She lit a candle. Her room was very simple. Naked walls, no decorations at all, a simple cupboard and her futon. Usually, girls room, well the one i visited at least, were a lot more decorated with objects, ukiyo-e, hanging scrolls... and a ton of accessories on the cupboard. But that wasn't surprising. Chizuru was a guest in the Shinsengumi and moreover, she had to pretend to be a boy. She couldn't really decorate her room according to her tastes.
« Blow the candle. » i asked her.
I couldn't afford to have anyone outside noticing two silhouettes in Hijikata-san's page's room. Her face was flustered but she obeyed immediately and we were plunged in the dark. I could barely divine her contour and her, mine, while we waited a bit for our eyes to be accustomed to the darkness.
« What.. are you doing here, Saito ? » she asked me in a puzzled voice.
Even if i couldn't see her face, i could hear her confusion and i could decipher quite easily that she was blushing red, probably looking at the floor shyly and playing with her hands in nervousness. The scent of spices so characteristic of her body was everywhere, heady and strong. I could smell it coming from her, the tatami, her futon and her nagajuban which was the only obstacle between me and her skin.
« Souji's asleep in my futon. » i explained as if it was enough of a justification.
« O... Okay... » she stuttered and i couldn't help but find it adorable.
« Are you alright ? » i asked her suddenly. « Did Sakamoto hurt you ? »
« No... He was... Very kind. I'm sorry i couldn't bring him back here... » she apologized and she seemed to relax a little with the changement of subject.
« Good. » i told her « i'm glad to see you safe. »
The silence invaded the room once more. None of us was moving and i could hear Chizuru's breathing. It was calm yet, it still contained a bit of stress. I heard her swallow her saliva before taking a deep breath and breaking the silence.
« You... Want to sleep here ? »
There it was. The question i wanted her to ask. I couldn't possibly impose my presence on her. It would have been unworthy and unseemly of me. But if she was the one proposing it, then i could accept without breaking any honor code.
« If you will have me. » i answered.
« Yeah... Sure... My futon isn't large though, i don't know if you'll be able to sleep well. » she stuttered again, tensed.
« I'm lucky to be one of the smallest captains, then. » i said, attempting to joke to make her relax.
« I... I guess... » she answered shyly, not at all getting the joke.
Nevermind. I hadn't been much of a joker in the past and I could understand that she could be unsettled. To her, it was probably the first time she shared her futon with a man. I remembered that Hijikata-san mentioned that she wasn't a virgin but he probably lied to call off the mizuage. Chizuru's behavior tonight was far too innocent for her to be anything but a virgin. In a way, i regretted it. I wasn't the kind of man who takes proudness into being the first. On the contrary, i prefered not to be. First time for girls were often synonymous with pain and I didn't like the idea of being the cause of it. Plus, if she weren't a virgin, i wouldn't have any remorses taking her right here, right now.
I removed my swords and my scarf but i let my kimono on. I untied my ponytail and laid on the futon. Chizuru was still sitting on the tatami, not sure what to do.
« Come here. » i told her, trying to have a tone as gentle as possible.
She hesitated so i grabbed her hand to reassure her.
« I'm not going to dishonor you. » i said « we are only going to sleep. If you don't feel comfortable though, i can go, if you wish me to. »
She relaxed a bit and i pulled gently on her hand to guide her towards the futon. She slid to it and laid besides me. Her body was contracting in anxiety and with my eyes now accustomed to the darkness, i could see that her gaze was fixed on the ceiling. Even if the futon was narrow, she did her best to avoid any physical contact with me and i couldn't help but find it cute and at the same time, be a little bit disappointed.
When she relaxed her muscles, i passed my arm around her, slowly, and tried my best not to let my hands wander to unseemly places. She turned to me and eventually came closer, nesting her head in my neck. Without my scarf, I could feel her hot breathe on my sensitive skin and it gave me goosebumps. I tried to part her knees with mine and felt a bit of resistance. I gave a small kiss on her forehead and my fingers came slowly combing in her hair to make her feel more at ease and she allowed my knee to get between hers. My second arm came under her body to pull her closer.
Our legs were entwined, my arms around her and her head in my neck, breathing hot air that could drive me crazy if i didn't have an iron will. I could also feel her hands, little fists against my chest, like she didn't know what to do with them and was scared to move. Her thick nagajuban's obi was a bit loosened and i had to use all my volition to not part the edges with a simple agile finger. I stayed that way with my nose in her hair, smelling the spices, until i felt her fall asleep in my arms. I needed to savor this moment and i knew that no matter how tired i was, i couldn't sleep that night. I couldn't tell her that i wasn't as strong as she thought i was. I had been so afraid of loosing her... And the sight of Souji's decay also added to my anxiety. With or without her, i knew that i wouldn't have been able to sleep but at least, with her in my arms, i was able to relax eventually. Her scent, her steady respiration, the heat of her body... All these were calming and comforting me more than anything else i could have tried.
