Hey there, the end might disturb again, but my usual official warning stands again-this is Walking Dead. I mean no disrespect whatsoever to any, please, don't take it that way. Thanks.
XXXVIII.
Slowly waking up to the first day of the rest of her life, Amanda lazily smiled as sunlight slipped through the curtains at the windows, painting the room in a hazy golden mist, and turning on her side she looked at Rick, and who had already woken up, lying on his side, too, watching her.
In any other time, the notion—anyone watching her sleep should've disturbed the shit out of her but now—Rick—her husband watching her only made her smile wider, and she nested against his chest as his arm went around her waist to pull her closer. Rick bowed his head over her shoulder, giving a kiss along her neck.
"Hmm—" she hummed with satisfaction… she could really wake up like this for the rest of her life… then Rick murmured against her skin—
"Slept well, Mrs. Grimes?"
And her heart skipped a beat as she trembled… Mrs. Grimes… She really liked hearing it. "Say it again—" she murmured back, lifting her neck backward to give him an access point, sighing out deeply.
She really liked hearing it… but Rick lifted his eyes up at hers, his lips barely touching at her skin, and asked almost innocently, "Slept well?"
She tucked her head down, "Rick—" He gave her back a half grin, and Amanda was struck how younger he looked now—how beautiful he truly was—and he loved her, truly loved her—because it was her, because she was the only woman in this world who would still call him a sucker—and Amanda knew what that meant. She was aware there was still a lot of shit they'd covered up again, but she didn't care. This was her life, her fact; Amanda could never deny a fact. She draped one arm across his shoulder. "The other thing…" she whispered.
"Mornin'?" he asked back, still grinning, a mischievous glint in his eyes, and she rolled her eyes, but couldn't help herself but giggle—she actually giggled—she couldn't even remember the last time she ever giggled—
"Rick—"she whined playfully, and Rick laughed…
"Well, you have to be more precise about what you want, Mrs. Grimes—"
Shaking her head, she giggled more. "I like hearing it."
He pushed her hair out of her shoulder, and losing his smile, he gave her a look—"And I'm glad to hear that, Amanda."
Heat crawled along her neck, and she bowed her head, heaving out a sigh, hid against his shoulder. She rested herself against him further, and felt his hardness against her groin. But they had slept well, indeed.
She shook her head again, sighing—"All those wild sexes we had—in all thooose funny places, pushing buttons and biting—" she drawled out the words, her forehead still pressed on his shoulder, "and we actually slept at our wedding night—" She laughed, "How ironic…"
Rick gave out a snort. "You tell me?" His hands moved toward her ass, and rolling on his back, he hoisted her up over him. He then nestled her fully against his erection. "When you're cleared off, I'm gonna lock us in here for a whole day—" he growled out, his lips founding her neck again.
"Only for a day?" she shot back as his lips trailed across her jawline, his beard scratching her skin in a way that made her tremble further, "Sounds…disappointing—" she breathed out long, and gasped as he bit the sensitive spot under her ear—
"Believe me, when the day ends, you're gonna beg me to let ya go—"
"I highly doubt it."
In answer, he chuckled—his teeth still grazing at her neck, his hands firmly against her ass, and Amanda was starting to get the idea that he rather enjoyed that fine asset of hers—then he started sucking the spot he'd bitten.
She violently trembled, and pulled back a little. "Rick—honey—" she forced out between hoarse breaths, her core burning and wet…wanting him, but again…. "We—we shouldn't start something we can't finish…"
He grunted out, closing his eyes giving out a sharp breath, but nodding, he rolled her off of him and moved away. "Right." Lying on his back, he brought his arm over his eyes. "How long had Denise said we should wait again?"
Amanda let out a loud laugh, her chest swelling with emotions, seeing him wanting her like this made her feel good, very good. She always knew he wanted her, but this time it felt different. She was his wife now… and a wife had to take care of her husband.
So she moved toward him again. "Don't worry, honey, I got you—" she smirked at him and started straightening up, her fingers tugging at the edge of his low rise trunks. Shifting his head, he gave her a heated look as she smirked wider down at him, "May no one ever say Mrs. Grimes doesn't know how to take care of her husband."
