Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I am just borrowing the characters for some fun.

Warning: This story will contain swearing, scenes of torture and sexual innuendo. Slash.

Summary: Nothing is going to plan. The order is three days late to pick him up and Lucius Malfoy has somehow managed to get out of Azkaban. Remus always wants to talk, but Harry can't bring himself to even think of what happened in June. It was time to face facts: Harry's life belongs to the cause and his own feelings don't matter. Begins after Order of the Phoenix. Slash.

Chapter 41: True Self

Harry's hands were shaking. His hands were shaking and he was hiding. It was what he'd been doing for the past 3 days. Of course he told everyone else that he was studying for his Ingenium, but he could privately admit that he was hiding from the Malfoys. He had hardly left his dorm room since the battle and he came up with every excuse in the book to dodge even the opportunity to run into Draco. The sixth years had the week of classes to prepare for the ceremony and visit with family, so it had been shockingly easy to hide away from the world.

He could see Ron and Hermione exchanging worried glances, but they knew better than to say anything. He had even gotten Hermione to bring him back lunch twice so that he could avoid Draco entirely. She had tried to get him to go see Pomfrey about the shaking, and his refusal had been so firm she hadn't brought it up again.

Unfortunately his well crafted denial was coming to an end; he had an appointment with Remus, Snape and Narcissa to go over his Ingenium that afternoon that he didn't dare miss. If the literal future of the wizarding world hadn't depended on him not fucking this up he would definitely have chosen to stay in bed all day.

He sighed and clenched and unclenched his hands. He was already late. It was 11, and it would take him ten minutes to get down to the dungeons. He didn't want to leave his dorms. He didn't want to leave the solitude and the quiet, but then again he did want to do anything at all recently.

The door to the dorms flew open and Ron burst inside. He stopped short upon seeing Harry. "What are you still doing here? Don't you have that meeting?"

"Yeah." Said Harry, not moving from where he sat on the bed. "I'm gonna be late. Snape will be pissed."

Ron started at him. "Harry, your hand is still shaking."

Harry looked down idly and shook out his hand. "It's fine."

"I'm sure madame Pomfrey-"

"Has other people to worry about. Hermione said the shaking from the cruciatus goes away on its own in a few days. It's fine."

Ron licked his lips and let out a heavy sigh. "Okay, this is getting ridiculous; are you alright?"

Harry stood and crossed the room in 5 swift steps. "I've got that meeting with Snape, See you later."

He hustled down the stairs and out the portrait hole. He didn't want to talk to Ron. Or Hermione. Or Draco. Or anyone for that matter. The more he thought about it the more he realised Draco was right. It was his fault. Except Draco had been talking about Narcissa's retracto Ingenium, and Harry was talking about all of it. The whole war. All those deaths. All because what? He didn't have it together enough to kill Voldemort. Sirius, Cedric, his parents, and every person that had been hurt since- it was all on him. He had somehow let Remus and the others talk him into forgetting that. But now he couldn't forget, and rather than feeling called to action, he didn't want to leave his bed. Some hero he was.

Walking down the halls felt harder than fighting off any Death Eater. It took a force of will to convince himself to move. Somehow, through sheer determination and a refusal to be that weak (even though he knew he really was), Harry found himself knocking on the potion classroom's door 10 minutes later.

"Potter, you're late."

Snape's eyes bore into him and Harry turned away.

"Sorry." He spoke at barely more than a whisper.

Snape didn't say anything and Harry could feel him staring. The door to his office was open and he could hear voices bantering back and forth.

"What?" Said Harry finally, not able to stand Snape's judging silence any longer.

Snape sighed. "You should talk to Lupin. I don't have the energy to deal with your teenage angst today. We have a lot of work to do."

Harry bristled. "I'm here to work. Let's go."

He moved quickly towards the office. He wanted to run away from Snape and that holier than thou tone. Unfortunately that meant running towards Remus and Narcissa; and he didn't really want to see them either.

"Harry!" Narcissa walked towards him and wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. She was warm and smelt of roses. "How are you? I haven't seen you since the battle."

He tensed and didn't hug her back. "I should be asking you that."

"I'm fine. It took me a day or two to get used to the feeling, but now I hardly notice it." Narcissa was smiling at him. "Really, I expected Bella to do it eventually. She has always been so hard."

Harry nodded. His voice felt like it was getting stuck on gum in his throat. "I'm glad you are feeling okay."

She was staring at him intently. "Draco has been looking for you for the past few days. Did you speak to him?"

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. They both knew he hadn't seen Draco since the battle. And he didn't want to see him. And it was all his fault. "I'll try and look for him later."

They both knew that was a lie too.

"Harry, " Remus was using his 'I am trying to be calm and gentle but I want to make sure you're listening voice'. "What Draco said before, about things being your fault. You know that's not true right? I'm sure-"

"We're here to work on Ingenium, right?" Interrupted Harry. "Professor Snape said there was a lot of work to do, so we should get to it. Especially seeing as the whole future of the wizarding world probably depends on it. So, let's just focus on that."

"Harry-" Remus's voice was full of reproach.

"Leave him be Lupin." Snape was glaring at them all from in front of his desk. "We have much to do, so you can be a mother hen on someone else's time. In my experience it is not often that a 16 year old is willing to work, so we must strike before Potter's mood shifts."

