It's an eventful day. Lauren has been charged as an accessory to the hit and run, and Josh is being released from hospital.
His discharge papers are being prepared, and Alice and Jasper are on their way. They've planned a surprise welcome home gathering for him, and I feel guilty because I won't be able to attend. I'll to be in surgery for most of the day, but I want to do something to share in his celebration in some way.
I've rarely had occasion to visit the hospital gift shop. I'm amazed when I walk the children's section. It looks like a smaller version of a toy store. I hand the clerk the Spiderman slippers. I'm sure he already owns a pair, but these are special. They talk and make seven different sounds as you move, guaranteed to drive his parents up a wall. I snicker just thinking about Josh refusing to remove them and Alice and Jasper's faces as they are faced with the endless noise. I'm sure my ears will be burning for a very long while.
"There's a suit that goes with these, Doctor Masen," the clerk lets me know and guides me to the area. "It's one of the newer items. We just got them in."
She pulls out an entire Spiderman pajama costume with mask, gloves, everything that makes up the superhero's outfit. She presses a button, and those damned things talk and make sound effects too.
I burst out laughing and have her ring them up as well.
"You know what? While you're at it, I'll take that balloon and this taffy too. What the hell, it's for my nephew."
Alice is going to kill me anyway; I might as well go for broke.
"Good choice, Doctor Masen," she laughs, "I'm sure he'll enjoy everything."
On my way up, I run into a few of my colleagues gathered outside an office.
"Oh, hello, Doctor Masen, we were just discussing you."
"Discussing me, really?" I wait for him to elaborate.
"I can see you're on your way to visit your nephew, so we won't take up too much of your time, but we just heard about the promotion and wanted to congratulate you."
I'm confused, but don't press the point. Now is not the time to get into hospital gossip or speculation. That shit is always rife, and it's too easy to unwittingly contribute to it.
"Thank you." I simply smile and make my way into Josh's room. I'll have to find out what that was all about later.
Josh is engrossed in one of his video games.
"Hey, Buddy." He shushes me instantly. I shake my head and smile indulgently as I wait for a couple of minutes until he's done.
"Shoot! I nevwer can bweat the gween monswter." He slams his game on the bed and pouts.
"I'm sure you'll get better at it. Are you ready to go home?"
"Yeah!" He throws his arms in the air excitedly, just as his parents walk in. He's instantly caught up in hugs and kisses. When he's settled down again, I hand him the gift, letting him know to open it home, and tell Jasper and Alice that I'm going to check on his discharge papers.
Mike Newton is on his way in as I walk out.
"Hey, Mike, I want to thank you for everything you did for Josh."
"You're welcome," he says brusquely.
I think about asking whether he has a problem with me, but decide against it. I'm grateful to him for taking care of Josh and that's where it ends. Anything else, I couldn't give a rat's ass about.
"Have a good day." I brush past him.
"I take it you've heard about the promotion…the Chief of Surgery position?"
"I've been busy, Mike. I haven't heard a lot about much, really."
"Oh, that's right. You've been busy trying to put your wife behind bars for trying to kill you."
"Careful, Mike. I don't want to have to hand you your ass in front of the nurse's station...or your wife," I say calmly, looking over his shoulder at Angela and winking, just to piss him off.
"You know, Masen…normally, I would go back and forth, trading insults with you, but this is not the place or the time. In fact, I'd rather let my...ah…talent speak from the O.R." He smiles arrogantly.
"Let me guess, this is about the Chief of Surgery position?" I narrow my eyes at him.
"Once again, your brilliance astounds me, Edward." He pats me on the back condescendingly and enters Josh's room.
Fucker!
I've been out of the loop since this mess with Lauren and James started. I'm aware that the Chief of Surgery position is coming up, but it slipped my mind. There were talks a while back of Mike, a couple of other surgeons and me being considered for the position. In all honesty, I deserve that position as much as anyone else. I've worked my ass off, and there is no way I'm going to step aside for Mike fucking Newton to advance ahead of me.
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I'm thoroughly exhausted by the end of my day. It's nearing six p.m. and I've been at work since four this morning. I'm headed to my parent's house to speak to my father about the vacancy. I'm not sure how much information I'll get from him, he's still a member of the Board of Medical Directors at the hospital and bound by a code of ethics; but he's also my father.
My mother answers the door and quickly kisses me on the cheek. She tells me that my father is in the study, before running off to the kitchen to check on a roast in the oven.
I take the steps two at a time and whistle as I walk down the hall. I tap once and poke my head in.