As her hand slipped inside his underwear, Rick threw his head backward with a hiss, his neck straining to reveal his Adam's apple, and it was damn sexy—so damn sexy for a little while she forgot what she was about to do but just wanted to go up and kiss him there—bite him there—just the sight of him was enough to push her over the edge, the tug inside her was pulsing… She wanted him—so, so very badly—oh dear god, what she could've given just to feel him inside her now—filling her—filling every emptiness inside her—
Shaking her head, she bent down. This was about him. He was so good to her last night—forgiving her, talking to her, telling her why he loved her—no one but her… She should return the favor. She pulled him out and took him inside her mouth.
Rick gave out a hiss, and she lifted her eyes to watch him again from his crotch where she'd bent down, and their eyes met for a second, Rick's eyes turning darker and more feral… He drove his neck back again when she moved further, taking him in as deep as she could manage and his hand moved to her head too, coiling her hair around it, and pushed her in over himself further and further, deeper and deeper… She almost choked with each stroke but kept going on. She was going to make him happy. She was going to make him as happy as he did her, feel appreciated. He wasn't only good for killing—how could even think of that... Without him, she would've been miserable, she would've been empty. She would've always yearned for more, but never could've dared to try, and she wished she could've erased the past, wiped off the invisible scars on him—she wished she could help him—be there for him. She was his wife. She had to be there for him…
His hand at her hair tightened as she quickened her pace, keeping up with his speed as he directed her with his hand—and from his ragged breaths she knew he was close—she knew he was damn close—and she was throbbing so badly with need, the need to feel him…feel him in there, fill her emptiness in but she pushed the thought away, this was about him. And she was going to make him happy—make him forget everything a bit and just be…happy. She could at least do that…but just before he reached his peek a sudden wail came out from the cot, and then Judith started crying—rather loudly.
"Fuck!" Rick swore out with a hiss, his hand loosening his grip at her hair as she stopped dead, still having him in her mouth. Amanda lifted her eyes up back at him, and their eyes met as Judith kept crying, loudly, very loudly.
Letting him go, Amanda straightened back. "I-I'll get her," she mumbled out, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.
Moving his arm over his eyes again, Rick nodded wordlessly. Amanda swept over the bed, and stood up. Wiping her hands with a wet tissue, she picked up the baby girl, and brought her back to the bed. She rested Judith between them as Rick still lay on his back motionlessly. "You've just killed daddy a little bit here, sweetheart," she whispered at Judith, smiling, her fingers caressing the baby's tummy.
Rick lowered his arm, shaking his head, "I—I forgot how this was—" he said, still shaking his head and gave her a look, then rolled over toward them, and lay on his stomach as his arm circled both her and Judith, "We better get used to this." He let out a loud, gruff groan with exasperation, his cheek pressed on the pillow…"A whole week…gon' lock us a whole week—how that sounds now?" he roughed out, his eyes locked on hers.
She smiled ruefully, "Sounds like... a dream," and said back, sighing out.
In answer, Rick sighed back deeply, too. "Yeah…" Another groan followed… "'tis gon' kill me even before that herd might get the chance…" he muttered out under his breath as Amanda felt her chest tightened at the words.
# # #
"You ain't gon' believe it," Beth exclaimed, standing in front of Daryl as he knelt down in front of his new bike at the yard of Aaron's garage. Daryl gave her a quick look before turning back to his work, as if he already decided what Beth was about to let him know wouldn't matter to him but Beth didn't let his lack of enthusiasm dampened her good mood. No. Even Daryl Dixon's moods wouldn't foul her mood right now. They were deep in the trouble, like always, but Beth was just happy to have these little moments of happiness from where she could find, and she was happy—gigantically happy for her friend. Amanda deserved happiness, Rick deserved it, after he'd so much struggled, too, and Beth was happy for them. Maybe they wouldn't get holiday, birthdays, and summer picnics anymore, but at least they could get that. Granted, there wasn't actually a wedding so to speak, but they still got a wedding. She'd seen Amanda's ring this morning, the shy, hopeful smile the older woman had given her when she'd showed it…
Beth smiled further, bouncing on her heels, "Amanda and Rick! They got married last night!"
Daryl's head lifted up from the bike, and he arched an eyebrow under his hair, "They started talking again?"