Snape getting Remus to leave him alone was the happiest he had been in 3 days. Harry was so relieved when Narcissa started to talk about the process of the ceremony, and everything moved away from the very mention of Draco.

That relief didn't last long, it appeared that there was a lot left for Harry to do before the Ingenium and not much time left to do it in. He had 4 days to finish studying a huge spell, and correct his dancing. By the end of their meeting, he was questioning again why he even bothered to get out of bed that morning.

He left the potions classroom in a daze of the longest to-do list of his life. He wished he were studying for final exams like every other year instead of dealing with this ingenium bullshit.

"Harry."

On instinct he turned to look, but if he had thought for a moment he would have realized he recognized that voice and kept on walking.

"Draco." Harry let out a breathe he didn't realize he has been holding. Draco was standing no more than a foot away from him. It looked like he had bolted out of a classroom, the same one Pansy had caught them in, to catch him as he left the potions classroom. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to find you, of course." Said Draco. Harry couldn't help but notice the bags under his eyes. "I haven't even seen you at meals."

"Hermione brought me some food. I have a lot of work to do for the Ingenium." Harry crossed his arms. His mind was telling him to keep walking, but he couldn't seem to make his feet move.

Draco bit his lip and rocked on his feet. Finally, he let out a sigh and grabbed Harry's arm. "Come talk to me. Privately."

The Slytherin's hand was clammy and he couldn't quite meet Harry's eyes. Harry allowed himself to be tugged into the empty classroom. He hadn't wanted to see Draco. He had skipped meals and hidden in his dorm for 3 days to avoid seeing him, yet now that he was in front of him Harry couldn't leave.

Draco began warding the room and locking the door. His movements were hurried and jerky, not his usual graceful self. Harry leaned on a desk and reminded himself not to get his hopes up. It was all his fault. And maybe now Draco had finally realized that he was dating a human time bomb, one that could blow up and kill his whole family.

"Harry, I-"

"Oh it's Harry now. I thought it was Potter?"

Draco's eyes hardened and he clenched his fist. "Okay, fair enough. But, did you realize how scared I was after the battle? And you, you blithering idiot, run right towards the darkest wizard the world has ever seen without even stopping to think! I thought you were going to die! And then when mother went down I thought- So I said some stuff, but I was scared okay?"

Harry dropped his arms to his sides. He had expected a fight, not this. "Are you...apologizing to me?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "I- I don't know. I'm just saying I was scared, alright? So I said some stuff."

Harry licked his lips. His heart thumped in his chest. "It's fine. You were right. It was my fault. I should have protected her better."

"What? Thats- that's not what I meant- you don't seriously believe-" Draco took a breathe. "I was angry. And look, my mother and father don't know but, I felt the effects of the spell too. Aunty bitchy cut me off too, so I was a little out of sorts. That's all I'm saying."

"Are you okay?" The bags under his eyes were taking on a whole new meaning. What if Draco was hurting and he was trying to hide it from his parents? Did he need to see Pomfrey?

"I'm fine." Draco's voice was clipped. "Don't even feel anything anymore. I'm not saying it for that- I'm just saying I was all out of it okay? When I said that stuff, so…"

"So?" Said Harry

Draco gave a little smirk. "So, you can't hold me accountable for what I said."

Harry kicked his foot on the ground and watched his shoe tap at the leg of a desk. "It's fine. Like I said you were right. My fault. Guilty as charged."

A soft warm hand reached out and tilted his chin up so that he met stormy grey eyes.

"Harry-"

Harry pulled back. Draco was beginning to sound like Remus. Like he was trying to talk sense into someone dim witted. And he didn't like the idea of Draco thinking him dumb.

"Stop it. It's always my fault. When are you going to get that? I haven't killed him yet and he is going to keep coming after me until I do. So everything that happens up until I kill him is my fault."

Draco looked like someone had slapped him. "That is the most asinine thing I have ever heard. Do you even hear yourself?"

"Well it's just the truth." Said Harry, he pushed a chair out his way and started for the door. "At least Carmicheal got that and had the good sense to run. You're dating a human time bomb, and if you don't watch it you'll blow up too. Just like Cedric and Sirius and a million others."

"A time what?" Draco furrowed his brow and reached for him. "Voldemort's the one attacking people you don't- "

The blond stopped talking and was staring at Harry as if he saw him in a new light. His eyes were calculating and confused. His hair was mussed.

"What?" Snapped Harry

"Your hand is shaking."

"It's fine."

"Why is your hand shaking?"

"It's fine, the effects of cruciatus wear off within a few days. It will stop shaking soon."

Draco ran his hand through his hair and walked in a circle. "You didn't see Pomfrey after the battle? You were under Cruciatus for a good minute maybe more, it can cause nerve damage."

"It will wear off. It always has in the past."

Draco closed his eyes and pursed his lips. He looked like he was holding back what he really wanted to say. "Ingenium is in a few days. What if your hands are still shaking then?"

"Then, I'll see Pomfrey. I'm not stupid, Draco. I know what's riding on this spell." Harry pulled open the door. "In fact, I have a lot of work to do, so if you'll excuse me I'll get back to it."

Before he could think, before he could second guess himself or debate just what he was leaving behind, Harry let his anger propel him out of the classroom and down the hall. He wasn't sure who he was more mad at Draco or himself, but right now his temper was enough to get him back to the common room, where he could hide himself away once more.

