Chapter Forty-Three: Parallel Lives

The rain fell softly as if it knew of the hardships both behind and ahead. Each droplet alighted on Silvia's skin with just enough coolness to command her mind to the present, to pull her away from the pain of the past and the uncertainty of what was to come. The beads over her face, more numerous than even the scars in her skin, joined to wash over her in a delicate cascade of trickles. She raised her eyes to the grey layer that touched every mountain top, there was more to come before the skies cleared, of that she could be sure.

"Sil?" A voice came from the apartment behind her and she hesitantly turned at the sound. Clark stood there still draped in red, blue, and yellow. Soon after they had arrived back he had to leave again to defend Metropolis. They hadn't had a chance to speak about what they saw yet. "What are you doing out in the rain?"

Silvia's arms moved to hug herself and she shrugged, avoiding any form of eye contact with the man. "I don't know... It helps me think."

That same kind smile spread across his lips, small but still visible as he stepped towards her and out into the downpour. "You'll get a cold if you stay out here."

She shook her head. "It takes a lot more than this to get me sick, you know that."

"Well, it's still not a risk I'm willing to take." Clark unclipped his cape and held it over Silvia's head to cover her from the rain. It all seemed rather pointless to her seeing as she was already soaked. "I know you don't like me fussing over you but-"

"I don't know, compared to the other Superman you're pretty tame." It was meant as a joke but it fell short. It only reminded them of what had happened... and that there was still a lot they needed to discuss.

Clark sighed, trying to maintain the same glow he always had. He forced the smile back on and nodded towards his apartment. "Come on. Let's get inside before it turns into a storm."

She obliged but only because being outside wasn't making her decision any easier. She needed to talk to Clark about it... to try and make sure this world didn't end up like the other.

As soon as she was inside Clark already had a towel in hand and draped it over her shoulders. It was warm... much warmer than the usual towel. She had to wonder what he had done to it to make it that way without setting it on fire.

"Sorry I took so long. Bruce wanted to... talk about something." Clark started, disappearing for no longer than a minute or so before re-emerging out of his costume and in a loose pair of pajama pants... no shirt. Why did he have to make everything so distracting?

"About the other world?" Silvia quickly replied, knowing very well what someone like Bruce Wayne would want to discuss.

Clark was hesitant to agree, obviously thinking it better to avoid the topic no matter how many times she brought it up. Silvia couldn't blame him. She could see that he was having an inner conflict he'd prefer not to converse with her over.

"Why didn't he ask me?" She pressed on.

"He... wanted to." Clark finally revealed."I asked him not to."

Silvia frowned. "Why?"

"You don't need to be reminded of what happened there. We were only in that universe a few hours but I could already sense the League's terror... and their loss of hope." Clark sighed. "You were there almost a week... I can't imagine what you went through."

"It... wasn't exactly the highlight of my life but Bruce might need to know what I saw." Silvia moved the towel up to her head and started rubbing it against her hair to dry it. "You don't have to worry about me... I've seen worse, or I've done worse."

"You've changed since then, Sil. Things like this can still bother you... I saw the way you looked at me when I finally got to you, it was like you were scared of me."

"I wasn't scared of you... I just didn't know which version you were."

Clark's eyes locked onto hers intensely. "Because you were scared. You don't have to try and act tough around me... I was scared too."

Silvia let out an uneven exhale. "I know you were..."

"And something tells me that even if you hadn't changed your mindset you wouldn't have agreed with the world you saw."

"I wouldn't be so sure. If that Superman had told me about the drop in crime rate I would have... you just think too highly of me, Clark. That universe is exactly the world I would have created if I had your power." Silvia shivered. "That's what makes it so terrifying... I did that to you."

Clark's expression suddenly dropped, lips tightening into a thin line and breath becoming shallow. "Don't be silly, you didn't do anything. That Superman chose to turn his back on the beliefs that kept us grounded, his Silvia wasn't at fault, and you're certainly not either."

"But what if I am one day. What if that future we saw is just a glimpse at what's to come?"

The man of steel fell silent, and in that moment he didn't look so invincible anymore. He looked worried, broken, and almost defeated at the prospect of that world becoming their reality. It had been weighing on his mind too, and it was a thought that he could never quite shake.

The look on his face was so heartbreaking that Silvia's own expression mimicked his perfectly, as if she felt every single twinge of pain that Clark did. "That's why I need to see Bruce, if what I know can at least prepare for that future then I have to help."

Clark still seemed reluctant and instead of agreeing, he placed both hands on either side of her shoulders and urged her to glance up at him. "Then tell me and I'll let Bruce know."

"I don't think I should-"

"If you don't tell me then Bruce definitely won't." Clark breathed heavily. "I need to know, Sil."

The air around her thinned. It was like she couldn't get enough gulps of air to fill her lungs. It wasn't something she wanted to talk about, least of all to him, but with how dire the circumstances had been Silvia felt like she had little choice. "I don't know where to start..."

"Well you said a lot of our friends died, why don't you start there?"

"There's not much to say about it." Silvia began, trying not to look as bothered as she was about it. "Green Arrow died, so did Deathstroke."

Clark raised a dark eyebrow at this one. He knew Silvia shouldn't have been too upset about it, but she looked disturbed.