Beth rolled her eyes. Daryl Dixon always being a party pooper… "Obviously," Beth shot back. Daryl must be glad though. After Amanda had gone to the other house yesterday, Daryl had come back to their room, but this was even better. This was how it was supposed to be. Daryl hadn't said a thing when Amanda had moved to their room, but she knew he had missed her. Beth could understand. She'd missed him, too, and Amanda had been…hard to deal with when she was hurt but that was all the past now. All's well that ends well, she told herself. They were going to be okay. They were going to deal with that herd like they always did, and they were going to be okay. Amanda was going to have another baby—perhaps even they would try—if—if Daryl—Beth didn't know. Since the thing with the late doctor had happened, Daryl was so worried about Sam. He didn't want to show it, but Beth knew. A baby with Daryl… Beth had always wanted to have a baby—she just didn't know—but seeing Amanda…she didn't know.
She shook her head, and started explaining. "I talked with her yesterday. I told her don't be an idiot, and accept it. Told her she deserves it—" She gave him a pointed look, "Having someone who loves you isn't so bad, right?"
Daryl gave her the look back, but wordlessly mumbled out, "Hmm—"
Beth laughed out, and knelt down on the ground next to him, and kissed him at his cheek. "I love you, too, honey," she teased.
"Is it ready?" Beth then asked, changing the topic, gesturing at the bike with her head. The herd was still there. After everything settled, they—they might sit down and talk, too. "Will you ride it to the intersection today?"
Daryl hadn't taken it outside yet so Beth reasoned he would want to try. Daryl bobbed his head, confirming her guess. "Yeah. Gotta do a test drive before the dry on."
The similar fear caught Beth again. He was going to lead a massive herd away, riding on that thing, completely open to every danger and threat. Each time Beth thought about it, she felt like losing her mind. She knew it had to be him—there wasn't anyone else who would do this, maybe Rick or Abraham, but Rick needed to lead this whole thing—and he wouldn't trust Abraham to do it…not with Abraham's recklessness and alcohol consummation, so it had to be Daryl—Beth understood it. She just didn't like it.
She had to be there with him. Help him. Protect him if she could. She needed to see it-know that he was fine and…in one piece. Daryl was still opposing the idea, but Beth didn't care. She was going to go with him. She wasn't a damn damsel in distress who needed constant protection. She'd done things, too. Though, Daryl had other opinions on that, and now that Amanda had bled again, she knew Rick would have never let her go—Amanda herself wouldn't have risked her chances that way, either, Beth also knew. It was only her and Abraham now, and she wasn't sure if Daryl would like it any better this way.
Still, Beth was going with him. She wasn't going to stay behind.
"How is Sam?" Beth asked then, changing the topic again. It was a fight she didn't want to get into again.
His lips clenched. "The same," he said, "He refused to leave the house."
Beth felt sad. What had happened to the little boy made her so sad—especially seeing Daryl like this, that clenched lips—that tight frown… It hurt Beth, making her feel helpless because it cut so deep for Daryl and she didn't know how she could help him.
Getting beaten—getting beaten was something she'd never experienced herself before Dawn. She used to pity people who had seen suffered that in high school before, but had never truly understood how it felt not before Dawn's hand raised and hit her but getting it from your parents—from people who were supposed to love you—protect you—treasure you— No…she couldn't understand it. She didn't want to understand it. It was wrong.
"Why don't you ask him to work with you on the bike?" Beth suggested, the idea coming at her. The young boy looked like he'd idolized Daryl, so it might work. Beth wanted it work.
Daryl gave her a look then slowly nodded. "'Kay."
She nodded back. "A'right then," she stood up, "See ya at the intersection."
When she arrived to the infirmary, she found Amanda already there, questioning Denise. "But—but do you think it'd be safe…?" Amanda asked as the new doctor's face turned a shade of red so fierce, Beth for a moment questioned if she wanted to know what exactly was Amanda trying to determine if it was safe or not.
"Err—I—I'm not really sure—" Denise said back, fidgeting, "This isn't really my expertise."
The new doctor was sounding really disturbed, as if she'd prefer to be anywhere but here at the moment, but Amanda wasn't having any of it— "But I need to know it for sure, doctor… You see, we just got married and slept whole night. It's rather…frustrating. I want to know if it'd be one hundred percentage safe if we do it…that way."
A blush coming at her, Beth started getting an idea what Amanda was talking about… "Um—I daresay yes, but I'd be still careful," the doctor finally gave in, "If you—bleed, you should stop."
Amanda nodded solemnly, "Will do." She turned, and seeing Beth greeted her after a moment of hesitance, "Oh," she said, "hi there."