HPHPHP

Considering that this was one of the biggest events in a wizard's life Harry hadn't expected the set up to look like a summer camp bonfire. The sixth years were dressed in black and family milled around a huge fire. Off to the side the house elves had set up a buffet spread that would have made even uncle Vernon have to loosen his pant buckle. In the distance, towards the lake Harry could see the tents that had been set up for each students private ingenium. Once dinner was over he was to find his tent and the real hard part would begin.

Harry stood off to the side feeling out of place. Everyone was visiting with family that they hadn't seen in months. The Weasley's were a particularly happy bunch. In addition to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Bill and Charlie had come to cheer on their brother, and Ron was loving being the center of attention. Hermione was giving her parents a tour of the grounds, apparently muggles couldn't go inside the castle, but she seemed to be enjoying giving her family a glimpse into her daily life.

Harry purposely had angled himself so he couldn't see the Malfoys. He had managed to avoid Draco since their fight in the classroom and he wanted to keep it that way. It was for the best, besides he couldn't afford to be distracted.

"Potter, why are you standing around sulking?"

Harry turned to see Snape gliding towards him. In the night with his dark robes it looked like the man floated on the ground.

"I'm not sulking, I'm eating dinner." Harry held up his plate.

Snape glared at the food as if it had insulted his mother. "In a corner, by yourself."

Harry shrugged. "Everyone is visiting with their families."

"And you have no such problem." Snape stood next to him and looked out at the party. "Do you wish your family were here?"

Harry laughed. "No way. I guess it would have been amusing though. Aunt Petunia would have been having an anxiety attack and Dudley would have been trying to fill his plate while still somehow covering his butt."

"Excuse me?" Snape raised an eyebrow.

"It's a long story." Said Harry with a smile. "Well actually it's not. Hagrid gave Dudley a tail the first time he met him. Don't tell anyone though, I don't think he was supposed to be using magic."

Snape looked amused. "Your secret is safe with me. I quite understand the impulse. Your family is vile, Potter."

Harry swallowed a bite of food and looked out at all the smiling faces of his classmates. Their parents all looked so proud. "Yeah. I guess it's better that their not here."

"What would be better was if you never had to see them again." Snape cleared his throat. "I have spoken to the Headmaster on your behalf. I think he may be willing to let you spend your entire summer at grimmauld place should you ask."

"Dumbledore? What does-"

"Until you come of age the Headmaster does have guardianship of you in the wizarding world, as such, it is his decision were you spend the holiday."

Harry gritted his teeth. "Well don't let him do me any favors. I don't think he likes me very much right now. It's fine. I can deal with the Durelsys for 2 more months."

"I saw into her mind, Potter." Snape said softly. "And I have to say Petunia turned out much worse than your mother would have ever thought. Think about it. You have the option, you don't need to decide now."

Harry looked down at the ground and blinked hard. A summer without the Dursleys, how long had he been hoping for that? It felt surreal. Not just a summer without the Dursleys, but a summer with Remus. It was too much. He needed to change the subject. "So you knew my Aunt Petunia well too, not just my mom?"

"I didn't know her well, most of what I knew were things Lily told me." His teachers voice was measured. "They had a strained relationship."

Harry nodded. His heart was thumping in his chest. Snape had given him an opening. This was his opportunity to ask about his mom. "So, you and my mom talked a lot? About family? And stuff?"

"Yes." Snape gave him a sideways glance. "We knew each other before Hogwarts. I met Petunia a few times, but mostly Lily complained about her. Your mother's most fervent complaint was that Petunia was very stuck up."

"Understatement of the century." Said Harry, thinking of how hardy the Dursley's tired to suck up to Uncle Vernon's boss.

Snape nodded and took a sip of his drink. It looked like a deep red wine. Hoping that the alcohol would make the potions master more relaxed Harry took his shot.

"What was my mom like? Everyone tells me stories about my dad. Remus has told me all about him, but they hardly talk about mom." Harry held his breath.

"Of course they wouldn't tell you much about Lily, they were more Potter's friends. They knew her, but only through Potter." Snape pursed his lips and looked toward the fire. "Lily was...one of the best people I have ever known. I knew her before Hogwarts and was probably one of her oldest friends. We had...drifted apart by the time she died, however I always considered her a friend."

Harry stuffed his mouth with a sausage roll to prevent himself from prying and scaring Snape off.

"Lily was kind. Not too kind mind you. She had a...fire." Snape's eyes were unfocused like he was seeing something else entirely. He smiled and his face softened. "She would tell you on no uncertain terms if you were doing something stupid, but then she would help you clean up your mess; with some complaining of course. She was stubborn and driven. She was enchanted by magic and studied hard to be one of the best in our year despite not having the advantages of being a pureblood. She had friends in every house. She was often overlooked because she was quiet, but everyone knew they could count on her. Lily was...well there will never be another Lily Evens."

"Thank you, sir." Harry whispered. "She sounds like she was amazing. I'm sad I don't really remember her."

"She was extraordinary." Snape turned to look at Harry. His eyes bore into him; endless black. "Honor her legacy."

Harry's skin tingled. His lungs felt tight. "Yes, sir. What would she have wanted for me do you think? Would she want me to avenge her? End the war?"

