Rey and Finn have another encounter...

After Hours

Rey stormed back to her room, this time slamming the door shut and locking it. "Urrrgghhh!" she roared, throwing herself onto her bed. Tears flowed as her fists rained down onto the bed and pillow.

Love? LOVE? Seriously? Why can't they all just leave me alone? Does anyone even care about me? What did he want me to do? Fall into his arms? Can't he just be my friend? Doesn't ask about where I've been or what I've done. Doesn't even know anything about me.

Rey's mood dipped lower than it ever had, her tears flowing hard and fast, not sure of what she wanted, having no motivation to do anything, not wanting to work, train, talk or even interact with anyone. She had no motivation to even move from her bed. If Kylo Ren were to come for her then, she would probably just let him destroy her. She had no more fight. She cried until she fell asleep, hearing various knocks on her door during her slumber but choosing to ignore them.

When she woke again, it was night. The loneliness that encompassed her was more than she could take, the invasive feeling of nothingness filling her. Her heart was empty and yet, it ached. Her bones ached, her muscles ached and the sheer exhaustion of heartbreak stifled her.

She got up, throwing the blanket from her, feeling hot and sticky. Checking the time, she saw it was after ten. She collected the things she needed to take a shower, checking the hallways were clear before heading to the communal fresher. She tried to be as quick as possible, not wanting to bump into anyone. Afterwards, she wrapped a towel around herself and gathered her things, quickly scurrying back to her room.

Her head felt loud with warring thoughts, Need to drown out this noise

She got dressed and put her hair up before applying a slick of mascara and some blush, and then she headed out of the base to the local cantina. A stiff drink would help her, she was sure.

She ordered her first glass of wine, taking several large gulps whilst she sat down to think about everything. It wasn't long before she felt relaxed, yet her thoughts stayed with her.

I must be a really bad person. Maybe I am looking for happiness in the wrong places, she wondered. Maybe I'm selfish, maybe this is why bad things happen to me. Maybe it's selfish to want a better life and I should just make do with what I've been dealt. Maybe this is my punishment. Maybe that's why he forced himself on me. Because I'm just a lowly, pathetic scavenger who will never be anything more. Jedi? Who am I kidding?

Two more glasses of wine down and her thoughts were on Luke. Not that she'd had much respite from thinking about him. The heartbreak was drowning her, no doubt about it. She wanted so much to talk to someone about things, but she was filled with shame. What would people think? She just wanted to tell someone how much she missed him and how confused she felt about things, knowing he could potentially be her father, but feeling unable to stop loving him.

She thought again about speaking to Leia, wanting so much to open up to her. But if she was going to do that, there wouldn't be any point talking about only some things and not the others. She knew she would have to be completely open about everything and she still couldn't bring herself to break Leia's heart with regards to her son's behaviour.

If it's true, then at least General Organa is family... but then so is that monster

Instead of making any decisions, she decided to get another glass of wine. She was rather enjoying the relaxed feeling it gave her and how it appeared to dull the pain. Just for a while.

I wish I could feel like this all the time

She began to giggle and she literally had no idea why. Everything just suddenly seemed so ridiculous. She laughed and laughed at how pathetic her life had become. A moment later, she sensed she was no longer alone, feeling the presence of someone hovering over her. She looked up and with hazy eyes, she saw Finn standing in front of her.

She burst into another fit of giggles.

"Something funny?" he asked, bewildered.

She tried to be serious as she looked up at him. But suddenly, everything just seemed hilarious. She was trying to hide her face and stifle her laughter. He stared at her, wide-eyed. She's lost it, he thought. He sat down slowly next to her. "Rey... are you okay?"

"You know what?" she half smiled, "I really don't know if I am," and then she laughed again.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's pathetic."

"What is?"

"All of it. My life." She snickered and drank the rest of her wine.

"Hey, come on, don't say that," he sidled up to her. Finn noticed she was swaying a little. "How many drinks have you had?" he asked.

"I dunno... a million?" she laughed again.

"Maybe you should call it a night," Finn said calmly.

A look of appreciation came over her face, her hand moving up to cup his face, staring at him with kinder eyes than she had done recently. "How did you know I was here?"