Beth gave her a look, "It doesn't sound like a good idea, Amanda," she remarked as Denise left them alone. "You should wait."
Amanda huffed loudly. "Well, you didn't see him this morning…" she muttered out, "He needs to blow off some steam." She paused, "He's been having hell for days… We both have… But I stay and he goes out…" She sighed out deeply, "I can't send him to that herd like this. He needs to stay focused."
Beth gave her another look, "I saw him dealing with worse in worse conditions."
Amanda's lips flattened. "He doesn't need to now," she said pointedly, "I'm not Lori," she seethed out, "and I'm not sending my husband off to that herd like this," she finished with finality.
Beth narrowed her eyes at her. That wasn't exactly what Beth had meant, and the way she'd brought Lori into this made Beth even suspicious more. Amanda hadn't been very specific about the details how their fight had ended up Rick telling her she would never believe he loved her because no one loved her before, but she still knew if Rick had been angry that much, Amanda had been really lost it, and Beth had started getting an inkling for the reason of it. "Okay…" Beth slowly drawled, giving the older woman another look.
Letting out another frustrated huff, Amanda turned on her heels, and walked out at the porch. Beth followed her out as she rested herself at the railings. "Can Daryl find a ring for Rick today in the woods?" she asked suddenly, out of the blue, "I want to give him one, too. I would've gone myself but—you know—" she faltered, shaking her shoulders off.
Beth nodded. "Sure," she answered, "He can go out earlier for the intersection. Will you still come to dry on?" Beth asked further.
Amanda shook her head. "No. I don't want to risk it. I can't—" She turned her eyes at Beth for a second, "I'll come with you to the intersection, though. I have to see it at least."
Beth nodded. She knew how hard it was going to be for Amanda, to stay behind, wondering if they were safe or not, going crazy with worry, worrying. No, Amanda wouldn't definitely like it. They stood together at the porch, still resting against the railings and watched the street in silence. The town was getting ready to go out to the intersection, too. Rick might get them out in an hour, so it was a busy morning. Across the yard, Beth saw Daryl walking to Jessie's house and felt a bit better about it. At the other side, the church was getting more attention too—most residents had started coming praying once they learned about the herd, and since yesterday the numbers had been growing as they'd learned more about Rick's plans. Amanda's eyes were on the church as well, but there was a frown over her eyebrows as she watched it. Spencer Monroe and Ron were getting inside through the main door, and as soon as Amanda picked them up, she frowned more. "Well, looks like Alexandria has found God," she snickered, watching the younger Monroe walk inside after Sam's big brother.
Beth held the railings, and sighed out. "We used to sit in pray circles with my dad and Maggie in the prison."
Amanda skipped her eyes at her, "Why don't you go now?"
Beth shook her head, "My dad died." She swallowed, remembering those times, remembering the girl she used to be, "The last time I prayed to God was the time Dawn threw me off of the elevator shaft."
Amanda's hand found hers, and she gave it a firm squeeze. "I made my first pray last night after a long time."
Beth turned her head aside to look at her, "What did you pray for?" she asked, wondering if she had prayed like the Alexandrian's for a miracle, too, but Amanda shook her head.
"I—I prayed Rick would forgive me and have me back after I broke up with him."
Beth smiled at her friend ruefully. "My dad—my dad would've liked to see you together," Beth told her, remembering how her Dad worried about Rick, how much he cared about him, "Rick was like a son to him," she went on, "He always wanted Rick to be happy."
Releasing her hand, Amanda turned her eyes back to the street and continued to watch the church. "Do you think I can do it, Beth?" she then asked after a little while with a small voice, "Make him happy? We talked with Carl this morning together. He said the same, too. He told Rick he wanted him to be happy. I want him to be happy, too. I want to be there for him. Sometimes—I don't know if I can..."
Without hesitation, Beth nodded. "I saw you together," she said, "Before you came down the stairs with Judith. He took his arm across your shoulder and gave you a kiss as you took Judith from him. I've never seen him like that before."
"Even with Lori?"
This time Beth's hand found hers, "Especially with Lori," Beth only said back in return.
Her eyes fixated at the church, Amanda asked again, "That man—his partner—his best friend, the guy she was with together—Did Rick—did he kill him?"
Surprised, Beth turned to Amanda, dropping her hand. "How did you know?" she whispered out.
Amanda gave out a bitter smile, "Read between the lines."
