Book Three, Part Twenty-Five: Death of Me

Derek's Point of View

I stared blankly at the labs in front of me. For the life of my I couldn't decipher what they said. Years of med school and of training and of teaching others to be doctors and my head was so messed up that I couldn't read a simple lab test.

I forgive you.

That has to be one of the most beautiful phrases known to mankind. It comes only second to I love you, or in my case it comes third behind I love you and You are a father.

I have heard two and three from her in the last month.

I would give my life to hear the first one. But it is too soon to expect her to feel anything like that for me. I broke her. I know this. I have no qualms that I don't really deserve her love, let alone her forgiveness but somehow, I have one of them.

Waking up in her home was an experience. It was unbeknownst to me that Mia and Mer started most days with blaring music, singing loudly, and off key, while making breakfast. This morning it was pancakes with bacon. Not very heart healthy but I was happy to eat them just to see them smile. This is what being a family would be like. I found myself wanting that more than anything.

"What has you so enthralled?"

I yanked my head up as I heard a voice, I didn't expect to hear speaking to me nicely.

"Oh. I am just thinking." I told him.

Mark studied me and then sat down next to me with a sigh.

"She is kind, loving, a great mom to Mia, a wonderful doctor and an awesome person. She is also stubborn, hard as nails, holds a grudge like none other and is always right. In her opinion anyway. She will get there. Just be patient." He told me.

"She told me she forgives me." I reported.

"So why do you look like someone ran over your puppy?" He asked.

"I don't deserve it." I said.

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"Who cares about you." He smirked. "It's doesn't matter if you think you deserve it or not. What matters is that she does. She was the one that was hurt, so if she wants to forgive you, then let her and suck it up and prove to her that you are here. You are here right?"

"Yes, I am here."

"And you are not going anywhere?" He prodded.

"Nope. Staying put."

He nodded. "Good. Then we don't have a problem."

He got up and scooted the chair back under the table.

"By the way, I forgive you too." He said.

"For what? I left, you got Mer." I challenged.

"I got to be second best for fifteen years. I forgive you for that. Now tell me you forgive me, and we can move on and be friends."

"Forgive you for what?" I asked, smirking.

"For getting to screw your girl for years." He smirked back.

I stopped smirking.

He laughed. "I'm waiting."

"I forgive you, Mark."

"See there? All better. Treat my girls right." He demanded before walking away.

"I will." I said to no one.

I leaned back and scrubbed my hands over my face roughly. Then I leveled my gaze out the window.

There she was.

Walking so gracefully, her hair in a messy ponytail, laughing at something Yang had said. She smiled at the nurse that handed her some papers and listened intently as an intern asked her a question.

Then her eyes met mine and the smile was meant for me. I smiled back and then broke the connection looking back at my patient's labs.

"What are you doing?"

I looked up at her.

"I am going over my patient's chart for my surgery at three."

"Are you sure you are not in here thinking intently and wallowing about the past?" She asked.

"You talked to Mark." I stated.

She laughed.

"No, but nice to know I am right. You always did this. Whenever things got to be too much for you, you would hide away from everyone. Used to drive me nuts wondering if I had done something to make you need space." She sat down in the chair formally occupied by Mark. "When you left, I thought it was something I had done. I thought about the days prior over and over in my head wondering if I had somehow pushed you away."

"How long did you do that for?" I asked quietly.

"Until last month. When your mom told me why." She informed.

This is why I couldn't forgive myself.

"Let it go. Let it go now. I want to see where this goes. See if maybe we have a future as something other than co parents, but in order to do that we have to let go of the past and focus on the here and now. If we can't do that, we don't stand a chance." She stood back up. "Think about it and let me know. Either you can hold on to the past without me or move on to the future with me. Your choice. I will give you all the time you need. After all, what's a few days more after fifteen years?" She asked, a smile playing on her lips as she ruffled my hair and waltzed out.

"I hate when you are right." I muttered.

"I know," floated back at me with a laugh following soon after it.

She was going to be the death of me.