Chapter 67 - Your Mother and Mine

Thirty minutes passed before Gosha's head dipped own onto his chest, falling asleep in his armchair. Legosi pointed him out to Louis. "Look."

"Aw..."

"Want to take our shower now?"

"Yes. We can be...alone~ In there." He winked, mostly joking.

"Eheheh, the only time we'll probably see each other naked, here." Legosi stood up, lifting Louis with him.

Louis sighed. "I guess I won't be able to sleep, then."

"What, you don't think you can sleep in clothes anymore?"

"It was...more of a joke than anything. Who knows."

Legosi set Louis down, walking ahead. "Follow me."

The deer did so, smiling.

They entered the wolf's room once again, gathering their pajamas up so they could change into them after the shower. Exiting once again, they walked down the hallway. Louis noticed a door on the way that had a circular hole cut in the middle. Legosi seemed to walk faster when they got to it.

"What's that about?" The herbivore asked.

"What was that?" Legosi looked over his shoulder as he opened the bathroom door at the end of the hall.

"This hole in the door..." Louis knelt down, trying to peer inside.

Legosi's ears folded back as he gripped the doorknob tightly, already feeling himself shake. "That...was my mom's room."

"I know. She's..." He looked down. "Isn't she?"

Legosi nodded solemnly. "I can...tell you about it later...if you want."

"We're already here."

Legosi sighed. He stepped back towards Louis, opening up the door and turning on the light. The space was much like Legosi's room: frozen in time yet upkept. Makeup and fur and skin care mixtures dotted the room, atop dressers and shelves. There wasn't much aside from that than the bed. There was a cold sadness to the room.

Next to the bed, on the nightstand, was a framed photograph of Gosha, a female wolf, and a young Legosi, all dressed up formal and posing seriously. Only the woman was smiling.

Louis looked around. "What happened?"

Legosi looked down at the bed before sitting down on it, carefully. "She killed herself. Five years ago."

Louis froze. Just...froze.

The wolf looked around the room. He had barely even been in it when she was alive. "It wasn't too long after that that I went off to Cherryton. Grandpa said it'd be a good idea to try and get into the same school as Jack to get away from this place. And then I just...didn't come back."

The deer was silent. He walked back over to the hole and kneeled once more, peering through it. "It's because she was a hybrid, wasn't it?"

Legosi watched Louis. "It was. I saw her when I was real young, but once I started elementary school, she locked herself up in this room. The only way she interacted with me was through that hole in the door. Patting my head, feeling my face. I'd give her gifts through there, hoping she'd come out one day."

Louis stared through the hole for a moment. Thoughts ran through his mind. He imagined the phantom of a female doe there, faceless, only her hands reaching through and caressing his face. She didn't speak, either. He began to tear up.

Legosi looked over to the picture on the nightstand. "That picture...that's the only time I remember seeing...her scales. The dress she wore had an open back...and it was covered. I remember thinking...they were beautiful like jewels. Just like grandpa's." He let out a staggered breath. "But she didn't feel the same."

Louis looked down once more. "I'm...so selfish..."

The canine turned his attention back to the deer. "...hm?"

"I wanted to take my life or be dead for so long..."

Legosi just listened.

"I thought I had it so bad to where I didn't' want to be alive. That's not fair to you. I wasn't going through nearly what she was going through. Legosi, I'm so sorry..." He sniffed again. "And...and...I remember now."

Legosi smiled sadly. "Well... you got through it. Thank you for staying alive with me." The wolf rubbed his large hands on his knees. "What do you remember?"

"What I was going to ask you that day we got our scarves. I said I wouldn't forget, but I did."

Legosi thought back. He remembered that moment they shared in the dressing room. "What is it?"

"Do you think...my mother loved me...?"

The wolf looked down at his feet. "I...I don't know, Louis. I want to think...all mothers love their children..."

"She couldn't have. She didn't know me," He sighed. "But I still can't help but...miss her so much."

Legosi looked up at him, sadly. "That makes sense...since you never knew her. Like a hole in yourself that never got filled..."

Louis looked back at the circular opening. "A hole..."

His fiance stood up and walked over, setting a hand on his shoulder. "Let's shower now, okay?"

"Do you think I get my love of carnivores from my mom?"

Legosi shrugged. "I think you're just you, Louis."

"But..."

Legosi's ear flicked as he looked down at his boyfriend. "What do you think?"

"I don't know. I never grew up with a mother. Maybe...my love for carnivores comes from being raised by them? Like when I was in the black market?"

Legosi bit his lip, thoughtfully. "I can't imagine how you can't feel anything but contempt for carnivores after what they did to you, so I'm not sure."

"My mother...What do you think she was like?" He sniffed.

"Um..." Legosi sat down next to Louis, leaning into him. "She was probably a woman who had a lot of problems in her life."