"He did it for us, to protect us," Beth explained, "Shane—he lost control. He—he'd tried to kill Rick, too."
With a sigh, Amanda nodded, "I know." She lifted her neck a bit up, letting out a deep breath, and her eyes moved back to the church. "There—it isn't just a pray circle, Beth." Turning her head back to her, Beth stared at her, "Spencer Monroe—his cloth isn't of gods. He isn't a man to sit down in the pray circles, either. He's a fool, but a bold one. The last time after I saw him entering in the church, I saw him later with a gun, drawing it out at Rick." Her eyes narrowed, "They're up to something."
"What?"
Giving her another side look, Amanda smirked a bit, "Let me find out."
She turned out on her heels then and marched to the church.
# # #
"If you don't want to die," Rick shouted at the townspeople, as he put down the last walker down, "You have to fight. This—" he pointed at the corpse below at his feet, "This's the real world."
Resting his back against the half put up metal wall, Carter half nodded, frightened. Rick shook his head. Sometimes he didn't even know why he bothered. That man wasn't going to make it. Lot of them weren't going to make it, just because they didn't believe they would make it. Not because they lacked the training, but because they lacked the willpower to make it.
The walkers had come out of sudden out of the woods, and Rick wanted to show them the real world, the world they'd lived in—but Carter and his people—a few friends of him had just watched walker approached them, frightened and out of their minds with fear as Rick had screamed at them to fight—do something, until Michonne stepped in and killed them instead before they beat Carter.
Rick tucked his own knife too, ignoring the look Michonne gave him, and took back his shovel again. He pressed the point of the shovel into the dirt and pressed his foot down at the edge, and pushed it into the earth, then noticed another set of eyes on his back too.
Twisting aside, Rick gave a look at Amanda. "What?" he asked, straightened back, and rested against the length of the shovel. His wife, his beautiful, erratic wife was giving him one of those looks, the corner of her mouth slightly turned down, indicating she wasn't quite happy what it'd happened.
Rick couldn't blame her. He wasn't happy, either. He was frustrated with every kind of frustration known to mankind. Alexandrians were just being dumbasses he always known them to be, his people were giving him looks as if they were afraid he was cracking up —they all had seen Amanda's ring this morning—even Daryl had given him suspicious looks, and Judith had just decided to be a bad girl and ruined the best blowjob Rick had ever been given to. Her eyes as she'd looked at him up from his groin, his member still in her mouth flashed in his mind, and he put it aside vehemently, trying to push down the semi erection the sudden image was bringing on him—
He almost growled out, bending down to start digging again. The muscle work was good. It put away the surges of lust at least. Rick was pissed. He was damn furious with the townspeople, pissed at his own people as they kept giving him those looks, and sexually frustrated with Amanda because he couldn't have his ways with her, though it wasn't exactly her fault—and Carter—the damn man just couldn't kill a damn walker.
"They need to learn how to fight," he said, placing his foot at the edge of the shovel to stab it down again.
"Yeah," Amanda agreed as he pushed the shovel further into dirt, putting all of his weight behind it, "So what was that?" she walked closer to him, "Throwing a child into an ocean—an ocean swarming with dead sharks to teach how to swim?"
He pulled back a shovel of dirt from the hole in front of him and threw it aside. "I'm not babysitting anyone."
"Rick, honey, you can teach them." She paused, "We can teach them. I—I might start my classes again, too. The girls were getting better, but we—stopped after Whitney. They need to start again too."
Rick nodded again, shoving the tip of the shovel again into the earth, "You do that. I don't have time for it."
She sighed out. Even staying out for the dry on, Amanda had still wanted to help to close the road with the rest of them, but as she couldn't do much of hard work she stayed at his neck, being damn annoying. It was worse too, because when she was annoying, Rick wanted to fuck her even more—a fact that made his erection hardening further. Wordlessly, Rick continued digging.
They'd already passed over the plan a couple of times in Deanne's office, but Amanda had wanted to see it in real time. She'd walked over the base they'd parked the cars and RVs at the roads and the wall they had half built around and sides of them. Her eyes wandered again, checking the blockage, "Are you sure this's really a good plan, Rick?"
Rick shook his head. "Never said it's a good one," he shot back, shoving off another spoon of dirt and tossing it off aside, "But it's the only one we got."
"What if something goes wrong, and the herd breaks up?" Amanda questioned.
