Chapter 51.

Sam helped Dean to load the tyres onto the trailer. They had offered a quick explanation to Bobby before declining their mother's invitation to eat. Mary seemed to have everything under control and Sam was mildly disappointed that his absence did not seem to have made a difference.

"Why is this so urgent?" he asked Dean, "Or was this just because you wanted to talk to me?"

"You have a very suspicious nature." said Dean.

"Yeah, blame my brother." said Sam.

"Your brother is a frickin' saint." said Dean.

"So is Michael." said Sam.

Dean patted the last of the tyres. "This is urgent because her car is not fit to drive and if Cas knew a thing about cars, he wouldn't have let her near it for some time. But Cas doesn't know or want to know about cars, so she's been driving a death trap."

"You keep talking about Cas and cars. He uses cars because he has to now. It doesn't mean he has to like them. Why are you so angry that he doesn't?"

"I'm not angry. Why does everyone think I'm angry all the time?"

"Because you are angry all the time." said Sam.

"Yeah, well, being told I'm angry makes me angry."

"He's not doing it to annoy you. He just doesn't have any interest in cars."

"I know." said Dean.

"And if you tell him it matters to you, he'll fake an interest and maybe even learn how to do the basic maintenance."

"And you think I want him to do that?"

"I don't know what you want and neither does Cas."

"I want to know that when he's out there, on his own, he can keep his car running and take care of himself." said Dean, "Does that seem unreasonable?"

"No, that makes perfect sense." said Sam, "Why don't you tell him that?"

"Because he's an angel and he'll hear it as me saying he's weak and useless and can't look after himself or his vehicle."

"Yeah, I suppose he could hear it that way." said Sam.

"Especially now, when he's already feeling low. Anything I say will sound like a criticism and if he thinks I don't like him or don't respect him, he will just leave." Dean checked the coupling on the trailer again and said, "We should get going. I want to make that car safe. The cosmetic stuff can wait, but that can't. Grab the box marked 'Brakes and shakes'. I want to be sure the brakes are good too."

"Shakes?" said Sam.

"Don't question my system." said Dean, "I know what it means."

"I'm sure you do." said Sam.

"You could say that in a different tone." said Dean, "Awed respect works well for me."

"Don't get me wrong," said Sam, "I'm glad you're so concerned for Sarah's safety and there is no-one better qualified to make that car safe, but are you sure all this is necessary and not just something to do so you don't need to talk to Sarah?"

"I've been talking to Sarah the whole time." said Dean, but the flicker of his eyes away from direct eye contact suggested he wasn't sure.

"Good, just checking." said Sam, who knew that it was the wrong time to have that argument. "She really loves Cas, doesn't she?" he said.

Dean smiled. "Yeah, she really does. It's weird to think they've had this whole secret friendship for years and he never told us."

"I think it stops being a secret friendship if you tell people." said Sam.

"We're not people." said Dean.

"And now he's told us."

"He took me there when I was ... Well, I wasn't in a good place. I think he thought I needed the place that had brought him peace after ... "

"After he took on my Hell." said Sam.

"I didn't mean to ... "

"No, I know. It's cool."

"I think, if he hadn't thought I needed it, he'd never have told me the place or Sarah existed."

"But he told her all about us."

"I know. Makes you wonder whether it means he trusts her more than us. He probably can trust her more than us. Hell, I trust her more than us." Dean ran a weary hand through his hair. "Do you ever just get sick and tired of being a Winchester?"

"All the time." said Sam, "Then I remember the good stuff."

"There's good stuff?" said Dean.

"All kinds of good stuff." said Sam, "For example, I am going, with the brother who would die for me and has died for me to help an old lady who has fixed our angel more times than we know and then to eat with her and our angel and our half-archangel kid. Not many people can say that."

"We can't say that, anywhere any civilians can hear us. We'd be locked up for the rest of forever."

"But I can say it to you." said Sam, "And that means a lot."

"When you get tired, you get sentimental." said Dean, "Always have."

"Probably." said Sam.

"But it means a lot to me, too. Whatever we've had to face, whatever we still have to face, it would be so much harder alone. If I didn't have you, little brother, I wouldn't be half as close to sane as I think I am now."

"You're tired too." said Sam.

Dean smiled. "Yeah, maybe a little. Let's go, before we're both too tired to drive."