"I mean...if she had to...give you away like that. I'm sure it broke her heart."

Louis felt tears as he wiped his eyes. "Y-yeah...yeah..."

Legosi tapped his shoulder and held his large hand to him. "C'mon."

The deer took it and stood up, then hugged him, sobbing a bit. "I'm sorry...that you lost your mother that way..."

Legosi just hugged back, tears flowing from his eyes as well. "Thank you. I'm sorry you were never able to meet yours."

He squeezed him. "I guess I wouldn't have met you if I was never given up..."

The wolf squeezed, wondering the same thing. All the pain they've been through, it had to be what brought them together, right?

"I'm sorry for bothering you about this. This place must bring up bad memories."

"It does, but it's worth it to see grandpa again, and to have you here."

"Let's make more good memories and drown out the bad ones." He looked up, smiling softly.

Legosi blinked his eyes slowly, taken in once again by just how beautiful this deer was. He leaned in for a soft, long kiss.

The deer still had many thoughts running through his mind. If his mother was still alive today, he didn't want to know.

Eventually, the pair pulled themselves away from one another, closing the door softly behind them as they made their way to the bathroom.

Their clothes dropped to the floor, and the water was turned on. They stood outside the shower waiting for warm water. Legosi glanced down at their naked bodies, flickers of last night igniting in his mind.

The cervid looked to the mirror. How much has he inherited from his mother? Her eyes? Her nose? Were these the antlers of his father?

Legosi followed his gaze. "You look stunning...", he was unable to keep the words from leaving his lips.

Louis' eyes stayed focused on himself. "Do I?"

The canine rubbed his large fingers through his fur. "You do."

"I feel really sad."

Legosi nudged Louis with his nose, as if asking why.

"You...you would never take your own life, right?"

"Only it I was about to eat you..."

"Don't say that!"

Legosi folded his ears. Of course that was stupid to say. "I-I will never eat you! Or try to! So it won't happen."

"I think I would have, back at the Horns Conglomerate."

Legosi wrapped his arms around him. "I'm so glad you didn't. I'm so glad you waited for me."

"I was sitting on the edge, looking down. It was right there. So close. But then...I felt your arms around me and..." He looked away from the mirror. "I needed that feeling so badly. I needed you. So, I stopped."

The wolf smiled. "I'm glad...I was able to do that for you. Even if I wasn't there." He leaned down to embrace him tighter. "Everything is alright now."

"I never want to feel that way again."

"I'll try my hardest to make sure you don't." Legosi reached his hand into the shower. "It's warm now. Let's get in."

Louis nodded, stepping past him and getting in, sighing deeply.

Legosi joined him, letting the warm water splash over him. The shower was definitely bigger than the one at home. Legosi looked over everything, only finding soaps for reptiles. "Oh...I guess we'll have to use this."

"We didn't think to bring our own," the naked buck chuckled.

Legosi laughed as well. "Oh well! Soap is soap." He grabbed a bar and rubbed it on his mate.

Louis sighed. "So this whole time, you never told me?"

"Well, it never came up in conversation, and you never asked. I felt it was easier for me not to mention her."

"I guess I'll be honest. I never wanted to ask you about your past, knowing how much I never wanted anyone to know about mine. Now that I think about it, it's completely ridiculous. I used to think our pasts make us who we are, but...Look who I am now."

"We forge our own futures, regardless of what happened." Legosi scrubbed harder at the deer's fur.

Louis nodded. "Yeah..."

"I'm so happy that you're here, Louis. I'm happy that grandpa likes you."

"I can't express how relieved I am. Now I know I need to take care of you more."

Legosi cocked his head. "Oh?"

"Well...I want to, at least."

"I'll take care of you too! Of course!" Legosi turned around so Louis could wash his back. "Do you like my grandpa?"

The deer rubbed his hands around. "Oh, he's very sweet. I wanted to cry myself when we made him cry."

Legosi grinned widely. "I'm glad. We can be a family together!"

"We already are!"

"O-of course!" Legosi's wet tail wagged. He was glad that Gosha was the kind lizard he remembered. He still felt bad for avoiding him all those years.

"You can rebuild your relationship now."

Legosi nodded. "I don't think that will be too hard. He's the best grandfather a wolf could ever have."

"Seems like it!"

The two animals felt the hot water relax their bodies, easing their minds from the unpleasant topics discussed just minutes prior. Eventually, they had lathered each other up and down, and took turns with the shower head rinsing.

Louis' eye moved to his fiance. "So, how long are you planning on staying here?"

"A few days. If you want, that is."

"Anything is fine, hon."

Legosi turned the water off, and the two stepped out, having to use towels to dry off due to Gosha not owning an air dryer.

"Our fur is getting all over these..."

"Grandpa won't mind. It'll probably remind him of when I was still here.