"We talked about it. We'll fall back to Alexandria," Rick said, another shovel followed the last one, "We'll draw them away then from there."
"With what?" Amanda asked back, "We used all vehicles either here or at the quarry. There's nothing left at Alexandria. We don't have get away vehicles."
Rick stopped again, loosely leaning against the shovel, and wiped his sweat off his forehead with his forehead, "We'll get them back if there's a problem." He paused, taking a laborious breath in before he started digging again, "But we need them all now here."
"That's too risky."
He shrugged, diving the shovel into the earth. "Never said it's gonna be safe, either."
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Amanda bit off, and he stopped, lifting his head back at her. Straightening back, he moved closer to her, one hand still clutching his tool.
"Baby, we need to do this."
Amanda crossed her arms across her chest, "I don't like it."
He gave her a half grin, "You mean you don't fucking hate it?" he asked back.
Giving him a look, she rolled her eyes. "Well, I was being considerate," she shot back, letting a sigh, turning her head around, "Being supportive and whatnot, you know…being a good wife."
"Hmm mm…" Rick hummed and bent down to continue his work. It made him feel good, seeing her trying for him—struggling through this to be with him and he knew he was being just stupid but it made him feel—special again, having this from her—likewise her belief in him. He wanted to have it. He wanted to push her down at the ground—in this dirty, muddy, grass trodden, half ruined with cars and metal plates ground and fucked her until she completely gave herself to him, lost herself to him… He couldn't help it, he wanted it…
"Speaking of which," Amanda drawled out a second later, breaking over his possessive thoughts, as her hand slipped inside her pocket, and she fished something out, and in the sunlight it…glinted.
Rick stared at the ring between her index finger and thumb, "Found you a ring, too," she said, holding it out to him.
Rick kept staring at it, and lifted his head up at her, "You went out in the woods today?" he asked back, frowning.
She rolled her eyes again as he reached out and took it. "No, don't get worked up. Beth asked Daryl. He found one this morning before we came here."
"Hmm." He bowed his head and looked at the ring. It was a white gold band ring, very similar to his old ring, but a scratched script told him it was all together different, a script that put a smile at his lips, shaking his head, lustful thoughts dissipating as a warm, less fierce but affectionate heat spread over his body. "Sucker?"
She walked to him. Her eyes at his, she kissed him at his cheek. "So you'd always remember who you are, even one day I won't be there to tell you—"
Putting his finger at her lips, he stopped her, "Don't ever say it. Never."
He pushed the ring though his finger, and held her hand tightly, "Thank ya," he slowly rasped out, his throat tight and burning—
Shyly, she shrugged off, running her eyes. Lust and love mixing together made it much harder to fight back his urges not to push her down at the ground, climb over her and fuck her senseless…Letting out a breath out of his nose, he moved closer to her, his eyes wandering around before they settled on hers, "I want you so much, it's killing me," he muttered at her ear.
She trembled. He put his hand at her waist. "I—I talked with Denise today, asked if it'd be safe if we do it—the other way…" She lifted her eyes up at his as his heart skipped a beat, "She said…we might try."
He stared at her, "Do—do you want to?" he rasped out.
"I—uh—you were right," she whispered back, "I—didn't hate it the last time."
Closing his eyes, he hissed out of his nose, "Amanda, y-you don't have to do it because of me—" he rasped out.
When he opened his eyes, he saw her shaking her head, "No, I don't," she agreed, "But I want to. You'll be out there—dealing with this crazy shit and I want you to stay focused, Rick-" She gave him a smile, "I mean…what if a walker got a bite on you just because you were thinking of me naked…well, I'm too young to be a widow, dear." She paused, "And dying on me, leaving me dealing with aftermath… " She shook her head, smiling further, "That'd be very inconsiderate."
With a grunt, Rick shook his head at her, "Right."
She then looked at him, and chewed her bottom lip. Rick frowned, hesitation was never good news from her—and she was really being considerate… "Rick, I'm gonna tell you something," she started, "but I want you to stay cool, not overreact—"
He scowled more, cutting her off, "What?"
"You—uh—might have a mutiny going at your back."
