Liara and Wrex were close by to laugh with…when her bond to Tali was new and her true feelings for Garrus were slowly coming to light. She thought of the crewmates she missed and the way her beloved ship had been when it had flown free through the sky. She hadn't thought seeing what became of it in the end would bring something like closure, but part of her was glad Miranda had sent them here and that she was the one assembling the memorial. As she finished it, she thought of something she could add to it in her capacity as its captain.
After Miranda did a count and determined they had found everything they could around the crash site, the squad rallied on Terra's position, stunned silent at the sight of the small monument she had erected there. An effigy of a ship in flight displayed on a pedestal before the remains of the hull. It was modest, but it was more than enough. Tali stood with Terra in a moment of shared reverence for what they had lost on this broken icy plain before Terra nodded to Tali to let her know it was OK to move on and headed back to the shuttle.
While the others all either followed her or continued to look out at the wreckage, Garrus gave a closer inspection to the monument. It didn't take him long to find the commander's personal touch so neatly inscribed on the base.
So vast a sky was never seen
As that upon my midnight
Those constant stars did watchful gleam
Yet scarce reached out a fateful beam
To catch my fading life-light
Still I was called to wake alone
Mid times of dread and sorrow
To reclaim my home
Over worlds unknown
And bid my love to follow
Garrus couldn't help a small rueful smile as he saw the meaning behind the words. The beautiful eloquence didn't hide the intricately woven double meaning—they were as much for Terra herself as they were for the Normandy she lost. He felt like this was a sign she had put it behind her but also that she would never forget it. He didn't know if he could or even should do something about that. He finally came upon with an idea and acted on it.
Terra sat on the shuttle and waited for the others to catch up, waving off any attempts from Legion or Grunt to converse with her. It was only when Garrus climbed back in to sit down next to her that she responded to anyone else's presence. "There's something final about seeing it this way."
Garrus nodded. "There are ways around that, though." He held out what he had retrieved from the wreckage: a small scrap of the plating that bore the Alliance logo.
She took it carefully, smirking to herself. "And here I thought you weren't the sentimental type."
"Why? I still have your drawing of Palaven in my pocket." He moved closer, wrapping his arm around her as she examined the metal in her hands. "Keep it close. Let it remind you of the good old days when things are looking grim."
"I have you for that," she commented. Then she placed the scrap in her pocket and turned to lay her head on his (well, her helmet on his since the shuttle wasn't sealed yet, but it's the gesture that counts). "Thank you."
They stayed there for a moment, ignoring scoffing glances from Grunt and Jack and inquisitive looks from Mordin and Legion, before the sound of the shuttle receiving a message drew their attention. Terra drew away from Garrus to check what it said. Every word sent a chill through her, the thoughts that had been plagued with memory for the past hour now flooded with horrified denial. Until Garrus finally took notice of her reaction and asked what was wrong, she was frozen in place. When he did, she quickly realized they had to go now and sent out a COMM signal to the squad to get back on the shuttle.
The ship was empty when they returned. All except for Joker and EDI, the crew was gone. Terra took one step into the shuttle bay and heard that aching, broken silence emanate from every shadow, every wall, every corner. It wasn't a contemplative silence, it was an empty silence, like the one that preceded her death that she had so despised. It was a silence that abided no joy and life within it. It had no business being on her ship again.
The Collectors had brought it. They were going to pay.
Joker was waiting for them in the COMM room. On the way up, EDI explained exactly what had transpired. Most of them joined Terra in disquiet and mournful rage, but Miranda stormed right up to the pilot and shouted at him until Terra and Jacob talked her down. As EDI informed them, even she couldn't have found the IFF's virus in time to stop the signal that crippled the ship and gave away its position. Miranda was clearly even more incensed about EDI herself, something Tali adamantly agreed with, at the news that Joker had been forced to unshackle her to remove the Collectors, but everyone on the squad who shared that opinion second-guessed it when they heard EDI's defense.
"I am still bound by the rudimentary limits of my programming to defend the ship. And even if I were not…you are my crewmates."
Terra had known EDI was useful, but it was only when she heard this, especially in light of the recent discovery of Legion's apparent beneficence, that she found herself persuaded. EDI genuinely was part of the crew, part of the ship itself. Terra had never expected she would come to consider an AI (two now, come to think of it) as anything approximating a friend, but as she told the squad that EDI had had plenty of chances to turn on them and hadn't and thus could be trusted, she thought maybe they were on the path to it already.
Joker was shaken, to say the least. He still stayed professional enough to explain that the IFF was ready and they could hit the relay whenever they wanted. Everyone saw through it. Terra finally followed him back to the bridge and let her joint status of commander and friend to the pilot intersect. He took a page from Miranda's book at first, chewing her out for leaving the ship all but unguarded when they knew the IFF was a risk, paying no attention to how Terra unflinchingly took every biting word because she knew he didn't mean it. Ironically, it was at EDI's insistence that he finally calmed down, proving he had apparently bonded with her in a way over the course of their attempt to defend the ship. "I'm sorry, commander. Not just for yelling at you but…for letting you down."
