Stupid Schemes

Dick poked his head out from behind a bush. He was watching his brothers fight like the little maniacs that they were. Not a verbal fight, but a physical. They really looked like one of those cartoons, where the cat and dog were fighting and there was this just this giant dust cloud that was moving around. This just wouldn't do. With one last look, Dick ducked back down into the bush and crawled his way towards the manor. He needed to speak with Alfred. Alfred would know what to do.

He snuck into the manor with the skills that only somebody in the Bafam could master. Not that it really mattered, the boys were too busy fighting to even notice him ninjaing away. He went to the kitchen and appeared like a ghost behind Alfred. "They're fighting too much again. It needs to stop."

"You are correct, Young Master."

"What should we do about it? The Getting Along Sweater only seems to unite them for a few hours, we need them to be united for a longer period of time."

Alfred put down the bowl he was in the process of drying. "Master Dick, I do believe that I have the perfect plan. It shall require you to 'borrow' Master Bruce's plane, drug your brothers, and utilize three burlap sacks."

Dick had no idea what this so called plan was, but he liked the sound of it already. This was going to be so much fun.

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Jason woke up with a groan. His head was pounding. Prying his eyes open, he realized that he was inside that he was in a burlap sack. Taking out a knife from his boot, he slit the bag and fought his way out. What the ever loving fuck? He was in the fucking jungle. Next to him were two wiggling burlap sacks. Jason took his knife and cut open the sacks. Tim and Damian popped out, quickly assessing their situation.

Jason sighed. At least Dick wasn't here. He would notice that they were missing and get help. Between Dick, and the entire community of heroes he had at his beck and call, they would be out of here in no time. If Dick even noticed that they were missing. He had been avoiding them since they had started arguing.

"Okay boys. We don't know where the fuck we are, or who the fuck is in this jungle with us. So let's call a truce and figure out how to get out of here. We can argue later."

Tim nodded slowly, and Damian stuck his nose up. "I, for one, could survive without you two imbeciles slowing me down; however, Grayson would be sad if you two died because I didn't ensure your survival. So I suppose a truce is necessary for the moment. That said, the second we reach safety the truce is off."

Tim and Jason eyed each other for a second before nodding. "Agreed."

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Dick was lying on a beach chair sipping on his fruit drink while tanning. The alarm on his phone went off, so he flipped onto his belly, to make sure that he got an even tan. Alfred was brilliant. Turning his head to face the butler who was tanning next to him, he said, "This was definitely our best scheme yet. If only because we got a beach vacation out of it. I honestly don't even care if they are going to get along after this. I so needed this vacation."

"As did I, Master Dick. As did I."

"Do you think they are trying to kill each other right now?"

Alfred just shrugged. Dick took that as his sign to go back tanning and to stop worrying about whether Jason and Dick are attempting to murder each other.

###

"Any signs of our kidnappers?"

"No. There have been no signs of human activity so far."

Jason nodded. Tim, Damian, and him had all covered themselves in mud and leaves to blend in with their surroundings. Damian had even given himself war paint. They looked like they belonged in that jungle, and not like they had been dumped there in burlap sacks.

Damian had been scouting out ahead. Jason wasn't worried that Damian was going out alone. If anyone tried to grab the boy, they would find themselves in for a nasty surprise. Damian was vicious and would not hold back if he thought he was in any sort of danger. He wouldn't hold back if he thought any of their family was in danger, which was something that Jason admired about the boy. Not that he would ever tell him.

Tim meanwhile was out exploring and gathering anything he thought might be useful. So far, that basically meant that he was gathering edible plants and searching for drinkable water. He had shown that his knowledge of edible plants was more than a little impressive. Especially as they were in an unknown environment.

Jason himself was setting up a shelter and starting a fire. He had some experience with making impromptu shelters. He liked destroying drug lords empires down in South America, and sometimes he had to disappear in the forest so that they didn't kill him. He was a regular Tarzan when he wanted to be.

"Okay boys, we have shelter. Fire will be easy enough to start. I say that we see if we can find some sort of signs of life before setting up here for the night. Any suggestions about which direction we should go?"

Damian shrugged. "I went north, so we should go south."

Tim nodded. "Agreed."

They walked for about an hour in silence before Jason stopped. "You guys smell that?"

"All I smell is your BO."

Jason glared at Tim. "Thanks. I wanted to know if you smelled the salt water. I think that there is a beach up ahead."

That seemed to brighten his younger brothers up a little. Their pace quickened and a half an hour later, they burst through the edge of the jungle and onto a beach.

###

Dick was long since done sunbathing and had instead moved to reading a book under the shade of the sun umbrella. Suddenly there was this rustling in the unbrush and his brothers burst out of the jungle looking like lunatics. They were covered in mud and leaves and Damian had war paint all over his face.

Ignoring his brothers, Dick turned to Alfred. "I really thought that it would take them longer. Please tell me that we don't have to leave."

"Fret not, Master Dick. We have one week to relax on Master Bruce's private island. It really is too bad that he couldn't join us."

Jason butted in, looking half crazed. "What are you guys doing here? Were you kidnapped too?"

Dick snorted and Alfred gently said, "Master Jason. I decided that you and Master Damian and Master Tim were fighting to an unacceptable degree. I unlisted Master Dick, to bring you guys here without your knowledge, hoping that it would bring you guys closer. It seems to have worked. Now if you would please wash off."

The boys didn't bother arguing. There was no point. Everyone knew that Alfred was King of the universe and should be respected to the utmost degree. As soon as they disappeared into the beachside villa, Dick held his hand up for a high five. Alfred eyed it for a second before complying. And just like that, Dick's day was more than complete.

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A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates recently. I hope that you guys like this chapter. Please review and let me know what you guys think.