# # #
Pushing the church's door, Rick let out a grunt, stepping inside, and looked around. No one seemed to be around, and Amanda guessed they would be at the management office at the back. It was where Amanda had found her pitiful informant, Father Gabriel earlier in the day after she'd left Beth at the infirmary. The padre had sung to him what had happened, and all things considered, it didn't sound like it would be a problem… They were just talking—about the herd, Rick's plan and Deanne's latest decision, mostly Deanne's latest decision. It was natural that Deanne's decision would create disturbance and discontent, but Spencer and his reckless nature worried her. So, Amanda wanted to tell it to Rick. She didn't want to keep secrets from him, there were so many stuff they kept hidden—Amanda didn't want this damn thing be one of those things.
So, he'd killed his partner. Amanda wasn't surprised. It was a hunch, more than anything, his blame, his guilt, taking everything as his responsibility—and the way he'd told her he felt he was only good for killing now, she—she got a hunch for these kinds of stuff, perhaps cop's instincts, just like Rick got his own hunches. A part of her wanted to know what happened, what had triggered him to kill the guy—she knew it wasn't just basic jealousy, Rick loved Judith as his own—no, it had to be something—just like Beth had said, he had done it to protect them—but Amanda also knew there was more to that story.
She just didn't know if she wanted to learn more or not. Sometimes it was just best not to know. She still lost her shit quickly whenever something reminded her his dead ex-wife, it was still a sore point, yes, she knew now why he loved her—because they were alike, because they understood each other, because she was the only woman in this world would call him still a sucker, but—god, it still hurt—knowing Rick loved someone else—someone she looked very alike—someone he had loved first, his first love, and didn't everyone keep rambling about how first love was always special…you would always remember it?
It wasn't fair… Rick was her first love. She'd never felt anything like she'd felt for Rick before. There was this guy once, the lawyer from her precinct. He used to take pro-bono cases, and they'd started talking about cases, and then started going out for drinks at the block, then started sleeping together…uh…for more than two years, but that was it. Or, so she'd thought, that was only it, only sex… They—she wasn't seeing anyone else, yes, but she hadn't seen any point of it when she had him…giving her what she wanted…and she'd always thought one night—a couple of days stands were just too…messy to deal with it… so she'd just thought they were hanging out…until one day he'd come and started talking about commitment. She—she liked the guy—she really did—but, commitment…nope. She'd said no…it was just sex, sorry, then refused to talk with him further, and that was the only relationship she had ever had. Hardly would make the romance of the year.
Rick, at the other hand, had fallen in love, got married with her high school sweetheart, it wasn't fair. She'd accepted it—as Beth had told her—accepted his past, but it was just…she didn't know…hard. One part of her really wanted to know everything had happened between them, the other just was afraid…because she knew if she had learned she would've gotten more obsessed with it—as if she wasn't enough already. Sometimes it was really the best not to know, she thought, and shot at a look at Rick as he shook his head disgusted, closing the door behind him. Perhaps, it was really best not to know. She had wanted to him to stay calm, but Amanda was beginning to get that no amount of promise of sex would get him that.
"Idiots," he snickered, looking around, "They didn't even set up a lookout."
Amanda sighed out, her eyes wandering over the desks and the chair in the middle of the room in the prayer circle. She wondered how many had sat today and prayed for a miracle. "They're just worried people who want to talk a bit, Rick—" she said, "Not first grade spies." The problem was with that it always started like this—little, quick exchanges in front of the cooler and coffee machines, then more and more each day it became something… It always started like this, and Rick knew it, too, well.
"They should've known better than test my patience, Amanda," Rick bit off tersely. Yeah, his patience was wearing rather thin. She'd told him first they should keep it going so they would learn who was sided with who—who was opposing—who was a friend or foe—keep it under check, but Rick had said he had no time for that. He'd even bitten her head off when he'd learned how she'd managed to find out—her deal with Father—and only settled down when she'd told him she hadn't told him about that because she forgot—because she'd gotten a damn miscarriage.
"Let me talk first to them, okay?" she asked as he walked purposely towards the back of the church with quick strides.
In his answer, he shook his head. "I'm tired of it, so damn tired of it, Amanda. I'm trying to save this place—trying to keep them alive. I don't have time for this shit!"
"Yes," Amanda agreed, quickening her pace to keep up with him, "But you're not an easy person to get on with, either, Rick. You have to give them time to adjust. I told you before. Adaptation takes time. Rome wasn't built in one day."
"I don't want to build the damn Rome!"
"You know what I mean," she shot back.
Stopping, he turned at her, "I'm really tired of this, Amanda, tired of thinking what those idiots would do and fuck things up—and get us dead…thinking how many of them do I need to kill before they stop killing themselves." He walked closer to her, and gestured with his head, "This has to end."