Snape gave evaluated him and turned back to look at the party. "Lily always wanted to be a mother. She sometimes told me about her future life, how she imagined it. She would have wanted you to be happy. She would have wanted you to help people and to be kind."

"Right." Said Harry feeling himself deflate. Instead of being happy he was in the center of a war and learning to be a killing machine. His eyes flicked across the clearing to see Draco. Draco made him happy. Draco made him feel better, less broken and he didn't judge him when he was a mess. Unfortunately, being with Harry was probably one of the worst decisions that Draco could make for his own life expectancy. What would his mother have thought of that?

"There you two are!" Remus was walking towards them smiling.

Harry's eyes lingered for a moment longer on Draco; his happiness. He was stunning in black and all his best features were accentuated by the well cut robes. He was smiling at something Narcissa was saying and it made his whole face light up.

"Indeed. You have found us." Snape rolled his eyes.

Harry turned back to Remus and smiled. " Yes, however did you find us at the party you knew we both had to attend?"

"I see you have been spending ample time with Severus." The werewolf had a plate full of food and was dressed in his least shabby robe. "How do you feel Harry? Ready?"

Harry shrugged. "I supposed. Still not sure how I'm supposed to recite that bloody spell after being drugged."

"You will. We all did it and so can you. No one really knows the mechanics of it, but everyone somehow managers the whole incantation just fine." Remus held out his plate to offer Snape a cracker and the potion master turned away looking disgusted.

"Great, so then I can add that to the growing list of things I have been the first at." Said Harry, he held up and hand and started counting with his fingers. "killing curse, Youngest seeker, triwizard champion-"

"Yes, yes, let us all be sad for the poor orphan boy and also laud his accomplishments." Snape deadpanned.

Harry saw a twitch of his lips and knew that his teacher was joking.

"Oi!" Harry exclaimed with false offense.

"Stop it Severus, the poor orphan boy doesn't like it when you do that." Remus looked like he was biting the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing.

Snape took another sip of his wine to hide his amusement.

"Sod off." Said Harry with a laugh. "I expected more from you Remus."

The werewolf shrugged. "I'm just the backup godfather what would I know."

A deep baritone danced through the air. It sounded as if it had burst forth without any control or expectation, and now the owner couldn't seem to stop it. Harry and Remus both started in shock at Snape. Clearly the man did have a sense of humor, it was just rather dark. For a man that hardly smiled, let alone laughed, Snape's laugh had a pleasant musical quality to it. Far from the sharp staccato of his tongue when he spoke, it flowed like a deep Legato.

"Oh great you broke Snape right before my ceremony." Harry put on his best strict Mcgonagall face. "He's my back up aunt. Quite frankly, I'm not sure either of you are up for the job."

At that Remus roared with laughter. By contrast The werewolf's laugh was a sharp bark. Somehow Snape's laugh was getting louder. It seemed like the man couldn't stop himself. Harry smiled at them and let out a chuckle. The ridiculousness of the situation was definitely getting to him too. His strict evil potions master who hated him most of the time was his replacement for a mother, and his werewolf ex-teacher was a stand in for his father. And the world depended on his incompetent bumbling self not to screw it up to save them all. It was rather funny.

"Attention Everyone!" Dumbledore was standing across the clearing in shimmering purple robes. "It is time for the Iniciants to please take their places. If all the family would please form a circle around them to offer our blessing, then we can proceed with the Ceremony. Thank you. "

That sobered Harry quickly. This was the part of the ceremony he was looking forward to the least- the dance.

"Best give me your robe." Said Remus "Oh and shoes off, don't worry the area has been checked for stones."

Harry nodded and pulled off his black robe to reveal his silk shirt and soft pants. The outfit had been much less formal than he had expected, but Snape had explained that since ingenium incorporated so much movement comfort was paramount. Every iniciant was wearing a version of the same black shirt and pants.

The sixth years were making a ring around the fire, and the family made a larger circle around them. The bonfire was tall enough now that Harry couldn't see across to the other side. The sun had set not too long ago and everything had taken on an orange hue. The heat came off in waves and Harry could already feel the sweat dripping down his back.

Harry looked up just as Draco took his position next to him and their eyes connected.. His grey eyes were smiling at him mischievously, reminding him all too much of their first kiss. And the Slytherin looked stunning. His muscles were clenched and ready to take to the air, and his skin was flushed from the heat. That damn hair had fallen out of place and danced along his eyebrows. Draco gave him a very obvious up and down and then winked. A shiver ran down Harry's spine and his breath caught in his throat.

His mind went blank. He didn't remember the dance at all. What was the position they were supposed to take? Oh yeah he could remember Draco showing it to him; going around behind him to twist his arms and adjust his hips and…

He exhaled, closed his eyes and took his position. He could feel Draco's eyes on him, hotter than the fire that burned taller than 2 men, but Harry kept his eyes closed until the start. He didn't have time for distractions now, the incantation would begin any moment.

And just as he was thinking that it was impossible to keep still for much longer; Impossible for him not to grab Draco and pull him into the forbidden forest to snog silly, the pounding of the drums started. Within moments it was followed by the low hum of the spell.

The voices of all the family and teachers were melding together and growing in strength. They weren't quite singing, but the Latin had a very clear cadence to the blessing. Harry started to move as the voices rose around him. At first he felt stiff and unnatural, but slowly his body loosened. He knew this dance. He had practiced it for months; all he had to do was let muscle memory take control.

