[a/n]Reviews of SoHDD#34 wanted, quite loudly, Snape dealt with by Dark Luna
Harry Does Different CCXCIV
Dark Luna Strikes Again
HARRY POTTER #4 PRIVET DR THE SMALLEST BEDROOM
Dear Harry
The story of your Second Year …
oh! I apologize for not putting first things first… Hedwig arrived four days ago and immediately went to sleep. She woke 6 hours 29 minutes 44.6 seconds [approximately] later. Once awake she consumed water, this volume unmeasurable as she also cleaned. She next consumed roughly 9.876 ounces of Enirehtac's Owl Treats. Upon completion, drank and cleaned again. Hedwig returns well refreshed.
Back to my purpose, it is understandable you never returned to the Chamber of Secrets, but fortunately all great magizoologists writings agree there should be minimal degradation of the Basilisk or its bodily fluids. All of which are believed to be of great use, but impossible to identify because of lack of research.
The Noble House of Malfoy is currently teetering due to the unfortunate loss of its sole heir. Please see the attached copy of The-Publication-That-Should-Not-Be-Named by She-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named. The matter should be encouraged, do you not agree?
Pursuant to my suggestion, take the Knight Bus here after which we will Floo to Hogsmeade. Some rudimentary potion equipment is advisable. Knife. Phial[s] Measuring Spoons. See you soon.
Your minion
Luna
OTTERY ST CATCHPOLE THE ROOKERY PENTAGRAM ROOM
The trip had cost Harry six Galleons and quite a dizzy spell, but he was finally there. Greeted by a man so tall he was just naturally intimidating "Apparently my Luna is your minion." He sneered.
"More like the other way round." Countered Harry, feeling like he'd just swallowed his fist.
He swung open the misshapen door and called up "Moon-child! Your minion is here! Good luck stormin the castle! Do I expect you home for dinner?"
"Salutations My Lord!" Luna swept into the disfunctionally decorated living room and kowtowed to Harry, who just sighed "Daddy we do have a great deal to do."
The long-haired man offered a hand "Xenophilis Lovegood. I expect my daughter back at a reasonable hour."
"Shan't be later than noonish Daddy." Declared Luna as she simultaneously grabbed a handful of floo, pulled Harry into the fireplace and called out "Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop!"
Upon arrival Harry immediately frowned at the Ravenclaw "Why do girls drag me in here?"
"You should hear how Cho describes it." Said Luna with a semi-suppressed snort, then approached the hostess "Madam? How much for a room for the evening? And a special privacy ward?"
The proprietress looked disapproving "Aint'cha a little young? And, at that, don't the gentleman pay? Or aint he one?"
"Of course I do." Replied Harry after a nudge from Luna "And she asked you a question."
After rolling her eyes "Children these days."
"Don't be concerned." Luna gave her best spacyness "If you're morally concerned, we can show our marriage certificate. Or would proof of pregnancy suffice?"
Harry blushed, swallowed nervously and put a finger on her lips "No need for that dear. Here madam. Ten Galleons should about do it, right?"
Abcij
"What the bloody hell was that about, Luna?" Harry wanted to know as soon as they were in the honeymoon suite. It was three stories above the tea shop and provided an excellent view of Hogwarts.
She smiled "Well done on those fizzing whizzbees, Harry. Always arrange for an alibi just in case it's needed. We will not be forgotten. We can come and go practically unnoticed. Now ideally we should frame Lucius for the next murder, but given who your Godfather was, the next best thing will have to do."
"Huh? Wha?" a godsmacked Harry jabbered.
She pushed his jaw shut "Don't want to swallow humdingers do you? Now, Sirius Black is…well was…the unvested Head of House Black which means he was, of course, closely related to Mrs. Malfoy…..What?...Did you not know? She obviously would not cooperate. If your skill with resisting Imperio is not another Skeeterism you should have no difficulty casting it."
"Probably not." He automatically answered, then demanded "Why?"
She answered "Things cannot seem to fit together TOO perfectly. Nymphadora Tonks is also a Black, through her mother Andromeda. Fortunate they are more Muggle than Magical. She is undoubtedly skilled, but likely rusty." It took only a few hours to locate, and travel to, the Tonks residence. During which time the scheme was revealed.
Abcij
Appearing outside 1941 Portus Ct, the young witch and wizard struck like lightning. The skylight needed a Reparo after they entered but that was easy. Luna stunned Ted Tonks and Obliviated him. Harry had some little trouble subduing the dynamic witch, but ultimately succeeded. He compelled her to write a short note.
Snape
You pathetic worm! Could you not even protect your own godson? Only you will be able to read this. And after the poison begins to work. No. Not even that Beazor you keep in your robes will help in this. We Blacks have many secrets. Die in agony.