Sometimes I feel I'm only good for killing now… She shook her head, "This has to end, yes," she agreed, "But it…it doesn't have to end that way. Not always. You—you're not that man."
He gave her a look, a heated one, his eyes, the clear blue turning into a glinting stone, and he took a step further and for a second, she thought he was going to push her back at the wall and started fucking her right at there—he had that look now more than ever—and it made funny things in her insides—almost left her breathless—but the moment was cut before he could do anything as the door for the management office opened and revealed the people inside.
Rick's head snapped at it, and he slowly started walking toward them as Carter and Spencer stood at the threshold, staring at him with wide opened eyes.
"You should've—uh-set up some lookouts," Rick told them, walking toward the room, as the man shared frightened looks. Amanda followed. Behind the men, Amanda could see also the Father and Ron—and somehow she wasn't surprised, either, seeing the younger boy with them again, "That was what I would've done if I planned a coup."
"We—we weren't—" Carter, the fool who couldn't even kill a walker today, said, "We were just talking."
"About what?" Rick asked, approaching them closer.
Spencer straightened his back, and looked at Rick. "About my mother's decision," the younger man answered, "Are we really supposed to fall behind you now just after what you did?"
"Just after I did what?" Rick asked, and stopped in front of them.
"Just after you pulled out a gun, threatened my mother, threatened our people, and killed someone without blinking an eye."
"So what?" Rick asked then, "You think you could do better than me? You think you'd do what I could? What we could?" he asked further as Amanda stood next to him, "You would ride a bike and lead that herd away like Daryl could?" he went on, his voice a barely audible rasp now, getting even closer, his breath hissing at the younger man's face, "You would clear the path like Glenn could—would keep them straight like Abraham—would kill them with a single sweep like Michonne, would shoot them at bullseye like Sasha, would kill just to keep them safe and alive like me—" He shook his head at them, "Do you even know what you're talking about—" he pressed on, "Do you even know how it's really outside—do you even know how it's to kill someone—" Giving out a sniff, he shook his head again, "Do you even know who you're talking to?"
Amanda let out a sharp breath, knowing the men started getting to understand finally who really Rick Grimes was. She pointed at them with her head as Rick kept looking at them with that look—"Get out—" she hissed, "Get out now."
With her order, they hurried out—and Rick let them. He bowed his head as the main door of the church closed and they stayed alone. Amanda then turned and looked at Rick, and lifting his head, he looked back at her. They stared at each other for a second that felt like eons, then Amanda took a quick step and pushed him back at the door's frame, her lips already pressed at his.
His lips tasted like…sin… taste of a poison paradise, and she couldn't get enough. She was going to go to hell for this, and she was taking him together with her. Her hands went to his belt, and she started unbuckling him. Before she could finish, he caught her at the upper arms, and twirling her around, he pressed her at the door's frame on her stomach. His hands circling around, started unzipping her trousers too, and lowered them down at her hips. Her eyes caught the sight of the chairs in the circle, and the cross at the wall—and closing her eyes, she felt her panties following down—and felt Rick behind her back—angling her down to position himself, holding her tightly by the waist and forced himself inside her ass without any foreplay.
She let out a scream before he could close her mouth with his other hand, and her left one flying up, she grabbed the door's hinges tightly not to fall down—and her eyes opening, her head lifted up, she moved her eyes away from the cross at the wall toward her hand and she saw her ring, then his hand moved up from her waist and found hers, too, and held it crushing her fingers as he started moving inside her…
As he fucked her just like that as raw as an animal, Amanda looked at their tangled hands—their rings glinting in the gloom.
A/N: So, yeah, I went *there*. Rick went bat shit crazy in a church before, massacring, so I thought it would be possible, too. Neither Amanda nor Rick are people who would've been just sunshine and rainbow because they confessed their love and got married, and they have a certain aspect of darkness with them, so, it happened. I'm trying to balance the dark and not-so-dark together, hope I'm not screwing up. I'm aware this might irk some of you, but please, don't think it as personnel, I meant no disrespect, only telling a story. Thank you.
Taste of a poison paradise, is a lyric from Toxic, 2WEI's Toxic cover might be the theme song for Amanda and Rick. It's a fantastic cover. I mean, I couldn't imagine I would've loved a Britney song that much, and I do like her!