Harry caught quick glances of his classmates and realized that they were all in perfect sync. He spun and crouched down and got his first glimpse of the greater circle of family. He saw Remus clutching a flower and realized that everyone chanting was holding one. The words of the blessing washed over him and his heart beat to the rhythm of their chant. His lungs breathed to the pauses in his dance. The heat that had felt so uncomfortable just a moment before, now felt like home, like safety. The air smelt of sharp salt, firewood and crisp spring air. The ground rumbled beneath his feet and seemed to have a heart beat of its own.

Safety. Belonging. Oneness.

Something inside him responded to the chant and a bead of energy shot out of him. Harry realized after a moment that he was glowing with the light of his aura. He looked to his left and saw that the beautiful colors of Draco's magic were also dancing with him. Sliver,white, turquoise and black spun around him and shone brighter than Harry had ever seen. Draco's face looked at peace and his body moved like a work of art.

The incantation sped up and Harry felt a snap of energy. His magic and his dancing sped to meet the urgency. His ball of white, gold, purple, magenta, turquoise and black zipped around him like a firefly that moved in tune with his soul. Harry felt lightness and calm and only existed in the present. The air practically sparked with magic.

In a rush he landed and planted his feet into the ground. With a final exhale he threw his hands forward and said the final words, accepting the blessing.

"Et gloriam dabit vobis."

His voice intertwined with the other sixth years and his ball of light rushed out of him toward the fire. He could see all the marbles of magic push out of each one of his classmates, where they all collided above the bonfire. There was an explosion of light and a bang that shook the earth.

And then silence.

The stillness felt absolute. No one dared to move. Harry could feel the energy tingling on his skin.

"Well done." Dumbledore's voice boomed. "If you are scheduled to have your ceremony tonight please proceed to your tent, everyone else is welcome to stay for refreshments and festivities. Congratulations, the first part of your Ingenium is complete."

Harry smiled to himself. One part done, only a 100 more left. He was one of the first to have his ceremony, so he needed to get to his tent. Without thinking her turned to look at Draco and smiled. The blond gave a closed mouth smile in return. Harry could tell he was hiding his delight.

"That felt amazing. I can feel the magic."

Draco stepped closer to him and brushed his hand against Harry's. "Your hands aren't shaking anymore. You look beautiful when you dance."

Electricity ran up his arm from where the Slytherin touched him, it made his brain fuzzy. Harry hurriedly crossed his arms and took a step back. Wouldn't want anyone to know that they were together, no matter how badly he wanted to tell Draco to never stop touching him. "B-Beautiful?"

Draco took a step forward. "When you dance. You're a good dancer."

Harry laughed. "Only because I had a good tutor. Draco you look..amazing."

He smirked and took another step forward.

"Stop. If anyone even thought something was going on it would be dangerous for you." Said Harry, he turned away. "All the 6th year parents are here. That includes Death Eater parents. Don't be stupid. You saw what happens to people who are close to me."

"Harry, I-"

"Potter, time to get in your tent." Snape's voice cut through the hum of chatter around them.

"I had best go." Said Harry. "When are you scheduled?"

Draco sighed. "Tomorrow morning."

"I'll see you after aright?"

The Slytherin straightened his back. The Malfoy mask was back in place. "Fine."

"Good luck." Harry couldn't resist purposefully brushing his shoulder as he passed.

Snape was waiting for him looking impatient, while Remus and Narcissa carried on a hushed conversation beside him.

Narcisaa smiled at him. "Well done Harry. The blessing felt especially intense this year. Not every year is so powerful."

"It went okay. I'm just glad the dancing is done." Said Harry

"You looked perfect." Said Remus, pride shining in his eyes.

Snape gestured for Harry to start walking towards the tents by the lake. "Enough, we have things to do. Let us move to the tent. There is no telling how long Potter will be under the influence of the potion and I for one would like to sleep at some point tonight."

Harry followed his teacher through the throng of people. Only ten students were performing their ceremony tonight; the rest had to wait for their teachers. It could take days before all the six years had their ingenium. Of course Harry was going first for strategic reasons. The sooner he had his power the sooner he could figure out how to use it to kill Voldemort. Ron and Hermione both saw him walking by and gave him a wave and a mouthed 'good luck'.

For something that Harry had been preparing for all year, he felt remarkably unprepared. He knew the spell backwards and forwards, the problem was that no one could really predict how he would react to the potion; everyone was different. And since no one talked about Ingenium, it was even harder to know just what kind of maddness he was in for.

His tent was at the end of the forest and the water a little ways away from the rest. It looked small from the outside, but he was reminded of the Weasleys tent at the Triwizard tournament. Going with the theme of the evening, the tents were white and each one had a small lantern outside and a name plate.

He glanced at Remus, not sure what happened next. "Go on in Harry."

Just as he had predicted the tent was magically enhanced to be larger on the inside. He entered into a room that was plain, but also cozy. There was a soft, furry, white carpet and colorful pillows around the circular space. Not once piece of furniture in sight. Narcissa, Remus and Snape filed in behind him.

Snape gave the room an evaluating look and then nodded. "We need to start with the cleansing ritual. The water has already been prepared for you and you have a change of clothes waiting. The bath is through the door at the back. "

Harry hadn't even noticed the door on his quick cursory glance. "Alright. See you all soon then I guess."

