Chapter 54.
With the others outside, Sam and Sarah went to sit in the parlour. Sam found himself looking around the room at all the photographs, loved ones now lost to Sarah. He felt bad that she had nobody left in the world, but he knew that Cas had become a kind of family to her and now the rest of them had too. He hoped they could all give her the support and love she was giving them.
"You seem a little more at ease." said Sarah, "Or maybe you're just too tired to be tense."
"Probably both." said Sam, "Dean and I talked and I think he's doing better, for which I can only blame you. Thanks for whatever you said to him, or maybe the things you let him say to you. I often think his biggest problem is having no-one to talk to. I'd hoped Mom might be the one, but she's just another person he wants to protect."
"Do you talk to your mother?" said Sarah.
"Yeah, actually, I do. She's a good listener. And now that we don't need to hide the things in the books, I can say even more to her."
"It must have been strange, to get to know your mother after losing her so young."
"I think it's been easier for me than for Dean. She and I were starting at zero, but Dean has been cherishing memories of her all his life. It took a while for him to adjust to the real thing. It's good now, though. We're a family again."
"That's wonderful." said Sarah, "I hope I'll get to meet your mother one day."
"I'm sure you will." said Sam. His eyes almost closed. He had not felt so tired in a long time.
"If you fall asleep, I won't be offended." she said, "I know you've been running yourself into the ground. Your own health means nothing to you if your brothers need you."
Sam smiled. "I need to stay awake, or Dean will eat all the food. I hope he and Cas will be okay now. They drive me crazy. There is nothing either wouldn't do for the other, but sometimes, they're barely on speaking terms. Dad had this talent for making his best friends his enemies. Dean isn't quite that bad, but he says stupid things in the heat of the moment and Cas doesn't have the filters I do. He doesn't hear 'Dean is being a jerk again.' He hears, 'Dean is angry with me.' Then he goes off to sulk and Dean feels bad and Dean could fix it all with a few words, but he can't face Cas and I just want to knock their heads together and say, 'You're best friends! Act like it!' But it has been better since the Pact. We're all getting better at talking to each other since the Pact."
"You and Castiel are good friends too." she said.
"I love the guy. How can you not love someone like him? Every thought in his head is about how to make things better for us, for humanity, for the world. He doesn't always know how to get it done and some of his mistakes have been horrific, but he is always acting from the purest of motives and the more time he spends around humans, the more he understands and the more effectively he chooses the right path."
"He says you help him with that."
"We try."
"He trusts your judgement, Sam. He admires you a lot."
"I don't know why." said Sam.
"Winchesters seem not to see their own fine qualities." said Sarah.
"That's always been Dean's problem. Mine, I think, could be arrogance."
"I never met a less arrogant man." she said.
"Well, I know that isn't true, because you've met Castiel and Jack."
"Neither is technically a man." she said, "And our angel of the lord has been arrogant at times."
"He used to have the certainty of someone doing Heaven's will." said Sam, "Now, though, he doesn't have that and that makes things so much harder for him. He's harder on himself than even Dean is sometimes. He thinks he should be perfect, act perfectly, always make the right decision and when he's wrong, he doesn't just feel bad, he seems to die a little."
"That seems like a family trait." said Sarah.
"What really impresses me is that he feels that way and could be paralysed with fear of making a mistake, but he still tries, every time. He still takes the chance. And though Heaven doesn't give him anything, these days, he is still serving what he wants Heaven to be."
"Yes, I've noticed that too. Every failure torments him, but he will not stop trying. But he says it's easier with you and Dean to guide him."
"I'm not sure we do a lot of that." said Sam.
The others came in from outside and went to wash their hands in the kitchen. "I'll serve the food." said Cas.
"Thankyou, my dear." said Sarah, setting out the cutlery.