Happy New Year! Who knew that the next chapter would be coming to you from 2020, eh? Finally got some time to post this update. Just a friendly reminder not to get a job as a waitress around the holiday season, because it is HECTIC.
Thanks to everyone who still reads and comments on this story, you give me motivation!
"We can't leave the area."
"We have to. There's no other choice."
Maddie grits her teeth, "We have plenty of choice."
"It's leave and be safe, or stay and die!"
The less Negan curses, the more intimidating he seems to Maddie, yet she keeps her ground. They have been bickering for hours, both holding back a truck of emotions for each other's sake. Negan tries not to let himself go because he just got Maddie back. She bites her tongue to spare his feelings. He has been very emotional lately.
It's like both can't express what is on their minds, and it is making things worse.
"We won't die, we'll be careful."
"Maddie," he sighs, kicking some soot from the campfire.
She blows some hair out of her face, "So that's it then? We abandon our own?"
Negan looks at her with a pleading look, tired of challenging her opinions.
"Would you have abandoned me?"
"I fucking came for you!"
She shakes her head, tossing her backpack over her shoulder, "You never came. I got myself out."
SHSHSHSHSHSHSH
When two days pass and they start running, it is obvious that they will not be returning for Kate and Annabelle. Maddie can feel in her heart that they are alright. That woman is a force to be reckoned with. It's the fact that Negan decided for both of them that they are not going back. It angered her.
What if Kate is looking for them? What if she is waiting somewhere? And they are already miles away from the Sanctuary's proximity. Maddie cannot bear to think about it.
She shakes her head and carries on walking until Negan whimpers for her to stop. She turns to see him leaning against a tree, holding on to his wound.
"I need to stop," he says, groaning.
Maddie walks back to him and helps him sit down, "Okay, we'll rest here."
"I'm sorry," he says, "I'm slowing us down."
She sighs, opening his shirt to look at the wound, "We're fine."
Negan watches her for a second before closing his eyes. He stays silent as she changes the bandage on his torso. There are words on the tip of his tongue all the time, but he holds them back. If he were to mention Kate again, she thinks it would set her over the edge.
She knows he feels guilty. It's a stupid situation to be in. For both of them.
"We will get going in ten minutes," she takes charge, "When the sun goes down we will set up the tent and eat."
Negan nods because speaking would be too painful.
SHSHSHSHSHSHSH
They walk for days. And when Negan's wounds start to heal, the only time they stop is when they have to sleep. Simon was successful in scaring them away. So far away that it has started to snow. After a while Maddie realised that they have been moving up North.
Simon would not move this far up just for the sake of revenge, would he?
She glances at Negan who looks like a cross between a hobo and a yeti. His beard has grown out more and now snow is freckled across it. Once they reach a good place to spend the winter, she is determined to shave his beard. Maddie sighs softly. Where could that place be?
"We need coats," Negan mutters as she stifles a shudder, "There should be a store around here."
"How do you know?" she raises an eyebrow.
He sighs sombrely, "Came here with Lucille once."
She looks around the small town as the stores of the centre start to appear amongst the dusty snow. She chooses not to question why he came here with her, or where the store should be. And she doesn't comment on his answer either.
She simply turns when he does to enter a dainty little building that is quite obviously abandoned.
Negan takes care of the walker shopkeeper, trapped at the register for what looks like quite some time. The store has been looted more than once. There isn't much to take apart from a few items of clothing, which is exactly what they need.
She reaches for a dark winter coat hanging among the cobwebs, brushing it down once it is off the hanger. Back when she wasn't broken, a spider in her coat would have freaked her out. She would have nightmares for weeks. And serious PTSD.
Now, she slides it on without flinching, thankful for the warmth of the fabric.
It takes Negan a while to find his size, but eventually he grabs a black, puffy coat.
"It's worth taking a quick look 'round. Since we're here."
Maddie nods, "Okay."
She allows him to scan the area, picking out a few cans and little bits that won't last them a week. He meets her back at the entrance, lifting his hand to give her a box of tampons. Her eyes widen at his peace offering.
"Oh… thank you," it's not easy to come by them, so she is grateful.
SHSHSHSHSHSHSH
They set up the tent on a snowy hill. The air is still and it has stopped snowing. New York city is a snow globe image in the distance. It's crazy to think that they crossed so many miles, running from an enemy. Well, it was running for Negan. Maddie was dragged away.
"Will you talk to me?" he looks up at her, despair in his eyes.
She juts her chin forward, kicking a stone near the camp fire, "Talk about what?"
He sighs, knowing that she is not going to give him anything without him making himself desperate, "You've been cold."
From her reaction, he knows that he has just dug himself an even deeper hole.
"How inconsiderate of me."
"Maddie, you know what I mean," he gets up with a grunt, reaching for her hand.
She turns to look at the skyline, letting him hold on to her, "I'm not going to apologise."
"I don't expect you to," he says, "But we need to work this out. We can't just live like this."
"You did this, Negan!" she looks at him, "You always choose to run, and you don't even realise how many lives you are ruining in the process!"
"Maddie, if we stayed to look for Kate, he would have killed us-"
"I'm not just talking about Kate!" she yanks her hand away to fold her arms.
He shrugs, watching her, "Well… who then? Annabelle?"
She releases an abrupt laugh, "Are you kidding me?"
He glances down at his shoes, clearly lost.
She decides to lay it out for him, since he isn't able to figure it out on his own, "The people at the Sanctuary? Does that ring a bell?"
"Since when do you fucking care about them?"
"I've seen what state that community is in, first hand. You made it happen!"
He shakes his head, "No, darlin'. Don't mask one argument with the next. Tell me what's on your mind."
She pulls her hat further down her forehead, "I don't know who you are, Negan."
"You know exactly who I am!" he insists, "Haven't I shared enough with you? You know more about me than my wife ever did!"
"You never told me about Audrey," she starts.
"Audrey?" confusion crosses his face before realisation kicks in, "Wait, what? What does Audrey have to do with any of this?"
Maddie purses her lips, taking a step back to see him better, "Simon told me what you did to her."
"And you would take Simon's word over mine?"
"Why would he lie about his girlfriend getting raped?!"
Negan furrows his brows, as if her words are giving him an instant migraine, "I never raped anyone! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
She tries not to flinch, "Well, someone is not telling the truth here."
"And you think it's fucking me?"
Maddie scoffs, rolling her eyes, "I don't know what I think anymore. All I know is you used her. You used her for your little games and she got hurt and then Simon got hurt, and then it was enough to tear a whole community apart, where women getting raped within its walls is normal."
"I didn't want anyone to get hurt, you know that!" he shouts, "Simon is a nutcase and the fact that Audrey died was an accident! I sure as hell didn't mean for any of that to happen! And I sure as hell did not fucking rape her!"
He runs a hand down his beard, taking a deep breath.
"I tried to be a good leader. But some people can't be helped."
Maddie watches him, the cold air running through her nose, "No, you made mistakes, Negan. And you can't even admit that."
"You weren't there. You don't know what it was like!"
"Simon wouldn't have done what he did to me if Audrey was alive!" tears spring to her eyes, "And he wouldn't have killed Noah or Louis or anyone else back at the mansion! You made him like that!"
He pinches the bridge of his nose before trying to reach for her. Obviously, she takes a step back, "You can't put all that on me."
"Yeah, well that's just what happens when you try to run away from your problems, isn't it?" she turns away from him, taking a seat by the fire, "You create your own demons."