The cleansing room was warm with steam and smelled of lilac. There were leaves, no doubt from some magical plant, floating in the water and on hooks off to the side hung a towel and a change of clothes. ,

Harry took a steadying breath and stripped. This was his moment of calm before the storm. In class, Snape had called it their moment of reflect before they accepted their legacy. He sunk into the water and instantly felt himself relax. There was definitely some kind of potion or oil or something in there and it was working wonders. The water was the perfect temperature and went right up to his shoulders. It felt luxurious, like the bath of a king. Harry leaned back and closed his eyes. He didn't want to leave Remus, Narcissa and Snape waiting too long, but he did want a minute to gather himself.

He recited the spell one more time. It flowed from him like a river over pebbles. He thought about what Snape had said about his mother; how she would want him to be happy and help people. He thought about his father; who, despite his flaws, Harry couldn't help but admire. All the stories of kindness and mischief Remus and Sirius had told him. James had had an Ingenium that Harry envied- physical super strength and Harry hoped for something equally or more powerful. With any luck he would soon have more of a connection to his ancestors than he ever had before.

He blocked out thoughts of Draco, no matter how much he wanted to remunerate on him saying Harry was beautiful. The fact was that he needed a strong Ingenium, one that could protect Draco. Right now their love was still a risk but, with any hope, after tonight he would be powerful enough to get rid of Voldemort all together and seriously fuck up anyone who tried to hurt his boyfriend. He needed a win. He needed this, so love spurred him to concentrate more on what he had to do in the ceremony,

When Harry emerged from his bath in his now white outfit, Remus and Narcissa were sitting on pillows on the ground taking and Snape was lighting lanterns around the room.

"Took you long enough, Potter." Said Snape.

"Just doing some last minute cramming for the spell, you know how it is." Said Harry with a shrug.

Snapes face didn't move a muscle. "That had better be a joke."

"Oh Severus relax, this is a happy day." Narcissa stood up. "How do you feel Harry?"

"Good actually. That bath was great."

Remus stood too. "I'm glad you feel centered. Any final questions for us before we do the next part?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm ready. Let's get this over with."

"Come stand in the center of the room Harry." Narcissa gestured to him and pulled out a potion from the pocket of her robe. "Severus, Remus, please step forward."

Remus moved to stand on Harry's right and Snape on his left. Remus grabbed his elbow and gave a little squeeze.

Narcissa smiled. "We are here today to honor Harry Potter with the legacy that is rightfully his. May the ancient magic recognize him and offer him many blessings. Magic of the father may you rise."

Remus enchanted a long line of latin and held out his left hand. Narcissa slashed her wand and the werewolves hand split open, dripping blood. She enchanted as she levitated a drop of the blood and dropped it in the vial of potion.

She turned to Snape. "Magic of the mother may you rise."

The incantation started before she had even stopped talking. Snape was ready with his hand out and didn't flinch as she cut him. He didn't look at Harry or Narcissa, his eyes were focused forward. Narcissa levitated the blood over to the vial and the potion changed to a deep red.

"Your elders think you are worthy, Harry Potter. Do not disappoint them." She held out the vial. "Accept their gifts and see your true powers."

Harry tried not to think too hard about the fact that he was about to drink Remus and Snapes blood, not to mention a number of other gross ingredients. He sent up a little prayer that the hallucinogen didn't make him go totally bonkers and screw up the ceremony. His hand was steady as he took the potion from her. He was determined to get this right.

To his surprise the potion tasted like hardly anything at all. Like water that had been infused with a very slight flavour. Narcissa stepped back while Remus and Snape began enchanting while they circled him. After exactly one rotation they both began to step away from him carefully.

Harry licked his lips. The potion hadn't seemed to do anything. "I accept your gifts and your wisdom. Help me find my way." And with that he began reciting the longest spell he had ever done.

About half way in he started to feel a dizziness wash over him. Something was happening to him. A heat was radiating from his stomach outward and everything felt terribly unsteady. He almost stumbled forward, but they sank to the ground on his knees. Instead of him faltering in the spell though, his speech sped up. He was more sure in what he had to say they he ever had been. He spoke faster and faster until the words were barely distinguishable.

At the end of the spell he exhaled and his ball of magic reappeared as if he had breathed it into existence. It levitated in front of him and Harry became transfixed with its beauty. There was a ringing in his ears and he was sweating profusely. He forgot where he was. Was he even sitting on something or just floating? There was no ground, no up, no down. His heart beat loudly and the magic seemed to pluse with it. And then an overwhelming white light came from behind and encased everything. It was like he was sitting in a sunbeam.

"Harry! Oh son how you've grown."

Harry blinked up at the shadowy figure before him. The man looked like..him, just a slightly older version with even messier hair. "Dad?"

"Give him a moment, James." A beautiful woman with fiery red hair emerged from behind him and smiled at Harry.

" Mom?"

"Of course sweety. We have to be here to make it official." said Lily.

James smiled. "You can only get in on the family secrets if we allow it after all."

"How? I don't- Did the potion?" Harry was somehow totally unaware of his body and completely aware of it at the same time. Everything felt heavy and bright and loud and ethereal.

Lily shook her head and knelt down in front of him. "Don't think about it too much. All that matters is that we are here."

