Everyone was already up by the time I decided to grace them with my sour morning presence. The majority were sitting outside, enjoying their coffee, lively chatter reaching my ears as I sat in the kitchen all alone at the table. The weekend wasn't a total failure and I was grateful for that. I managed to make a comeback, get them to laugh and I hoped they believed I was alright. I needed them to believe that and not tip toe around me.
It took me a while to notice Kurama leaning against the door frame, sharp mind analysing the changes registered on my face "Don't tell me you placed glue on the chair again."
He smiled softly making his way to sit close me at the table "Did you sleep well?" leaning, he placed a gentle kiss against my lips "I missed you last night beside me." Trying my best not to stare at him by trying to read into everything I just offered him a smile of my own, head resting on his shoulder. Taking a small sip of coffee, I felt his hand wrapping around my waist "What is bothering you Hana?"
"I don't want to talk about it." Lifting my head I turned to look over at him "This is how I manage to deal with it and hold my ground. I know it's going to be hard, tension is there, I can't pretend otherwise." Placing the cup on the table I took his hands into mine "Please just tell me it's going to be ok in the end."
Emerald eyes softened, ideas and unspoken words swarming in them. He gave my hands a gentle squeeze before releasing one in order to caress my cheek "I cannot make such promises, however I can promise I will try my best to make it alright for you in the end."
"This isn't about me." There it was, that subtle flinch "It's about you, Yusuke, Hiei, everyone outside right now." He relaxed hearing my words, but shook his head slightly at me.
"You need to let someone take care of you as well." His voice dropped to a whisper as he leaned closer to me "Allow me to do that." Slowly I took his hand away from my face, the only thing hinting me that he didn't like my reaction being a slight brow raise.
"Not yet Kurama."
His entire body shifted, guarding itself from me, eyes scanning something on the floor "Understandable." The words that followed were a compliment but sadness coated them "You are smart not to trust me fully, despite the fact that is what I want."
I slapped his shoulder with a quick hand "Don't be daft. The only one I don't trust here is myself." Brows furrowed at my confession "I am unpredictable, I mean I jumped you inside your kitchen, you never know with me." A light chuckle followed behind a graceful hand, memory colouring his cheeks slightly "Yup, no regrets there. Now come on, let's go outside with the rest."
In the yard, Keiko was telling Yusuke off for not brushing his teeth that morning and as per usual he was having none of it. Honestly I didn't blame her, his breath must have stunk like a skunk with all the drinking.
Jin and Ito weren't around at all so I presumed they headed back to the safe house. I felt like I owed Jin an apology since I couldn't convince Spirit World to relocate him inside the city. I felt guilty, like I was the one who took him out, showed him some fun and he drew the short straw because of me.
Kuwabara sat on the porch near Yukina, showing her how he got a bit of a tan from just being yesterday out in the sun. I laughed since she looked at him like he had a skin disease, guess she never saw a tan line before. Speaking of sun, Shizuru was enjoying her coffee in a chair near the pool, taking in the warm sun, still sporting a sexy bikini.
I circled the yard in search for Hiei, but he was nowhere to be seen either.
Once we all decided to head on home, the fire demon did make his way to me and Kurama. His intense eyes tried to penetrate through me but I wasn't bothered "Are you done with your studies?" taking my nod as a good enough answer he handed me the usual shopping list "Good. You are needed here." His eyes travelled to Kurama, a small head bob being the only thing exchanged and off he went.
Opening up the piece of paper, I looked over the requested groceries before reading the foot note. Kurama's soft steps brought him behind me, looking over my shoulder "This is new." Folding it I placed it in my pocket and smiled hushing Kurama.
"Don't be nosy." But I knew he saw what Hiei wrote. In telling me to go get a real job it meant he knew I did well on my exams, at least enough to pass and go ahead to becoming a full time nurse.
I didn't like that I needed to head back to the city, it always felt so short when we went there on Saturday, but I distracted myself with loud music. Kurama didn't look too bothered by my choices and awful singing, chuckling at the random performance I gave out.