"You busy?"
"I'm never too busy for my children. Come on in."
"Burning the candle at both ends?" I take a seat on the arm of the chair facing his desk.
"Hardly, I'm hiding from your mother. She's been watching one those cooking shows again, and now she's using me as a guinea pig."
"That's what that whole roast thing is about?"
"What?"
"Uh, nothing, Dad. I want to talk to you about something important."
"Yes, I approve of Bella. She's a smart, beautiful woman. I think you two complement each other well and will make a wonderful couple…once your divorce is final, of course." He looks up from his desk to stress his point.
"Uh…thanks; but as wonderful as that is, I'm not here to discuss Bella. I wanted to ask you about the Chief of Surgery vacancy."
He glances up from his paperwork and smirks.
"You know I can't talk to you about that, Edward."
"Not technically." I hedge.
"Not in any way. I'm on the Board, remember?"
"I know this, Dad. I guess what I'm looking for is a little reassurance, maybe some encouragement that I can do it."
He puts down his pen and leans back in his chair with crossed arms. He fixes me with a serious look.
"You don't need my reassurance, and my encouragement goes without saying; but for the sake of reassurance, I'll indulge you; as a father speaking to his son. Edward, in my long career as a surgeon, I've rarely seen better than you. And based on that, there is no one I would recommend more highly for that position than you."
"Thank you, Dad." I feel a burst of warmth at his praise. I've always wanted to emulate my father as a surgeon, and to hear such sincere and high praise from him is like a dream come true.
"That's off the record, of course." He points at me, raising an eyebrow.
"Of course." I wink and smile even broader. "I'll leave you to it Dad, thanks again… for everything. I'm going to visit with Mom a bit, and check on her latest experiment." I tease as I leave the room.
"Tell Bella I said hello." He calls out as I reach the top of the staircase.
"Will do."
I realize I haven't spoken to her all day and decide to call. As I dial, an unknown number lights up my screen.
"Who the hell can this be?" I frown at the screen.
"Hello?"
"Edward."
I huff in annoyance.
"The one phone call you get, and you waste it calling me?"
"Stop watching so much Law and Order, Edward…one phone call," she scoffs.
I walk into one the guest rooms and shut the door.
"What the fuck do you want, Lauren?"
"I need to see you."
"Not going to happen. We have nothing further to discuss. Have a nice life."
"Don't you hang upon me, Edward Masen, I'm still your wife."
"At this point it's just a minor technicality. The divorce should be final any day now."
"I need you to come down here and bail me out of this God forsaken place. I don't belong here."
I laugh out loud at her unashamed audacity.
"It's exactly where you belong, and you're delusional if you think I'm going to lift a finger to help you. Call your parents. I'm sure they'll move heaven and earth to get their precious daughter out of prison."
"I can't call my parents. They'll be mortified!"
"How long do you think you'll be able to keep it from them, Lauren?" I can't believe that I'm having this conversation.
"I'm not calling my parents, and I will not let them bail me out of jail because of your idiocy."
"Goodbye, Lauren."
"You either get down here with your checkbook or things are going to start happening. I know you're not arrogant enough to believe that I didn't make copies of those discs. How would it you look to your respected colleagues when they find out you've fucked half of the female staff, most of them, their wives? I'll go one better. How do you think your new girlfriend would react if she knew everything about you?"
When the hell will she ever give up trying to manipulate me? I try to soothe my irritation by convincing myself that she's desperate and clutching at any straw to keep her parents from knowing of her misdeeds. But truth be known, this is what she's always been like. She's acting true to form.
"I'll let you think on it, but I'll expect you down here no later than first thing tomorrow morning. The choice is yours, Edward."
She hangs up, and I have to refrain from throwing my phone against the wall. I remind myself that I'm in my parents' home.
I silently vow that I won't let her continue to jerk me around like some puppet on a string. It's obvious that she has no intention of changing, so I need to be the one to change the way I react. I will not concede to her threats this time, or ever again.
I don't think she's made copies, and even if she has, it doesn't matter. What's done is done. It's in the past. Bella knows everything. I won't lose her.
I run a hand through my hair and call her. "Hey you."
"Where are you? I was hoping you'd be on your way over." Her voice instantly calms me.
"I'm visiting my parent's. I'll be right over when I'm done here. It won't be too late."
"Wonderful. I'll see you soon."
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This is something I should've done a long time ago.
I toss my keys on the table and sprint upstairs to retrieve the safe box.