Harry reached out a hand to touch her but felt nothing.

"You can't touch us." James came over and sat down cross legged in front of his son. "But you can talk to us. The ceremony summoned us. To have us come to judge if you're worthy."

"Oh." Said Harry feeling sluggish. " I thought that because Remus and Snape-"

"Yeah. Snape was an interesting choice." Said James, frowning. "But I guess it got the job done."

"He's not so bad." Said Harry and Lily at the same time.

His mother gave him a broad smile.

His father rolled his eyes. "I guess I have been out voted."

"He's protecting me and he's helped me learn a lot in the last year about defense. We thought he would work for the ceremony because he knew mom?" Harry turned questioningly to look at his mother.

"Yes, Severus and I are friends." She smiled. "But Harry we want to know about you. We need to learn about you before we can continue with the ceremony."

Harry smiled. He was talking to his parents! It was unbelievable! "What do you want to know?"

"Everything." Said James, mussing up his hair and giving a crooked smile.

And so Harry told them everything. He talked about school and his friends and Quidditch. James had been particularly interested in Quidditch play by plays, and Lily had wanted to know more about Ron and Hermione. He talked about the classes he liked and what he thought about his teachers. He talked about his summer at Grimmauld place and the extra classes he was taking with Snape. He talked about Hedwig and his favorite foods and gobstones. He talked until he was horse and then he talked some more.

"And what about romance?" Said Lily, "Are you seeing anyone?"

Harry held his breath. He turned to look at the endless white light to their right. For a fleeting moment he thought maybe it would be easier to lie; to just say no. But no. He had to be honest. It was bad enough that he couldn't share his love with the world, but he wouldn't hide it from his parents. He would show them exactly who he was. "Yes. I am. Please don't jump to conclusions. He's actually a really amazing person."

"Well? Who is it?" Said James, At Harry's prolonged silence.

"I'm in love with Draco Malfoy."

Lily's eyes lit up. "Have they changed sides? The Malfoys?"

"Yes." Said Harry

"Well now I understand why Narcissa Malfoy is leading the ceremony." James paced around the room. His face was closed off.

"I always thought she would be nice if she was a little less posh." Said Lily. "What is Draco like?"

"He's...amazing." At Lily's intrigued look Harry kept talking. "He's smart and brave and funny. And he's surprisingly caring too, once you get past the snark."

James was staring at him contemplatively, arms crossed. "You're just like your mother. You see the good in everyone. And are willing to look past the rough bits to get to know them."

Harry felt giddy. He was talking to his parents and someone thought him like his mother. "I think you would like him if you met him. He really is the best. Remus likes him."

"I guess...I'll just have to take your word for it." Said James.

Harry wished he could hug them. They accepted him. They didn't care that he was gay and they seemed fine with him dating Draco. It was beyond what he had ever dreamt of.

"You seem happy with him." Said Lily, she reached out and took James' hand. "I can see it in your face."

"She's coming." Said his father. He was staring off to the left. "Please give us more time. It's not enough."

Harry turned to look at what James saw. There was another figure slowly moving towards them. As they came closer he could make out a small woman with messy brown hair and dimpled cheeks.

"I'm sorry. But you know how this works." She said, "It's my turn now. But first I need your judgement. Is he worthy?"

"What's happening?" Harry tried to stand but his legs still felt heavy

"It's time for your parents to tell me their judgement and, should they find you worthy, discover your ingenium." Said the woman. "I am here to be your guide."

Harry looked at his parents' sad faces. "No. I just got them. Don't make them leave."

"That is not how this works, Harry. They were here to judge you and see if you were worthy. Their part is done. It is time to move on." The woman gave an expectant look at James and Lily. "Well?"

Lily gave him a half smile. "It was nice to talk to you. You have grown into an amazing young man. I am so proud of you."

"You have the best parts of your mother." Said James. "You're a better man than I was. And with my good looks, how can you lose?"

Harry looked down. "I don't want you to go."

"I know. We don't want to either." Said Lily, "But it's the way things are."

"You're doing well, son." Said James. "You've done well without us. Just keep following your heart." He turned to the woman. "I give my blessing. He is worthy."

"I give my blessing." Echoed Lily. "He is worthy."

They started to fade and within seconds only white light was where they had been. Harry brought his hands to his eyes and tried to discreetly wipe away the moisture. "What now?"

The woman was giving him an unimpressed look. "Now we find out who you are and I give you your talent."

"I need to have something that helps me kill Voldemort. There's a war on and I'm meant to-"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, everyone wants this and that, but that is not how this works. You're exactly like your father was, but" She appraised him. "There is a different energy about you."

"You gave my father his Ingenium?" Harry was surprised. Wasn't everyone's experience different?

"I am the Potter line Matriarch." She said "I give all the Potters their ingenium."

Harry stared up at her. "Wait...we're related?"

"Very distantly." her lips pursed. "I swear that potion gets stronger every time."

Harry tried to stand up. He limbs didn't quite cooperate and they felt heavy and tingly, but eventually he managed to be on 2 feet without stumbling. "Please I need to help everyone. It's my responsibility to kill Voldemort. I need to help them."

"It does not work like that. First I need to see what fits you." She sounded like Professor Mcgonagall falling into a lecture she had done a thousand times. "Your ingenium should feel natural to you. It is a magical manifestation of who you are. I don't simply hand out what you want, I see into your soul and give you a bit of magic to show for it. Now as for you, I can see that you do want to help people, and that is a start."