Once we reached his place, he lingered a bit in the car "We will see each other during the week?"
"Yes darling, things are going back to normal now." A heart-warming smile made my heart flutter as well as the kisses goodbye. With a ton of butterflies in my stomach, I headed home to wash and get ready for a new week where I would finally return to work. I really needed this short time with everyone. Now I finally felt like my home was indeed that and not a place to hide out in like I did.
I froze midway while going up the stairs. My mind tried to process what I was seeing in front of my eyes, but I couldn't really. All I could come up with were questions.
Why was my stuff thrown in a pile outside my apartment door?
Why was there noise coming from my home?
And then those countless unanswered telephones rushed back in, flooding my memory. Slowly, I grabbed the rail trying to steady myself, took a deep breath and dared to walk up the remaining stairs.
The front door was halfway open, probably left like that so he could hurl stuff out faster. Glass shattering made my breath hitch as footstep approached. Surely enough there he was, my father standing in the door way, disgust wrinkling his nose when setting his eyes on me. A look I knew all too well.
"Done whoring around?" nonchalantly his hands discarded my photo camera down the stairs alongside some photo albums "Grab your things and get out of my sight." It felt like everything was moving in slow motion as I turned my head to look at my things again.
"Grandma left me this apartment." was the only thing I managed to get out without a shaky voice.
Cutting the air between up with a fast swing of his hand I flinched out of instinct, muscles tensing "Are you that stupid? She died before leaving a will so it's your mothers." It started clicking even if I didn't have too much knowledge surrounding the matter, but I was losing my home. Since mom was married to the mountain of the man before me, he also had claim over it due to some stupid thing they signed when getting married.
"I'm not leaving." He was insane by even suggesting it, by thinking I would leave my home.
It was enough to trigger him, strong fingers wrapping around my left arm "Are you deaf too?" pushing me, I managed to catch my footing just enough to steady myself for what came. The slap that moulded with my face perfectly stung on impact. Unfortunately for me, I manage to bite my tongue. And to think I should have learned by now to clench my jaw and grind my teeth in order to avoid it.
Spitting blood to the side, I glared at him "Don't do that, I'm warning you." He laughed in my face, taking my words as nothing because for him, for the man in front of me who should have been my father, everything that came out of my mouth meant zero.
It's funny how the brain works in such situations. Mine was fast forwarding through all sorts of past events, how he made me sleep in the living room on the couch so he could turn my room into his study. How he would never let me bring friends to the house. How I had all my time filled by meditations and studying.
The next blow had more force invested, managing to knock me off my feet and face first into the metal railing. The sickening sound of my nose breaking echoed inside my brain, eyes watering from the sudden impact. I felt blood running down my chin, but I was too dizzy to focus my brain to even lift a hand to wipe away at it. His hand tangled in my hair, words sounding muffled at first.
"What will you do?" a slap followed as he tried to get my attention "You were never able to do anything right. I told your mother that you're a mistake." He kept pulling back and forth at my hair "Such an ungrateful child, all we ever did was for your own good."
All I could repeat in my head was for him to stop shaking me, to let me rest my head since I was so dizzy. But he kept yanking at my hair, venomous words dripping from his foul mouth.
Weak.
Fragile.
Worthless.
Unwanted.
Loveless.
Grabbing his free hand mid strike I blinked a few times to clear my eyes.
Territory erupted, engulfing us without warning, air leaving my lungs in a sharp exhale as my brain rattled further. I am nothing but a healer. I am not the one, I can't fight off demons, I can barely stand up to my father.
He threw me on top of my things, yelling for me to pick up everything before he would teach me another lesson.
"This is my home." I couldn't recognise the voice leaving my mouth, it was as if I ran a marathon. My limbs trembled as I slowly tried to pick myself up.
But he didn't allow it, he rarely did.
Anger fuel his ugly soul, darkness spreading across it like a fast acting infection. This man held no scars on the surface of his being, no cuts, no hurt. Like a well adjusted freak, he held no compassion or empathy.
Especially towards me.