On top of that was a complicated, but very slightly flawed, set of runes. All Luna had done was reverse one sign in one equation. A good Unspeakable would uncover it with just enough trouble to make it seem genuine. Then Andromeda was compelled to write a mournful note.
Dear Severus
Of course me and Lucius do not blame you. Do stop torturing yourself. There is no need. You were second only to Lucius in our beautiful son's eyes. We would not hear of you missing the ceremony to free Draco's spirit. With our note is the best aged Ogden's, over a century old. A mere token of our goodwill.
Expectantly
Baroness Narcissa Malfoy nee Black
Their work done and all evidence of the breakin meticulously eradicated, the young pair portkeyed onto the next step.
Abcij
The magic of Hogwarts recognized two of its students at the gates. Despite the offseason, they were admitted without question. For safety sake, Harry pulled his invisibility cloak over them. Harry did idly wonder how it seemed to manage their older bigger forms as opposed to the first time he'd used the cloak. But soon enough he had another concern. This, too, was a fortunate pass - no Moaning Myrtle.
"This will be a remarkable place to live once it is touched up." Luna commented as she looked about "Where, I wonder, are the other Founders' chambers? And there is your snake? Most impressive, Harry. Pity he could not be reasoned with. We could've learned so much."
Harry frowned at her "It was trying to eat me!"
"A Parseltongue speaker should realize snakes are quite intelligent." She chastised him as she approached the gaping maw "Ahh! Here we are, the poison sacs. Great Merlin! At least five gallons of the stuff! We must preserve most of it exactly where it is. For now, I think a pint or so will meet our foreseeable needs. Behold, a typical Muggle syringe with an overlong needle."
Again, Harry expressed his doubts "And just how do we get this into Snape, let alone framing Malfoy for it?"
"That was why we had Mrs. Tonks write the letter." She explained "My slightly flawed runes will also slightly distort the magical traces on the letter. The DMLE will assume the lack of an exact match for Mrs. Malfoy is caused by that. We add a few drops of Basilisk venom to this bottle of firewhiskey and deliver it to the Potions classroom."
The wizard just goggled at her "Luna! That is so deeply devious! How did you NOT get sorted into Slytherin? And why do you put up with all the shite you do?"
"Any REAL Slytherin who TRULY wants power will not goto that House." She answered "As to how? Well, if you ever get the chance to ask the Sorting Hat, feel free to do so. And Looney? Well she is a wonderful cover, is she not?" With that, she took the syringe from Harry and quite detached, plunged it into the cork, made sure the tip could be seen inside the bottle and injected it. After that, she waved her wand at the bottle causing it to shake violently.
The delicious looking purplish liquid briefly turned an unpleasant shade of black then returned to normal.
"Off you go, Harry." Ordered Luna, resuming her Looney persona "Best only one under your wonderful cloak. Besides, I have some other housekeeping to do here."
Wondering what she might do, Harry set off to deliver the poisoned gift to his least favorite teacher. Something at the back of his mind wanted to know why this active participation in coldblooded murder bothered him even less than simply NOT revealing who committed the previous act.
Abcij
"One of your lot knows how to properly use a phone?" Petunia demanded of her nephew as she inconsiderately shoved the door open without knocking.
Harry looked up from his Sixth Year Charms textbook and sneered "A lot probably. Why?"
"One of THEM wants you." She growled, oozing disgust "Make it short I have important calls coming today."
He snapped back "Gossip club? You can just talk over the hedges….Hello?...Oh hi Mione. How's the summer?"
"Did you hear? Is it not just awful? And can you believe what Madam Bones said?" was the rapid-fire near inquisition that came through the speaker in less than 2 seconds.
Harry pulled the handset from his ear and grumbled "Slow down and try again. Maybe I can work out what you're talking about."
"Did you get this morning's Prophet?" his female best friend tried a calmer approach.
Grateful she couldn't see his face, he was proud of his cool voice "No, Mione, you know I don't read that rag. Only thing I like anymore is Luna's Quibbler."
"Well, never mind that." He could almost see her waving a dismissive hand "Brace yourself. Professor Snape is dead. Madam Bones, she is Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement…..I am sure she must be related to Susan somehow…. issued a statement, that evidence points to murder. AND here's the shocker of the whole thing! Did you know he was Draco's godfather?"
Harry grunted at the information, hoping it was convincingly a surprise sound "So they know who did it? Must suspect about everyone ever lost points in Potions."
"Harry!" she scolded, voice showing distress "The man's dead. Anyway, The Prophet doesn't say why but Draco's mother was arrested. Can you BELIEVE it?"
Harry was busily formulating some kind of response when Aunt Petunia yanked the handset from him and declared "Far too long as it was. And don't expect to use our phone time again."
Though he gave her a nasty look and stomped away, Harry was actually content with his Aunt's actions. He sent Hedwig off to Luna with a thank you note.