The deer chuckled. "Why don't you go do that while I get the bed ready?"

Legosi got dressed in his pajamas and made his way back to the living room, fur now damp. He approached the sleeping dragon and jostled him gently.

"Grandpa, we're going to bed now. You probably want to as well."

Gosha woke up with a bit of a start, but he smiled warmly at the sight of his grandson. "Legosi...thank you. I'll go in a bit."

Legosi smiled back, and headed back to his room.

Louis was fluffing the pillows.

Legosi walked in, looking at his old bed. Louis managed to make it seem nostalgic and not sad.

The deer stood in his underwear. "Is this a good compromise?"

The wolf smiled. "One second." He reached down to pull his own t-shirt off, after which he pulled the pants down. "Now it is."

Louis moved the sheets back. "Get in."

Legosi complied, sliding into the bed for the first time in over five years.

"How does it feel?"

"Cool...a bit hard. The mattress back home is softer."

"We broke it in~"

Legosi giggled. "I guess so." There was a soft knock at the door.

The stag turned, having still been standing. "Yes?"

"May I come in?" the lizard's kind voice was muffled behind the door.

The deer crossed his arms. "Go ahead, Gosha-san."

He entered, seeing the shirtless deer standing next to the bed where Legosi lay. If he thought anything about it, he didn't show it. "Well, looks like you boys are turning in! I'm doing the same. Just wanted to say goodnight."

"G'night, grandpa.", Legosi yawned.

"Goodnight," Louis grinned.

"It was so good meeting you, Louis! I van already tell we're going to get along well! I can't wait to try your omelettes tomorrow, too."

"Of course, sir. Please, sleep well."

Gosha laughed. "Oh, still so formal! We'll break him in, right Legosi?"

Legosi blinked sleepily. "Mhmm."

The deer rolled his eyes.

Gosha walked out, shutting the door behind him.

The wolf turned back to Legosi. "Break me in?"

"Make you less formal. Grandpa was always bugged by it. Don't worry about it, though."

Louis turned out the light and then came to the bed. "Okay, I won't."

"Hmhmm." Legosi anticipated the sweet embrace of his beloved.

Louis crawled into bed and stuck his legs under the covers. "Let me hold you tonight."

"I would love that."

"Turn."

Legosi complied, laying on his side facing away from Louis.

The deer wrapped his arms around his midsection, holding him close. He moved his head to make up for his antlers.

The wolf hummed happily, pushing himself back into the deer's body.

Louis pecked the back of his neck and then moved his head back. "Is there anything you want to say before I go and dream about you?"

In that position, in that bed, someone holding him from behind, an old memory that had laid dormant for years bubbled to the surface. Legosi felt cold. He shivered, letting out a slow, ragged breath.

"My...mother held me like this...the night before she..."

The hands disappeared and so did Louis' warmth. He didn't know what to say.

"...Please don't let go..." Legosi's voice sounded pathetic.

"But..."

"I-I need you...I'm sorry I brought that up...I just...now remembered it."

"I'm right here..."

Legosi turned around, facing the deer. "If...if I had just turned around to face her...to talk to her...maybe she wouldn't have killed herself. But no, I thought I'd upset her if I looked at her body, so I pretended to be asleep." Legosi sobbed, covering his face.

Louis took a moment. No. I won't let you blame yourself. But...You don't need that right now. You need me. He scooted as close as possible, his arm against Legosi's chest.

"L-Louis..." his voice almost squeaked.

"Legosi..."

Legosi buried himself into the deer. "I-I wish she could have met you..."

"I...I'm sure I would have loved her..."

Louis swallowed. "Legosi...Um..."

The wolf sniffed.

"You've sparked a fear in my heart."

Legosi pulled his face from Louis' chest. "Wh-what?"

"Do you think you'll ever...grow scales...?"

"And I would fight a war to have everyone accept you. I could be the only member of the army, I don't care."

Legosi, comforted by those words, felt his body relax. "Thank you...Louis. I love you..."

"I don't just love you, Legosi. You are the only one for me."

The wolf chuckled through his remaining tears. "A-always one upping me. I feel the same way, though."

The deer moved and got on him, just laying there. "I will always fight for you."

Legosi sighed contentedly at the feeling of Louis on top of him. "And I will always be there to protect you."

Louis kissed his neck gently. "What are some good memories you have of your mother?"

"Well...when I was younger she'd take me outside to catch butterflies...and she would read me stories. She'd help color the coloring books we'd buy at the grocery store. When I came home from my first day of school...she said I looked so sad that she went out to get ice cream with me."

His fiance smiled, softly as they relished in the memories. "Mm." Louis fell asleep on him first, but Legosi didn't know that, assuming he had just been listening.

The wolf went on, eventually drifting off to sleep as he relayed the stories.