I gasped as he kicked me once, tears blurring my already affected vision.
Dents, that what he had on his soul, just dents, anger spewing like thick smog from the deepest one. Mine. I was that dent. I was nothing for him but a bump in the road. Sinister flames raged at me alongside him.
Heal.
I must heal.
My nose cracking back into place made me sick to my stomach.
"Ah, so you can use that abomination on yourself too." It made it worse, me being able to heal made it ten times worse.
Wincing in pain I raised my arms in an attempt to protect myself from the tyrant threatening me and I couldn't help but think "This is it, this is the moment he finally kills me."
Dread filled my core, pain reaching every bone I possessed.
I can't die.
I can't.
Using my forearm to block his hand, I punched him square in the face. The motion send him back slightly, enough for me to get back up on my feet properly. It didn't cause much damage, I honestly think he was surprised that I retaliated.
"You dare hit me?"
Hate, he hated me for existing, for being born. It was there, everything was there for me to see.
"Enough!" my voice came out strained as another hit landed hard enough to create some unbalance, but not make me fall over.
I stopped healing and just stared.
My entire concentration fell on his emotions and it felt like this hate directed at me, this unjustified anger was draining me of my life. How can a father act this way? Why did he agree for mom to keep me if this was going to be the extent of this parental skills?
All my life he berated me, made me feel so small, so insignificant.
Words stopped registering, the pain making its place at the back of my head.
My soul ached, burned with all the hurt, all the abuse and for what? For a soulless freak who didn't even feel any remorse while hitting his daughter? Tears stopped forming as I just held my ground, exposed and at his mercy.
This is not living, this is a slow form of dying.
With a long exhale my territory grew, spreading to other apartments inside the building, fear coating the nearest souls, some close to their doors, listening in to all the commotion.
But I was alone.
No one would even dare come out or pick up the phone to call the police.
Alone.
Not even when mom was with me did it stop. He turned her against me, fuelled her weak heart. When I made a mistake, she would yell at me, call me names and the one that hurt the most was that she called me the same as him. We were nothing alike.
Moving in for a second attempt to block him I then realised how my flesh hurt on impact "I am not like you." His eyes widened, face contorting with malice "I never want to be like you."
I shook, my territory vibrating from within me as I screamed. Father went limp for a second before taking a few steps back, back hitting a wall. He touched his chest, clutching onto his shirt as he allowed the descent to the ground, slowly sliding all the way down to the floor, eyes never leaving my face. It started small, just a tiny dot, then the crackling slowly spreading across the surface of his soul.
"Monster." Was all he could mutter before an uncontrolled sob took over him, tears filling his eyes.
I gathered what I could, throwing stuff inside a blanket, using that to carry what little I could get my hands on.
I ran.
Got in my truck.
Started driving.
Continued driving until I got out of the city.
Finally stopping the car in a small parking space I just screamed.
Over and over again until my throat hurt.
My hands were shaking, I was a trembling mess as I tried to grab my phone from my bag. Finally managing the task made me angry, frantic fingers searching for only one number. I let it dial on speaker, the other person picking up after a few rings as I tried to control my breathing, pressing my forehead against the steering wheel.
"Hello, we have been trying…"
"Why the fuck did you go through with it?" silence was the only response "Why the Hell did you give birth to me?"
Mom finally found her voice, dim and shaking "Hana are you alright?"
"Alright?!" my eyes lifted to the rear-view mirror, swollen eyes, blood, cracked skin and bruises forming, all that mess was me "Never fucking better." I spoke through bloodied gritted teeth "Why?"
"Hana, I" the pause was too long, patience now being a forte for me.
"You what?" I hit my hands against the steering wheel "By God if you are going to apologise I will shatter your core to pieces." I wasn't talking, I was yelling "You decided to stay with this monster."
"Hana what did he do? Where are you?" I tried to calm down, calm my breathing, my territory, my pain but all I was doing was draining myself "Hana talk to me please."
"I am done." I didn't close the call down, I shut down the phone entirely. I can't anymore, this is not a family, it's a fucking disaster.
I am done.