Chapter 55.
Dean looked around the table as he ate some of the best stew he had ever tasted. Cas sat with them, though he didn't eat, Jack was on one side of him, Sarah on the other. Sam sat between Sarah and Dean. He knew that he had been right to bring them all to Sarah's house and he also knew that, at the time, his decision to get her to talk to all of them without them knowing he was behind it was a good one, but now, almost everyone knew and further concealment was unnecessary and possibly harmful.
"I'd like to say something." he said.
"Say anything, dear." said Sarah.
"We're all friends here. More than friends. We're family. I know I play fast and loose with your trust and I hide more than I should and sometimes, each one of you must want to punch me."
"Not so far." said Sarah with a smile.
"I love you all and when I go behind your backs, as I did today when I asked Sarah to talk to all of you and make sure you were okay, I do it out of love. I just didn't know how else to help you and it was killing me. I want to be the one who can fix anything, but I am learning, slowly, that sometimes, it isn't me that can do that."
"Sometimes, you're the one who needs to be fixed." said Sam.
"Which is why I also asked Sarah to talk to him." said Cas.
"Ah." said Dean, "Well, we never got around to that."
"We did a little." said Sarah.
"Have I been played?" said Dean.
She smirked. "I'm just an old lady. I'm sure I wouldn't know how to do that. But we've talked a bit and I hope we'll talk a lot more. All of you need to be so careful, all the time, weighing every word, but here, you can be honest, with me and perhaps also with each other. I'll always keep your confidences, but I'll also encourage you to share more with each other."
"I'm trying to," said Dean, "I honestly am."
"We all are." said Sam.
"Whichever one I speak to," said Sarah, "One message comes through, loud and clear, you each love all of the others. You would do anything for them and they would do anything for you. Trust in that, believe in that, because that is rare and precious and has saved you all, many times."
"That's very true." said Dean.
Sam's phone vibrated. He took it out and read the text. "Hunters home from Killeen. Good hunt, all safe."
"Did they stop off in Austin for some beer?" said Dean.
Sam sent a reply. There was a swift response. "Yes," he said, "They got some beer."
"Okay. What were we saying?" said Dean.
"Honesty, love and brotherhood." said Sarah.
"Sounds good to me." said Sam.
"In the bunker, we all have to watch our step." said Dean, "It's not a great place to show weakness."
"Humanity is not a weakness." said Sarah.
"To show anything but the reassuring illusion of invulnerability." said Dean.
"Yeah, maybe in the bunker," said Sam, "But you don't need to be invulnerable to me."
"I spent so long learning how to seem that way for you, it's kinda hard to drop it now." said Dean.
"I have the same problem. I had to be worthy of your respect and sometimes, the thought of not being enough is scary."
"How can you ever think you're not enough? You're Superman." said Dean.
"I remember every single time I let you down." said Sam.
"Do you remember all the times you picked me up when I failed and fell? Do you remember the times when you believed in me, made me believe, when I was ready to give up? Do you remember how many times I let you down and you forgave me?" said Dean.
"If he doesn't," said Cas, "You and I do."
"Hunters talk about me like I'm something special. So do monsters. Dean Winchester, the great hunter! I'm nothing without you three. I fight because you give me the strength to. I fight because if I surrender, I let you down. I fight because this world, that never did me any favours, matters to me as long as you three depend on it."
"I fight because a righteous man and his courageous brother showed me what humanity is worth and why all angels should fall to their knees before it." said Cas.
"I told you before, any grovelling to me and you'll get hurt." said Dean.
"You have a weird way of responding to affection." said Sam.
"That's not affection, that's different." said Dean.
"You and Dean are equals, Castiel." said Sarah.
"Not even close!" said Dean.
"On that, we can agree." said Cas.
"And each of you is sure the other is better." said Sarah.
"He's an angel."
"And you a mere human? Who has fought at his side against evil. Have some more stew, everyone. There's plenty."
"Without Dean, I would be nothing." said Cas.
"You were without me for millions of years." said Dean.
"So I know what I'm talking about."
"Without all of you," said Jack, "I would be Lucifer."
"Not a chance." said Sam, "You were born good. I think Dean was right to bring us here and we were all right to try to look after the others, by stealth or openly. Sarah is the best thing to happen to this family since Jack joined us or since Castiel's last resurrection, which was a result of Jack joining us." He grinned. "I am so tired, Dean!"
"Yeah, I can sorta tell." said Dean.
"What I mean is, we have something we never had before. We have someone outside the life who can understand and accept it and us. We also have a place where we can just be ourselves, no pretence, no excuses."
"You have a home here, my dear boys, whenever you need it. And I'll be your grandma, your confessor, your counsellor and your cheerleader, whenever you need me to be."
"Dean, stop thinking about cheerleaders!" said Sam.