"I was there when he died... or was killed." Silvia shivered. "I might have enjoyed watching it a few years ago, but now?..."

Clark's thumb ran over her shoulder comfortingly. "It's okay, Sil. If it's too much then you don't have to keep talking about it."

"No, I do." She replied lowly. "Kori was dead as well, so was Dick and... Billy. I was there when he died too."

Clark wanted to ask how, and who could do such a thing to someone like Billy. Something told him that he already knew what had happened though and he was too scared to ask.

"I can't even begin to explain how awful that universe was, and I hope you understand that I'm going to do anything within my power to prevent it from happening to us." Silvia finally said, front teeth digging into her bottom lip.

"Of course I understand, I'm going to do the exact same thing. You won't be alone in this."

"Does us being together not bother you even after everything that we saw?" Silvia questioned, admittedly bewildered by his response.

Clark appeared slightly confused but answered regardless. "If anything it's convinced me that I'll have to stay closer to you. If I try not to wander too far away I'll always be able to hear if you're in danger, especially if a criminal's around."

Silvia's eyes automatically narrowed at Clark, uncertainty swimming within the silver speckled irises. "... What exactly did Lex tell you about their Silvia's death?"

"He told me enough. That she was pregnant and Metropolis was destroyed with her."

"Did he tell you who killed her?"

Clark fell silent for a second before shaking his head slightly. "I heard you talking so I assumed it was Joker... it's not exactly something I wanted to know."

She dug her hands into her pockets awkwardly, considering whether she should just keep it that way or not. She couldn't. He wouldn't understand what she was about to do if he didn't know. "That's not the whole truth..."

Clark's brow furrowed at her and now she it was obvious that she had to continue. There was no room to back away now.

"I just want you to keep in mind that it wasn't your... or his fault." Silvia said in a panic. "No one's blaming Superman for what happened over there."

"What isn't his fault?" Clark said in a worried tone. "What are you saying?"

"W-Well... it was Joker's plan and everything." Silvia continued, now realising that she had no idea how she was going to tell him. "He used a concentrated sleeping powder to knock me out, he had altered it to work against my durability. Then he killed Scarecrow and stole his fear gas..."

"But fear gas wouldn't have killed you..."

"No, it didn't." Silvia took a deep breath, working up every scrap of courage in her body. "He laced it with Kryptonite, Clark. Not enough to effect Superman's abilities but enough to weaken his mind against the toxin. It made him see things, hallucinate about his worst terrors."

Clark looks even more confused now, as if he was trying to figure out the conclusion to this story before it was said. The idea was so unthinkable that Silvia doubted he'd get there.

"He thought Doomsday had broken into the submarine Joker was holding her in... all he could think about was protecting Silvia, and so he tried to get rid of him as soon as possible."

"But he wasn't there, was he?" Clark's gaze dropped sadly. All the sorrow he had held back over the years felt like it was coming to the surface. He bit his lip and still managed to suppress it. "While Superman was distracted Joker killed her and blew up Metropolis..."

"No... he was operating on Silvia. He connected the bomb to her heart so that the moment it stopped beating Metropolis would be destroyed." Silvia gulped. "Superman flew Doomsday out of the atmosphere, and into space. Where he knew Doomsday would survive but not be able to return for a decent period of time... but it wasn't Doomsday. It was Silvia."

Clark froze. Every muscle in his body visibly tensed beneath his skin. His eyes were burning and his chest felt heavy as if it was suddenly filled with lead. His mind, at first, couldn't comprehend what she had said. He couldn't understand it so his mind tried desperately to find a different translation for her words. When he couldn't it was like everything broke through at once. The dam he had built up to prevent his worries drowning him sprung a leak, then collapsed altogether.

The emptiness in his heart, the numbness pounding his brain, the salty tears that flowed unchecked from his eyes, the shear nothingness that now took hold of his soul threatened to engulf him entirely. His legs buckled, knees sinking into the carpet. "No... That can't be true... I'd never-"

Silvia quickly leaned down to his level, reaching her hands out to touch either side of his face. She wiped his tears away with her thumbs but they were only replaced with more. "It wasn't his fault, Joker tricked him... don't beat yourself up over something you haven't done yet."

She tried to comfort him but her words rung hollow. There was hope before she had told him this. Just a tiny flicker against the wind. With the open eyes of a child he had reached out, naively thinking that he could change things but this had sent him spiralling back to reality. Silvia embraced him, arms holding onto him so tightly that if he were a weaker being it may have even hurt.

"I'm sorry, Clark... I just thought you had more of a right to know than I did."

Clark's shoulders trembled in response just before he pushed himself away from her. "I... I need some time alone..." He said in an uneven voice. She could hear that he was still trying to keep himself carefully glued together but it wasn't working.

He left through the window that day. Into the downpour that saturated his body to match the tears streaming down his cheeks. Soon you couldn't even tell that he was crying, it just looked like rain dripping down his face.

Silvia sighed, posture hunching forward like she'd just been kicked in the stomach. It felt that way. Her entire being was aching with sorrow. She thought she had heard his heart break in those few brief sobs, and hers shattered right along with it.

"Goodbye, Clark." She whispered to the slowly disappearing figure. She knew that he could hear her, and that he knew what it meant. Still he kept going, not even halting at the farewell.