Terra shook her head. "You could never. You did what you could. You helped EDI and you saved the Normandy. And you're gonna help us storm the Collectors and get the crew back."
Joker nodded, already getting his smile back. "Aye-aye, ma'am."
So Terra took her position at the galaxy map just long enough to set their course. EDI warned her there was no going back once they were on their way. She didn't care anymore. They'd already done everything they possibly could to prepare and the crew needed them now. They were going. That was that.
Two hours. That was all they had left before they hit Omega-4. Possibly not to return.
Terra went up to her cabin to set the scrap of the SR-1 in a place of honor on her desk. Someday it would serve its purpose and remind of her better times and the value of resilience. Today, though, it only made her hope that the SR-2 wouldn't be reduced to scraps as well.
"So this is it."
She nodded with a deep sigh, stepping away from her desk to look at Garrus as he entered. "This is it."
He stayed close to her, not wanting to leave her side, tonight of all nights, for anything in the galaxy. "We've got two hours, huh? What do we do?"
She smiled softly to think that he was right here for her unquestionably, whatever she needed from him. Then she thought of what she did need from him. "…this…this could be our last night together—" It hurt to say the words.
It hurt him to hear them. "Terra, don't—"
"If it is…" She looked at him, letting her eyes show the emotion behind her words: "…I want to be with you."
It took a moment for her meaning to sink in. When it did, he froze. "You…what?"
"I mean it. We're already mated, we might as well prove it. I was going to suggest it on the SR-1, right before it crashed, and I…" She shuffled back coyly. "…I may have actually taken some of those 'medical recommendations' Mordin was so keen to offer."
That particular notion nearly made him laugh, but seeing how much this was weighing on her… "…you really want this."
She smiled again. "You? More than anything." She wrapped her arms around him. "And we've run out of reasons to wait."
The thought of what lay before them was still heavy on his mind. But even that was pushed aside when he fell into her bright blue eyes again. "So no more waiting."
Just like that, they were kissing again. But this time was different. More seeking and longing and passion lay behind it. Terra didn't want to fall into him this time, she wanted to leap in headlong. So she jumped up into his arms and, like always, he was there to catch her. He held her there for a moment before turning to drop her on the bed and crawling on after her. She took a moment to appreciate the way he looked at her, the way how close he was made her heart race before he even touched her, how badly she wanted what came next. Then she directed his talons to her waist and showed him how to undo her belt.
He followed her, relishing the sensation when his talons slid under her top to press against the warm skin over her hips. Strangely, it felt even more right when her fingers undid the clasps on his clothes and slid in to rest on his carapace. She knew just how to draw him in, too, laying a trail of kisses across his scars in a gesture so affectionate he could only reciprocate by flaring his mandibles against her neck possessively and breathing in her scent as his talons grazed her side.
Loving a turian was nothing like loving a human. Not that she minded in the least. She wanted those differences. She wanted her mate and only him. She wanted her Garrus all to herself, and she wanted him completely, tonight more than ever. So she reached down to tear his gloves off and let his talons caress her flesh unhindered, not giving a thought to the possibility of being scratched or injured—she knew he would never let any harm come to her. He barely seemed to notice, still too wrapped up in the feeling of her against him as they slowly let down every barrier that had managed to remain between them until now.
Everything around them dissolved, as if the need to fully explore each other was all that existed now. Nothing could hope to compare to the sheer ecstasy of simply feeling each other's touch in every nerve they had, of every motion sating a wave of desire only to call forth a new one, of reaching deeper and stronger than they had dared to go before. When they looked back on this moment later, it would only be a pleasant flood of exuberant delight and the sense of uncanny belonging and rapture that can only come from a mated union; as it happened, though, every single second lingered, every kiss and caress and whisper inescapably wondrous to them both, so much so that they didn't dare let go even when their bodies traitorously demanded they stop.
After their joining was over, they lied there beside each other, letting time pass freely with each of them lost in the other's radiant blue eyes. They stayed as close as they could, her hand brushing softly against his scars as his sifted gently through her hair.
She smiled, knowing no words or drawings she could create would ever hope to capture the moment they had just shared. "I love you."
He smiled back, knowing he'd never tire of hearing her musical voice say those three simple but beautiful words that so easily silenced every thought that wasn't of her. "I love you."
She wished she had the capacity to put this night on a loop, to leave the galaxy behind and spend the rest of her life tight in his embrace to the tune of the voice she adored confessing the feelings they shared. "I love you" suddenly seemed too feeble a statement to convey how they felt for each other, but there was no better way she knew. And they didn't need any more potent language. They knew each other's hearts inside out.
They'd stolen them, after all.
Of course, even moments so perfect as this one had to eventually come to an end. EDI finally came over the PA to inform them that they were back in the Sahrabarik system and beginning the approach to the Omega-4 relay. Duty was calling.
For once, they both wished it would take a voicemail.
Terra finally gave Garrus a regretful look. "Ready?"
He merely took her hand. "As long as I'm with you."
So they clung to the memory where they couldn't cling to the moment itself and prepared to head out. It was time to face the Collectors. And end them.