When the morning came, i got out without waking her up. I stealthily grabbed my scarf and swords and opened slightly the shoji without a noise. I got out and closed it, looking around me for any witnesses but it seemed like i was alone. It was still very early so that wasn't surprising. I noticed that i was only wearing my sockets and sighed when i realized that i left my sandals outside like an idiot for anyone to see. I've been lucky to get out this early. I started walking at a quick pace to get away from Chizuru's bedroom as quick as i could.
« Oy ! Saito ! »
Shit. Only one soul could be up at that time.
I turned to see Inoue waving at me from afar. As he came close, i saw that he looked puzzled, as if there was something wrong with me.
« What are you doing here ? » he asked me with a genuine smile.
« I went to see Sannan. » i lied.
The Rasetsu quarters were close by. I thought it was the better option i could choose.
« But... Sannan's with Hijikata-san right now... » he frowned.
« That explains why i couldn't find him. » i answered, unfazed. « Thank you. »
And without another word, i took the direction of Hijikata-san's office. When Inoue was out of sight, i changed my direction to go in the courtyard and repeat my moves. From where i was, i could see the entrance of my room and so, i waited for Souji to wake up. The hours passed and the compound began to get busier but my room kept closed. Souji was really sleeping like a log... Tuberculosis mustn't be easy to cope with for someone as active as he was.
« Saito ! » called Toudou from afar « breakfast ! »
« Ha. » i answered, putting my sword back in my scabbard. I went to the dining room to find the others and was greeted by two sparkling emerald eyes and a grin.
« Good morning, Hajime-kun. » said Souji playfully.
That was odd. I didn't see him leave my room this morning.
« Where did you sleep ? » i asked him with my toneless, emotionless voice.
« In my room, what question. Just after you left, i felt miraculously better and got back to my bedroom. » he chuckled « true question is, where did YOU sleep ? »
You snake... You took advantage of your progressive illness to make me believe you were unwell... I should have kicked you out of my futon as soon as i found you.
« I didn't. » i answered, impassive. « I got out for a walk. »
« Until morning ? » he chuckled.
« It was a long walk. »
« No doubt. Must have been exhausting. How was it ? »
« What ? » i asked, feeling my ears getting red under Souji's gaze and arranging my hair to hide them.
« Your walk. »
« Pleasant. Peaceful. »
« Not wild and torrid then ? » he asked playfully « i wonder how you could have lost your kanzashi then... Except a few times after you lost it in raging battle, i think it's quite rare to see you without a ponytail... »
I touched my hair and realize they were totally loose, cascading on my back. Now my ears were burning.
« Unsettling. » i said « i hadn't realized. »
« Hum hum... » he chuckled again. He paused for a moment and came closer to whisper in my ear « So... how does it feels like to spend the night with Chizuru-chan ? »
I swallowed my miso soup and turned my furious gaze to Souji. I wasn't in the mood for his pleasantries.
« Don't try the icy blue eyes with me, Hajime-kun. Your face is burning red, that's just not credible. »
At this moment, Chizuru entered the room for breakfast and i wanted to yell to her to go away quickly before Souji notice her.
« Ara, Chizuru-chan ! You slept well ? » he asked her and Chizuru's face blushed instantly red. Souji turned back to me, triomphant. « All right, now that you both look like tomatos, are you gonna tell me or should i ask her ? »
I put my chopsticks down and sighed in surrender.
« Alright. What do you want to know ? »
« Did you have sex with her ? How was it ? Is she the loud type ? » he whispered so that the other captains couldn't hear him.
« I didn't, we just slept. » I answered.
« Liar. »
« Sorry to disappoint you. » i replied, sipping my miso soup.
« Not even a little ? I mean, just touching... »
« You're being nosy. But no, as i said, we slept. »
« The second best swordman here is also the biggest coward... » he muttered in disappointment. « How long have you been hiding it ? »
« Since July. » i answered.
« Really ?! » he yelled before realizing that everyone was looking at him and he went back to whispering. « How could you do this to me ?! »
« Precisely because of that. »
« Well i guess i can't be mad at you, it indeed was a smart move... So you've been with her since july and... nothing ? Don't tell me you're waiting for your wedding night or something, you're gonna make me puke. » he said, inserting two fingers in his open mouth.
« I'll wait the time that is necessary. » i answered. It was the perfect one, it could mean anything.
« Alright... Always so uptight, Hajime-kun... Full of principles that will led you only to regrets on your dying bed. And believe me, i know what i'm talking about. »
« Souji, please don't. » i sighed.
« I'll keep your secret. » he winked « i have the feeling that this in going to be particularly entertaining. »
I reported my attention on my food and stayed silent. I hoped that Souji was capable of keeping this kind of secret. One snide comment and everyone could know and then, what could happen to the peacefulness of our headquarters ?