"I dunno, I went to your room to find you and saw you were gone. I was worried. I don't know what made me think you'd be here, I guess I just took a chance?"

She thought about how he'd come to find her when he could have just let her be. "You're a good friend," she began before ruffling his hair. "A really good friend. You do care."

He smiled softly at her, "Well, of course I care but, I dunno about the good friend bit, I seemed to have pissed you off pretty bad earlier?"

Her hand slid down to hold his arm. Finn looked down, watching her movements. He wasn't sure if she was even aware of what she was doing.

"It... It wasn't you. I mean... yeah, it was, a little. I've just got stuff going on, you know? I... I didn't mean to be so harsh and for that... I'm sorry. But it was, a lot, you know? A lot to take in. I just... I've got stuff going on." she repeated. "I didn't have the mental capacity to deal with that then."

"I knew something was different. You haven't been yourself at all lately." Finn looked at her with concern, but she didn't even seem to notice.

With eyes half-lidded from the alcohol, Rey looked tipsy and tired. "I... guess I haven't been. I've changed... things have changed."

"What things?" Finn carefully tried to get some information out of her.

She laughed in a way that said she was guarding a secret. "Too many things."

Finn couldn't help thinking how cryptic she was being. They stared at each other a moment. Her smile faded to seriousness before she said: "I've really missed you too, you know."

"You have?" Finn was surprised.

"Of course I have. You're one of my best friends... maybe even my only friend..."

Finn moved a hand up to hold onto Rey, "Listen..." he began, "the things I said before... I, I wanna say I didn't mean them. But that would be a lie."

She gazed at him in concentration. Somehow, the information was easier to take and process with the level of alcohol she had inside of her. "So... you're in love with me?" she asked boldly.

Finn was embarrassed, "Well... I'm not gonna lie, Rey... yes. I'm in love with you."

"How long?" she eventually asked.

"Honestly? Probably since the beginning."

"Since Jakku?"

He didn't answer. There wasn't any point. They both knew that's what he meant. "Anyway," he piped up, "I just wanted to apologise, for being selfish."

Rey looked puzzled, "Selfish?"

"I shouldn't have said what I said."

She thought for a moment, "But... if it's the truth, then why shouldn't you? If that's how you feel. Maybe honesty is the best policy. You shouldn't have to apologise for your feelings."

"But it clearly wasn't something you wanted to hear, so... I should have kept it to myself."

"It would have come out eventually." she reasoned.

"Either way, I didn't mean to make things... whatever it is you're dealing with, worse for you."

In that moment, Rey saw what a good heart Finn had. "I know you didn't."

"But I'm going to put all those feelings away, you don't have to worry. I don't want to wreck... this... what we have."

"Are you able to put feelings away?"

No

"Yes." he lied. Finn made a decision to do whatever was best for Rey, regardless of how he felt.

"Thank you," she said after a long moment, "for what it's worth... I'm flattered."

"Are we friends again then?" he asked.

She grinned, "Of course, you walnut. We were never not friends."

He smiled, feeling warm inside at her affections. He gulped before asking her his next question. "Is, um... is there anything I can help with? You know... your problems or whatever you've got going on? Do you wanna talk about it?"

She gazed at him with sadness, her cheeks pink from the alcohol. He could see she held a world of pain behind her eyes. He wasn't sure how to get her to open up though, which was one of the most frustrating feelings.

She so desperately wanted to get things out, to tell him about Luke and what Kylo Ren did to her, about her conflicted feelings, everything. She wanted to pour all the pain out, but something stopped her.

"I... I'd rather not." she kept guarded.

"Didn't you just say honesty was the best policy?"

"I did... but not if it's gonna fuck everything up."

Finn disagreed, but he also didn't want to push the issue and risk making her mad again, and besides he wasn't being totally honest anyway, about putting away his feelings, so he couldn't really be a hypocrite on the matter.

"I'm not gonna burden you with my problems."

"It wouldn't be a burden..." he began.

"I just... I just can't right now," a tear rolled down her cheek, taking a line of mascara with it, "please try to understand."

"Okay." he said, lacing his fingers through hers, "I'll just be whatever you need me to be, Rey." his grip squeezed her hand, "I'll be here. Whatever you need."