As I open it, I'm brought face to face with the damning evidence of my sordid past; a part of my life I wish had never taken place. Women whom I've used, many whose lives I've ruined are on these discs. I sigh heavily, as I quickly scan the contents arranged in alphabetical order.
Amy, Bethany, Carissa….
I feel ashamed, I wish I could undo those mistakes, but I understand that it's not how life works.
A part of me is scared; because if Bella ever discovers just how badly I've treated women in the past, would she even want to be with me?
My greatest fear once, was how people would react to the knowledge of what happened to me at the hands of Lauren and James. Now, I worry about losing this amazing woman I've come to care so much about. I feel like this dark, ominous cloud will always be hovering over my head; that it's never going to go away. An ever-present reminder of the shit storm that my life once was and a constant reminder of the depths I once sunk to.
I carry the box over to the fireplace.
"I can't erase everything," I turn on the furnace and watch the flames grow, "but I sure as hell can try."
I toss a disc in, then another and another; watching as they melt away, the awful odor synonymous with the acts recorded on them. I can't imagine why I held on to them in the first place. In hindsight, I guess it was just a way to piss Lauren off; to make her see that I wanted out, force her hand so that she would want a divorce; but it didn't work. It backfired dramatically. The consequences of her actions and my responses caused unfathomable harm; my nephew nearly being killed, her being behind bars, and undeserving women misused. I shake my head in disgust.
"It's over, Lauren."
I think about Bella; her beautiful face and her entrancing smile, the way she feels when I make love to her. For years I had relinquished the joy and fulfillment of making love to a woman. I make a solemn promise to never know that feeling of emptiness again.
When there's nothing left but sizzling plastic and an acrid smell, I finally feel some sense of relief, like a heavy load has been lightened. Let Lauren do her worst. She no longer has power over me.
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.
I race to the kitchen to check on dinner.
I'd planned a special night, a quiet dinner; free of the worry and stress we've been under. There's much to celebrate, Josh leaving the hospital, James and Lauren being brought to justice, and the start our new relationship. And I wanted to look special, so I've dressed up, and styled my hair into super-smooth waves down my back.
Relationship? With Edward Masen? Wow!
We've sure come a long way. There is no denying that I want to be with him, in a serious, committed relationship, but how do I let him know?
I suddenly feel ridiculous, standing in my kitchen dressed in a skin-tight, fitted black jersey dress and heels. Where the hell am I going?" I kick off my heels and twist my hair up into a knot. "Tonight, should be comfortable."
I pad over to the stairs and slip my feet into slippers, before heading back into the kitchen to finish dinner.
The food is ready, and I've set the table in front of the sofa. I check my watch and realize I may have a few minutes left to change into a pair of yoga pants, or at least something a little less formal. The entrance bell rings, putting paid to that plan.
"Damn it!" I make my way to the front door to greet him as he arrives. "You're early."
He frowns. "I am? I said I'd be right over and damn! What are you wearing?" He hisses as he slinks his arms around my waist and pulls me hard against him.
"I was just about to change."
"No need. You won't be in it for long, anyway."
"But I've made dinner. Aren't you hungry?
"Parts of me are." He starts sucking on my neck gently.
"I'm serious, Edward." I giggle.
"So am I, and this dress is doing strange things to me. I don't know if I want to peel it slowly from your sexy body or make love to you while you're still in it."
"I'd rather the former. It's expensive and the material is tough to clean," I purr as his hands massage my breasts. I can feel his erection hard and throbbing through the tight, thin fabric. True to his word, I'm not wearing the dress too much longer.
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.
I straddle his lap as he sits propped up against the couch pillows.
"Do you like it?" I feed him Angela hair pasta with butter sauce.
"It's very tasty." His eyes don't waver from mine as he opens his mouth for another forkful. "I don't think I could eat any other way ever again."
I chuckle and shake my head at him. We're both naked and still somewhat intimately connected, as we share dinner.
"Bella."
"Hmm?" I chew slowly, and he takes the plate out of my hands and leans over to place it on the table. "What is it?"
"I want to be with you."
I scrunch my face.
"You are with me. We're together."
He closes his eyes briefly and shakes his head.
"That's not what I mean; I mean it is, but I meant more than just this. I know that this is still new between us, and we…I have a lot of things to work on, but I just want you to know that this is the end result." He gestures between us. "You are the woman that I want in my life, my future. There's no doubt in my mind that we belong together." He reaches up and caresses my cheek. My eyes flutter closed as I melt into his touch.
"I want that too." I whisper and look into his green eyes, stormy with emotion as he starts to move inside me once again.