Harry nodded so vigorously he almost fell over. " Yes I want to help people. It's what I'm meant to do."

"Indeed." Her eyes narrowed. "And you said something about some war-"

"Yes. Voldemort it trying to get rid of all the muggleborns and I have to stop him. It's my job to save them. I have to save them, so I need an ingenium that helps me do that." Said Harry with urgency.

"Very well then. I know just the thing." She closed her eyes and raised her wand. The white light around them started to shift, like waves in the sky and slowly a picture appeared.

It took Harry a moment to realise that he was sitting on what appeared to be a cloud. It was a beautiful sunny day, but below him was mayhem. There was a battle going on below. Men in deep red robes were attacking a group of random wizards and witches who were running for their lives. They were trying to defend themselves, but failing horribly. Everyone was screaming and blood splattered the ground. He watched as a young woman tried to defend herself but was hit with a vicious slashing hex. She was kicked in the head while she tried to reach for her wand and her body went still.

"Oh My God! Help them!" Said Harry suddenly feeling alert. Like he had been injected with caffeine after sleeping for 100 years. "Where are we? What's-? You need to help them."

His guide looked bored. "Where and when we are is irrelevant. What are you going to do about this?"

Harry looked down aghast. That woman, was she alive? Others were falling to the assailants and still the men in red came, vicious as any Death Eater Harry had ever seen. "We have to help them! This is horrible. We need to do something!"

"Then do something." Said the Potter Matriarch "This is your ingenium."

Harry looked at the distance to the ground, looked back at the woman, and took a running leap off the side of the cloud. It was his ingenium so he couldn't die, right? To his relief, rather than rushing to his death, he floated to the ground. No one seemed to see him and within moments he was also in the middle of the battle.

It felt strange being in a battle where he was not the center of attention, in fact everyone totally ignored him. Harry looked around and found the woman on the ground not too far from him. He ran towards her. He didn't know who she was, but he didn't care. No one deserved to go out like that. He pushed past several running people and knelt beside her.

Her chest was still rising and falling. She was alive. He pulled at her robe and wadded it at the huge slash across her chest and stomach, He needed to stop the blood. There was so much blood. He pushed down hard, pulled out his wand and quickly did a spell to keep the wound covered. He turned to look at her head. It was bruised and had a nasty cut where the foot had hit her.

He heard someone yelling and looked up. A man in red was about to fire on an old man. Harry yelled out a protegio before the spell landed. He eyes fell on someone else who was convulsing from some kind of nasty spell. He ran forward and slid next to him.

"I've got you mate." Said Harry "Finite."

The man stopped moving. Harry held still and frantically searched for signs of life. The man let out a moan and rolled on his side. He was okay. Harry stood and turned to look for someone else to help.

The scene disappeared. He was back in the white light.

His guide was looking at him and smiling. "Well then, that was illuminating."

"That was horrifying!" Said Harry. "All those people- are they okay?"

She shrugged. "They weren't real people. You said you needed a battle so I made you one. And my my, you have much more depth than I thought."

"That wasn't real?" Harry exhaled in relief.

"No it was not. But it did show me everything I needed to know. I am ready to show you your ingenium."

Harry smiled. Finally. "Show me?"

"Of course, It has been inside you all along." She said. Her eyes had softened and she looked excited for what came next. "You were right. You are a helper, Harry Potter. You rushed to help those people. You stopped that woman's bleeding, you protected the old man and you ended that man's curse. You didn't throw one offensive spell. So, I want you to meditate on that and look into your soul to tell me what your ingenium is."

She gestured for him to sit and Harry did so tentatively. He thought she was supposed to give him his ingenium, but now she was saying it had always been there and he had to tell her what it was? It made no sense, but he followed her directions anyway. Thanks to Snape and Narcissa meditation now came to him easily. Within moments he had cleared his mind, but she had instructed him to meditate on that one particular battle so he brought the memories forth. He thought about how he wanted to help people, to save people. He thought about his fear when he had seen the woman fall. He thought about his rush to help the cursed man. She was right it hadn't occurred to him throw one offensive spell. His goal had been to protect them, not necessarily hurt the men attacking.

But what did that say about him?

What did that tell him about his ingenium?

And in a rush he knew just what he was meant to be doing. It was as if he suddenly knew who he was and how he was meant to help others.

He, Harry Potter, was a healer.

Harry opened his eyes to see Narcissa, Remus and Snape in roughly the same spots he had left them. His body felt heavy, but his soul had never felt more light. He knew who he was. He knew it in the fabric of his DNA. This was right. This was what he was meant to be.

"I'm a healer." Said Harry out loud.

Remus started in surprise and hurriedly stuffed a book in his pocket. Narcissa began to move towards him.

Harry smiled and felt at peace. "I'm a healer."

Snape's face was dark and unreadable, as if he was holding something back.

I'm a healer, Harry thought.

And then reality came crashing down.

He was a healer. Fuck.

AN: Happy New Year! Here is the scene I first imagined when I came up with this fic finally written out. Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate all of you! I have some exciting things coming up in the next few chapters. I almost didn't post this one until the next chapter is done, but I wanted to get one more in before the end of 2019. Wishing you all the best in 2020!