"Thank you."

The hours ticked by and what began as an all-too-serious talk soon led to jokes and reminiscing for the two friends. They quickly fell into a comfortable rhythm of idle chatter and laughter. Rey had sobered up a little from their talk but disliked how the difficult feelings would surface as a result. She insisted on getting a few more rounds in, convincing Finn to let loose with her. Despite her enjoyment of the evening, she had a frantic need to drown out the painful feelings.

As the night wore on, the friends moved closer and closer to one another where they sat, arms and legs brushing, light touches here and there. The actions were so slight, one couldn't really say for sure.

Rey's emotions were up and down, going from feeling depressed to elated in seconds, only for her mood to drop again. Of course, she kept it all hidden from Finn, simply laughing at his jokes and taking another drink every time she didn't know what to do with her hands.

"We should get back soon," Finn suggested, checking the time on the chrono, "it's late." Rey then noticed it was almost two in the morning.

"Yikes! You're right."

Rey and Finn emerged from their seats, linking arms as they left the cantina. Once outside and with the fresh air hitting them, they realised how much drunker they were than they originally thought.

"Woah," Finn tried to steady himself, "who spun this planet around?"

They held on to each other as they staggered back to the base, giggling the whole way. As they entered they tried to tiptoe quietly through the halls. They passed the bridge, noticing that only the droids were working, everyone else having gone to bed.

"Shhh" Rey put her finger up to her lips. It was only the droids, but still, she didn't want C-3PO to notice them because he would most definitely draw attention to them.

"Come on, I'll walk you back." Finn said.

"But who's gonna walk YOU back?" she whispered loudly.

"Doesn't matter, we need to get you to your room safely."

"We're back on base. We ARE safe."

The two friends stumbled and giggled the whole way. Once they arrived, they stood up straight, trying not to sway, Finn realising he had drunk way more than he intended to. "You... missy," he poked her in the arm and she looked down to where his finger was jabbing her, "you are a bad influence."

"Me? I was just trying to drown my sorrows! You're the one who gatecrashed my pity party for one!" she prodded his chest.

"I believe YOU were the one who bought the last three rounds!"

"Well... I didn't see you trying to stop me." she was bantering.

"Hehe," Finn giggled, holding onto Rey's arms. "Okay, okay, you get inside and get to bed. You need some sleep."

Rey's mouth hung open as she focused on the door to her left, confused. "Wait..."

"What is it?"

"This is your bunk, you WALNUT!" she shouted, bursting into even more fits of giggles, the sound of which echoed down the hall.

"Shhhhh!" he tried to silence her before he took a closer look around him, examining the hallways. They were all pretty similar, but, oops, "Oh yeah, this IS mine!" and then Finn had lost himself to laughing again.

Rey stared at Finn for a long minute, seeing all of his warmth shining through. The pair were already holding hands because that was just something they did. Rey's vision was hazy but she tried her best to focus on Finn's facial features.

So kind and sweet, she thought, not to mention handsome... no, no... not Finn. He's your friend. Just a friend... but he does love you... and he's super kind and thoughtful... a decent guy... a really decent guy, and he's your age... and handsome...

Rey knew she was ridiculously drunk, but she felt so alive – a feeling she hadn't felt for a while and it was all too addicting. She couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of someone wanting her. She'd seen how Finn had looked at her over the past few hours and then there was the brushing of arms, the close contact.

Yes, the feeling of being wanted was a heady one. She was a strong woman, but every now and then, even strong women broke and wanted to be wanted. Not to mention the crippling loneliness which swallowed her up day after day, a feeling she might, at that moment, give anything to be free of.

She didn't want to think anymore. She was tired. She was mesmerised by Finn's lips, which were thick, full and beautiful, and all of a sudden, she just wanted to kiss them. She stared at them and realised she hadn't spoken for a good few minutes.

"Are you okay?" Finn asked when he noticed Rey's serious demeanour.

Finn's world moved in slow-motion as Rey brought her face closer and closer to his, unable to think or move or do anything as she pressed her soft lips to his, causing him to close his eyes and melt into her, allowing her tongue to explore his mouth...